50 bab ballads-第1部分
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50 Bab Ballads
by W。 S。 Gilbert
PREFACE。
THE 〃BAB BALLADS〃 appeared originally in the columns of 〃FUN;〃
when that periodical was under the editorship of the late TOM HOOD。
They were subsequently republished in two volumes; one called 〃THE
BAB BALLADS;〃 the other 〃MORE BAB BALLADS。〃 The period during
which they were written extended over some three or four years;
many; however; were composed hastily; and under the discomforting
necessity of having to turn out a quantity of lively verse by a
certain day in every week。 As it seemed to me (and to others) that
the volumes were disfigured by the presence of these hastily
written impostors; I thought it better to withdraw from both
volumes such Ballads as seemed to show evidence of carelessness or
undue haste; and to publish the remainder in the compact form under
which they are now presented to the reader。
It may interest some to know that the first of the series; 〃The
Yarn of the NANCY BELL;〃 was originally offered to 〃PUNCH;〃 … to
which I was; at that time; an occasional contributor。 It was;
however; declined by the then Editor; on the ground that it was
〃too cannibalistic for his readers' tastes。〃
W。 S。 GILBERT。
24 THE BOLTONS; SOUTH KENSINGTON;
AUGUST; 1876。
Ballad: CAPTAIN REECE。
OF all the ships upon the blue;
No ship contained a better crew
Than that of worthy CAPTAIN REECE;
Commanding of THE MANTELPIECE。
He was adored by all his men;
For worthy CAPTAIN REECE; R。N。;
Did all that lay within him to
Promote the comfort of his crew。
If ever they were dull or sad;
Their captain danced to them like mad;
Or told; to make the time pass by;
Droll legends of his infancy。
A feather bed had every man;
Warm slippers and hot…water can;
Brown windsor from the captain's store;
A valet; too; to every four。
Did they with thirst in summer burn;
Lo; seltzogenes at every turn;
And on all very sultry days
Cream ices handed round on trays。
Then currant wine and ginger pops
Stood handily on all the 〃tops;〃
And also; with amusement rife;
A 〃Zoetrope; or Wheel of Life。〃
New volumes came across the sea
From MISTER MUDIE'S libraree;
THE TIMES and SATURDAY REVIEW
Beguiled the leisure of the crew。
Kind…hearted CAPTAIN REECE; R。N。;
Was quite devoted to his men;
In point of fact; good CAPTAIN REECE
Beatified THE MANTELPIECE。
One summer eve; at half…past ten;
He said (addressing all his men):
〃Come; tell me; please; what I can do
To please and gratify my crew。
〃By any reasonable plan
I'll make you happy if I can;
My own convenience count as NIL:
It is my duty; and I will。〃
Then up and answered WILLIAM LEE
(The kindly captain's coxswain he;
A nervous; shy; low…spoken man);
He cleared his throat and thus began:
〃You have a daughter; CAPTAIN REECE;
Ten female cousins and a niece;
A Ma; if what I'm told is true;
Six sisters; and an aunt or two。
〃Now; somehow; sir; it seems to me;
More friendly…like we all should be;
If you united of 'em to
Unmarried members of the crew。
〃If you'd ameliorate our life;
Let each select from them a wife;
And as for nervous me; old pal;
Give me your own enchanting gal!〃
Good CAPTAIN REECE; that worthy man;
Debated on his coxswain's plan:
〃I quite agree;〃 he said; 〃O BILL;
It is my duty; and I will。
〃My daughter; that enchanting gurl;
Has just been promised to an Earl;
And all my other familee
To peers of various degree。
〃But what are dukes and viscounts to
The happiness of all my crew?
The word I gave you I'll fulfil;
It is my duty; and I will。
〃As you desire it shall befall;
I'll settle thousands on you all;
And I shall be; despite my hoard;
The only bachelor on board。〃
The boatswain of THE MANTELPIECE;
He blushed and spoke to CAPTAIN REECE:
〃I beg your honour's leave;〃 he said;
〃If you would wish to go and wed;
〃I have a widowed mother who
Would be the very thing for you …
She long has loved you from afar:
She washes for you; CAPTAIN R。〃
The Captain saw the dame that day …
Addressed her in his playful way …
〃And did it want a wedding ring?
It was a tempting ickle sing!
〃Well; well; the chaplain I will seek;
We'll all be married this day week
At yonder church upon the hill;
It is my duty; and I will!〃
The sisters; cousins; aunts; and niece;
And widowed Ma of CAPTAIN REECE;
Attended there as they were bid;
It was their duty; and they did。
Ballad: THE RIVAL CURATES。
LIST while the poet trolls
Of MR。 CLAYTON HOOPER;
Who had a cure of souls
At Spiffton…extra…Sooper。
He lived on curds and whey;
And daily sang their praises;
And then he'd go and play
With buttercups and daisies。
Wild croquet HOOPER banned;
And all the sports of Mammon;
He warred with cribbage; and
He exorcised backgammon。
His helmet was a glance
That spoke of holy gladness;
A saintly smile his lance;
His shield a tear of sadness。
His Vicar smiled to see
This armour on him buckled:
With pardonable glee
He blessed himself and chuckled。
〃In mildness to abound
My curate's sole design is;
In all the country round
There's none so mild as mine is!〃
And HOOPER; disinclined
His trumpet to be blowing;
Yet didn't think you'd find
A milder curate going。
A friend arrived one day
At Spiffton…extra…Sooper;
And in this shameful way
He spoke to Mr。 HOOPER:
〃You think your famous name
For mildness can't be shaken;
That none can blot your fame …
But; HOOPER; you're mistaken!
〃Your mind is not as blank
As that of HOPLEY PORTER;
Who holds a curate's rank
At Assesmilk…cum…Worter。
〃HE plays the airy flute;
And looks depressed and blighted;
Doves round about him 'toot;'
And lambkins dance delighted。
〃HE labours more than you
At worsted work; and frames it;
In old maids' albums; too;
Sticks seaweed … yes; and names it!〃
The tempter said his say;
Which pierced him like a needle …
He summoned straight away
His sexton and his beadle。
(These men were men who could
Hold liberal opinions:
On Sundays they were good …
On week…days they were minions。)
〃To HOPLEY PORTER go;
Your fare I will afford you …
Deal him a deadly blow;
And blessings shall reward you。
〃But stay … I do not like
Undue assassination;
And so before you strike;
Make this communication:
〃I'll give him this one chance …
If he'll more gaily bear him;
Play croquet; smoke; and dance;
I willingly will spare him。〃
They went; those minions true;
To Assesmilk…cum…Worter;
And told their errand to
The REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER。
〃What?〃 said that reverend gent;
〃Dance through my hours of leisure?
Smoke? … bathe myself with scent? …
Play croquet? Oh; with pleasure!
〃Wear all my hair in curl?
Stand at my door and wink … so …
At every passing girl?
My brothers; I should think so!
〃For years I've longed for some
Excuse for this revulsion:
Now that excuse has come …
I do it on compulsion!!!〃
He smoked and winked away …
This REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER …
The deuce there was to pay
At Assesmilk…cum…Worter。
And HOOPER holds his ground;
In mildness daily growing …
They think him; all around;
The mildest curate going。
Ballad: ONLY A DANCING GIRL。
ONLY a dancing girl;
With an unromantic style;
With borrowed colour and curl;
With fixed mechanical smile;
With many a hackneyed wile;
With ungrammatical lips;
And corns that mar her trips。
Hung from the 〃flies〃 in air;
She acts a palpable lie;
She's as little a fairy there
As unpoetical I!
I hear you asking; Why …
Why in the world I sing
This tawdry; tinselled thing?
No airy fairy she;
As she hangs in arsenic green
From a highly impossible tree
In a highly impossible scene
(Herself not over…clean)。
For fays don't suffer; I'm told;
From bunions; coughs; or cold。
And stately dames that bring
Their daughters there to see;
Pronounce the 〃dancing thing〃
No better than she should be;
With her skirt at her shameful knee;
And her painted; tainted phiz:
Ah; matron; which of us is?
(And; in sooth; it oft occurs
That while these matrons sigh;
Their dresses are lower than hers;
And sometimes half as high;
And their hair is hair they buy;
And they use their glasses; too;
In a way she'd blush to do。)
But change her gold and green
For a coarse merino gown;
And see her upon the scene
Of her home; when coaxing down
Her drunken father's frown;
In his squalid cheerless den:
She's a fairy truly; then!
Ballad: TO A LITTLE MAID … BY A POLICEMAN。
COME with me; little maid;
Nay; shrink not; thus afraid …
I'll harm thee not!
Fly not; my love; from me …
I have a home for thee …
A fairy grot;
Where mortal eye
Can rarely pry;
There shall thy dwelling be!
List to me; while I tell
The pleasures of that cell;
Oh; little maid!
What though its couch be rude;
Homely the only food
Within its shade?
No thought of care
Can enter there;
No vulgar swain intrude!
Come with me; little maid;
Come to the rocky shade
I love to sing;
Live with us; maiden rare …
Come; for we 〃want〃 thee there;
Thou elfin thing;
To work thy spell;
In some cool cell
In stately Pentonville!
Ballad: THE TROUBADOUR。
A TROUBADOUR he played
Without a castle wall;
Within; a hapless maid
Responded to his call。
〃Oh; willow; woe is me!
Alack and well…a…day!
If I were only free
I'd hie me far away!〃
Unknown her face and name;
But this he knew right well;
The maiden's wailing came
From out a dungeon cel