the egoist-第12部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


he　said。

〃I　think　I　would　rather　stay　at　home；〃　said　she。

Dr　Middleton　rejoined：　〃I　would。〃

〃But　I　am　not　married　yet　papa。〃

〃As　good；　my　dear。〃

〃A　little　change　of　scene；　I　thought　。。。〃

〃We　have　accepted　Willoughby's　invitation。　And　he　helps
me　to　a　house　near　you。〃

〃You　wish　to　be　near　me；　papa？〃

〃Proximateat　a　remove：　communicable。〃

〃Why　should　we　separate？〃

〃For　the　reason；　my　dear；　that　you　exchange　a　father　for　a
husband。〃

〃If　I　do　not　want　to　exchange？〃

〃To　purchase；　you　must　pay；　my　child。　Husbands　are　not
given　for　nothing。〃

〃No。　But　I　should　have　you；　papa！〃

〃Should？〃

〃They　have　not　yet　parted　us；　dear　papa。〃

〃What　does　that　mean？〃　he　asked；　fussily。　He　was　in　a　gentle　stew
already；　apprehensive　of　a　disturbance　of　the　serenity　precious　to
scholars　by　postponements　of　the　ceremony　and　a　prolongation　of　a
father's　worries。

〃Oh；　the　common　meaning；　papa；〃　she　said；　seeing　how　it　was　with
him。

〃Ah！〃　said　he；　nodding　and　blinking　gradually　back　to　a　state　of
composure；　glad　to　be　appeased　on　any　terms；　for　mutability　is　but
another　name　for　the　sex；　and　it　is　the　enemy　of　the　scholar。

She　suggested　that　two　weeks　of　Patterne　would　offer　plenty　of
time　to　inspect　the　empty　houses　of　the　district；　and　should　be
sufficient；　considering　the　claims　of　friends；　and　the　necessity
of　going　the　round　of　London　shops。

〃Two　or　three　weeks；〃　he　agreed；　hurriedly；　by　way　of　compromise　
with　that　fearful　prospect。


CHAPTER　VII

The　Betrothed

During　the　drive　from　Upton　to　Patterne；　Miss　Middleton　hoped；　she
partly　believed；　that　there　was　to　be　a　change　in　Sir　Willoughby's
manner　of　courtship。　He　had　been　so　different　a　wooer。　She
remembered　with　some　half…conscious　desperation　of　fervour　what
she　had　thought　of　him　at　his　first　approaches；　and　in　accepting
him。　Had　she　seen　him　with　the　eyes　of　the　world；　thinking　they
were　her　own？　That　look　of　his；　the　look　of　〃indignant
contentment〃；　had　then　been　a　most　noble　conquering　look；　splendid
as　a　general's　plume　at　the　gallop。　It　could　not　have　altered。　Was
it　that　her　eyes　had　altered？

The　spirit　of　those　days　rose　up　within　her　to　reproach；　her　and
whisper　of　their　renewal：　she　remembered　her　rosy　dreams　and　the
image　she　had　of　him；　her　throbbing　pride　in　him；　her　choking
richness　of　happiness：　and　also　her　vain　attempting　to　be　very
humble；　usually　ending　in　a　carol；　quaint　to　think　of；　not　without
charm；　but　quaint；　puzzling。

Now　men　whose　incomes　have　been　restricted　to　the　extent
that　they　must　live　on　their　capital；　soon　grow　relieved　of　the
forethoughtful　anguish　wasting　them　by　the　hilarious　comforts　
of　the　lap　upon　which　they　have　sunk　back；　insomuch
that　they　are　apt　to　solace　themselves　for　their　intolerable
anticipations　of　famine　in　the　household　by　giving　loose　to
one　fit　or　more　of　reckless　lavishness。　Lovers　in　like　manner
live　on　their　capital　from　failure　of　income：　they；　too；　for　the
sake　of　stifling　apprehension　and　piping　to　the　present　hour；
are　lavish　of　their　stock；　so　as　rapidly　to　attenuate　it：　they　have
their　fits　of　intoxication　in　view　of　coming　famine：　they　force
memory　into　play；　love　retrospectively；　enter　the　old　house　of
the　past　and　ravage　the　larder；　and　would　gladly；　even　resolutely；　
continue　in　illusion　if　it　were　possible　for　the　broadest
honey…store　of　reminiscences　to　hold　out　for　a　length　of　time
against　a　mortal　appetite：　which　in　good　sooth　stands　on　the
alternative　of　a　consumption　of　the　hive　or　of　the　creature　it
is　for　nourishing。　Here　do　lovers　show　that　they　are　perishable。　
More　than　the　poor　clay　world　they　need　fresh　supplies；
right　wholesome　juices；　as　it　were；　life　in　the　burst　of　the　bud；
fruits　yet　on　the　tree；　rather　than　potted　provender。　The　latter
is　excellent　for　by…and…by；　when　there　will　be　a　vast　deal
more　to　remember；　and　appetite　shall　have　but　one　tooth
remaining。　Should　their　minds　perchance　have　been　saturated
by　their　first　impressions　and　have　retained　them；　loving　by
the　accountable　light　of　reason；　they　may　have　fair　harvests；
as　in　the　early　time；　but　that　case　is　rare。　In　other　words；　love
is　an　affair　of　two；　and　is　only　for　two　that　can　be　as　quick；
as　constant　in　intercommunication　as　are　sun　and　earth；　through
the　cloud　or　face　to　face。　They　take　their　breath　of　life　from
one　another　in　signs　of　affection；　proofs　of　faithfulness；
incentives　to　admiration。　Thus　it　is　with　men　and　women　in
love's　good　season。　But　a　solitary　soul　dragging　a　log　must
make　the　log　a　God　to　rejoice　in　the　burden。　That　is　not　love。

Clara　was　the　least　fitted　of　all　women　to　drag　a　log。　Few　girls
would　be　so　rapid　in　exhausting　capital。　She　was　feminine　indeed；
but　she　wanted　comradeship；　a　living　and　frank　exchange　of　the
best　in　both；　with　the　deeper　feelings　untroubled。　To　be　fixed　at
the　mouth　of　a　mine；　and　to　have　to　descend　it　daily；　and　not　to
discover　great　opulence　below；　on　the　contrary；　to　be　chilled　in
subterranean　sunlessness；　without　any　substantial　quality　that　she
could　grasp；　only　the　mystery　of　the　inefficient　tallow…light　in
those　caverns　of　the　complacent…talking　man：　this　appeared　to　her
too　extreme　a　probation　for　two　or　three　weeks。　How　of　a　lifetime
of　it！

She　was　compelled　by　her　nature　to　hope；　expect　and　believe　that
Sir　Willoughby　would　again　be　the　man　she　had　known　when　she
accepted　him。　Very　singularly；　to　show　her　simple　spirit　at　the
time；　she　was　unaware　of　any　physical　coldness　to　him；　she　knew　of
nothing　but　her　mind　at　work；　objecting　to　this　and　that；　desiring
changes。　She　did　not　dream　of　being　on　the　giddy　ridge　of　the
passive　or　negative　sentiment　of　love；　where　one　step　to　the　wrong
side　precipitates　us　into　the　state　of　repulsion。

Her　eyes　were　lively　at　their　meetingso　were　his。　She　liked　to
see　him　on　the　steps；　with　young　Crossjay　under　his　arm。　Sir
Willoughby　told　her　in　his　pleasantest　humour　of　the　boy's　having
got　into　the　laboratory　that　morning　to　escape　his　task…master；
and　blown　out　the　windows。　She　administered　a　chiding　to　the
delinquent　in　the　same　spirit；　while　Sir　Willoughby　led　her　on　his
arm　across　the　threshold；　whispering：　〃Soon　for　good！〃　In　reply
to　the　whisper；　she　begged　for　more　of　the　story　of　young
Crossjay。　〃Come　into　the　laboratory：　said　he；　a　little　less
laughingly　than　softly；　and　Clara　begged　her　father　to　come　and
see　young　Crossjay's　latest　pranks。　Sir　Willoughby　whispered　to
her　of　the　length　of　their　separation；　and　his　joy　to　welcome　her
to　the　house　where　she　would　reign　as　mistress　very　won。　He
numbered　the　weeks。　He　whispered：　〃Come。〃　In　the　hurry　of　the
moment　she　did　not　examine　a　lightning　terror　that　shot　through
her。　It　passed；　and　was　no　more　than　the　shadow　which　bends　the
summer　grasses；　leaving　a　ruffle　of　her　ideas；　in　wonder　of　her
having　feared　herself　for　something。　Her　father　was　with　them。
She　and　Willoughby　were　not　yet　alone。

Young　Crossjay　had　not　accomplished　so　fine　a　piece　of　destruction
as　Sir　Willoughby's　humour　proclaimed　of　him。　He　had　connected　a
battery　with　a　train　of　gunpowder；　shattering　a　window…frame　and
unsettling　some　bricks。　Dr。　Middleton　asked　if　the　youth　was
excluded　from　the　library；　and　rejoiced　to　hear　that　it　was　a
sealed　door　to　him。　Thither　they　went。　Vernon　Whitford　was　away
on　one　of　his　long　walks。

〃There；　papa；　you　see　he　is　not　so　very　faithful　to　you；〃　said
Clara。

Dr　Middleton　stood　frowning　over　MS　notes　on　the　table；　in
Vernon's　handwriting。　He　flung　up　the　hair　from　his　forehead　and
dropped　into　a　seat　to　inspect　them　closely。　He　was　now
immoveable。　Clara　was　obliged　to　leave　him　there。　She　was　led　to
think　that　Willoughby　had　drawn　them　to　the　library　with　the
design　to　be　rid　of　her　protector；　and　she　began　to　fear　him。　She
proposed　to　pay　her　respects　to　the　ladies　Eleanor　and　Isabel。
They　were　not　seen；　and　a　footman　reported　in　the　drawing…room
that　they　were　out　driving。　She　grasped　young　Crossjay's　hand。　Sir
Willoughby　dispatched　him　to　Mrs。　Montague；　the　housekeeper；　for　a
tea　of　cakes　and　jam。

〃Off！〃　he　said；　and　the　boy　had　to　run。

Clara　saw　herself　without　a　shield。

〃And　the　garden！〃　she　cried。　〃I　love　the　garden；　I　must　go　and　see
what　flowers　are　up　with　you。　In　spring　I　care　most　for　wild
flowers；　and　if　you　will　show　me　daffodils　and　crocuses　and
anemones　。　。　。〃

〃My　dearest　Clara！　my　bride！〃　said　he。

〃Because　they　are　vulgar　flowers？〃　she　asked　him；　artlessly；
to　account　for　his　detaining　her。

Why　would　he　not　wait　to　deserve　her！no；　not　deserveto
reconcile　her　with　her　real　position；　not　reconcile；　but　to　repair
the　image　of　him　in　her　mind；　before　he　claimed　his　apparent
right！

He　did　not　wait。　He　pressed　her　to　his　bosom。

〃You　are　mine；　my　Clarautterly　mine；　every　thought；　every
feeling。　We　are　one：　the　world　may　do　its　worst。　I　have　been
longing　for　you；　looking　forward。　You　save　me　from　a　thousand
vexations。　One　is　perpetually　crossed。　That　is　all　outside　us。　We
two！　With　you　I　am　secure！　Soon！　I　could　not　tell　you　whether　the
world's　alive　or　dead。　My　dearest！〃

She　came　out　of　it　with　the　sensations　of　the　frightened　child
that　has　had　its　dip　in　sea…water；　sharpened　to　think　that　after
all　it　was　not　so　severe　a　trial。　Such　was　her　idea；　and　she　said
to　herself　immediately：　What　am　I　that　I　should　complain？　Two
minutes　earlier　she　would　not　have　thought　it；　but　humiliated
pride　falls　lower　than　humbleness。

She　did　not　blame　him；　she　fell　in　her　own　esteem；　less　because　
she　was　the　betrothed　Clara　Middleton；　which　was　now　palpable　as　a
shot　in　the　breast　of　a　bird；　than　that　she　was　a　captured　woman；
of　whom　it　is　absolutely　expected　that　she　must　submit；　and　when
she　would　rather　be　gazing　at　flowers。　Clara　had　shame　of　her
sex。　They　cannot　take　a　step　without　becoming　bondwomen：　into　what
a　slavery！　For　herself；　her　trial　was　over；　she　thought。　As　for
herself；　she　merely　complained　of　a　prematureness　and　crudity
best　unanalyzed。　In　truth；　she　could　hardly　be　said　to　complain。
She　did　but　criticize　him　and　wonder　that　a　man　was　unable　to
perceive；　or　was　not　arrested　by　perceiving；　unwillingness；
discordance；　dull　compliance；　the