the egoist-第22部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


join　us　as　we　are　travelling　home；　and　then　think　of　settling；
pray。　Follow　my　example；　if　you　like。　You　can　have　one　of　my
cottages；　or　a　place　built　for　you。　Anything　to　keep　a　man　from
destroying　the　sense　of　stability　about　one。　In　London；　my　dear
old　fellow；　you　lose　your　identity。　What　are　you　there？　I　ask　you；
what？　One　has　the　feeling　of　the　house　crumbling　when　a　man　is
perpetually　for　shifting　and　cannot　fix　himself。　Here　you　are
known；　you　can　study　at　your　ease；　up　in　London　you　are　nobody；　I
tell　you　honestly；　I　feel　it　myself。；　a　week　of　London　literally
drives　me　home　to　discover　the　individual　where　I　left　him。　Be
advised。　You　don't　mean　to　go。〃

〃I　have　the　intention；〃　said　Vernon。

〃Why？〃

〃I've　mentioned　it　to　you。〃

〃To　my　face？〃

〃Over　your　shoulder　is　generally　the　only　chance　you　give　me。〃

〃You　have　not　mentioned　it　to　me；　to　my　knowledge。　As　to　the
reason；　I　might　hear　a　dozen　of　your　reasons；　and　I　should　not
understand　one。　It's　against　your　interests　and　against　my　wishes。
Come；　friend；　I　am　not　the　only　one　you　distress。　Why；　Vernon；　you
yourself　have　said　that　the　English　would　be　very　perfect　Jews　if
they　could　manage　to　live　on　the　patriarchal　system。　You　said　it；
yes；　you　said　it！but　I　recollect　it　clearly。　Oh；　as　for　your
double…meanings；　you　said　the　thing；　and　you　jeered　at　the
incapacity　of　English　families　to　live　together；　on　account　of　bad
temper；　and　now　you　are　the　first　to　break　up　our　union！　I
decidedly　do　not　profess　to　be　a　perfect　Jew；　but　I　do　。　。　。〃

Sir　Willoughby　caught　signs　of　a　probably　smiling　commerce　between
his　bride　and　his　cousin。　He　raised　his　face；　appeared　to　be
consulting　his　eyelids；　and　resolved　to　laugh：　〃Well；　I　own　it。　I
do　like　the　idea　of　living　patriarchally。〃　He　turned　to　Clara。
〃The　Rev。　Doctor　one　of　us！〃

〃My　father？〃　she　said。

〃Why　not？〃

〃Papa's　habits　are　those　of　a　scholar。〃

〃That　you　might　not　be　separated　from　him；　my　dear！〃

Clara　thanked　Sir　Willoughby　for　the　kindness　of　thinking　of　her
father；　mentally　analysing　the　kindness；　in　which　at　least　she
found　no　unkindness；　scarcely　egoism；　though　she　knew　it　to　be
there。

〃We　might　propose　it；〃　said　he。。

〃As　a　compliment？〃

〃If　he　would　condescend　to　accept　it　as　a　compliment。　These　great
scholars！　。。。　And　if　Vernon　goes；　our　inducement　for　Dr。　Middleton
to　stay　。。。　But　it　is　too　absurd　for　discussion。。　Oh；　Vernon；
about　Master　Crossjay；　I　will　see　to　it。〃

He　was　about　to　give　Vernon　his　shoulder　and　step　into　the
garden；　when　Clara　said；　〃You　will　have　Crossjay　trained　for　the
navy；　Willoughby？　There　is　not　a　day　to　lose。〃

〃Yes；　yes；　I　will　see　to　it。　Depend　on　me　for　holding　the　young
rascal　in　view。〃

He　presented　his　hand　to　her　to　lead　her　over　the　step　to　the
gravel；　surprised　to　behold　how　flushed　she　was。

She　responded　to　the　invitation　by　putting　her　hand　forth　from　a
bent　elbow；　with　hesitating　fingers。　〃It　should　not　be　postponed；
Willoughby。〃

Her　attitude　suggested　a　stipulation　before　she　touched　him。

〃It's　an　affair　of　money；　as　you　know；　Willoughby；〃　said　Vernon。
〃If　I'm　in　London；　I　can't　well　provide　for　the　boy　for　some　time
to　come；　or　it's　not　certain　that　I　can。〃

〃Why　on　earth　should　you　go？〃

〃That's　another　matter。　I　want　you　to　take　my　place　with　him。〃

〃In　which　case　the　circumstances　are　changed。　I　am　responsible　for
him；　and　I　have　a　right　to　bring　him　up　according　to　my　own
prescription。〃

〃We　are　likely　to　have　one　idle　lout　the　more。〃

〃I　guarantee　to　make　a　gentleman　of　him。〃

〃We　have　too　many　of　your　gentlemen　already。〃

〃You　can't　have　enough；　my　good　Vernon。〃

〃They're　the　national　apology　for　indolence。　Training　a　penniless
boy　to　be　one　of　them　is　nearly　as　bad　as　an　education　in　a
thieves〃　den；　he　will　be　just　as　much　at　war　with　society；　if　not
game　for　the　police。〃

〃Vernon；　have　you　seen　Crossjay's　father；　the　now　Captain　of
Marines？　I　think　you　have。〃

〃He's　a　good　man　and　a　very　gallant　officer。〃

〃And　in　spite　of　his　qualities　he's　a　cub；　and　an　old　cub。　He　is　a
captain　now；　but　he　takes　that　rank　very　late；　you　will　own。　There
you　have　what　you　call　a　good　man；　undoubtedly　a　gallant　officer；
neutralized　by　the　fact　that　he　is　not　a　gentleman。　Holding
intercourse　with　him　is　out　of　the　question。　No　wonder　Government
declines　to　advance　him　rapidly。　Young　Crossjay　does　not　bear　your
name。　He　bears　mine；　and　on　that　point　alone　I　should　have　a　voice
in　the　settlement　of　his　career。　And　I　say　emphatically　that　a
drawing…room　approval　of　a　young　man　is　the　best　certificate　for
his　general　chances　in　life。　I　know　of　a　City　of　London　merchant
of　some　sort；　and　I　know　a　firm　of　lawyers；　who　will　have　none　but
University　men　at　their　office；　at　least；　they　have　the
preference。〃

〃Crossjay　has　a　bullet　head；　fit　neither　for　the　University　nor
the　drawing…room；〃　said　Vernon；　〃equal　to　fighting　and　dying　for
you；　and　that's　all。〃

Sir　Willoughby　contented　himself　with　replying；　〃The　lad　is　a
favourite　of　mine。〃

His　anxiety　to　escape　a　rejoinder　caused　him　to　step　into　the
garden；　leaving　Clara　behind　him。　〃My　love！〃　said　he；　in　apology；
as　he　turned　to　her。　She　could　not　look　stern；　but　she　had　a　look
without　a　dimple　to　soften　it；　and　her　eyes　shone。　For　she　had
wagered　in　her　heart　that　the　dialogue　she　provoked　upon　Crossjay
would　expose　the　Egoist。　And　there　were　other　motives；　wrapped　up
and　intertwisted；　unrecognizable；　sufficient　to　strike　her　with
worse　than　the　flush　of　her　self…knowledge　of　wickedness　when　she
detained　him　to　speak　of　Crossjay　before　Vernon。

At　last　it　had　been　seen　that　she　was　conscious　of　suffering　in
her　association　with　this　Egoist！　Vernon　stood　for　the　world　taken
into　her　confidence。　The　world；　then；　would　not　think　so　ill　of
her；　she　thought　hopefully；　at　the　same　time　that　she　thought　most
evilly　of　herself。　But　self…accusations　were　for　the　day　of
reckoning；　she　would　and　must　have　the　world　with　her；　or　the
belief　that　it　was　coming　to　her；　in　the　terrible　struggle　she
foresaw　within　her　horizon　of　self；　now　her　utter　boundary。　She
needed　it　for　the　inevitable　conflict。　Little　sacrifices　of　her
honesty　might　be　made。　Considering　how　weak　she　was；　how　solitary；
how　dismally　entangled；　daily　disgraced　beyond　the　power　of　any
veiling　to　conceal　from　her　fiery　sensations；　a　little　hypocrisy
was　a　poor　girl's　natural　weapon。　She　crushed　her　conscientious
mind　with　the　assurance　that　it　was　magnifying　trifles：　not
entirely　unaware　that　she　was　thereby　preparing　it　for　a
convenient　blindness　in　the　presence　of　dread　alternatives；　but
the　pride　of　laying　such　stress　on　small　sins　gave　her　purity　a
blush　of　pleasure　and　overcame　the　inner　warning。　In　truth　she
dared　not　think　evilly　of　herself　for　long；　sailing　into　battle　as
she　was。　Nuns　and　anchorites　may；　they　have　leisure。　She　regretted
the　forfeits　she　had　to　pay　for　self…assistance；　and；　if　it　might
be　won；　the　world's；　regretted；　felt　the　peril　of　the　loss；　and
took　them　up　and　flung　them。

〃You　see；　old　Vernon　has　no　argument；〃　Willoughby　said　to　her。

He　drew　her　hand　more　securely　on　his　arm　to　make　her　sensible　that
she　leaned　on　a　pillar　of　strength。

〃Whenever　the　little　brain　is　in　doubt；　perplexed；　undecided　which
course　to　adopt；　she　will　come　to　me；　will　she　not？　I　shall　always
listen；〃　he　resumed；　soothingly。　〃My　own！　and　I　to　you　when　the
world　vexes　me。　So　we　round　our　completeness。　You　will　know　me；
you　will　know　me　in　good　time。　I　am　not　a　mystery　to　those　to　whom
I　unfold　myself。　I　do　not　pretend　to　mystery：　yet；　I　will　confess；
your　homeyour　heart'sWilloughby　is　not　exactly　identical　with
the　Willoughby　before　the　world。　One　must　be　armed　against　that
rough　beast。〃

Certain　is　the　vengeance　of　the　young　upon　monotony；　nothing　more
certain。　They　do　not　scheme　it；　but　sameness　is　a　poison　to　their
systems；　and　vengeance　is　their　heartier　breathing；　their　stretch
of　the　limbs；　run　in　the　fields；　nature　avenges　them。

〃When　does　Colonel　De　Craye　arrive？〃　said　Clara。

〃Horace？　In　two　or　three　days。　You　wish　him　to　be　on　the　spot　to
learn　his　part；　my　love？〃

She　had　not　flown　forward　to　the　thought　of　Colonel　De　Craye's
arrival；　she　knew　not　why　she　had　mentioned　him；　but　now　she　flew
back；　shocked；　first　into　shadowy　subterfuge；　and　then　into　the
criminal's　dock。

〃I　do　not　wish　him　to　be　here。　I　do　not　know　that　he　has　a　part　to
learn。　I　have　no　wish。　Willoughby；　did　you　not　say　I　should　come
to　you　and　you　would　listen？will　you　listen？　I　am　so
commonplace　that　I　shall　not　be　understood　by　you　unless　you　take
my　words　for　the　very　meaning　of　the　words。　I　am　unworthy。　I　am
volatile。　I　love　my　liberty。　I　want　to　be　free　。　。　。〃

〃Flitch！〃　he　called。

It　sounded　necromantic。

〃Pardon　me；　my　love；〃　he　said。　〃The　man　you　see　yonder　violates　my
express　injunction　that　he　is　not　to　come　on　my　grounds；　and　here
I　find　him　on　the　borders　of　my　garden！〃

Sir　Willoughby　waved　his　hand　to　the　abject　figure　of　a　man
standing　to　intercept　him。

〃Volatile；　unworthy；　libertymy　dearest！〃　he　bent　to　her　when
the　man　had　appeased　him　by　departing；　〃you　are　at　liberty　within
the　law；　like　all　good　women；　I　shall　control　and　direct　your
volatility；　and　your　sense　of　worthiness　must　be　re…established
when　we　are　more　intimate；　it　is　timidity。　The　sense　of
unworthiness　is　a　guarantee　of　worthiness　ensuing。　I　believe　I　am
in　the　vein　of　a　sermon！　Whose　the　fault？　The　sight　of　that　man
was　annoying。　Flitch　was　a　stable…boy；　groom；　and　coachman；　like
his　father　before　him；　at　the　Hall　thirty　years；　his　father　died
in　our　service。　Mr。　Flitch　had　not　a　single　grievance　here；　only
one　day　the　demon　seizes　him　with　the　notion　of　bettering　himself
he　wants　his　independence；　and　he　presents　himself　to　me　with　a
story　of　a　shop　in　our　county　town。Flitch！　remember；　if　you　go
you　go　for　good。Oh；　he　quite　comprehended。Very　well；
good…bye；　Flitch；the　man　was　respectful：　he　looked　the　fool　he
was　very　soon　to　turn　out　to　be。　Since　then；　within　a　period　of
several　years；　I　have　had　him；　against　my　express　injunctions；　ten
times　on　my　grounds。　It's　curious　to　calculate。　Of　course　the　sh