the egoist-第20部分

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leaves。　She　is　at　present　awaiting　the　arrival　of　a　cousin　to
attend　on　her　father。　A　little　gentle　pushing　will　precipitate　old
Vernon　on　his　knees　as　far　as　he　ever　can　unbend　them；　but　when　a
lady　is　made　ready　to　expect　a　declaration；　you　know；　why；　she
does　notdoes　she？demand　the　entire　formula？though　some
beautiful　fortresses　。　。　。〃

He　enfolded　her。　Clara　was　growing　hardened　to　it。　To　this　she　was
fated；　and　not　seeing　any　way　to　escape；　she　invoked　a　friendly
frost　to　strike　her　blood；　and　passed　through　the　minute
unfeelingly。　Having　passed　it；　she　reproached　herself　for　making
so　much　of　it；　thinking　it　a　lesser　endurance　than　to　listen　to
him。　What　could　she　do？she　was　caged；　by　her　word　of　honour；　as
she　at　one　time　thought；　by　her　cowardice；　at　another；　and　dimly
sensible　that　the　latter　was　a　stronger　lock　than　the　former；　she
mused　on　the　abstract　question　whether　a　woman's　cowardice　can　be
so　absolute　as　to　cast　her　into　the　jaws　of　her　aversion。　Is　it　to
be　conceived？　Is　there　not　a　moment　when　it　stands　at　bay？　But
haggard…visaged　Honour　then　starts　up　claiming　to　be　dealt　with　in
turn；　for　having　courage　restored　to　her；　she　must　have　the
courage　to　break　with　honour；　she　must　dare　to　be　faithless；　and
not　merely　say；　I　will　be　brave；　but　be　brave　enough　to　be
dishonourable。　The　cage　of　a　plighted　woman　hungering　for　her
disengagement　has　two　keepers；　a　noble　and　a　vile；　where　on　earth
is　creature　so　dreadfully　enclosed？　It　lies　with　her　to　overcome
what　degrades　her；　that　she　may　win　to　liberty　by　overcoming　what
exalts。

Contemplating　her　situation；　this　idea　（or　vapour　of　youth　taking
the　god…like　semblance　of　an　idea）　sprang；　born　of　her　present
sickness；　in　Clara's　mind；　that　it　must　be　an　ill…constructed　
tumbling　world　where　the　hour　of　ignorance　is　made　the　creator　of
our　destiny　by　being　forced　to　the　decisive　elections　upon　which
life's　main　issues　hang。　Her　teacher　had　brought　her　to
contemplate　his　view　of　the　world。

She　thought　likewise：　how　must　a　man　despise　women；　who　can　expose
himself　as　he　does　to　me！

Miss　Middleton　owed　it　to　Sir　Willoughby　Patterne　that　she　ceased
to　think　like　a　girl。　When　had　the　great　change　begun？　Glancing
back；　she　could　imagine　that　it　was　near　the　period　we　call　in
love　the　firstalmost　from　the　first。　And　she　was　led　to　imagine
it　through　having　become　barred　from　imagining　her　own　emotions　of
that　season。　They　were　so　dead　as　not　to　arise　even　under　the　form
of　shadows　in　fancy。　Without　imputing　blame　to　him；　for　she　was
reasonable　so　far；　she　deemed　herself　a　person　entrapped。　In　a
dream　somehow　she　had　committed　herself　to　a　life…long
imprisonment；　and；　oh　terror！　not　in　a　quiet　dungeon；　the　barren
walls　closed　round　her；　talked；　called　for　ardour；　expected
admiration。

She　was　unable　to　say　why　she　could　not　give　it；　why　she　retreated
more　and　more　inwardly；　why　she　invoked　the　frost　to　kill　her
tenderest　feelings。　She　was　in　revolt；　until　a　whisper　of　the　day
of　bells　reduced　her　to　blank　submission；　out　of　which　a　breath　of
peace　drew　her　to　revolt　again　in　gradual　rapid　stages；　and　once
more　the　aspect　of　that　singular　day　of　merry　blackness　felled　her
to　earth。　It　was　alive；　it　advanced；　it　had　a　mouth；　it　had　a
song。　She　received　letters　of　bridesmaids　writing　of　it；　and　felt
them　as　waves　that　hurl　a　log　of　wreck　to　shore。　Following　which
afflicting　sense　of　antagonism　to　the　whole　circle　sweeping　on
with　her；　she　considered　the　possibility　of　her　being　in　a
commencement　of　madness。　Otherwise　might　she　not　be　accused　of　a
capriciousness　quite　as　deplorable　to　consider？　She　had　written　to
certain　of　these　young　ladies　not　very　long　since　of　this
gentlemanhow？in　what　tone？　And　was　it　her　madness　then？
her　recovery　now？　It　seemed　to　her　that　to　have　written　of　him
enthusiastically　resembled　madness　more　than　to　shudder　away　from
the　union；　but　standing　alone；　opposing　all　she　has　consented　to
set　in　motion；　is　too　strange　to　a　girl　for　perfect　justification　
to　be　found　in　reason　when　she　seeks　it。

Sir　Willoughby　was　destined　himself　to　supply　her　with　that　key　of
special　insight　which　revealed　and　stamped　him　in　a　title　to
fortify　her　spirit　of　revolt；　consecrate　it　almost。

The　popular　physician　of　the　county　and　famous　anecdotal　wit；　Dr。
Corney；　had　been　a　guest　at　dinner　overnight；　and　the　next　day
there　was　talk　of　him；　and　of　the　resources　of　his　art　displayed
by　Armand　Dehors　on　his　hearing　that　he　was　to　minister　to　the
tastes　of　a　gathering　of　hommes　d'esprit。　Sir　Willoughby　glanced　at
Dehors　with　his　customary　benevolent　irony　in　speaking　of　the
persons；　great　in　their　way；　who　served　him。　〃Why　he　cannot　give
us　daily　so　good　a　dinner；　one　must；　I　suppose；　go　to　French
nature　to　learn。　The　French　are　in　the　habit　of　making　up　for　all
their　deficiencies　with　enthusiasm。　They　have　no　reverence；　if　I
had　said　to　him；　'I　want　something　particularly　excellent；
Dehors'；　I　should　have　had　a　commonplace　dinner。　But　they　have
enthusiasm　on　draught；　and　that　is　what　we　must　pull　at。　Know　one
Frenchman　and　you　know　France。　I　have　had　Dehors　under　my　eye　two
years；　and　I　can　mount　his　enthusiasm　at　a　word。　He　took　hommes
d'esprit　to　denote　men　of　letters。　Frenchmen　have　destroyed　their
nobility；　so；　for　the　sake　of　excitement；　they　put　up　the　literary
mannot　to　worship　him；　that　they　can't　do；　it's　to　put
themselves　in　a　state　of　effervescence。　They　will　not　have　real
greatness　above　them；　so　they　have　sham。　That　they　may　justly　call
it　equality；　perhaps！　Ay；　for　all　your　shake　of　the　head；　my　good
Vernon！　You　see；　human　nature　comes　round　again；　try　as　we　may　to
upset　it；　and　the　French　only　differ　from　us　in　wading　through
blood　to　discover　that　they　are　at　their　old　trick　once　more；　〃I
am　your　equal；　sir；　your　born　equal。　Oh！　you　are　a　man　of　letters？
Allow　me　to　be　in　a　bubble　about　you！〃　Yes；　Vernon；　and　I　believe
the　fellow　looks　up　to　you　as　the　head　of　the　establishment。　I　am
not　jealous。　Provided　he　attends　to　his　functions！　There's　a
French　philosopher　who's　for　naming　the　days　of　the　year　after
the　birthdays　of　French　men　of　letters。　Voltaire…day；　Rousseau…day；
Racine…day；　so　on。　Perhaps　Vernon　will　inform　us　who　takes　April
1st。〃

〃A　few　trifling　errors　are　of　no　consequence　when　you　are　in　the
vein　of　satire；〃　said　Vernon。　〃Be　satisfied　with　knowing　a　nation
in　the　person　of　a　cook。〃

〃They　may　be　reading　us　English　off　in　a　jockey！〃　said　Dr。
Middleton。　〃I　believe　that　jockeys　are　the　exchange　we　make　for
cooks；　and　our　neighbours　do　not　get　the　best　of　the　bargain。〃

〃No；　but；　my　dear　good　Vernon；　it's　nonsensical；〃　said　Sir
Willoughby；　〃why　be　bawling　every　day　the　name　of　men　of
letters？〃

〃Philosophers。〃

〃Well；　philosophers。〃

〃Of　all　countries　and　times。　And　they　are　the　benefactors　of
humanity。〃

〃Bene！〃　Sir　Willoughby's　derisive　laugh　broke　the　word。
〃There's　a　pretension　in　all　that；　irreconcilable　with　English
sound　sense。　Surely　you　see　it？〃

〃We　might；〃　said　Vernon；　〃if　you　like；　give　alternative　titles　to
the　days；　or　have　alternating　days；　devoted　to　our　great　families
that　performed　meritorious　deeds　upon　such　a　day。〃

The　rebel　Clara；　delighting　in　his　banter；　was　heard：　〃Can　we
furnish　sufficient？〃

〃A　poet　or　two　could　help　us。〃

〃Perhaps　a　statesman；〃　she　suggested。

〃A　pugilist；　if　wanted。〃

〃For　blowy　days；〃　observed　Dr。　Middleton；　and　hastily　in　penitence
picked　up　the　conversation　he　had　unintentionally　prostrated；　with
a　general　remark　on　new…fangled　notions；　and　a　word　aside　to
Vernon；　which　created　the　blissful　suspicion　in　Clara　that　her
father　was　indisposed　to　second　Sir　Willoughby's　opinions　even
when　sharing　them。

Sir　Willoughby　had　led　the　conversation。　Displeased　that　the　lead
should　be　withdrawn　from　him；　he　turned　to　Clara　and　related　one
of　the　after…dinner　anecdotes　of　Dr。　Corney；　and　another；　with　a
vast　deal　of　human　nature　in　it；　concerning　a　valetudinarian
gentleman；　whose　wife　chanced　to　be　desperately　ill；　and　he　went
to　the　physicians　assembled　in　consultation　outside　the　sick…room；
imploring　them　by　all　he　valued；　and　in　tears；　to　save　the　poor
patient　for　him；　saying：　〃She　is　everything　to　me；　everything；　and
if　she　dies　I　am　compelled　to　run　the　risks　of　marrying　again；　I
must　marry　again；　for　she　has　accustomed　me　so　to　the　little
attentions　of　a　wife；　that　in　truth　I　can't。　I　can't　lose　her！　She
must　be　saved！〃　And　the　loving　husband　of　any　devoted　wife　wrung
his　hands。

〃Now；　there；　Clara；　there　you　have　the　Egoist；〃　added　Sir
Willoughby。　〃That　is　the　perfect　Egoist。　You　see　what　he　comes　to
and　his　wife！　The　man　was　utterly　unconscious　of　giving　vent　to
the　grossest　selfishness。〃

〃An　Egoist！〃　said　Clara。

〃Beware　of　marrying　an　Egoist；　my　dear！〃　He　bowed　gallantly；　and
so　blindly　fatuous　did　he　appear　to　her；　that　she　could　hardly
believe　him　guilty　of　uttering　the　words　she　had　heard　from　him；
and　kept　her　eyes　on　him　vacantly　till　she　came　to　a　sudden　full
stop　in　the　thoughts　directing　her　gaze。　She　looked　at　Vernon；
she　looked　at　her　father；　and　at　the　ladies　Eleanor　and　Isabel。
None　of　them　saw　the　man　in　the　word；　none　noticed　the　word；　yet
this　word　was　her　medical　herb；　her　illuminating　lamp；　the　key　of
him　（and；　alas；　but　she　thought　it　by　feeling　her　need　of　one）；
the　advocate　pleading　in　apology　for　her。　Egoist！　She　beheld　him
unfortunate；　selfdesignated　man　that　he　was！in　his　good
qualities　as　well　as　bad　under　the　implacable　lamp；　and　his　good
were　drenched　in　his　first　person　singular。　His　generosity　roared
of　I　louder　than　the　rest。　Conceive　him　at　the　age　of　Dr。　Corney's
hero：　〃Pray；　save　my　wife　for　me。　I　shall　positively　have　to　get
another　if　I　lose　her；　and　one　who　may　not　love　me　half　so　well；
or　understand　the　peculiarities　of　my　character　and　appreciate　my
attitudes。〃　He　was　in　his　thirty…second　year；　therefore　a　young
man；　strong　and　healthy；　yet　his　garrulous　return　to　his　principal
theme；　his　emphasis　on　I　and　me；　lent　him　the　seeming　of　an　old
man　spotted　with　decaying　youth。

〃Beware　of　marrying　an　Egoist。〃

Would　he　help　her　to　escape？　The　idea　of　the　scene　ensuing　upon
her　petition