a treatise on parents and children-第14部分

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from　it；　to　lie　when　the　truth　would　shock　or　hurt　its　elders；　to　be

above　all　things　obedient；　and　to　be　seen　and　not　heard。　　Here　we　have

two　sets　of　precepts；　each　warranted　to　spoil　a　child　hopelessly　if

the　other　be　omitted。　　Unfortunately　we　do　not　allow　fair　play　between

them。　　The　rebellious；　intractable；　aggressive；　selfish　set　provoke　a

corrective　resistance；　and　do　not　pretend　to　high　moral　or　religious

sanctions；　and　they　are　never　urged　by　grown…up　people　on　young

people。　　They　are　therefore　more　in　danger　of　neglect　or　suppression

than　the　other　set；　which　have　all　the　adults；　all　the　laws；　all　the

religions　on　their　side。　　How　is　the　child　to　be　secured　its　due　share

of　both　bodies　of　doctrine？







The　Schoolboy　and　the　Homeboy



In　practice　what　happens　is　that　parents　notice　that　boys　brought　up

at　home　become　mollycoddles；　or　prigs；　or　duffers；　unable　to　take　care

of　themselves。　　They　see　that　boys　should　learn　to　rough　it　a　little

and　to　mix　with　children　of　their　own　age。　　This　is　natural　enough。

When　you　have　preached　at　and　punished　a　boy　until　he　is　a　moral

cripple；　you　are　as　much　hampered　by　him　as　by　a　physical　cripple；　and

as　you　do　not　intend　to　have　him　on　your　hands　all　your　life；　and　are

generally　rather　impatient　for　the　day　when　he　will　earn　his　own

living　and　leave　you　to　attend　to　yourself；　you　sooner　or　later　begin

to　talk　to　him　about　the　need　for　self…reliance；　learning　to　think；

and　so　forth；　with　the　result　that　your　victim；　bewildered　by　your

inconsistency；　concludes　that　there　is　no　use　trying　to　please　you；

and　falls　into　an　attitude　of　sulky　resentment。　　Which　is　an

additional　inducement　to　pack　him　off　to　school。



In　school；　he　finds　himself　in　a　dual　world；　under　two　dispensations。

There　is　the　world　of　the　boys；　where　the　point　of　honor　is　to　be

untameable；　always　ready　to　fight；　ruthless　in　taking　the　conceit　out

of　anyone　who　ventures　to　give　himself　airs　of　superior　knowledge　or

taste；　and　generally　to　take　Lucifer　for　one's　model。　　And　there　is

the　world　of　the　masters；　the　world　of　discipline；　submission；

diligence；　obedience；　and　continual　and　shameless　assumption　of　moral

and　intellectual　authority。　　Thus　the　schoolboy　hears　both　sides；　and

is　so　far　better　off　than　the　homebred　boy　who　hears　only　one。　　But

the　two　sides　are　not　fairly　presented。　　They　are　presented　as　good

and　evil；　as　vice　and　virtue；　as　villainy　and　heroism。　　The　boy　feels

mean　and　cowardly　when　he　obeys；　and　selfish　and　rascally　when　he

disobeys。　　He　looses　his　moral　courage　just　as　he　comes　to　hate　books

and　languages。　　In　the　end；　John　Ruskin；　tied　so　close　to　his　mother's

apron…string　that　he　did　not　escape　even　when　he　went　to　Oxford；　and

John　Stuart　Mill；　whose　father　ought　to　have　been　prosecuted　for

laying　his　son's　childhood　waste　with　lessons；　were　superior；　as

products　of　training；　to　our　schoolboys。　　They　were　very　conspicuously

superior　in　moral　courage；　and　though　they　did　not　distinguish

themselves　at　cricket　and　football；　they　had　quite　as　much　physical

hardihood　as　any　civilized　man　needs。　　But　it　is　to　be　observed　that

Ruskin's　parents　were　wise　people　who　gave　John　a　full　share　in　their

own　life；　and　put　up　with　his　presence　both　at　home　and　abroad　when

they　must　sometimes　have　been　very　weary　of　him；　and　Mill；　as　it

happens；　was　deliberately　educated　to　challenge　all　the　most　sacred

institutions　of　his　country。　　The　households　they　were　brought　up　in

were　no　more　average　households　than　a　Montessori　school　is　an　average

school。







The　Comings　of　Age　of　Children



All　this　inculcated　adult　docility；　which　wrecks　every　civilization　as

it　is　wrecking　ours；　is　inhuman　and　unnatural。　　We　must　reconsider　our

institution　of　the　Coming　of　Age；　which　is　too　late　for　some　purposes；

and　too　early　for　others。　　There　should　be　a　series　of　Coming　of　Ages

for　every　individual。　　The　mammals　have　their　first　coming　of　age　when

they　are　weaned；　and　it　is　noteworthy　that　this　rather　cruel　and

selfish　operation　on　the　part　of　the　parent　has　to　be　performed

resolutely；　with　claws　and　teeth；　for　your　little　mammal　does　not　want

to　be　weaned；　and　yields　only　to　a　pretty　rough　assertion　of　the　right

of　the　parent　to　be　relieved　of　the　child　as　soon　as　the　child　is　old

enough　to　bear　the　separation。　　The　same　thing　occurs　with　children：

they　hang　on　to　the　mother's　apron…string　and　the　father's　coat　tails

as　long　as　they　can；　often　baffling　those　sensitive　parents　who　know

that　children　should　think　for　themselves　and　fend　for　themselves；　but

are　too　kind　to　throw　them　on　their　own　resources　with　the　ferocity　of

the　domestic　cat。　　The　child　should　have　its　first　coming　of　age　when

it　is　weaned；　another　when　it　can　talk；　another　when　it　can　walk；

another　when　it　can　dress　itself　without　assistance；　and　when　it　can

read；　write；　count　money；　and　pass　an　examination　in　going　a　simple

errand　involving　a　purchase　and　a　journey　by　rail　or　other　public

method　of　locomotion；　it　should　have　quite　a　majority。　　At　present　the

children　of　laborers　are　soon　mobile　and　able　to　shift　for　themselves；

whereas　it　is　possible　to　find　grown…up　women　in　the　rich　classes　who

are　actually　afraid　to　take　a　walk　in　the　streets　unattended　and

unprotected。　　It　is　true　that　this　is　a　superstition　from　the　time

when　a　retinue　was　part　of　the　state　of　persons　of　quality；　and　the

unattended　person　was　supposed　to　be　a　common　person　of　no　quality；

earning　a　living；　but　this　has　now　become　so　absurd　that　children　and

young　women　are　no　longer　told　why　they　are　forbidden　to　go　about

alone；　and　have　to　be　persuaded　that　the　streets　are　dangerous　places；

which　of　course　they　are；　but　people　who　are　not　educated　to　live

dangerously　have　only　half　a　life；　and　are　more　likely　to　die

miserably　after　all　than　those　who　have　taken　all　the　common　risks　of

freedom　from　their　childhood　onward　as　matters　of　course。







The　Conflict　of　Wills



The　world　wags　in　spite　of　its　schools　and　its　families　because　both

schools　and　families　are　mostly　very　largely　anarchic：　　parents　and

schoolmasters　are　good…natured　or　weak　or　lazy；　and　children　are

docile　and　affectionate　and　very　shortwinded　in　their　fits　of

naughtiness；　and　so　most　families　slummock　along　and　muddle　through

until　the　children　cease　to　be　children。　　In　the　few　cases　when　the

parties　are　energetic　and　determined；　the　child　is　crushed　or　the

parent　is　reduced　to　a　cipher；　as　the　case　may　be。　　When　the　opposed

forces　are　neither　of　them　strong　enough　to　annihilate　the　other；

there　is　serious　trouble：　　that　is　how　we　get　those　feuds　between

parent　and　child　which　recur　to　our　memory　so　ironically　when　we　hear

people　sentimentalizing　about　natural　affection。　　We　even　get

tragedies；　for　there　is　nothing　so　tragic　to　contemplate　or　so

devastating　to　suffer　as　the　oppression　of　will　without　conscience；

and　the　whole　tendency　of　our　family　and　school　system　is　to　set　the

will　of　the　parent　and　the　school　despot　above　conscience　as　something

that　must　be　deferred　to　abjectly　and　absolutely　for　its　own　sake。



The　strongest；　fiercest　force　in　nature　is　human　will。　　It　is　the

highest　organization　we　know　of　the　will　that　has　created　the　whole

universe。　　Now　all　honest　civilization；　religion；　law；　and　convention

is　an　attempt　to　keep　this　force　within　beneficent　bounds。　　What

corrupts　civilization；　religion；　law；　and　convention　（and　they　are　at

present　pretty　nearly　as　corrupt　as　they　dare）　is　the　constant

attempts　made　by　the　wills　of　individuals　and　classes　to　thwart　the

wills　and　enslave　the　powers　of　other　individuals　and　classes。　　The

powers　of　the　parent　and　the　schoolmaster；　and　of　their　public

analogues　the　lawgiver　and　the　judge；　become　instruments　of　tyranny　in

the　hands　of　those　who　are　too　narrow…minded　to　understand　law　and

exercise　judgment；　and　in　their　hands　（with　us　they　mostly　fall　into

such　hands）　law　becomes　tyranny。　　And　what　is　a　tyrant？　　Quite　simply

a　person　who　says　to　another　person；　young　or　old；　〃You　shall　do　as　I

tell　you；　you　shall　make　what　I　want；　you　shall　profess　my　creed；　you

shall　have　no　will　of　your　own；　and　your　powers　shall　be　at　the

disposal　of　my　will。〃　　It　has　come　to　this　at　last：　　that　the　phrase

〃she　has　a　will　of　her　own；〃　or　〃he　has　a　will　of　his　own〃　has　come　to

denote　a　person　of　exceptional　obstinacy　and　self…assertion。　　And　even

persons　of　good　natural　disposition；　if　brought　up　to　expect　such

deference；　are　roused　to　unreasoning　fury；　and　sometimes　to　the

commission　of　atrocious　crimes；　by　the　slightest　challenge　to　their

authority。　　Thus　a　laborer　may　be　dirty；　drunken；　untruthful；

slothful；　untrustworthy　in　every　way　without　exhausting　the　indulgence

of　the　country　house。　　But　let　him　dare　to　be　〃disrespectful〃　and　he

is　a　lost　man；　though　he　be　the　cleanest；　soberest；　most　diligent；

most　veracious；　most　trustworthy　man　in　the　county。　　Dickens's

instinct　for　detecting　social　cankers　never　served　him　better　than

when　he　shewed　us　Mrs　Heep　teaching　her　son　to　〃be　umble；〃　knowing

that　if　he　carried　out　that　precept　he　might　be　pretty　well　anything

else　he　liked。　　The　maintenance　of　deference　to　our　wills　becomes　a

mania　which　will　carry　the　best　of　us　to　any　extremity。　　We　will　allow

a　village　of　Egyptian　fellaheen　or　Indian　tribesmen　to　live　the　lowest

life　they　please　among　themselves　without　molestation；　but　let　one　of

them　slay　an　Englishman　or　even　strike　him　on　the　strongest

provocation；　and　straightway　we　go　stark　mad；　burning　and　destroying；

shooting　and　shelling；　flogging　and　hanging；　if　only　such　survivors　as

we　may　leave　are　thoroughly　cowed　in　the　presence　of　a　man　with　a

white　face。　　In　the　committee　room　of　a　local　council　or　city

corporation；　the　humblest　employees　of　the　committee　find　defenders　if

they　complain　of　harsh　treatment。　　Gratuities　are　voted；　indulgences

and　holidays　are　p