the titan-第77部分
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〃Oh； it isn't that；〃 she had declared； in reply to Lynde's query。 〃I just don't want to go。 I can't。 I'm not prepared。 It's nothing but a notion of yours； anyhow。 You're tired of Chicago because it's getting near spring。 You go and I'll be here when you come back； or I may decide to come over later。〃 She smiled。
Lynde pulled a dark face。
〃Hell！〃 he said。 〃I know how it is with you。 You still stick to him； even when he treats you like a dog。 You pretend not to love him when as a matter of fact you're mad about him。 I've seen it all along。 You don't really care anything about me。 You can't。 You're too crazy about him。〃
〃Oh； shut up！〃 replied Aileen； irritated greatly for the moment by this onslaught。 〃You talk like a fool。 I'm not anything of the sort。 I admire him。 How could any one help it？〃 （At this time； of course； Cowperwood's name was filling the city。） 〃He's a very wonderful man。 He was never brutal to me。 He's a full…sized manI'll say that for him。〃
By now Aileen had become sufficiently familiar with Lynde to criticize him in her own mind； and even outwardly by innuendo； for being a loafer and idler who had never created in any way the money he was so freely spending。 She had little power to psychologize concerning social conditions； but the stalwart constructive persistence of Cowperwood along commercial lines coupled with the current American contempt of leisure reflected somewhat unfavorably upon Lynde； she thought。
Lynde's face clouded still more at this outburst。 〃You go to the devil；〃 he retorted。 〃I don't get you at all。 Sometimes you talk as though you were fond of me。 At other times you're all wrapped up in him。 Now you either care for me or you don't。 Which is it？ If you're so crazy about him that you can't leave home for a month or so you certainly can't care much about me。〃
Aileen； however； because of her long experience with Cowperwood； was more than a match for Lynde。 At the same time she was afraid to let go of him for fear that she should have no one to care for her。 She liked him。 He was a happy resource in her misery； at least for the moment。 Yet the knowledge that Cowperwood looked upon this affair as a heavy blemish on her pristine solidarity cooled her。 At the thought of him and of her whole tarnished and troubled career she was very unhappy。
〃Hell！〃 Lynde had repeated； irritably； 〃stay if you want to。 I'll not be trying to over…persuade youdepend on that。〃
They quarreled still further over this matter； and； though they eventually made up； both sensed the drift toward an ultimately unsatisfactory conclusion。
It was one morning not long after this that Cowperwood； feeling in a genial mood over his affairs； came into Aileen's room； as he still did on occasions； to finish dressing and pass the time of day。
〃Well；〃 he observed； gaily； as he stood before the mirror adjusting his collar and tie； 〃how are you and Lynde getting along these daysnicely？〃
〃Oh； you go to the devil！〃 replied Aileen； flaring up and struggling with her divided feelings； which pained her constantly。 〃If it hadn't been for you there wouldn't be any chance for your smarty 'how…am…I…getting…alongs。' I am getting along all rightfine regardless of anything you may think。 He's as good a man as you are any day； and better。 I like him。 At least he's fond of me； and that's more than you are。 Why should you care what I do？ You don't； so why talk about it？ I want you to let me alone。〃
〃Aileen； Aileen； how you carry on！ Don't flare up so。 I meant nothing by it。 I'm sorry as much for myself as for you。 I've told you I'm not jealous。 You think I'm critical。 I'm not anything of the kind。 I know how you feel。 That's all very good。〃
〃Oh yes； yes；〃 she replied。 〃Well； you can keep your feelings to yourself。 Go to the devil！ Go to the devil； I tell you！〃 Her eyes blazed。
He stood now； fully dressed； in the center of the rug before her； and Aileen looked at him； keen； valiant； handsomeher old Frank。 Once again she regretted her nominal faithlessness； and raged at him in her heart for his indifference。 〃You dog；〃 she was about to add； 〃you have no heart！〃 but she changed her mind。 Her throat tightened and her eyes filled。 She wanted to run to him and say： 〃Oh； Frank； don't you understand how it all is； how it all came about？ Won't you love me againcan't you？〃 But she restrained herself。 It seemed to her that he might understandthat he would； in factbut that he would never again be faithful； anyhow。 And she would so gladly have discarded Lynde and any and all men if he would only have said the word； would only have really and sincerely wished her to do so。
It was one day not long after their morning quarrel in her bedroom that Cowperwood broached the matter of living in New York to Aileen； pointing out that thereby his art…collection； which was growing constantly； might be more suitably housed； and that it would give her a second opportunity to enter social life。
〃So that you can get rid of me out here；〃 commented Aileen； little knowing of Berenice Fleming。
〃Not at all；〃 replied Cowperwood； sweetly。 〃You see how things are。 There's no chance of our getting into Chicago society。 There's too much financial opposition against me here。 If we had a big house in New York； such as I would build； it would be an introduction in itself。 After all； these Chicagoans aren't even a snapper on the real society whip。 It's the Easterners who set the pace； and the New…Yorkers most of all。 If you want to say the word； I can sell this place and we can live down there； part of the time； anyhow。 I could spend as much of my time with you there as I have been doing hereperhaps more。〃
Because of her soul of vanity Aileen's mind ran forward in spite of herself to the wider opportunities which his words suggested。 This house had become a nightmare to hera place of neglect and bad memories。 Here she had fought with Rita Sohlberg； here she had seen society come for a very little while only to disappear； here she had waited this long time for the renewal of Cowperwood's love； which was now obviously never to be restored in its original glamour。 As he spoke she looked at him quizzically； almost sadly in her great doubt。 At the same time she could not help reflecting that in New York where money counted for so much； and with Cowperwood's great and growing wealth and prestige behind her； she might hope to find herself socially at last。 〃Nothing venture； nothing have〃 had always been her motto； nailed to her mast； though her equipment for the life she now craved had never been more than the veriest make…believepainted wood and tinsel。 Vain； radiant； hopeful Aileen！ Yet how was she to know？
〃Very well；〃 she observed； finally。 〃Do as you like。 I can live down there as well as I can here； I presumealone。〃
Cowperwood knew the nature of her longings。 He knew what was running in her mind； and how futile were her dreams。 Life had taught him how fortuitous must be the circumstances which could enable a woman of Aileen's handicaps and defects to enter that cold upper world。 Yet for all the courage of him； for the very life of him； he could not tell her。 He could not forget that once； behind the grim bars in the penitentiary for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania； he had cried on her shoulder。 He could not be an ingrate and wound her with his inmost thoughts any more than he could deceive himself。 A New York mansion and the dreams of social supremacy which she might there entertain would soothe her ruffled vanity and assuage her disappointed heart； and at the same time he would be nearer Berenice Fleming。 Say what one will of these ferret windings of the human mind； they are； nevertheless； true and characteristic of the average human being； and Cowperwood was no exception。 He saw it all； he calculated on ithe calculated on the simple humanity of Aileen。
Chapter XLVI
Depths and Heights
The complications which had followed his various sentimental affairs left Cowperwood in a quandary at times as to whether there could be any peace or satisfaction outside of monogamy； after all。 Although Mrs。 Hand had gone to Europe at the crisis of her affairs； she had returned to seek him out。 Cecily Haguenin found many opportunities of writing him letters and assuring him of her undying affection。 Florence Cochrane persisted in seeing or attempting to see him even after his interest in her began to wane。 For another thing Aileen； owing to the complication and general degeneracy of her affairs； had recently begun to drink。 Owing to the failure of her affair with Lyndefor in spite of her yielding she had never had any real heart interest in itand to the cavalier attitude with which Cowperwood took her disloyalty； she had reached that state of speculative doldrums where the human animal turns upon itself in bitter self…analysis； the end with the more sensitive or the less durable is dissipation or even death。 Woe to him who places his faith in illusionthe only realityand woe to him who does not。 In one way lies disillusion with its pain； in the other way regret。
After Lynde's departure for Europe； whither she had refused to follow him； Aileen took up with a secondary personage by the name of Watson Skeet； a sculptor。 Unlike most artists； he was the solitary heir of the president of an immense furniture…manufacturing company in which he refused to take any interest。 He had studied abroad； but had returned to Chicago with a view to propagating art in the West。 A large； blond； soft…fleshed man； he had a kind of archaic naturalness and simplicity which appealed to Aileen。 They had met at the Rhees Griers'。 Feeling herself neglected after Lynde's departure； and dreading loneliness above all things； Aileen became intimate with Skeet； but to no intense mental satisfaction。 That driving standard withinthat obsessing ideal which requires that all things be measured by itwas still dominant。 Who has not experienced the chilling memory of the better thing？ How it creeps over the spirit of one's current dreams！ Like the specter at the banquet it stands； its substanceless eyes viewing with a sad philosophy the makeshift feast。 The what…might…have…been of her life with Cowperw
