old fritz and the new era-第23部分

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to　me。　In　the　forest　solitude　I　read　Ovid　and　Virgil　until　I　had
memorized　them；　and　recited　them　aloud；　in　pathetic　tones；　for　my
own　amusement。　To…day　I　recall　those　weeks　in　the　forest　stillness
as　the　happiest；　purest；　and　most　beautiful　of　my　life。〃

〃And　they　undoubtedly　are；〃　said　Goethe；　kindly。　〃The　return　to
Nature　is　the　return　to　one's　self。　Who　will　be　an　able；　vigorous
man　and　remain　so；　must；　above　all　things；　live　in　and　with　Nature。〃

〃But　oh！　this　happy　life　did　not　long　continue；〃　sighed　Moritz。　〃My
father　discovered　my　retreat；　and　came　with　sheriffs　and　bailiffs　to
seize　me　like　a　criminallike　a　wild　animal。　With　my　hands　bound；　I
was　brought　back　in　broad　day；　amid　the　jeers　of　street　boys。　Permit
me　to　pass　in　silence　the　degradation；　the　torture　which　followed。　I
became　a　burden　to　myself；　and　longed　for　death。　The　ill…treatment
of　my　father　finally　revived　my　courage　to　run　away　the　second　time。
I　went　to　a　large　town　near　by；　and　decided　to　earn　my　living　rather
than　return　to　my　father。　To　fulfil　the　prophecy　of　my　teacher　was
my　ambition。　The　privations　that　I　endured；　the　life　I　led；　I　will
not　recount　to　you。　I　performed　the　most　menial　service；　and　worked
months　like　a　beast　of　burden。　For　want　of　a　shelter；　I　slept　in
deserted　yards　and　tumble…down　houses。　Upon　a　piece　of　bread　and　a
drink　of　water　I　lived；　saving；　with　miserly　greediness；　the　money
which　I　earned　as　messenger　or　day…laborer。　At　the　end　of　a　year；　I
had　earned　sufficient　to　buy　an　old　suit　of　clothes　at　a　second…hand
clothing…store；　and　present　myself　to　the　director　of　the　Gymnasium；
imploring　him　to　receive　me　as　pupil。　Bitterly　weeping；　I　opened　my
heart　to　him；　and　disclosed　the　torture　of　my　sad　life　as　a　child；
and　begged　him　to　give　me　the　opportunity　to　educate　myself。　He
repulsed　me　with　scorn；　and　threatened　to　give　me　over　to　the
police；　as　a　runaway；　as　a　vagabond；　and　beggar。　'I　am　no　beggar！'　I
cried；　vehemently；　'I　will　be　under　obligation　to　no　one。　I　have
money　to　pay　for　two　years　in　advance；　and　during　this　time　I　shall
be　able　to　earn　sufficient　to　pay　for　the　succeeding　two　years。'
This　softened　the　anger　of　the　crabbed　director；　he　was　friendly　and
kind；　and　promised　me　his　assistance。〃

〃Poor　boy！〃　sighed　Goethe。　〃So　young；　and　yet　forced　to　learn　that
there　is　a　power　to　which　not　only　kings　and　princes；　but　mind　must
bow；　to　which　science　and　art　have　submitted；　as　to　their　Maecenas！
This　power　opened　the　doors　of　the　Gymnasium　to　you。〃

〃It　was　even　thus。　The　director　took　pity　upon　me；　and　permitted　me
to　enter　upon　my　studies　at　once；　he　did　more；　he　assured　my　future。
Oh；　he　was　a　humane　and　kind　man！　When　he　learned　that　I　possessed
nothing　but　the　little　sum　to　which　the　drops　of　blood　of　a　year's
toil　still　clung；　then〃

〃He　returned　it　to　you；〃　interrupted　Goethe；　kindly。

〃No；　he　offered　me　board；　lodging；　and　clothing；　during　my　course　at
the　Gymnasium。〃

〃That　was　well；〃　cried　Goethe。　〃Tell　me　the　name　of　this　honorable
man；　that　I　may　meet　him　and　extend　to　him　my　hand。〃

A　troubled　smile　spread　over　Philip's　face。　〃Permit　me　for　the　time
being　to　conceal　the　name；〃　he　replied。　〃I　received　the　generous
proposal　gratefully；　and　asked；　deeply　moved；　if　there　were　no
services　which　I　could　return　for　so　much　kindness　and　generosity。
It　proved　that　there　were；　and　the　director　made　them　known　to　me。
He　was　unmarried；　hence　the　necessity　of　men's　service。　I　should　be
society　for　himbe　a　companion；　in　fact；　I　should　do　what　every
grateful　son　would　do　for　his　fatherhelp　him　dress；　keep　his　room
in　order；　and　prepare　his　breakfast。〃

〃That　meant　that　you　should　be　his　servant！〃　cried　Goethe；
indignant。

〃Only　in　the　morning；〃　replied　Moritz；　smiling。　〃Evenings　and　nights
I　should　have　the　honor　to　be　his　amanuensis；　I　should　look　over　the
studies　of　the　scholars；　and　correct　their　exercises；　and　when　I　had
made　sufficient　progress；　it　should　be　my　duty　to　give　two　hours　to
different　classes；　and　I　should　read　aloud　or　play　cards　with　the
director　on　leisure　evenings。　Besides；　I　was　obliged　to　promise
never　to　leave　the　house　without　his　permission；　never　to　speak　to；
or　hold　intercourse　with；　any　one　outside　the　hours　of　instruction。
All　these　conditions　were　written　down；　and　signed　by　both　parties；
as　if　a　business　contract。〃

〃A　transaction　by　which　a　human　soul　was　bargained　for！〃　thundered
Goethe。　〃Reveal　to　me；　now；　the　name　of　this　trader　of　souls；　that　I
may　expose　him　to　public　shame！〃

〃He　died　a　year　since；〃　replied　Moritz；　softened。　〃God　summoned　him
to　judgment。　When　the　physician　announced　to　him　that　the　cancer　was
incurable；　when　he　felt　death　approaching；　he　sent　for　me；　and
begged　my　forgiveness；　with　tears　and　deep　contrition。　I　forgave
him；　so　let　me　cease　to　recall　the　life　I　passed　with　him。　By　the
sweat　of　my　brow　I　was　compelled　to　serve　him；　for　seven　long　years
I　was　his　slave。　I　sold　myself　for　the　sake　of　knowledge；　I　was
consoled　by　progress。　I　was　the　servant；　companion；　jester；　and
slave　of　my　tyrant；　but　I　was　also　the　disciple；　the　priest　of
learning。　In　my　own　room　my　chains　fell　off。　In　the　lonely　night…
watches　I　communed　with　the　great；　the　immortal　spirits　of　Horace；
Virgil；　and　even　the　proud　Ceasar；　and　the　divine　Homer。　Those
solitary　but　happy　hours　of　the　night　are　never　to　be　forgotten；
never　to　be　portrayed；　they　refreshed　me　for　the　trials　of　the　day；
and　enabled　me　to　endure　them！　At　the　close　of　seven　years　I　was
prepared　to　enter　the　university；　and　the　bargain　between　my　master
and　myself　was　also　at　an　end。　Freed　from　my　tyrant；　I　bent　my　steps
toward　Frankfort　University；　to　feel　my　liberty　enchained　anew。　For
seven　years　I　had　been　the　slave　of　the　director；　now　I　became　the
slave　of　poverty；　forced　to　labor　to　live！　Oh；　I　cannot　recall　those
scenes！　Suffice　it　to　say；　that　during　one　year　I　had　no　fixed
abode；　never　tasted　warm　food。　But　it　is　passedI　have　conquered！
After　years　of　struggle；　of　exertion；　of　silent　misery；　only
relieved　by　my　stolen　hours　of　blissful　study；　I　gained　my　reward。　I
was　free！　My　examination　passed；　I　was　honored　with　the　degrees　of
Doctor　of　Philosophy　and　Master　of　Arts。　After　many　intervening
events；　I　was　appointed　conrector　of　the　college　attached　to　the
Gray　Monastery；　which　position　now　supports　me。〃

〃God　be　praised；　I　breathe　freely！〃　answered　Goethe；　with　one　of
those　sunny　smiles　which；　in　a　moment　of　joyful　excitement；　lighted
up　his　face。　〃I　feel　like　one　shipwrecked；　who　has；　at　last；　reached
a　safe　harbor。　I　rejoice　in　your　rescue　as　if　it　were　my　own。　Now
you　are　safe。　You　have　reached　the　port；　and　in　the　quiet　happiness
of　your　own　library　you　will　win　new　laurels。　Why；　then；　still
dispirited　and　unhappy？　The　past；　with　its　sorrows　and　humiliations；
is　forgotten；　the　present　is　satisfactory；　and　the　future　is　full　of
hope　for　you。〃

〃Full　of　misery　is　the　present；〃　cried　Philip；　angrily；　〃and　filled
with　despair　I　glance　at　the　future。　You　do　not　see　it　with　your
divine　eyes；　you　do　not　perceive　it；　poet　with　the　sympathetic　soul。
You；　too；　thought　that　Philip　Moritz　had　only　a　head　for　the
sciences；　and　forgot　that　he　had　a　heart　to　love。　I　tell　you　that　he
has　a　warm；　affectionate　heart；　torn　with　grief　and　all　the　tortures
of　jealousy；　that　disappointed　happiness　maddens　him。　I　was　not
created　to　be　happy；　and　my　whole　being　longs　for　happiness。　Oh！　I
would　willingly　give　my　life　for　one　day　by　the　side　of　the　one　I
love。〃

〃Do　not　trifle；〃　said　Goethe；　angrily。　〃He　who　has　striven　and
struggled　as　you　have；　dare　not　offer；　for　any　woman；　however
beautiful　and　seductive；　to　yield　his　life；　which　has　been　destined
to　a　higher　aim　than　mere　success　in　love。　Perhaps　you　think　that
God　has　infused　a　ray　of　His　intelligence　into　the　mind　of　man；
created　him　immortal；　and　breathed　upon　him　with　His　world…creating
breath　only；　to　make　him　happy；　and　find　that　happiness　in　love！　No！
my　friend；　God　has　given　to　man　like　faculties　with　Himself；　and
inspired　him；　that　he　might　be　a　worthy　representative　of　Him　upon
the　earth　；　that　he　should　prove；　in　his　life；　that　he　is　not　only
the　blossom；　but　the　fruit　also；　of　God's　creation。　Love　is　to　man
the　perfume　of　his　existence。　She　may　intoxicate　him　for　a　while；
may　inspire　him　to　poetical　effusions；　to　great　deeds；　even；　but　he
should　hesitate　to　let　her　become　his　mistress；　to　let　her　be　the
tyrant　of　his　existence。　If　she　would　enchain　him；　he　must　tear
himself　away；　even　if　he　tear　out　his　own　heart。　Man　possesses　that
which　is　more　ennobling　than　mere　feeling；　he　has　intellectsoul。〃

〃Ah！〃　cried　Moritz；　〃it　is　easy　to　see　that　you　have　never　loved
madly；　despairingly。　You　have　never　seen　the　woman　whom　you　adore；
and　who　perhaps　reciprocates　your　passion；　forced　to　marry　another。〃

A　shadow　flitted　over　Goethe's　brow；　and　the　flashing　brilliancy　of
his　eyes　was　changed　to　gloomy　sadness。　Gently；　but　quickly；　he　laid
his　hand　upon　Moritz's　shoulder；　saying：　〃In　this　hour；　when　two
souls　are　revealed　to　each　other；　will　I　acknowledge　to　you　that
which　I　have　never　spoken　of。　I；　too；　love　a　woman；　who　loves　me；
and　yet　can　never　be　mine；　for　she　is　married　to　another。　I　love
this　sweet　woman　as　I　have　never　loved　a　mortal　being。　For　years　my
existence　has　belonged　to　her；　she　has　been　the　centre　of　all　my
thoughts。　It　would　seem　to　me　as　if　the　earth　were　without　a　sun；
heaven　without　a　God；　if　she　should　vanish　from　life。　I　even　bless
the　torture　which　her　prudery；　her　alternate　coldness　and
friendliness　cause　me；　as　it　comes　from　her；　from　the　highest　bliss
of　feeling。　This　passion　has　swept　through　my　soul；　as　if　uniting　in
itself　all　my　youthful　loves；　till；　like　a　torrent；　ever　renewing
itself；　ever　moving　onward；　it　has　become　the　highway　of　my　future。
Upon　this　stream　floats　the　bark　laden　with　all　my　happiness；　fame；
and　poetry。　The　palaces　which　my　fancy　creates　rise　upon　its　shore。
Every　zephyr；　however　slight；　makes　me　tremble。　Every　cloud　which
overshadows　the　brow　of　my　beloved；　sweeps　like　a　tempest　over　my
own。　I　live　upon　her　smile。　A　kind　word　falling　from　her　lips　makes
me　happy　for