the egoist-第24部分

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be　true　to　my　word　of　honour；　and　if　then　。。。　！〃　An　intolerable
languor　caused　her　to　sigh　profoundly。　It　is　written　as　she
thought　it；　she　thought　in　blanks；　as　girls　do；　and　some　women。　A
shadow　of　the　male　Egoist　is　in　the　chamber　of　their　brains
overawing　them。

〃Were　I　to　marry；　and　to　run！〃　There　is　the　thought；　she　is
offered　up　to　your　mercy。　We　are　dealing　with　a　girl　feeling
herself　desperately　situated；　and　not　a　fool。

〃I'm　sure　you're　dead　tired；　though；〃　said　Crossjay。

〃No；　I　am　not；　what　makes　you　think　so？〃　said　Clara。

〃I　do　think　so。〃

〃But　why　do　you　think　so？〃

〃You're　so　hot。〃

〃What　makes　you　think　that？〃

〃You're　so　red。〃

〃So　are　you；　Crossjay。〃

〃I'm　only　red　in　the　middle　of　the　cheeks；　except　when　I've　been
running。　And　then　you　talk　to　yourself；　just　as　boys　do　when　they
are　blown。〃

〃Do　they？〃

〃They　say：　'I　know　I　could　have　kept　up　longer'；　or；　'my　buckle
broke'；　all　to　themselves；　when　they　break　down　running。〃

〃And　you　have　noticed　that？〃

〃And；　Miss　Middleton；　I　don't　wish　you　were　a　boy；　but　I　should
like　to　live　near　you　all　my　life　and　be　a　gentleman。　I'm　coming
with　Miss　Dale　this　evening　to　stay　at　the　Hall　and　be　looked
after；　instead　of　stopping　with　her　cousin　who　takes　care　of　her
father。　Perhaps　you　and　I'll　play　chess　at　night。〃

〃At　night　you　will　go　to　bed；　Crossjay。〃

〃Not　if　I　have　Sir　Willoughby　to　catch　hold　of。　He　says　I'm　an
authority　on　birds〃　eggs。　I　can　manage　rabbits　and　poultry。　Isn't
a　farmer　a　happy　man？　But　he　doesn't　marry　ladies。　A　cavalry
officer　has　the　best　chance。〃

〃But　you　are　going　to　be　a　naval　officer。〃

〃I　don't　know。　It's　not　positive。　I　shall　bring　my　two　dormice；　and
make　them　perform　gymnastics　on　the　dinnertable。　They're　such　dear
little　things。　Naval　officers　are　not　like　Sir　Willoughby。〃

〃No；　they　are　not；〃　said　Clara；　〃they　give　their　lives　to　their
country。

〃And　then　they're　dead；〃　said　Crossjay。

Clara　wished　Sir　Willoughby　were　confronting　her：　she　could　have
spoken。

She　asked　the　boy　where　Mr。　Whitford　was。　Crossjay　pointed　very
secretly　in　the　direction　of　the　double…blossom　wild…cherry。
Coming　within　gaze　of　the　stem；　she　beheld　Vernon　stretched　at
length；　reading；　she　supposed；　asleep；　she　discovered：　his　finger
in　the　leaves　of　a　book；　and　what　book？　She　had　a　curiosity　to
know　the　title　of　the　book　he　would　read　beneath　these　boughs；　and
grasping　Crossjay's　hand　fast　she　craned　her　neck；　as　one　timorous
of　a　fall　in　peeping　over　chasms；　for　a　glimpse　of　the　page；　but
immediately；　and　still　with　a　bent　head；　she　turned　her　face　to
where　the　load　of　virginal　blossom；　whiter　than　summer…cloud　on
the　sky；　showered　and　drooped　and　clustered　so　thick　as　to　claim
colour　and　seem；　like　higher　Alpine　snows　in　noon…sunlight；　a
flush　of　white。　From　deep　to　deeper　heavens　of　white；　her　eyes
perched　and　soared。　Wonder　lived　in　her。　Happiness　in　the　beauty
of　the　tree　pressed　to　supplant　it；　and　was　more　mortal　and
narrower。　Reflection　came；　contracting　her　vision　and　weighing　her
to　earth。　Her　reflection　was：　〃He　must　be　good　who　loves　to　be　and
sleep　beneath　the　branches　of　this　tree！〃　She　would　rather　have
clung　to　her　first　impression：　wonder　so　divine；　so　unbounded；　was
like　soaring　into　homes　of　angel…crowded　space；　sweeping　through
folded　and　on　to　folded　white　fountain…bow　of　wings；　in
innumerable　columns；　but　the　thought　of　it　was　no　recovery　of　it；
she　might　as　well　have　striven　to　be　a　child。　The　sensation　of
happiness　promised　to　be　less　short…lived　in　memory；　and　would
have　been　had　not　her　present　disease　of　the　longing　for　happiness
ravaged　every　corner　of　it　for　the　secret　of　its　existence。　The
reflection　took　root。　〃He　must　be　good　。。。　！〃　That　reflection
vowed　to　endure。　Poor　by　comparison　with　what　it　displaced；　it
presented　itself　to　her　as　conferring　something　on　him；　and　she
would　not　have　had　it　absent　though　it　robbed　her。

She　looked　down。　Vernon　was　dreamily　looking　up。

She　plucked　Crossjay　hurriedly　away；　whispering　that　he　had　better
not　wake　Mr。　Whitford；　and　then　she　proposed　to　reverse　their
previous　chase；　and　she　be　the　hound　and　he　the　hare。　Crossjay
fetched　a　magnificent　start。　On　his　glancing　behind　he　saw　Miss
Middleton　walking　listlessly；　with　a　hand　at　her　side。

〃There's　a　regular　girl！〃　said　he　in　some　disgust；　for　his　theory
was；　that　girls　always　have　something　the　matter　with　them　to
spoil　a　game。


CHAPTER　XII

Miss　Middleton　and　Mr。　Vernon　Whitford

Looking　upward；　not　quite　awakened　out　of　a　transient　doze；
at　a　fair　head　circled　in　dazzling　blossom；　one　may　temporize
awhile　with　common　sense；　and　take　it　for　a　vision　after　the
eyes　have　regained　direction　of　the　mind。　Vernon　did　so　until
the　plastic　vision　interwound　with　reality　alarmingly。　This　is
the　embrace　of　a　Melusine　who　will　soon　have　the　brain　if　she
is　encouraged。　Slight　dalliance　with　her　makes　the　very　diminutive
seem　as　big　as　life。　He　jumped　to　his　feet；　rattled　his
throat；　planted　firmness　on　his　brows　and　mouth；　and　attacked
the　dream…giving　earth　with　tremendous　long　strides；　that　his
blood　might　be　lively　at　the　throne　of　understanding。　Miss
Middleton　and　young　Crossjay　were　within　hail：　it　was　her　face　he
had　seen；　and　still　the　idea　of　a　vision；　chased　from　his
reasonable　wits；　knocked　hard　and　again　for　readmission。
There　was　little　for　a　man　of　humble　mind　toward　the　sex　to
think　of　in　the　fact　of　a　young　lady's　bending　rather　low　to
peep　at　him　asleep；　except　that　the　poise　of　her　slender　figure；
between　an　air　of　spying　and　of　listening；　vividly　recalled　his
likening　of　her　to　the　Mountain　Echo。　Man　or　maid　sleeping　in　the
open　air　provokes　your　tiptoe　curiosity。　Men；　it　is
known；　have　in　that　state　cruelly　been　kissed；　and　no　rights　are
bestowed　on　them；　they　are　teased　by　a　vapourish　rapture；　what　has
happened　to　them　the　poor　fellows　barely　divine：
they　have　a　crazy　step　from　that　day。　But　a　vision　is　not　so　
distracting；　it　is　our　own；　we　can　put　it　aside　and　return　to　it；
play　at　rich　and　poor　with　it；　and　are　not　to　be　summoned　before　your
laws　and　rules　for　secreting　it　in　our　treasury。　Besides；　it
is　the　golden　key　of　all　the　possible；　new　worlds　expand　beneath　
the　dawn　it　brings　us。　Just　outside　reality；　it　illumines；
enriches　and　softens　real　things；and　to　desire　it　in
preference　to　the　simple　fact　is　a　damning　proof　of　enervation。

Such　was　Vernon's　winding　up　of　his　brief　drama　of　fantasy。　He　was
aware　of　the　fantastical　element　in　him　and　soon　had　it　under。
Which　of　us　who　is　of　any　worth　is　without　it？　He　had　not　much
vanity　to　trouble　him；　and　passion　was　quiet；　so　his　task　was　not
gigantic。　Especially　be　it　remarked；　that　he　was　a　man　of　quick
pace；　the　sovereign　remedy　for　the　dispersing　of　the　mental
fen…mist。　He　had　tried　it　and　knew　that　nonsense　is　to　be　walked
off

Near　the　end　of　the　park　young　Crossjay　overtook　him；　and　after
acting　the　pumped　one　a　trifle　more　than　needful；　cried：　〃I　say；
Mr。　Whitford；　there's　Miss　Middleton　with　her　handkerchief　out。〃

〃What　for；　my　lad？〃　said　Vernon。

〃I'm　sure　I　don't　know。　All　of　a　sudden　she　bumped　down。　And；
look　what　fellows　girls　are！here　she　comes　as　if　nothing　had
happened；　and　I　saw　her　feel　at　her　side。〃

Clara　was　shaking　her　head　to　express　a　denial。　〃I　am　not　at　all
unwell；〃　she　said。　when　she　came　near。　〃I　guessed　Crossjay's
business　in　running　up　to　you；　he's　a　good…for…nothing；　officious　
boy。　I　was　tired；　and　rested　for　a　moment。〃

Crossjay　peered　at　her　eyelids。　Vernon　looked　away　and　said：　〃Are
you　too　tired　for　a　stroll？〃

〃Not　now。〃

〃Shall　it　be　brisk？〃

〃You　have　the　lead。〃

He　led　at　a　swing　of　the　legs　that　accelerated　young　Crossjay's　to
the　double；　but　she　with　her　short；　swift；　equal　steps　glided
along　easily　on　a　fine　by　his　shoulder；　and　he　groaned　to　think
that　of　all　the　girls　of　earth　this　one　should　have　been
chosen　for　the　position　of　fine　lady。

〃You　won't　tire　me；〃　said　she；　in　answer　to　his　look。

〃You　remind　me　of　the　little　Piedmontese　Bersaglieri　on　the
march。〃

〃I　have　seen　them　trotting　into　Como　from　Milan。〃

〃They　cover　a　quantity　of　ground　in　a　day；　if　the　ground's　flat。
You　want　another　sort　of　step　for　the　mountains。〃

〃I　should　not　attempt　to　dance　up。〃

〃They　soon　tame　romantic　notions　of　them。〃

〃The　mountains　tame　luxurious　dreams；　you　mean。　I　see　how　they　are
conquered。　I　can　plod。　Anything　to　be　high　up！〃

〃Well；　there　you　have　the　secret　of　good　work：　to　plod　on　and
still　keep　the　passion　fresh。〃

〃Yes；　when　we　have　an　aim　in　view。〃

〃We　always　have　one。〃

〃Captives　have？〃

〃More　than　the　rest　of　us。〃

Ignorant　man！　What　of　wives　miserably　wedded？　What　aim　in　view
have　these　most　woeful　captives？　Horror　shrouds　it；　and　shame
reddens　through　the　folds　to　tell　of　innermost　horror。

〃Take　me　back　to　the　mountains；　if　you　please；　Mr。　Whitford；〃　Miss
Middleton　said；　fallen　out　of　sympathy　with　him。　〃Captives　have
death　in　view；　but　that　is　not　an　aim。〃

〃Why　may　not　captives　expect　a　release？〃

〃Hardly　from　a　tyrant。〃

〃If　you　are　thinking　of　tyrants；　it　may　be　so。　Say　the　tyrant
dies？〃

〃The　prison…gates　are　unlocked　and　out　comes　a　skeleton。　But　why
will　you　talk　of　skeletons！　The　very　name　of　mountain　seems　life
in　comparison　with　any　other　subject。〃

〃I　assure　you；〃　said　Vernon；　with　the　fervour　of　a　man　lighting　on
an　actual　truth　in　his　conversation　with　a　young　lady；　〃it's　not
the　first　time　I　have　thought　you　would　be　at　home　in　the　Alps。
You　would　walk　and　climb　as　well　as　you　dance。〃

She　liked　to　hear　Clara　Middleton　talked　of；　and　of　her　having
been　thought　of；　and　giving　him　friendly　eyes；　barely　noticing
that　he　was　in　a　glow。　she　said：　〃If　you　speak　so　encouragingly　I
shall　fancy　we　are　near　an　ascent。〃

〃I　wish　we　were；〃　said　he。

〃We　can　realize　it　by　dwelling　on　it；　don't　you　think？〃

〃We　can　begin　climbing。〃

〃Oh！〃　she　squeezed　herself　shadowily。

〃Which　mountain　shall　it　be？〃　said　Vernon；　in　the　right　real
earnest　tone。

Miss　Middleton　suggested　a　lady's　mountain　first；　for　a　trial。
〃And　then；　if　you　think　well　enough　of　meif　I　have　not　stumbled
more　than　twice；　o