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第15部分

50 bab ballads-第15部分

小说: 50 bab ballads 字数: 每页4000字

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And said; 〃Old PETER; how de do?

Can I do anything for you?



〃I have three gifts … the first will give

Unbounded riches while you live;

The second health where'er you be;

The third; invisibility。〃



〃O little fairy PICKLEKIN;〃

Old PETER answered with a grin;

〃To hesitate would be absurd; …

Undoubtedly I choose the third。〃



〃'Tis yours;〃 the fairy said; 〃be quite

Invisible to mortal sight

Whene'er you please。  Remember me

Most kindly; pray; to MRS。 P。〃



Old MRS。 PETER overheard

Wee PICKLEKIN'S concluding word;

And; jealous of her girlhood's choice;

Said; 〃That was some young woman's voice:



Old PETER let her scold and swear …

Old PETER; bless him; didn't care。

〃My dear; your rage is wasted quite …

Observe; I disappear from sight!〃



A well…bred fairy (so I've heard)

Is always faithful to her word:

Old PETER vanished like a shot;

Put then … HIS SUIT OF CLOTHES DID NOT!



For when conferred the fairy slim

Invisibility on HIM;

She popped away on fairy wings;

Without referring to his 〃things。〃



So there remained a coat of blue;

A vest and double eyeglass too;

His tail; his shoes; his socks as well;

His pair of … no; I must not tell。



Old MRS。 PETER soon began

To see the failure of his plan;

And then resolved (I quote the Bard)

To 〃hoist him with his own petard。〃



Old PETER woke next day and dressed;

Put on his coat; and shoes; and vest;

His shirt and stock; BUT COULD NOT FIND

HIS ONLY PAIR OF … never mind!



Old PETER was a decent man;

And though he twigged his lady's plan;

Yet; hearing her approaching; he

Resumed invisibility。



〃Dear MRS。 P。; my only joy;〃

Exclaimed the horrified old boy;

〃Now; give them up; I beg of you …

You know what I'm referring to!〃



But no; the cross old lady swore

She'd keep his … what I said before …

To make him publicly absurd;

And MRS。 PETER kept her word。



The poor old fellow had no rest;

His coat; his stick; his shoes; his vest;

Were all that now met mortal eye …

The rest; invisibility!



〃Now; madam; give them up; I beg …

I've had rheumatics in my leg;

Besides; until you do; it's plain

I cannot come to sight again!



〃For though some mirth it might afford

To see my clothes without their lord;

Yet there would rise indignant oaths

If he were seen without his clothes!〃



But no; resolved to have her quiz;

The lady held her own … and his …

And PETER left his humble cot

To find a pair of … you know what。



But … here's the worst of the affair …

Whene'er he came across a pair

Already placed for him to don;

He was too stout to get them on!



So he resolved at once to train;

And walked and walked with all his main;

For years he paced this mortal earth;

To bring himself to decent girth。



At night; when all around is still;

You'll find him pounding up a hill;

And shrieking peasants whom he meets;

Fall down in terror on the peats!



Old PETER walks through wind and rain;

Resolved to train; and train; and train;

Until he weighs twelve stone' or so …

And when he does; I'll let you know。







Ballad: THE MYSTIC SELVAGEE。







PERHAPS already you may know

SIR BLENNERHASSET PORTICO?

A Captain in the Navy; he …

A Baronet and K。C。B。

You do?  I thought so!

It was that Captain's favourite whim

(A notion not confined to him)

That RODNEY was the greatest tar

Who ever wielded capstan…bar。

He had been taught so。



〃BENBOW!  CORNWALLIS!  HOOD! … Belay!

Compared with RODNEY〃 … he would say …

〃No other tar is worth a rap!

The great LORD RODNEY was the chap

The French to polish!

 〃Though; mind you; I respect LORD HOOD;

CORNWALLIS; too; was rather good;

BENBOW could enemies repel;

LORD NELSON; too; was pretty well …

That is; tol…lol…ish!〃



SIR BLENNERHASSET spent his days

In learning RODNEY'S little ways;

And closely imitated; too;

His mode of talking to his crew …

His port and paces。

An ancient tar he tried to catch

Who'd served in RODNEY'S famous batch;

But since his time long years have fled;

And RODNEY'S tars are mostly dead:

EHEU FUGACES!



But after searching near and far;

At last he found an ancient tar

Who served with RODNEY and his crew

Against the French in 'Eighty…two;

(That gained the peerage)。

He gave him fifty pounds a year;

His rum; his baccy; and his beer;

And had a comfortable den

Rigged up in what; by merchantmen;

Is called the steerage。



〃Now; JASPER〃 … 't was that sailor's name …

〃Don't fear that you'll incur my blame

By saying; when it seems to you;

That there is anything I do

That RODNEY wouldn't。〃

The ancient sailor turned his quid;

Prepared to do as he was bid:

〃Ay; ay; yer honour; to begin;

You've done away with 'swifting in' …

Well; sir; you shouldn't!



〃Upon your spars I see you've clapped

Peak halliard blocks; all iron…capped。

I would not christen that a crime;

But 'twas not done in RODNEY'S time。

It looks half…witted!

Upon your maintop…stay; I see;

You always clap a selvagee!

Your stays; I see; are equalized …

No vessel; such as RODNEY prized;

Would thus be fitted!



〃And RODNEY; honoured sir; would grin

To see you turning deadeyes in;

Not UP; as in the ancient way;

But downwards; like a cutter's stay …

You didn't oughter;

Besides; in seizing shrouds on board;

Breast backstays you have quite ignored;

Great RODNEY kept unto the last

Breast backstays on topgallant mast …

They make it tauter。〃



SIR BLENNERHASSET 〃swifted in;〃

Turned deadeyes up; and lent a fin

To strip (as told by JASPER KNOX)

The iron capping from his blocks;

Where there was any。

SIR BLENNERHASSET does away;

With selvagees from maintop…stay;

And though it makes his sailors stare;

He rigs breast backstays everywhere …

In fact; too many。



One morning; when the saucy craft

Lay calmed; old JASPER toddled aft。

〃My mind misgives me; sir; that we

Were wrong about that selvagee …

I should restore it。〃

〃Good;〃 said the Captain; and that day

Restored it to the maintop…stay。

Well…practised sailors often make

A much more serious mistake;

And then ignore it。



Next day old JASPER came once more:

〃I think; sir; I was right before。〃

Well; up the mast the sailors skipped;

The selvagee was soon unshipped;

And all were merry。

Again a day; and JASPER came:

〃I p'r'aps deserve your honour's blame;

I can't make up my mind;〃 said he;

〃About that cursed selvagee …

It's foolish … very。



〃On Monday night I could have sworn

That maintop…stay it should adorn;

On Tuesday morning I could swear

That selvagee should not be there。

The knot's a rasper!〃

〃Oh; you be hanged;〃 said CAPTAIN P。;

〃Here; go ashore at Caribbee。

Get out … good bye … shove off … all right!〃

Old JASPER soon was out of sight …

Farewell; old JASPER!







Ballad: PHRENOLOGY。







〃COME; collar this bad man …

Around the throat he knotted me

Till I to choke began …

In point of fact; garotted me!〃



So spake SIR HERBERT WRITE

To JAMES; Policeman Thirty…two …

All ruffled with his fight

SIR HERBERT was; and dirty too。



Policeman nothing said

(Though he had much to say on it);

But from the bad man's head

He took the cap that lay on it。



〃No; great SIR HERBERT WHITE …

Impossible to take him up。

This man is honest quite …

Wherever did you rake him up?



〃For Burglars; Thieves; and Co。;

Indeed; I'm no apologist;

But I; some years ago;

Assisted a Phrenologist。



〃Observe his various bumps;

His head as I uncover it:

His morals lie in lumps

All round about and over it。〃



〃Now take him;〃 said SIR WHITE;

〃Or you will soon be rueing it;

Bless me!  I must be right; …

I caught the fellow doing it!〃



Policeman calmly smiled;

〃Indeed you are mistaken; sir;

You're agitated … riled …

And very badly shaken; sir。



〃Sit down; and I'll explain

My system of Phrenology;

A second; please; remain〃 …

(A second is horology)。



Policeman left his beat …

(The Bart。; no longer furious;

Sat down upon a seat;

Observing; 〃This is curious!〃)



〃Oh; surely; here are signs

Should soften your rigidity:

This gentleman combines

Politeness with timidity。



〃Of Shyness here's a lump …

A hole for Animosity …

And like my fist his bump

Of Impecuniosity。



〃Just here the bump appears

Of Innocent Hilarity;

And just behind his ears

Are Faith; and Hope; and Charity。



He of true Christian ways

As bright example sent us is …

This maxim he obeys;

'SORTE TUA CONTENTUS SIS。'



〃There; let him go his ways;

He needs no stern admonishing。〃

The Bart。; in blank amaze;

Exclaimed; 〃This is astonishing!



〃I MUST have made a mull;

This matter I've been blind in it:

Examine; please; MY skull;

And tell me what you find in it。〃



That Crusher looked; and said;

With unimpaired urbanity;

〃SIR HERBERT; you've a head

That teems with inhumanity。



〃Here's Murder; Envy; Strife

(Propensity to kill any);

And Lies as large as life;

And heaps of Social Villany。



〃Here's Love of Bran…New Clothes;

Embezzling … Arson … Deism …

A taste for Slang and Oaths;

And Fraudulent Trusteeism。



〃Here's Love of Groundless Charge …

Here's Malice; too; and Trickery;

Unusually large

Your bump of Pocket…Pickery … 〃



〃Stop!〃 said the Bart。; 〃my cup

Is full … I'm worse than him in all;

Policeman; take me up …

No doubt I am some criminal!〃



That Pleeceman's scorn grew large

(Phrenology had nettled it);

He took that Bart。 in charge …

I don't know how they settled it。







Ballad: THE FAIRY CURATE。







ONCE a fairy

Light and airy

Married with a mortal;

Men; however;

Never; never

Pass the fairy portal。

Slyly stealing;

She to Ealing

Made a daily journey;

There she found him;

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