the awakening and selected short stories(苏醒)-第26部分
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feeling of freedom and independence。〃
〃What does your husband say？〃
〃I have not told him yet。 I only thought of it this morning。 He will
think I am demented； no doubt。 Perhaps you think so。〃
Mademoiselle shook her head slowly。 〃Your reason is not yet clear to
me；〃 she said。
Neither was it quite clear to Edna herself； but it unfolded itself as she
sat for a while in silence。 Instinct had prompted her to put away her
husband's bounty in casting off her allegiance。 She did not know how it
would be when he returned。 There would have to be an understanding；
an explanation。 Conditions would some way adjust themselves； she felt；
but whatever came； she had resolved never again to belong to another than
herself。
〃I shall give a grand dinner before I leave the old house！〃 Edna
exclaimed。 〃You will have to come to it； Mademoiselle。 I will give you
everything that you like to eat and to drink。 We shall sing and laugh and be
merry for once。〃 And she uttered a sigh that came from the very depths of
her being。
If Mademoiselle happened to have received a letter from Robert
during the interval of Edna's visits； she would give her the letter
unsolicited。 And she would seat herself at the piano and play as her
humor prompted her while the young woman read the letter。
The little stove was roaring； it was red…hot； and the chocolate in the tin
sizzled and sputtered。 Edna went forward and opened the stove door； and
Mademoiselle rising； took a letter from under the bust of Beethoven and
handed it to Edna。
〃Another！ so soon！〃 she exclaimed； her eyes filled with delight。 〃Tell
me； Mademoiselle； does he know that I see his letters？〃
〃Never in the world！ He would be angry and would never write to
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me again if he thought so。 Does he write to you？ Never a line。 Does he
send you a message？ Never a word。 It is because he loves you； poor
fool； and is trying to forget you； since you are not free to listen to him or
to belong to him。〃
〃Why do you show me his letters； then？〃
〃Haven't you begged for them？ Can I refuse you anything？ Oh！
you cannot deceive me；〃 and Mademoiselle approached her beloved
instrument and began to play。 Edna did not at once read the letter。 She
sat holding it in her hand； while the music penetrated her whole being like
an effulgence； warming and brightening the dark places of her soul。 It
prepared her for joy and exultation。
〃Oh！〃 she exclaimed； letting the letter fall to the floor。 〃Why did you
not tell me？〃 She went and grasped Mademoiselle's hands up from the
keys。 〃Oh！ unkind！ malicious！ Why did you not tell me？〃
〃That he was coming back？ No great news； ma foi。 I wonder he
did not come long ago。〃
〃But when； when？〃 cried Edna； impatiently。 〃He does not say when。〃
〃He says ‘very soon。' You know as much about it as I do； it is all in the
letter。〃
〃But why？ Why is he coming？ Oh； if I thought〃 and she snatched
the letter from the floor and turned the pages this way and that way；
looking for the reason； which was left untold。
〃If I were young and in love with a man；〃 said Mademoiselle； turning
on the stool and pressing her wiry hands between her knees as she looked
down at Edna； who sat on the floor holding the letter； 〃it seems to me he
would have to be some grand esprit； a man with lofty aims and ability to
reach them； one who stood high enough to attract the notice of his fellow…
men。 It seems to me if I were young and in love I should never deem a
man of ordinary caliber worthy of my devotion。〃
〃Now it is you who are telling lies and seeking to deceive me；
Mademoiselle； or else you have never been in love； and know nothing
about it。 Why；〃 went on Edna； clasping her knees and looking up into
Mademoiselle's twisted face； 〃do you suppose a woman knows why she
loves？ Does she select？ Does she say to herself： ‘Go to！ Here is a
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distinguished statesman with presidential possibilities； I shall proceed to
fall in love with him。' Or； ‘I shall set my heart upon this musician； whose
fame is on every tongue？' Or； ‘This financier； who controls the world's
money markets？'
〃You are purposely misunderstanding me； ma reine。 Are you in love
with Robert？〃
〃Yes；〃 said Edna。 It was the first time she had admitted it； and a glow
overspread her face； blotching it with red spots。
〃Why？〃 asked her companion。 〃Why do you love him when you
ought not to？〃
Edna； with a motion or two； dragged herself on her knees before
Mademoiselle Reisz； who took the glowing face between her two hands。
〃Why？ Because his hair is brown and grows away from his temples；
because he opens and shuts his eyes； and his nose is a little out of drawing；
because he has two lips and a square chin； and a little finger which he can't
straighten from having played baseball too energetically in his youth。
Because〃
〃Because you do； in short；〃 laughed Mademoiselle。 〃What will you
do when he comes back？〃 she asked。
〃Do？ Nothing； except feel glad and happy to be alive。〃
She was already glad and happy to be alive at the mere thought of his
return。 The murky； lowering sky； which had depressed her a few hours
before； seemed bracing and invigorating as she splashed through the
streets on her way home。
She stopped at a confectioner's and ordered a huge box of bonbons for
the children in Iberville。 She slipped a card in the box； on which she
scribbled a tender message and sent an abundance of kisses。
Before dinner in the evening Edna wrote a charming letter to her
husband； telling him of her intention to move for a while into the little
house around the block； and to give a farewell dinner before leaving；
regretting that he was not there to share it； to help out with the menu and
assist her in entertaining the guests。 Her letter was brilliant and brimming
with cheerfulness。
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XXVII
〃What is the matter with you？〃 asked Arobin that evening。 〃I never
found you in such a happy mood。〃 Edna was tired by that time； and was
reclining on the lounge before the fire。
〃Don't you know the weather prophet has told us we shall see the sun
pretty soon？〃
〃Well； that ought to be reason enough；〃 he acquiesced。 〃You
wouldn't give me another if I sat here all night imploring you。〃 He sat
close to her on a low tabouret； and as he spoke his fingers lightly touched
the hair that fell a little over her forehead。 She liked the touch of his
fingers through her hair； and closed her eyes sensitively。
〃One of these days；〃 she said； 〃I'm going to pull myself together for a
while and thinktry to determine what character of a woman I am； for；
candidly； I don't know。 By all the codes which I am acquainted with； I
am a devilishly wicked specimen of the sex。 But some way I can't
convince myself that I am。 I must think about it。〃
〃Don't。 What's the use？ Why should you bother thinking about it
when I can tell you what manner of woman you are。〃 His fingers strayed
occasionally down to her warm； smooth cheeks and firm chin； which was
growing a little full and double。
〃Oh； yes！ You will tell me that I am adorable； everything that is
captivating。 Spare yourself the effort。〃
〃No； I shan't tell you anything of the sort； though I shouldn't be lying if
I did。〃
〃Do you know Mademoiselle Reisz？〃 she asked irrelevantly。
〃The pianist？ I know her by sight。 I've heard her play。〃
〃She says queer things sometimes in a bantering way that you don't
notice at the time and you find yourself thinking about afterward。〃
〃For instance？〃 〃Well； for instance； when I left her to…day； she put
her arms around me and felt my shoulder blades； to see if my wings were
strong； she said。 ‘The bird that would soar above the level plain of
tradition and prejudice must have strong wings。 It is a sad spectacle to
see the weaklings bruised； exhausted； fluttering back to earth。' 〃Whither
would you soar？〃
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〃I'm not thinking of any extraordinary flights。 I only half
compreh
