the dwelling place of ligh-第40部分

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independence。　　And　while　her　suspicion　of　Hannah's　anxiety　troubled　her；
on　the　occasions　when　she　thought　of　it；　Lise's　attitude　disturbed　her
even　more。　　From　Lise　she　had　been　prepared　for　suspicion；　arraignment；
ridicule。　　What　a　vindication　if　it　were　disclosed　that　she；　Janet；　had　a
loverand　that　lover　Ditmar！　　But　Lise　said　nothing。　　She　was　remote；
self…absorbed。　　Hannah　spoke　about　it　on　the　evenings　Janet　stayed　at
home。

She　would　not　consent　to　meet　Ditmar　every　evening。　　Yet；　as　the　days
succeeded　one　another；　Janet　was　often　astonished　by　the　fact　that　their
love　remained　apparently　unsuspected　by　Mr。　Price　and　Caldwell　and　others
in　the　office。　　They　must　have　noticed；　on　some　occasions；　the　manner　in
which　Ditmar　looked　at　her；　and　in　business　hours　she　had　continually　to
caution　him；　to　keep　him　in　check。　　Again；　on　the　evening　excursions　to
which　she　consented；　though　they　were　careful　to　meet　in　unfrequented
spots；　someone　might　easily　have　recognized　him；　and　she　did　not　like　to
ponder　over　the　number　of　young　women　in　the　other　offices　who　knew　her
by　sight。　　These　reflections　weighed　upon　her；　particularly　when　she
seemed　conscious　of　curious　glances。　　But　what　caused　her　the　most
concern　was　the　constantly　recurring　pressure　to　which　Ditmar　himself
subjected　her；　and　which；　as　time　went　on；　she　found　increasingly
difficult　to　resist。　　He　tried　to　take　her　by　storm；　and　when　this　method
failed；　resorted　to　pleadings　and　supplications　even　harder　to　deny
because　of　the　innate　feminine　pity　she　felt　for　him。　　To　recount　these
affairs　would　be　a　mere　repetition　of　identical　occurrences。　　On　their
second　Sunday　excursion　he　had　actually　driven　her；　despite　her
opposition；　several　miles　on　the　Boston　road；　and　her　resistance　only
served　to　inflame　him　the　more。　　It　seemed；　afterwards；　as　she　sat
unnerved；　a　miracle　that　she　had　stopped　him。　　Then　came　reproaches：　she
would　not　trust　him；　they　could　not　be　married　at　once；　she　must
understand　that！an　argument　so　repugnant　as　to　cause　her　to　shake　with
sobs　of　inarticulate　anger。　　After　this　he　would　grow　bewildered；　then
repentant；　then　contrite。　　In　contritionhad　he　known　ithe　was　nearest
to　victory。

As　has　been　said；　she　did　not　intellectualize　her　reasons；　but　the　core
of　her　resistance　was　the　very　essence　of　an　individuality　having　its
roots　in　a　self…respecting　and　self…controlling　inheritancean　element
wanting　in　her　sister　Lise。　　It　must　have　been　largely　the　thought　of
Lise；　the　spectacle　of　Liseoften　perhaps　unconsciously　present　that
dominated　her　conduct；　yet　reinforcing　such　an　ancestral　sentiment　was
another；　environmental　and　more　complicated；　the　result　in　our　modern
atmosphere　of　an　undefined　feminism　apt　to　reveal　itself　in　many
undesirable　ways；　but　which　in　reality　is　a　logical　projection　of　the
American　tradition　of　liberty。　　To　submit　was　not　only　to　lose　her
liberty；　to　become　a　dependent；　but　also　and　inevitably；　she　thought；　to
lose　Ditmar's　love。。。。

No　experience；　however；　is　emotionally　continuous；　nor　was　their　intimacy
by　any　means　wholly　on　this　plane　of　conflict。　　There　were　hours　when；
Ditmar's　passion　leaving　spent　itself；　they　achieved　comradeship；　in　the
office　and　out　of　it；　revelations　for　Janet　when　he　talked　of　himself；
relating　the　little　incidents　she　found　most　illuminating。　　And　thus　by
degrees　she　was　able　to　build　up　a　new　and　truer　estimate　of　him。　　For
example；　she　began　to　perceive　that　his　life　outside　of　his　interest　in
the　mills；　instead　of　being　the　romance　of　privileged　joys　she　had　once
imagined；　had　been　almost　as　empty　as　her　own；　without　either　unity　or
direction。　　Her　perception　was　none　the　less　keen　because　definite　terms
were　wanting　for　its　expression。　　The　idea　of　him　that　first　had
captivated　her　was　that　of　an　energized　and　focussed　character
controlling　with　a　sure　hand　the　fortunes　of　a　great　organization；　of　a
power　in　the　city　and　state；　of　a　being　who；　in　his　leisure　moments；
dwelt　in　a　delectable　realm　from　which　she　was　excluded。　　She　was　still
acutely　conscious　of　his　force；　but　what　she　now　felt　was　its　lack　of
directionsave　for　the　portion　that　drove　the　Chippering　Mills。　　The
rest　of　it；　like　the　river；　flowed　away　on　the　line　of　least　resistance
to　the　sea。

As　was　quite　natural；　this　gradual　discovery　of　what　he　wasor　of　what
he　wasn'tthis　truer　estimate；　this　partial　disillusionment；　merely
served　to　deepen　and　intensify　the　feeling　he　had　aroused　in　her；　to
heighten；　likewise；　the　sense　of　her　own　value　by　confirming　a　belief　in
her　possession　of　certain　qualities；　of　a　kind　of　fibre　he　needed　in　a
helpmate。　　She　dwelt　with　a　woman's　fascination　upon　the　prospect　of
exercising　a　creative　influenceeven　while　she　acknowledged　the　fearful
possibility　of　his　power　in　unguarded　moments　to　overwhelm　and　destroy
her。　　Here　was　another　incentive　to　resist　the　gusts　of　his　passion。　　She
could　guide　and　develop　him　by　helping　and　improving　herself。　　Hope　and
ambition　throbbed　within　her；　she　felt　a　contempt　for　his　wife；　for　the
women　who　had　been　her　predecessors。　　He　had　not　spoken　of　these；　save
once　or　twice　by　implication；　but　with　what　may　seem　a　surprising
leniency　she　regarded　them　as　consequences　of　a　life　lacking　in　content。
If　only　she　could　keep　her　head；　she　might　supply　that　content；　and　bring
him　happiness！　　The　thought　of　his　children　troubled　her　most；　but　she
was　quick　to　perceive　that　he　got　nothing　from　them；　and　even　though　it
were　partly　his　own　fault；　she　was　inclined　to　lay　the　heavier　blame　on
the　woman　who　had　been　their　mother。　　The　triviality；　the　emptiness　of
his　existence　outside　of　the　walls　of　the　mill　made　her　heart　beat　with
pure　pity。　　For　she　could　understand　it。

One　of　the　many；　and　often　humorous；　incidents　that　served　to　bring　about
this　realization　of　a　former　aimlessness　happened　on　their　second　Sunday
excursion。　　This　time　he　had　not　chosen　the　Kingsbury　Tavern；　but　another
automobilists'　haunt；　an　enlightening　indication　of　established　habits
involving　a　wide　choice　of　resorts。　　While　he　was　paying　for　luncheon　and
chatting　with　the　proprietor；　Ditmar　snatched　from　the　change　he　had
flung　down　on　the　counter　a　five　dollar　gold　coin。

〃Now　how　in　thunder　did　that　get　into　my　right…hand　pocket？　　I　always
keep　it　in　my　vest；〃　he　exclaimed；　and　the　matter　continued　to　disturb
him　after　they　were　in　the　automobile。　　〃It's　my　lucky　piece。　　I　guess　I
was　so　excited　at　the　prospect　of　seeing　you　when　I　dressed　this　morning
I　put　it　into　my　change。　　Just　see　what　you　do　to　me！〃

〃Does　it　bring　you　luck？〃　she　inquired　smilingly。

〃How　about　you！　　I　call　you　the　biggest　piece　of　luck　I　ever　had。〃

〃You'd　better　not　be　too　sure；〃　she　warned　him。

〃Oh；　I'm　not　worrying。　　I　has　that　piece　in　my　pocket　the　day　I　went　down
to　see　old　Stephen　Chippering；　when　he　made　me　agent；　and　I've　kept　it
ever　since。　　And　I'll　tell　you　a　funny　thingit's　enough　to　make　any　man
believe　in　luck。　　Do　you　remember　that　day　last　summer　I　was　tinkering
with　the　car　by　the　canal　and　you　came　along？〃

〃The　day　you　pretended　to　be　tinkering；〃　she　corrected　him。

He　laughed。　　〃So　you　were　on　to　me？〃　he　said。　　〃You're　a　foxy　one！〃

〃Anyone　could　see　you　were　only　pretending。　　It　made　me　angry；　when　I
thought　of　it　afterwards。〃

〃I　just　had　to　do　itI　wanted　to　talk　to　you。　　But　listen　to　what　I'm
going　to　tell　you！　　It's　a　miracle；　all　right；happening　just　at　that
timethat　very　morning。　　I　was　coming　back　to　Boston　from　New　York　on
the　midnight；　and　when　the　train　ran　into　Back　Bay　and　I　was　putting　on
my　trousers　the　piece　rolled　out　among　the　bed　clothes。　　I　didn't　know
I'd　lost　it　until　I　sat　down　in　the　Parker　House　to　eat　my　breakfast；　and
I　suddenly　felt　in　my　pocket。　　It　made　me　sick　to　think　it　was　gone。
Well；　I　started　to　telephone　the　Pullman　office；　and　then　I　made　up　my
mind　I'd　take　a　taxi　and　go　down　to　the　South　Station　myself；　and　just　as
I　got　out　of　the　cab　there　was　the　nigger　porter；　all　dressed　up　in　his
glad　rags；　coming　out　of　the　station！　　I　knew　him；　I'd　been　on　his　car
lots　of　times。　　‘Say；　George；'　I　said；　‘I　didn't　forget　you　this　morning；
did　I？'

〃‘No；　suh；'　said　George；　'you　done　give　me　a　quarter。'

〃‘I　guess　you're　mistaken；　George；'　says　I；　and　I　fished　out　a　ten　dollar
bill。　　You　ought　to　have　seen　that　nigger's　eyes。〃

〃‘What's　this　for；　Mister　Ditmar？'　says　he。

〃‘For　that　lucky　gold　piece　you　found　in　lower　seven；'　I　told　him。
‘We'll　trade。'

〃‘Was　you　in　lower　seven？　so　you　was！'　says　George。　　Well；　he　had　it
all　rightyou　bet　he　had　it。　　Now　wasn't　that　queer？　　The　very　day　you
and　I　began　to　know　each　other！〃

〃Wonderful！〃　Janet　agreed。　　〃Why　don't　you　put　it　on　your　watch　chain？〃

〃Well；　I've　thought　of　that；〃　he　replied；　with　the　air　of　having
considered　all　sides　of　the　matter。　　〃But　I've　got　that　charm　of　the
secret　order　I　belong　tothat's　on　my　chain。　　I　guess　I'll　keep　it　in　my
vest　pocket。〃

〃I　didn't　know　you　were　so　superstitious；〃　she　mocked。

〃Pretty　nearly　everybody's　superstitious；〃　he　declared。　　And　she　thought
of　Lise。

〃I'm　not。　　I　believe　if　things　are　going　to　happen　well；　they're　going　to
happen。　　Nothing　can　prevent　it。〃

〃By　thunder〃　he　exclaimed；　struck　by　her　remark。　　〃You　are　like　that
You're　different　from　any　person　I　ever　knew。。。。〃

From　such　anecdotes　she　pieced　together　her　new　Ditmar。　　He　spoke　of　a
large　world　she　had　never　seen；　of　New　York　and　Washington　and　Chicago；
where　he　intended　to　take　her。　　In　the　future　he　would　never　travel
alone。　　And　he　told　her　of　his　having　been　a　delegate　to　the　last
National　Republican　Convention；　explaining　what　a　delegate　was。　　He
gloried　in　her　innocence；　and　it　was　pleasant　to　dazzle　her　with
impressions　of　his　cosmopolitanism。　　In　this；　perhaps；　he　was　not　quite
so　successful　as　he　imagined；　but　her　eyes　shone。　　She　had　never　even
been　in　a　sleeping　car！　　For　her　delectation　he　launched　into　an
enthusiastic　description　of　these　vehicles；　of　palatial　compartment　cars；
of　limited；　transcontinental　trains；　where　one　had　a　stenographer　and　a
barber　at　one's　disposal。

〃Neither　of　them　would　do　me　any　good；〃　she　complaine