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pleasant one … I was thinking of the future。



I continued in my reverie for some time; and probably should have 

continued longer; had I not been suddenly aroused by the voice of 

Mr。 Platitude raised to a very high key。  'Yes; my dear sir;' said 

he; 'it is but too true; I have it on good authority … a gone 

church … a lost church … a ruined church … a demolished church is 

the Church of England。  Toleration to Dissenters! … oh; monstrous!'



'I suppose;' said my host; 'that the repeal of the Test Acts will 

be merely a precursor of the emancipation of the Papists?'



'Of the Catholics;' said the Reverend Mr。 Platitude。  'Ahem。  There 

was a time; as I believe you are aware; my dear sir; when I was as 

much opposed to the emancipation of the Catholics as it was 

possible for any one to be; but I was prejudiced; my dear sir; 

labouring under a cloud of most unfortunate prejudice; but I thank 

my Maker I am so no longer。  I have travelled; as you are aware。  

It is only by travelling that one can rub off prejudices; I think 

you will agree with me there。  I am speaking to a traveller。  I 

left behind all my prejudices in Italy。  The Catholics are at least 

our fellow…Christians。  I thank Heaven that I am no longer an enemy 

to Catholic emancipation。'



'And yet you would not tolerate Dissenters?'



'Dissenters; my dear sir; I hope you would not class such a set as 

the Dissenters with Catholics?'



'Perhaps it would be unjust;' said my host; 'though to which of the 

two parties is another thing; but permit me to ask you a question:  

Does it not smack somewhat of paradox to talk of Catholics; whilst 

you admit there are Dissenters?  If there are Dissenters; how 

should there be Catholics?'



'It is not my fault that there are Dissenters;' said the Reverend 

Mr。 Platitude; 'if I had my will I would neither admit there were 

any; nor permit any to be。'



'Of course you would admit there were such as long as they existed; 

but how would you get rid of them?'



'I would have the Church exert its authority。'



'What do you mean by exerting its authority?'



'I would not have the Church bear the sword in vain。'



'What; the sword of St。 Peter?  You remember what the founder of 

the religion which you profess said about the sword; 〃He who 

striketh with it 。。。 〃  I think those who have called themselves 

the Church have had enough of the sword。  Two can play with the 

sword; Mr。 Platitude。  The Church of Rome tried the sword with the 

Lutherans:  how did it fare with the Church of Rome?  The Church of 

England tried the sword; Mr。 Platitude; with the Puritans:  how did 

it fare with Laud and Charles?'



'Oh; as for the Church of England;' said Mr。 Platitude; 'I have 

little to say。  Thank God; I left all my Church of England 

prejudices in Italy。  Had the Church of England known its true 

interests; it would long ago have sought a reconciliation with its 

illustrious mother。  If the Church of England had not been in some 

degree a schismatic church; it would not have fared so ill at the 

time of which you are speaking; the rest of the Church would have 

come to its assistance。  The Irish would have helped it; so would 

the French; so would the Portuguese。  Disunion has always been the 

bane of the Church。'



Once more I fell into a reverie。  My mind now reverted to the past; 

methought I was in a small comfortable room wainscoted with oak; I 

was seated on one side of a fireplace; close by a table on which 

were wine and fruit; on the other side of the fire sat a man in a 

plain suit of brown; with the hair combed back from his somewhat 

high forehead; he had a pipe in his mouth; which for some time he 

smoked gravely and placidly; without saying a word; at length; 

after drawing at the pipe for some time rather vigorously; he 

removed it from his mouth; and; emitting an accumulated cloud of 

smoke; he exclaimed in a slow and measured tone; 'As I was telling 

you just now; my good chap; I have always been an enemy to humbug。'



When I awoke from my reverie the Reverend Mr。 Platitude was 

quitting the apartment。



'Who is that person?' said I to my entertainer; as the door closed 

behind him。



'Who is he?' said my host; 'why; the Reverend Mr。 Platitude。'



'Does he reside in this neighbourhood?'



'He holds a living about three miles from here; his history; as far 

as I am acquainted with it; is as follows。  His father was a 

respectable tanner in the neighbouring town; who; wishing to make 

his son a gentleman; sent him to college。  Having never been at 

college myself; I cannot say whether he took the wisest course; I 

believe it is more easy to unmake than to make a gentleman; I have 

known many gentlemanly youths go to college; and return anything 

but what they went。  Young Mr。 Platitude did not go to college a 

gentleman; but neither did he return one:  he went to college an 

ass; and returned a prig; to his original folly was superadded a 

vast quantity of conceit。  He told his father that he had adopted 

high principles; and was determined to discountenance everything 

low and mean; advised him to eschew trade; and to purchase him a 

living。  The old man retired from business; purchased his son a 

living; and shortly after died; leaving him what remained of his 

fortune。  The first thing the Reverend Mr。 Platitude did; after his 

father's decease; was to send his mother and sister into Wales to 

live upon a small annuity; assigning as a reason that he was averse 

to anything low; and that they talked ungrammatically。  Wishing to 

shine in the pulpit; he now preached high sermons; as he called 

them; interspersed with scraps of learning。  His sermons did not; 

however; procure him much popularity; on the contrary; his church 

soon became nearly deserted; the greater part of his flock going 

over to certain dissenting preachers; who had shortly before made 

their appearance in the neighbourhood。  Mr。 Platitude was filled 

with wrath; and abused Dissenters in most unmeasured terms。  Coming 

in contact with some of the preachers at a public meeting; he was 

rash enough to enter into argument with them。  Poor Platitude! he 

had better have been quiet; he appeared like a child; a very 

infant; in their grasp; he attempted to take shelter under his 

college learning; but found; to his dismay; that his opponents knew 

more Greek and Latin than himself。  These illiterate boors; as he 

had supposed them; caught him at once in a false concord; and Mr。 

Platitude had to slink home overwhelmed with shame。  To avenge 

himself he applied to the ecclesiastical court; but was told that 

the Dissenters could not be put down by the present ecclesiastical 

law。  He found the Church of England; to use his own expression; a 

poor; powerless; restricted Church。  He now thought to improve his 

consequence by marriage; and made up to a rich and beautiful young 

lady in the neighbourhood; the damsel measured him from head to 

foot with a pair of very sharp eyes; dropped a curtsey; and refused 

him。  Mr。 Platitude; finding England a very stupid place; 

determined to travel; he went to Italy; how he passed his time 

there he knows best; to other people it is a matter of little 

importance。  At the end of two years he returned with a real or 

assumed contempt for everything English; and especially for the 

Church to which he belongs; and out of which he is supported。  He 

forthwith gave out that he had left behind him all his Church of 

England prejudices; and; as a proof thereof; spoke against 

sacerdotal wedlock and the toleration of schismatics。  In an evil 

hour for myself he was introduced to me by a clergyman of my 

acquaintance; and from that time I have been pestered; as I was 

this morning; at least once a week。  I seldom enter into any 

discussion with him; but fix my eyes on the portrait over the 

mantelpiece; and endeavour to conjure up some comic idea or 

situation; whilst he goes on talking tomfoolery by the hour about 

Church authority; schismatics; and the unlawfulness of sacerdotal 

wedlock; occasionally he brings with him a strange kind of being; 

whose acquaintance he says he made in Italy; I believe he is some 

sharking priest who has come over to proselytise and plunder。  This 

being has some powers of conversation and some learning; but 

carries the countenance of an arch villain; Platitude is evidently 

his tool。'



'Of what religion are you?' said I to my host。



'That of the Vicar of Wakefield … good; quiet; Church of England; 

which would live and let live; practises charity; and rails at no 

one; where the priest is the husband of one wife; takes care of his 

family and his parish … such is the religion for me; though I 

confess I have hitherto thought too little of religious matters。  

When; however; I have completed this plaguy work on which I am 

engaged; I hope to be able to devote more attention to them。'



After some further conversation; the subjects being; if I remember 

right; college education; priggism; church authority; tomfoolery; 

and the like; I rose and said to my host; 'I must now leave you。'



'Whither are you going?'



'I do not know。'



'Stay here; then … you shall be welcome as many days; months; and 

years as you please to stay。'



'Do you think I would hang upon another man?  No; not if he were 

Emperor of all the Chinas。  I will now make my preparations; and 

then bid you farewell。'



I retired to my apartment and collected the handful of things which 

I carried with me on my travels。



'I will walk a little way with you;' said my friend on my return。



He walked with me to the park gate; neither of us said anything by 

the way。  When we had come upon the road; I said; 'Farewell now; I 

will not permit you to give yourself any further trouble on my 

account。  Receive my best thanks for your kindn

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