the awakening and selected short stories(苏醒)-第33部分
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He had not said he would come back。 She had been with him； had heard
his voice and touched his hand。 But some way he had seemed nearer to
her off there in Mexico。
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XXXV
The morning was full of sunlight and hope。 Edna could see before
her no denialonly the promise of excessive joy。 She lay in bed awake；
with bright eyes full of speculation。 〃He loves you； poor fool。〃 If she
could but get that conviction firmly fixed in her mind； what mattered
about the rest？ She felt she had been childish and unwise the night
before in giving herself over to despondency。 She recapitulated the
motives which no doubt explained Robert's reserve。 They were not
insurmountable； they would not hold if he really loved her； they could not
hold against her own passion； which he must come to realize in time。
She pictured him going to his business that morning。 She even saw how
he was dressed； how he walked down one street； and turned the corner of
another； saw him bending over his desk； talking to people who entered the
office； going to his lunch； and perhaps watching for her on the street。 He
would come to her in the afternoon or evening； sit and roll his cigarette；
talk a little； and go away as he had done the night before。 But how
delicious it would be to have him there with her！ She would have no
regrets； nor seek to penetrate his reserve if he still chose to wear it。
Edna ate her breakfast only half dressed。 The maid brought her a
delicious printed scrawl from Raoul； expressing his love； asking her to
send him some bonbons； and telling her they had found that morning ten
tiny white pigs all lying in a row beside Lidie's big white pig。
A letter also came from her husband； saying he hoped to be back early
in March； and then they would get ready for that journey abroad which he
had promised her so long； which he felt now fully able to afford； he felt
able to travel as people should； without any thought of small economies
thanks to his recent speculations in Wall Street。
Much to her surprise she received a note from Arobin； written at
midnight from the club。 It was to say good morning to her； to hope she
had slept well； to assure her of his devotion； which he trusted she in some
faintest manner returned。
All these letters were pleasing to her。 She answered the children in a
cheerful frame of mind； promising them bonbons； and congratulating them
upon their happy find of the little pigs。
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She answered her husband with friendly evasiveness； not with any
fixed design to mislead him； only because all sense of reality had gone out
of her life； she had abandoned herself to Fate； and awaited the
consequences with indifference。
To Arobin's note she made no reply。 She put it under Celestine's
stove…lid。
Edna worked several hours with much spirit。 She saw no one but a
picture dealer； who asked her if it were true that she was going abroad to
study in Paris。
She said possibly she might； and he negotiated with her for some
Parisian studies to reach him in time for the holiday trade in December。
Robert did not come that day。 She was keenly disappointed。 He did
not come the following day； nor the next。 Each morning she awoke with
hope； and each night she was a prey to despondency。 She was tempted to
seek him out。 But far from yielding to the impulse； she avoided any
occasion which might throw her in his way。 She did not go to
Mademoiselle Reisz's nor pass by Madame Lebrun's； as she might have
done if he had still been in Mexico。
When Arobin； one night； urged her to drive with him； she wentout to
the lake； on the Shell Road。 His horses were full of mettle； and even a
little unmanageable。 She liked the rapid gait at which they spun along；
and the quick； sharp sound of the horses' hoofs on the hard road。 They
did not stop anywhere to eat or to drink。 Arobin was not needlessly
imprudent。 But they ate and they drank when they regained Edna's little
dining…roomwhich was comparatively early in the evening。
It was late when he left her。 It was getting to be more than a passing
whim with Arobin to see her and be with her。 He had detected the latent
sensuality； which unfolded under his delicate sense of her nature's
requirements like a torpid； torrid； sensitive blossom。
There was no despondency when she fell asleep that night； nor was
there hope when she awoke in the morning。
XXXVI
There was a garden out in the suburbs； a small； leafy corner； with a
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few green tables under the orange trees。 An old cat slept all day on the
stone step in the sun； and an old mulatresse slept her idle hours away in
her chair at the open window； till； some one happened to knock on one of
the green tables。 She had milk and cream cheese to sell； and bread and
butter。 There was no one who could make such excellent coffee or fry a
chicken so golden brown as she。
The place was too modest to attract the attention of people of fashion；
and so quiet as to have escaped the notice of those in search of pleasure
and dissipation。 Edna had discovered it accidentally one day when the
high…board gate stood ajar。 She caught sight of a little green table；
blotched with the checkered sunlight that filtered through the quivering
leaves overhead。 Within she had found the slumbering mulatresse； the
drowsy cat； and a glass of milk which reminded her of the milk she had
tasted in Iberville。
She often stopped there during her perambulations； sometimes taking a
book with her； and sitting an hour or two under the trees when she found
the place deserted。 Once or twice she took a quiet dinner there alone；
having instructed Celestine beforehand to prepare no dinner at home。 It
was the last place in the city where she would have expected to meet any
one she knew。
Still she was not astonished when； as she was partaking of a modest
dinner late in the afternoon； looking into an open book； stroking the cat；
which had made friends with hershe was not greatly astonished to see
Robert come in at the tall garden gate。
〃I am destined to see you only by accident；〃 she said； shoving the cat
off the chair beside her。 He was surprised； ill at ease； almost embarrassed
at meeting her thus so unexpectedly。
〃Do you come here often？〃 he asked。
〃I almost live here；〃 she said。
〃I used to drop in very often for a cup of Catiche's good coffee。 This
is the first time since I came back。〃
〃She'll bring you a plate； and you will share my dinner。 There's always
enough for twoeven three。〃 Edna had intended to be indifferent and as
reserved as he when she met him； she had reached the determination by a
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laborious train of reasoning； incident to one of her despondent moods。
But her resolve melted when she saw him before designing Providence
had led him into her path。
〃Why have you kept away from me； Robert？〃 she asked； closing the
book that lay open upon the table。
〃Why are you so personal； Mrs。 Pontellier？ Why do you force me to
idiotic subterfuges？〃 he exclaimed with sudden warmth。 〃I suppose
there's no use telling you I've been very busy； or that I've been sick； or that
I've been to see you and not found you at home。 Please let me off with
any one of these excuses。〃
〃You are the embodiment of selfishness；〃 she said。 〃You save
yourself somethingI don't know whatbut there is some selfish motive；
and in sparing yourself you never consider for a moment what I think； or
how I feel your neglect and indifference。 I suppose this is what you
would call unwomanly； but I have got into a habit of expressing myself。
It doesn't matter to me； and you may think me unwomanly if you like。〃
〃No； I only think you cruel； as I said the other day。 Maybe not
intentionally cruel； but you seem to be forcing me into disclosures which
can result in nothing； as if you would have me bare a wound for the
pleasure of looking at it； without the intention or power of healing it。〃
〃I'm spoiling your dinner； Robert； never mind what I say。
