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blossoms; drawing as many words and phrases as I could from each and writing them  
down。    
The U。S。 Air Force gave its Luitpol barracks over to the Hungarians; who promptly  
plastered their own signs right on top of the English signs on all the doors。 The door that  
once said “Doctor” suddenly said “Orvos。” The door that once said “Clothing” suddenly  
said “Ruha。” And so on。 It was easy to tell who among the Americans and Germans at  
Luitpol were genuine language lovers。 They were the ones who were not annoyed。    
The Hungarian relabelling of everything at Luitpol actually gave me my most  
explosive language learning thrill。 When I went searching for a men’s room; I found  
myself for the first time in my life not knowing where to go。 You don’t need Charles  
Berlitz to take you by the hand to the right one when the doors read “Mesdames” and  
“Messieurs;” “Damen” and “Herren;” “Se。oras” and “Se。ores;” or even the rural  
Norwegain “Kvinnor” and “Menn。”    
No such luck prevailed at Luitpol。 The two doors were labelled “N。。k” and  
“Férfiak。” I looked at those two words; trying not to let my language lover’s enthusiasm  
distract from the pragmatic need to decipher which one was which relatively soon。    
My thinking went like this。 The k at the end of both words probably just made them  
plural。 That left N。。 and Férfia; or possibly Férfi。 Something came to me。 I remembered  
reading that Hungarian was not originally a European language。 It had been in Asia。 The  
Chinese word for “woman”; “lady”; or anything female was n。 – not no and not nu; but  
that precise umlaut sound that two dots over anything foreign almost always represents。  
(I lose patience with language textbooks that spend a page and a half telling you to purse  
your lips as though you’re going to say oo as in “rude” and then tell you instead to say ee  
as in “tree。” If you simply say the e sound in “nervous” or “Gertrude;” you’ll be close  
enough。    
Following that hunch I entered the door marked “F。rfiak。” The joy that came next  
should arise in tabernacles; not men’s rooms。 To my satisfaction and relief I walked in  
and found five or six other férfiak inside!    
 
Back in America I went looking for some books and records (there were no cassette  
tapes in those days) to help me in Hungarian。 There were none。 Communist rule has so  
completely cut Hungary off from the West that when you went looking for a Hungarian  
book; the shelves of even the biggest bookstores leapfrogged Hungarian; jumping right  
from Hebrew to Indonesian。 There was one Hungarian…English phrase book published by  
a New York Hungarian delicatessen and general store named Paprikas Weiss。 To  
accommodate the wave of Hungarian immigrants who had come to America in the  
1930’s; they had published their own little phrase book; which was distinguished by its  
utter failure to offer a single phrase of any practical use whatsoever to those of us  
working with the refugees。 It was loaded with sentences like Almomban egy bet。。r。。vel  
viaskodtom;” which means; “In my dream I had a fight with a burglar”!    
Finally; like supplies that lag far behind the need for them in wartime; some decent  
English…Hungarian/Hungarian…English dictionaries arrived – no grammar books yet; just  
dictionaries。 An explorer named Vilhjalmur Stefansson went to Greenland one time and  
proved you could live for eighteen months on nothing but meat。 I proved it was possible;  
with nothing but that dictionary; to resettle half a dozen Hungarian refugees who spoke  
no English at all in Greensboro; North Carolina; to care for all their needs; and have a  
good deal of fun without one single bit of grammar!    
Hungarian has one of the most complex grammars in the world; but grammar is like  
classical music and good table manners。 It’s perfectly possible to live without either if  
you’re willing to shock strangers; scare children; and be viewed by the world as a  
rampaging boor。 We had no choice。 Hungarians had to be talked to about homes; jobs;  
training; money; driver’s licenses; and the education of their children。    
“Tomorrow we’ll go to the butcher’s;” for instance; had to do without the thirty… 
nine grammatical inflections a Hungarian sentence of that length would properly entail。  
We did it with nothing but the translation of essential words: “Tomorrow go meat  
fellow。” “A charitable woman is coming by to help you with your furniture needs”  
became “Nice lady come soon give tables chairs。”    
I learned Hungarian fluently – and badly。 Many years later I decided to return to  
Hungarian and learn it properly and grammatically。 It’s a little like being back in Latin  
class; but this time I have a much better attitude。         
New Friends         
For the next thirty…five years I stood my ground and resisted taking up any new language。  
The languages I’d studied up to that point included Spanish; French; Italian; German;  
Portugese; Dutch; Norwegian; Danish; Swedish; Russian; Serbo…Croatian; Chinese  
(Mandarin dialect); Indonesian; Hungarian; Finnish; Yiddish and Hebrew。 I happily  
applied myself to building competence in those languages and turning a deaf ear to all  
others。    
It was tempting to tackle Greek; so many Greeks I could have practiced with were  
popping up in my daily travels; but I clung to my policy of “No more languages; thank  
you!” That policy was misguided; in fact; swine headed。 I was like the waiter standing  
there with arms folded who gets asked by a diner if he knows what time it is and  
brusquely replies “Sorry。 That’s not my table!”    
 
I could have easily and profitably picked up a few words and phrases every time I  
went to the Greek coffee shop and in the process learned another major language。 But I  
didn’t。 In the 1980’s immigrants to New York; where I lived; began to pour in from  
unaccustomed corners of the world; adding languages like Hindi; Urdu; Punjabi; Farsi;  
Bengali; Pashtu; Twi; Fanti; Wollof; Albanian; and Dagumbi to our already rich  
inventory of Spanish; Chinese; Italian; Yiddish; Portugese; Greek; Polish; and Hebrew。 I  
abandoned the policy。 Now I want to learn them all – not completely; just enough to  
delight the heart of an Indian or African cab driver who never before in his entire life met  
an American who tried to learn his language。    
                                                             
P A R T T W O              
The System    
                          
Do as I Now Say;    
Not as I Then Did                   
A wise man once said; “I wish I had all the time I’ve ever wasted; so I could waste it all  
over again。” Others may look at me and see someone who can; indeed; carry on a  
creditable conversation in about eighteen languages。 I’m the only one who knows how  
much of my language learning time has been wasted; how little I’ve got to show for all  
those years of study; considering the huge hunks of time I’ve put into it。 In fact; I feel  
like one of those hardened convicts who’s occasionally let out of jail under armed guard  
to lecture the sophomore class on the importance of going straight。    
If I had to do it all over again; I wouldn’t do it at all the way I did then。 I’d do it the  
way I’m doing it now; the way I will detail in this book。 It’s the way I’ve finally grown  
into and the way I hope you will proceed in order to get the absolute most out of your  
language learning dollar and your language learning minute。    
Here are some of the myths I held dear in the years when I thought I knew how to  
study languages; myths I now want to trample before you get the slightest bit seduced by  
them。         
I’ll put on my language cassettes while I work around the house and learn the  
language as easily as I learn the lyrics to popular songs。    
Great image。 It just doesn’t work。 You can’t just push a button and let the language  
you want to learn roll over you。 Expecting to learn a language by laid back listening is  
like expecting to build a magnificent body by going to the gym; sitting in the steam room;  
chugging a glass of carrot juice; and then bragging about your “workout!”    
You’re going to have to study the material on that cassette; capture every word;  
learn it; review it; master it; and then check challenge yourself after every piece of  
English。 (We’ll consider a “piece” to be whatever the speaker on the cassette says in  
English before you hear the target language。 It may be a word; a phrase; a whole  
sentence。)    
Abandon all images of language learning that resemble lying on a tropical beach  
and letting the warm surf splash over you。 Pretend; instead; as you listen to your cassette;    
 
that you’re a contestant on a TV game show。 After each piece of English; ask yourself;  
“For one thousand dollars now; quick; how do I say that in the language I’m trying to  
learn?”         
Since I’m not in school anymore; time isn’t important。 I’ll take my time; skip a day;  
skip two days; the language will still be there when I get back to it。    
Spoken like a true linguaphony。 A language has a lot in common with a military  
foe。 Don’t let it rest。 Don’t let it regroup and devise fresh ways to foil your attack。 Keep  
up the rhythm of your offensive。 Keep your momentum going。 (This is only an  
illustration of tactics; of course; no language is an enemy。) A programme that features  
disciplined effort will convince you that you’re serious and generate fresh inspiration and  
energy。         
The chapter I’m studying now is hard and probably not too important。 I’ll skip it  
and get back to it later on。    
That’s a giant killer。 The declension of the numbers in Russian。 The subjunctive in  
the Romance languages。 The double infinitive in German。 The enclitics in Serbo… 
Croatian。 The noun cases in Finnish。 Almost every language has formidable mountains to  
climb。 Don’t walk around them。 Climb them! Take one step at a time。 Just be careful  
never to surrender to the temptation to beg off the hard stuff and learn only those parts 

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