winesburg,ohio-第35部分

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　and　I　wanted　to　get　away　from　my　thoughts。　　I　began　to　beat　the　horse。　　The　black　clouds　settled　down　and　it　began　to　rain。　　I　wanted　to　go　at　a　terrible　speed；　to　drive　on　and　on　forever。　　I　wanted　to　get　out　of　town；　out　of　my　clothes；　out　of　my　marriage；　out　of　my　body；　out　of　everything。　I　almost　killed　the　horse；　making　him　run；　and　when　he　could　not　run　any　more　I　got　out　of　the　buggy　and　ran　afoot　into　the　darkness　until　I　fell　and　hurt　my　side。　　I　wanted　to　run　away　from　everything　but　I　wanted　to　run　towards　something　too。　　Don't　you　see；　dear；　how　it　was？〃

Elizabeth　sprang　out　of　the　chair　and　began　to　walk　about　in　the　office。　　She　walked　as　Doctor　Reefy　thought　he　had　never　seen　anyone　walk　before。　　To　her　whole　body　there　was　a　swing；　a　rhythm　that　intoxicated　him。　　When　she　came　and　knelt　on　the　floor　beside　his　chair　he　took　her　into　his　arms　and　began　to　kiss　her　passionately。　　〃I　cried　all　the　way　home；〃　she　said；　as　she　tried　to　continue　the　story　of　her　wild　ride；　but　he　did　not　listen。　　〃You　dear！　You　lovely　dear！　Oh　you　lovely　dear！〃　he　muttered　and　thought　he　held　in　his　arms　not　the　tired…out　woman　of　forty…one　but　a　lovely　and　innocent　girl　who　had　been　able　by　some　miracle　to　project　her…　self　out　of　the　husk　of　the　body　of　the　tired…out　woman。

Doctor　Reefy　did　not　see　the　woman　he　had　held　in　his　arms　again　until　after　her　death。　　On　the　sum…　mer　afternoon　in　the　office　when　he　was　on　the　point　of　becoming　her　lover　a　half　grotesque　little　incident　brought　his　love…making　quickly　to　an　end。　As　the　man　and　woman　held　each　other　tightly　heavy　feet　came　tramping　up　the　office　stairs。　　The　two　sprang　to　their　feet　and　stood　listening　and　trembling。　　The　noise　on　the　stairs　was　made　by　a　clerk　from　the　Paris　Dry　Goods　Company。　　With　a　loud　bang　he　threw　an　empty　box　on　the　pile　of　rubbish　in　the　hallway　and　then　went　heavily　down　the　stairs。　　Elizabeth　followed　him　almost　immedi…　ately。　　The　thing　that　had　come　to　life　in　her　as　she　talked　to　her　one　friend　died　suddenly。　　She　was　hysterical；　as　was　also　Doctor　Reefy；　and　did　not　want　to　continue　the　talk。　　Along　the　street　she　went　with　the　blood　still　singing　in　her　body；　but　when　she　turned　out　of　Main　Street　and　saw　ahead　the　lights　of　the　New　Willard　House；　she　began　to　trem…　ble　and　her　knees　shook　so　that　for　a　moment　she　thought　she　would　fall　in　the　street。

The　sick　woman　spent　the　last　few　months　of　her　life　hungering　for　death。　　Along　the　road　of　death　she　went；　seeking；　hungering。　　She　personified　the　figure　of　death　and　made　him　now　a　strong　black…　haired　youth　running　over　hills；　now　a　stem　quiet　man　marked　and　scarred　by　the　business　of　living。　In　the　darkness　of　her　room　she　put　out　her　hand；　thrusting　it　from　under　the　covers　of　her　bed；　and　she　thought　that　death　like　a　living　thing　put　out　his　hand　to　her。　　〃Be　patient；　lover；〃　she　whispered。　〃Keep　yourself　young　and　beautiful　and　be　patient。〃

On　the　evening　when　disease　laid　its　heavy　hand　upon　her　and　defeated　her　plans　for　telling　her　son　George　of　the　eight　hundred　dollars　hidden　away；　she　got　out　of　bed　and　crept　half　across　the　room　pleading　with　death　for　another　hour　of　life。　　〃Wait；　dear！　The　boy！　The　boy！　The　boy！〃　she　pleaded　as　she　tried　with　all　of　her　strength　to　fight　off　the　arms　of　the　lover　she　had　wanted　so　earnestly。


Elizabeth　died　one　day　in　March　in　the　year　when　her　son　George　became　eighteen；　and　the　young　man　had　but　little　sense　of　the　meaning　of　her　death。　　Only　time　could　give　him　that。　　For　a　month　he　had　seen　her　lying　white　and　still　and　speechless　in　her　bed；　and　then　one　afternoon　the　doctor　stopped　him　in　the　hallway　and　said　a　few　words。

The　young　man　went　into　his　own　room　and　closed　the　door。　　He　had　a　queer　empty　feeling　in　the　region　of　his　stomach。　　For　a　moment　he　sat　star…　ing　at；　the　floor　and　then　jumping　up　went　for　a　walk。　　Along　the　station　platform　he　went；　and　around　through　residence　streets　past　the　high…　school　building；　thinking　almost　entirely　of　his　own　affairs。　　The　notion　of　death　could　not　get　hold　of　him　and　he　was　in　fact　a　little　annoyed　that　his　mother　had　died　on　that　day。　　He　had　just　received　a　note　from　Helen　White；　the　daughter　of　the　town　banker；　in　answer　to　one　from　him。　　〃Tonight　I　could　have　gone　to　see　her　and　now　it　will　have　to　be　put　off；〃　he　thought　half　angrily。

Elizabeth　died　on　a　Friday　afternoon　at　three　o'clock。　　It　had　been　cold　and　rainy　in　the　morning　but　in　the　afternoon　the　sun　came　out。　　Before　she　died　she　lay　paralyzed　for　six　days　unable　to　speak　or　move　and　with　only　her　mind　and　her　eyes　alive。　For　three　of　the　six　days　she　struggled；　thinking　of　her　boy；　trying　to　say　some　few　words　in　regard　to　his　future；　and　in　her　eyes　there　was　an　appeal　so　touching　that　all　who　saw　it　kept　the　memory　of　the　dying　woman　in　their　minds　for　years。　　Even　Tom　Willard；　who　had　always　half　resented　his　wife；　for…　got　his　resentment　and　the　tears　ran　out　of　his　eyes　and　lodged　in　his　mustache。　　The　mustache　had　begun　to　turn　grey　and　Tom　colored　it　with　dye。　There　was　oil　in　the　preparation　he　used　for　the　purpose　and　the　tears；　catching　in　the　mustache　and　being　brushed　away　by　his　hand；　formed　a　fine　mist…　like　vapor。　　In　his　grief　Tom　Willard's　face　looked　like　the　face　of　a　little　dog　that　has　been　out　a　long　time　in　bitter　weather。

George　came　home　along　Main　Street　at　dark　on　the　day　of　his　mother's　death　and；　after　going　to　his　own　room　to　brush　his　hair　and　clothes；　went　along　the　hallway　and　into　the　room　where　the　body　lay。　There　was　a　candle　on　the　dressing　table　by　the　door　and　Doctor　Reefy　sat　in　a　chair　by　the　bed。　　The　doctor　arose　and　started　to　go　out。　　He　put　out　his　hand　as　though　to　greet　the　younger　man　and　then　awkwardly　drew　it　back　again。　　The　air　of　the　room　was　heavy　with　the　presence　of　the　two　self…　conscious　human　beings；　and　the　man　hurried　away。

The　dead　woman's　son　sat　down　in　a　chair　and　looked　at　the　floor。　　He　again　thought　of　his　own　affairs　and　definitely　decided　he　would　make　a　change　in　his　fife；　that　he　would　leave　Winesburg。　〃I　will　go　to　some　city。　　Perhaps　I　can　get　a　job　on　some　newspaper；〃　he　thought；　and　then　his　mind　turned　to　the　girl　with　whom　he　was　to　have　spent　this　evening　and　again　he　was　half　angry　at　the　turn　of　events　that　had　prevented　his　going　to　her。

In　the　dimly　lighted　room　with　the　dead　woman　the　young　man　began　to　have　thoughts。　　His　mind　played　with　thoughts　of　life　as　his　mother's　mind　had　played　with　the　thought　of　death。　　He　closed　his　eyes　and　imagined　that　the　red　young　lips　of　Helen　White　touched　his　own　lips。　　His　body　trembled　and　his　hands　shook。　　And　then　something　happened。　The　boy　sprang　to　his　feet　and　stood　stiffly。　　He　looked　at　the　figure　of　the　dead　woman　under　the　sheets　and　shame　for　his　thoughts　swept　over　him　so　that　he　began　to　weep。　　A　new　notion　came　into　his　mind　and　he　turned　and　looked　guiltily　about　as　though　afraid　he　would　be　observed。

George　Willard　became　possessed　of　a　madness　to　lift　the　sheet　from　the　body　of　his　mother　and　look　at　her　face。　　The　thought　that　had　come　into　his　mind　gripped　him　terribly。　　He　became　convinced　that　not　his　mother　but　someone　else　lay　in　the　bed　before　him。　　The　conviction　was　so　real　that　it　was　almost　unbearable。　　The　body　under　the　sheets　was　long　and　in　death　looked　young　and　graceful。　　To　the　boy；　held　by　some　strange　fancy；　it　was　unspeakably　lovely。　　The　feeling　that　the　body　before　him　was　alive；　that　in　another　moment　a　lovely　woman　would　spring　out　of　the　bed　and　confront　him；　be…　came　so　overpowering　that　he　could　not　bear　the　suspense。　　Again　and　again　he　put　out　his　hand。　Once　he　touched　and　half　lifted　the　white　sheet　that　covered　her；　but　his　courage　failed　and　he；　like　Doc…　tor　Reefy；　turned　and　went　out　of　the　room。　　In　the　hallway　outside　the　door　he　stopped　and　trembled　so　that　he　had　to　put　a　hand　against　the　wall　to　support　himself。　　〃That's　not　my　mother。　　That's　not　my　mother　in　there；〃　he　whispered　to　himself　and　again　his　body　shook　with　fright　and　uncertainty。　When　Aunt　Elizabeth　Swift；　who　had　come　to　watch　over　the　body；　came　out　of　an　adjoining　room　he　put　his　hand　into　hers　and　began　to　sob；　shaking　his　head　from　side　to　side；　half　blind　with　grief。　　〃My　mother　is　dead；〃　he　said；　and　then　forgetting　the　woman　he　turned　and　stared　at　the　door　through　which　he　had　just　come。　　〃The　dear；　the　dear；　oh　the　lovely　dear；〃　the　boy；　urged　by　some　impulse　outside　himself；　muttered　aloud。

As　for　the　eight　hundred　dollars　the　dead　woman　had　kept　hidden　so　long　and　that　was　to　give　George　Willard　his　start　in　the　city；　it　lay　in　the　tin　box　behind　the　plaster　by　the　foot　of　his　mother's　bed。　　Elizabeth　had　put　it　there　a　week　after　her　mar…　riage；　breaking　the　plaster　away　with　a　stick。　　Then　she　got　one　of　the　workmen　her　husband　was　at　that　time　employing　about　the　hotel　to　mend　the　wall。　　〃I　jammed　the　corner　of　the　bed　against　it；〃　she　had　explained　to　her　husband；　unable　at　the　moment　to　give　up　her　dream　of　release；　the　release　that　after　all　came　to　her　but　twice　in　her　life；　in　the　moments　when　her　lovers　Death　and　Doctor　Reefy　held　her　in　their　arms。




SOPHISTICATION

IT　WAS　EARLY　evening　of　a　day　in；　the　late　fall　and　the　Winesburg　County　Fair　had　brought　crowds　of　country　people　into　town。　　The　day　had　been　clear　and　the　night　came　on　warm　and　pleasant。　　On　the　Trunion　Pike；　where　the　road　after　it　left　town　stretched　away　between　berry　fields　now　covered　with　dry　brown　leaves；　the　dust　from　passing　wag…　ons　arose　in　clouds。　　Children；　curled　into　little　balls；　slept　on　the　straw　scattered　on　wagon　beds。　　Their　hair　was　full　of　dust　and　their　fingers　black　and　sticky。　　The　dust　rolled　away　over　the　fields　and　the　departing　sun　set　it　ablaze　with　colors。

In　the　main　street　of　Winesburg　crowds　filled　the　stores　and　the　sidewalks。　　Night　came　on；　horses　whinnied；　the　clerks　in　the　stores　ran　madly　about；　children　became　lost　and　cried　lustily；　an　American　town　worked　terribly　at　the　task　of　amusing　itself。

Pushing　his　way　through　the　crowds　in　Main　Street；　young　George　Willard　concealed　himself　in　the　stairway　leading　to　Doctor　Reefy's　office　and　looked　at　the　people。　　With　feverish　eyes　he　watched　the　faces　drifting　past　u