50 bab ballads-第4部分
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His father； a simple old gentleman； he
With nursery rhyme
And 〃Once on a time；〃
Would tell him the story of 〃Little Bo…P；〃
〃So pretty was she；
So pretty and wee；
As pretty； as pretty； as pretty could be。〃
But the babe； with a dig that would startle an ox；
With his 〃C'ck！ Oh； my！ …
Go along wiz 'oo； fie！〃
Would exclaim； 〃I'm afraid 'oo a socking ole fox。〃
Now a father it shocks；
And it whitens his locks；
When his little babe calls him a shocking old fox。
The name of his father he'd couple and pair
（With his ill…bred laugh；
And insolent chaff）
With those of the nursery heroines rare …
Virginia the Fair；
Or Good Goldenhair；
Till the nuisance was more than a prophet could bear。
〃There's Jill and White Cat〃 （said the bold little brat；
With his loud； 〃Ha； ha！〃）
〃'Oo sly ickle Pa！
Wiz 'oo Beauty； Bo…Peep； and 'oo Mrs。 Jack Sprat！
I've noticed 'oo pat
MY pretty White Cat …
I sink dear mamma ought to know about dat！〃
He early determined to marry and wive；
For better or worse
With his elderly nurse …
Which the poor little boy didn't live to contrive：
His hearth didn't thrive …
No longer alive；
He died an enfeebled old dotard at five！
MORAL。
Now； elderly men of the bachelor crew；
With wrinkled hose
And spectacled nose；
Don't marry at all … you may take it as true
If ever you do
The step you will rue；
For your babes will be elderly … elderly too。
Ballad： TO PHOEBE。 （2）
〃GENTLE； modest little flower；
Sweet epitome of May；
Love me but for half an hour；
Love me； love me； little fay。〃
Sentences so fiercely flaming
In your tiny shell…like ear；
I should always be exclaiming
If I loved you； PHOEBE dear。
〃Smiles that thrill from any distance
Shed upon me while I sing！
Please ecstaticize existence；
Love me； oh； thou fairy thing！〃
Words like these； outpouring sadly
You'd perpetually hear；
If I loved you fondly； madly； …
But I do not； PHOEBE dear。
Ballad： BAINES CAREW； GENTLEMAN。
OF all the good attorneys who
Have placed their names upon the roll；
But few could equal BAINES CAREW
For tender…heartedness and soul。
Whene'er he heard a tale of woe
From client A or client B；
His grief would overcome him so
He'd scarce have strength to take his fee。
It laid him up for many days；
When duty led him to distrain；
And serving writs； although it pays；
Gave him excruciating pain。
He made out costs； distrained for rent；
Foreclosed and sued； with moistened eye …
No bill of costs could represent
The value of such sympathy。
No charges can approximate
The worth of sympathy with woe； …
Although I think I ought to state
He did his best to make them so。
Of all the many clients who
Had mustered round his legal flag；
No single client of the crew
Was half so dear as CAPTAIN BAGG。
Now； CAPTAIN BAGG had bowed him to
A heavy matrimonial yoke …
His wifey had of faults a few …
She never could resist a joke。
Her chaff at first he meekly bore；
Till unendurable it grew。
〃To stop this persecution sore
I will consult my friend CAREW。
〃And when CAREW'S advice I've got；
Divorce A MENSA I shall try。〃
（A legal separation … not
A VINCULO CONJUGII。）
〃Oh； BAINES CAREW； my woe I've kept
A secret hitherto； you know；〃 …
（And BAINES CAREW； ESQUIRE； he wept
To hear that BAGG HAD any woe。）
〃My case； indeed； is passing sad。
My wife … whom I considered true …
With brutal conduct drives me mad。〃
〃I am appalled；〃 said BAINES CAREW。
〃What！ sound the matrimonial knell
Of worthy people such as these！
Why was I an attorney？ Well …
Go on to the SAEVITIA； please。〃
〃Domestic bliss has proved my bane； …
A harder case you never heard；
My wife （in other matters sane）
Pretends that I'm a Dicky bird！
〃She makes me sing； 'Too…whit； too…wee！'
And stand upon a rounded stick；
And always introduces me
To every one as 'Pretty Dick'！〃
〃Oh； dear；〃 said weeping BAINES CAREW；
〃This is the direst case I know。〃
〃I'm grieved；〃 said BAGG； 〃at paining you …
〃To COBB and POLTHERTHWAITE I'll go …
〃To COBB'S cold； calculating ear；
My gruesome sorrows I'll impart〃 …
〃No； stop；〃 said BAINES； 〃I'll dry my tear；
And steel my sympathetic heart。〃
〃She makes me perch upon a tree；
Rewarding me with 'Sweety … nice！'
And threatens to exhibit me
With four or five performing mice。〃
〃Restrain my tears I wish I could〃
（Said BAINES）； 〃I don't know what to do。〃
Said CAPTAIN BAGG； 〃You're very good。〃
〃Oh； not at all；〃 said BAINES CAREW。
〃She makes me fire a gun；〃 said BAGG；
〃And； at a preconcerted word；
Climb up a ladder with a flag；
Like any street performing bird。
〃She places sugar in my way …
In public places calls me 'Sweet！'
She gives me groundsel every day；
And hard canary…seed to eat。〃
〃Oh； woe！ oh； sad！ oh； dire to tell！〃
（Said BAINES）。 〃Be good enough to stop。〃
And senseless on the floor he fell；
With unpremeditated flop！
Said CAPTAIN BAGG； 〃Well； really I
Am grieved to think it pains you so。
I thank you for your sympathy；
But； hang it！ … come … I say； you know！〃
But BAINES lay flat upon the floor；
Convulsed with sympathetic sob； …
The Captain toddled off next door；
And gave the case to MR。 COBB。
Ballad： THOMAS WINTERBOTTOM HANCE。
IN all the towns and cities fair
On Merry England's broad expanse；
No swordsman ever could compare
With THOMAS WINTERBOTTOM HANCE。
The dauntless lad could fairly hew
A silken handkerchief in twain；
Divide a leg of mutton too …
And this without unwholesome strain。
On whole half…sheep； with cunning trick；
His sabre sometimes he'd employ …
No bar of lead； however thick；
Had terrors for the stalwart boy。
At Dover daily he'd prepare
To hew and slash； behind； before …
Which aggravated MONSIEUR PIERRE；
Who watched him from the Calais shore。
It caused good PIERRE to swear and dance；
The sight annoyed and vexed him so；
He was the bravest man in France …
He said so； and he ought to know。
〃Regardez donc； ce cochon gros …
Ce polisson！ Oh； sacre bleu！
Son sabre； son plomb； et ses gigots
Comme cela m'ennuye； enfin； mon Dieu！
〃Il sait que les foulards de soie
Give no retaliating whack …
Les gigots morts n'ont pas de quoi …
Le plomb don't ever hit you back。〃
But every day the headstrong lad
Cut lead and mutton more and more；
And every day poor PIERRE； half mad；
Shrieked loud defiance from his shore。
HANCE had a mother； poor and old；
A simple； harmless village dame；
Who crowed and clapped as people told
Of WINTERBOTTOM'S rising fame。
She said； 〃I'll be upon the spot
To see my TOMMY'S sabre…play；〃
And so she left her leafy cot；
And walked to Dover in a day。
PIERRE had a doating mother； who
Had heard of his defiant rage；
HIS Ma was nearly ninety…two；
And rather dressy for her age。
At HANCE'S doings every morn；
With sheer delight HIS mother cried；
And MONSIEUR PIERRE'S contemptuous scorn
Filled HIS mamma with proper pride。
But HANCE'S powers began to fail …
His constitution was not strong …
And PIERRE； who once was stout and hale；
Grew thin from shouting all day long。
Their mothers saw them pale and wan；
Maternal anguish tore each breast；
And so they met to find a plan
To set their offsprings' minds at rest。
Said MRS。 HANCE； 〃Of course I shrinks
From bloodshed； ma'am； as you're aware；
But still they'd better meet； I thinks。〃
〃Assurement！〃 said MADAME PIERRE。
A sunny spot in sunny France
Was hit upon for this affair；
The ground was picked by MRS。 HANCE；
The stakes were pitched by MADAME PIERRE。
Said MRS。 H。； 〃Your work you see …
Go in； my noble boy； and win。〃
〃En garde； mon fils！〃 said MADAME P。
〃Allons！〃 〃Go on！〃 〃En garde！〃 〃Begin！〃
（The mothers were of decent size；
Though not particularly tall；
But in the sketch that meets your eyes
I've been obliged to draw them small。）
Loud sneered the doughty man of France；
〃Ho！ ho！ Ho！ ho！ Ha！ ha！ Ha！ ha！
〃The French for 'Pish'〃 said THOMAS HANCE。
Said PIERRE； 〃L'Anglais； Monsieur； pour 'Bah。'〃
Said MRS。 H。； 〃Come； one！ two！ three！ …
We're sittin' here to see all fair。〃
〃C'est magnifique！〃 said MADAME P。；
〃Mais； parbleu！ ce n'est pas la guerre！〃
〃Je scorn un foe si lache que vous；〃
Said PIERRE； the doughty son of France。
〃I fight not coward foe like you！〃
Said our undaunted TOMMY HANCE。
〃The French for 'Pooh！'〃 our TOMMY cried。
〃L'Anglais pour 'Va！'〃 the Frenchman crowed。
And so； with undiminished pride；
Each went on his respective road。
Ballad： A DISCONTENTED SUGAR BROKER。
A GENTLEMAN of City fame
Now claims your kind attention；
East India broking was his game；
His name I shall not mention：
No one of finely…pointed sense
Would violate a confidence；
And shall I go
And do it？ No！
His name I shall not mention。
He had a trusty wife and true；
And very cosy quarters；
A manager； a boy or two；
Six clerks； and seven porters。
A broker must be doing well
（As any lunatic can tell）
Who can employ
An active boy；
Six clerks； and seven porters。
His knocker advertised no dun；
No losses made him sulky；
He had one sorrow … only one …
He was extremely bulky。
A man must be； I beg to state；
Exceptionally fortunate
Who owns his chief
And only grief
Is … being very bulky。
〃This load；〃 he'd say； 〃I cannot bear；
I'm nineteen stone or twenty！
Henceforward I'll go in for air
And exercise in plenty。〃
Most people think that； should it come；
They can reduce a bulging tum
To measures fair
By taking air
And exercise in plenty。
In every weather； every day；
Dry； muddy； wet； or gritty；
He t
