winesburg,ohio-第31部分

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asons　of　wishing　they　could　die　gloriously　instead　of　just　being　grocery　clerks　and　going　on　with　their　humdrum　lives。

But　this　is　not　the　story　of　Windpeter　Winters　nor　yet　of　his　son　Hal　who　worked　on　the　Wills　farm　with　Ray　Pearson。　　It　is　Ray's　story。　　It　will；　however；　be　necessary　to　talk　a　little　of　young　Hal　so　that　you　will　get　into　the　spirit　of　it。

Hal　was　a　bad　one。　　Everyone　said　that。　　There　were　three　of　the　Winters　boys　in　that　family；　John；　Hal；　and　Edward；　all　broad…shouldered　big　fellows　like　old　Windpeter　himself　and　all　fighters　and　woman…chasers　and　generally　all…around　bad　ones。

Hal　was　the　worst　of　the　lot　and　always　up　to　some　devilment。　　He　once　stole　a　load　of　boards　from　his　father's　mill　and　sold　them　in　Winesburg。　　With　the　money　he　bought　himself　a　suit　of　cheap；　flashy　clothes。　　Then　he　got　drunk　and　when　his　father　came　raving　into　town　to　find　him；　they　met　and　fought　with　their　fists　on　Main　Street　and　were　ar…　rested　and　put　into　jail　together。

Hal　went　to　work　on　the　Wills　farm　because　there　was　a　country　school　teacher　out　that　way　who　had　taken　his　fancy。　　He　was　only　twenty…two　then　but　had　already　been　in　two　or　three　of　what　were　spo…　ken　of　in　Winesburg　as　〃women　scrapes。〃　Everyone　who　heard　of　his　infatuation　for　the　school　teacher　was　sure　it　would　turn　out　badly。　　〃He'll　only　get　her　into　trouble；　you'll　see；〃　was　the　word　that　went　around。

And　so　these　two　men；　Ray　and　Hal；　were　at　work　in　a　field　on　a　day　in　the　late　October。　　They　were　husking　corn　and　occasionally　something　was　said　and　they　laughed。　　Then　came　silence。　　Ray；　who　was　the　more　sensitive　and　always　minded　things　more；　had　chapped　hands　and　they　hurt。　　He　put　them　into　his　coat　pockets　and　looked　away　across　the　fields。　He　was　in　a　sad；　distracted　mood　and　was　affected　by　the　beauty　of　the　country。　　If　you　knew　the　Winesburg　country　in　the　fall　and　how　the　low　hills　are　all　splashed　with　yellows　and　reds　you　would　understand　his　feeling。　　He　began　to　think　of　the　time；　long　ago　when　he　was　a　young　fellow　living　with　his　father；　then　a　baker　in　Winesburg；　and　how　on　such　days　he　had　wandered　away　into　the　woods　to　gather　nuts；　hunt　rabbits；　or　just　to　loaf　about　and　smoke　his　pipe。　　His　marriage　had　come　about　through　one　of　his　days　of　wandering。　　He　had　in…　duced　a　girl　who　waited　on　trade　in　his　father's　shop　to　go　with　him　and　something　had　happened。　　He　was　thinking　of　that　afternoon　and　how　it　had　af…　fected　his　whole　life　when　a　spirit　of　protest　awoke　in　him。　　He　had　forgotten　about　Hal　and　muttered　words。　　〃Tricked　by　Gad；　that's　what　I　was；　tricked　by　life　and　made　a　fool　of；〃　he　said　in　a　low　voice。

As　though　understanding　his　thoughts；　Hal　Win…　ters　spoke　up。　　〃Well；　has　it　been　worth　while？　What　about　it；　eh？　What　about　marriage　and　all　that？〃　he　asked　and　then　laughed。　　Hal　tried　to　keep　on　laugh…　ing　but　he　too　was　in　an　earnest　mood。　　He　began　to　talk　earnestly。　　〃Has　a　fellow　got　to　do　it？〃　he　asked。　　〃Has　he　got　to　be　harnessed　up　and　driven　through　life　like　a　horse？〃

Hal　didn't　wait　for　an　answer　but　sprang　to　his　feet　and　began　to　walk　back　and　forth　between　the　corn　shocks。　　He　was　getting　more　and　more　excited。　Bending　down　suddenly　he　picked　up　an　ear　of　the　yellow　corn　and　threw　it　at　the　fence。　　〃I've　got　Nell　Gunther　in　trouble；〃　he　said。　　〃I'm　telling　you；　but　you　keep　your　mouth　shut。〃

Ray　Pearson　arose　and　stood　staring。　　He　was　al…　most　a　foot　shorter　than　Hal；　and　when　the　younger　man　came　and　put　his　two　hands　on　the　older　man's　shoulders　they　made　a　picture。　　There　they　stood　in　the　big　empty　field　with　the　quiet　corn　shocks　stand…　ing　in　rows　behind　them　and　the　red　and　yellow　hills　in　the　distance；　and　from　being　just　two　indif…　ferent　workmen　they　had　become　all　alive　to　each　other。　　Hal　sensed　it　and　because　that　was　his　way　he　laughed。　　〃Well；　old　daddy；〃　he　said　awkwardly；　〃come　on；　advise　me。　　I've　got　Nell　in　trouble。　　Per…　haps　you've　been　in　the　same　fix　yourself。　　I　know　what　everyone　would　say　is　the　right　thing　to　do；　but　what　do　you　say？　Shall　I　marry　and　settle　down？　Shall　I　put　myself　into　the　harness　to　be　worn　out　like　an　old　horse？　You　know　me；　Ray。　　There　can't　anyone　break　me　but　I　can　break　myself。　　Shall　I　do　it　or　shall　I　tell　Nell　to　go　to　the　devil？　Come　on；　you　tell　me。　　Whatever　you　say；　Ray；　I'll　do。〃

Ray　couldn't　answer。　　He　shook　Hal's　hands　loose　and　turning　walked　straight　away　toward　the　barn。　He　was　a　sensitive　man　and　there　were　tears　in　his　eyes。　　He　knew　there　was　only　one　thing　to　say　to　Hal　Winters；　son　of　old　Windpeter　Winters；　only　one　thing　that　all　his　own　training　and　all　the　beliefs　of　the　people　he　knew　would　approve；　but　for　his　life　he　couldn't　say　what　he　knew　he　should　say。

At　half…past　four　that　afternoon　Ray　was　puttering　about　the　barnyard　when　his　wife　came　up　the　lane　along　the　creek　and　called　him。　　After　the　talk　with　Hal　he　hadn't　returned　to　the　cornfield　but　worked　about　the　barn。　　He　had　already　done　the　evening　chores　and　had　seen　Hal；　dressed　and　ready　for　a　roistering　night　in　town；　come　out　of　the　farmhouse　and　go　into　the　road。　　Along　the　path　to　his　own　house　he　trudged　behind　his　wife；　looking　at　the　ground　and　thinking。　　He　couldn't　make　out　what　was　wrong。　　Every　time　he　raised　his　eyes　and　saw　the　beauty　of　the　country　in　the　failing　light　he　wanted　to　do　something　he　had　never　done　before；　shout　or　scream　or　hit　his　wife　with　his　fists　or　something　equally　unexpected　and　terrifying。　　Along　the　path　he　went　scratching　his　head　and　trying　to　make　it　out。　　He　looked　hard　at　his　wife's　back　but　she　seemed　all　right。

She　only　wanted　him　to　go　into　town　for　groceries　and　as　soon　as　she　had　told　him　what　she　wanted　began　to　scold。　　〃You're　always　puttering；〃　she　said。　〃Now　I　want　you　to　hustle。　　There　isn't　anything　in　the　house　for　supper　and　you've　got　to　get　to　town　and　back　in　a　hurry。〃

Ray　went　into　his　own　house　and　took　an　overcoat　from　a　hook　back　of　the　door。　　It　was　torn　about　the　pockets　and　the　collar　was　shiny。　　His　wife　went　into　the　bedroom　and　presently　came　out　with　a　soiled　cloth　in　one　hand　and　three　silver　dollars　in　the　other。　　Somewhere　in　the　house　a　child　wept　bitterly　and　a　dog　that　had　been　sleeping　by　the　stove　arose　and　yawned。　　Again　the　wife　scolded。　　〃The　children　will　cry　and　cry。　　Why　are　you　always　puttering？〃　she　asked。

Ray　went　out　of　the　house　and　climbed　the　fence　into　a　field。　　It　was　just　growing　dark　and　the　scene　that　lay　before　him　was　lovely。　　All　the　low　hills　were　washed　with　color　and　even　the　little　clusters　of　bushes　in　the　corners　of　the　fences　were　alive　with　beauty。　　The　whole　world　seemed　to　Ray　Pearson　to　have　become　alive　with　something　just　as　he　and　Hal　had　suddenly　become　alive　when　they　stood　in　the　corn　field　stating　into　each　other's　eyes。

The　beauty　of　the　country　about　Winesburg　was　too　much　for　Ray　on　that　fall　evening。　　That　is　all　there　was　to　it。　　He　could　not　stand　it。　　Of　a　sudden　he　forgot　all　about　being　a　quiet　old　farm　hand　and　throwing　off　the　torn　overcoat　began　to　run　across　the　field。　　As　he　ran　he　shouted　a　protest　against　his　life；　against　all　life；　against　everything　that　makes　life　ugly。　　〃There　was　no　promise　made；〃　he　cried　into　the　empty　spaces　that　lay　about　him。　　〃I　didn't　promise　my　Minnie　anything　and　Hal　hasn't　made　any　promise　to　Nell。　　I　know　he　hasn't。　　She　went　into　the　woods　with　him　because　she　wanted　to　go。　What　he　wanted　she　wanted。　　Why　should　I　pay？　Why　should　Hal　pay？　Why　should　anyone　pay？　I　don't　want　Hal　to　become　old　and　worn　out。　　I'll　tell　him。　　I　won't　let　it　go　on。　　I'll　catch　Hal　before　he　gets　to　town　and　I'll　tell　him。〃

Ray　ran　clumsily　and　once　he　stumbled　and　fell　down。　　〃I　must　catch　Hal　and　tell　him；〃　he　kept　thinking；　and　although　his　breath　came　in　gasps　he　kept　running　harder　and　harder。　　As　he　ran　he　thought　of　things　that　hadn't　come　into　his　mind　for　yearshow　at　the　time　he　married　he　had　planned　to　go　west　to　his　uncle　in　Portland；　Oregonhow　he　hadn't　wanted　to　be　a　farm　hand；　but　had　thought　when　he　got　out　West　he　would　go　to　sea　and　be　a　sailor　or　get　a　job　on　a　ranch　and　ride　a　horse　into　Western　towns；　shouting　and　laughing　and　waking　the　people　in　the　houses　with　his　wild　cries。　　Then　as　he　ran　he　remembered　his　children　and　in　fancy　felt　their　hands　clutching　at　him。　　All　of　his　thoughts　of　himself　were　involved　with　the　thoughts　of　Hal　and　he　thought　the　children　were　clutching　at　the　younger　man　also。　　〃They　are　the　accidents　of　life；　Hal；〃　he　cried。　　〃They　are　not　mine　or　yours。　　I　had　nothing　to　do　with　them。〃

Darkness　began　to　spread　over　the　fields　as　Ray　Pearson　ran　on　and　on。　　His　breath　came　in　little　sobs。　　When　he　came　to　the　fence　at　the　edge　of　the　road　and　confronted　Hal　Winters；　all　dressed　up　and　smoking　a　pipe　as　he　walked　jauntily　along；　he　could　not　have　told　what　he　thought　or　what　he　wanted。

Ray　Pearson　lost　his　nerve　and　this　is　really　the　end　of　the　story　of　what　happened　to　him。　　It　was　almost　dark　when　he　got　to　the　fence　and　he　put　his　hands　on　the　top　bar　and　stood　staring。　　Hal　Winters　jumped　a　ditch　and　coming　up　close　to　Ray　put　his　hands　into　his　pockets　and　laughed。　　He　seemed　to　have　lost　his　own　sense　of　what　had　happened　in　the　corn　field　and　when　he　put　up　a　strong　hand　and　took　hold　of　the　lapel　of　Ray's　coat　he　shook　the　old　man　as　he　might　have　shaken　a　dog　that　had　misbehaved。

〃You　came　to　tell　me；　eh？〃　he　said。　　〃Well；　never　mind　telling　me　anything。　　I'm　not　a　coward　and　I've　already　made　up　my　mind。〃　He　laughed　again　and　jumped　back　across　the　ditch。　　〃Nell　ain't　no　fool；〃　he　said。　　〃She　didn't　ask　me　to　marry　her。　　I　want　to　marry　her。　　I　want　to　settle　down　and　have　kids。〃

Ray　Pearson　also　laughed。　　He　felt　like　laughing　at　himself　and　all　the　world。

As　the　form　of　Hal　Winters　disappeared　in　the　dusk　that　lay　over　the　road　that　led　to　Winesburg；　he　turned　and　walked　slowly　back　across　the　fields　to　where　he　had　left　his　torn　overcoat。　　As　he　went　some　memory　of　pleasant　evenings　spent　with　the　thin…legged　children　in　the　tumble…down　house　by　the　creek　must　have　come　into　his　mind；　for　he　mut…　tered　words。　　〃It's　just　as　well。　　Whatever　I　told　him　would　have　been　a　lie；〃　he　said　softly；　and　then　his　form