the egoist-第25部分

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Miss　Middleton　suggested　a　lady's　mountain　first；　for　a　trial。
〃And　then；　if　you　think　well　enough　of　meif　I　have　not　stumbled
more　than　twice；　or　asked　more　than　ten　times　how　far　it　is　from
the　top；　I　should　like　to　be　promoted　to　scale　a　giant。〃

They　went　up　to　some　of　the　lesser　heights　of　Switzerland　and
Styria；　and　settled　in　South　Tyrol；　the　young　lady　preferring　this
district　for　the　strenuous　exercise　of　her　climbing　powers　because
she　loved　Italian　colour；　and　it　seemed　an　exceedingly　good　reason
to　the　genial　imagination　she　had　awakened　in　Mr。　Whitford。
〃Though；〃　said　he；　abruptly；　〃you　are　not　so　much　Italian　as
French。〃

She　hoped　she　was　English；　she　remarked。

〃Of　course　you　are　English；　。　。　。　yes。〃　He　moderated　his　ascent
with　the　halting　affirmative。

She　inquired　wonderingly　why　he　spoke　in　apparent　hesitation。

〃Well；　you　have　French　feet；　for　example：　French　wits；　French
impatience；〃　he　lowered　his　voice；　〃and　charm〃

〃And　love　of　compliments。〃

〃Possibly。　I　was　not　conscious　of　paying　them〃

〃And　a　disposition　to　rebel？〃

〃To　challenge　authority；　at　least。〃

〃That　is　a　dreadful　character。〃

〃At　all　events；　it　is　a　character。〃

〃Fit　for　an　Alpine　comrade？〃

〃For　the　best　of　comrades　anywhere。〃

〃It　is　not　a　piece　of　drawing…room　sculpture：　that　is　the　most　one
can　say　for　it！〃　she　dropped　a　dramatic　sigh。

Had　he　been　willing　she　would　have　continued　the　theme；　for　the
pleasure　a　poor　creature　long　gnawing　her　sensations　finds　in
seeing　herself　from　the　outside。　It　fell　away。　After　a　silence；
she　could　not　renew　it；　and　he　was　evidently　indifferent；　having
to　his　own　satisfaction　dissected　and　stamped　her　a　foreigner。
With　it　passed　her　holiday。　She　had　forgotten　Sir　Willoughby：　she
remembered　him　and　said。　〃You　knew　Miss　Durham；　Mr。　Whitford？〃

He　answered　briefly；　〃I　did。〃

〃Was　she？　。　。　。〃　some　hot…faced　inquiry　peered　forth　and　withdrew。

〃Very　handsome；〃　said　Vernon。

〃English？〃

〃Yes；　the　dashing　style　of　English。〃

〃Very　courageous。〃

〃I　dare　say　she　had　a　kind　of　courage。〃

〃She　did　very　wrong。〃

〃I　won't　say　no。　She　discovered　a　man　more　of　a　match　with
herself；　luckily　not　too　late。　We're　at　the　mercy　。　。

〃Was　she　not　unpardonable？〃

〃I　should　be　sorry　to　think　that　of　any　one。〃

〃But　you　agree　that　she　did　wrong。〃

〃I　suppose　I　do。　She　made　a　mistake　and　she　corrected　it。　if　she
had　not；　she　would　have　made　a　greater　mistake。〃

〃The　manner。　。　。〃

〃That　was　badas　far　as　we　know。　The　world　has　not　much　right　to
judge。　A　false　start　must　now　and　then　be　made。　It's　better　not　to
take　notice　of　it；　I　think。〃

〃What　is　it　we　are　at　the　mercy　of？〃

〃Currents　of　feeling；　our　natures。　I　am　the　last　man　to　preach　on
the　subject：　young　ladies　are　enigmas　to　me；　I　fancy　they　must
have　a　natural　perception　of　the　husband　suitable　to　them；　and　the
reverse；　and　if　they　have　a　certain　degree　of　courage；　it　follows
that　they　please　themselves。〃

〃They　are　not　to　reflect　on　the　harm　they　do？〃　said　Miss
Middleton。

〃By　all　means　let　them　reflect；　they　hurt　nobody　by　doing　that。〃

〃But　a　breach　of　faith！〃

〃If　the　faith　can　be　kept　through　life；　all's　well。〃

〃And　then　there　is　the　cruelty；　the　injury！〃

〃I　really　think　that　if　a　young　lady　came　to　me　to　inform　me　she
must　break　our　engagementI　have　never　been　put　to　the　proof；
but　to　suppose　it：I　should　not　think　her　cruel。〃

〃Then　she　would　not　be　much　of　a　loss。〃

〃And　I　should　not　think　so　for　this　reason；　that　it　is　impossible
for　a　girl　to　come　to　such　a　resolution　without　previously　showing
signs　of　it　to　her。　。　。　the　man　she　is　engaged　to。　I　think　it
unfair　to　engage　a　girl　for　longer　than　a　week　or　two；　just　time
enough　for　her　preparations　and　publications。〃

〃If　he　is　always　intent　on　himself；　signs　are　likely　to　be　unheeded
by　him；〃　said　Miss　Middleton。

He　did　not　answer；　and　she　said；　quickly：

〃It　must　always　be　a　cruelty。　The　world　will　think　so。　It　is　an
act　of　inconstancy。〃

〃If　they　knew　one　another　well　before　they　were　engaged。〃

〃Are　you　not　singularly　tolerant？〃　said　she。

To　which　Vernon　replied　with　airy　cordiality：

〃In　some　cases　it　is　right　to　judge　by　results；　we'll　leave
severity　to　the　historian；　who　is　bound　to　be　a　professional
moralist　and　put　pleas　of　human　nature　out　of　the　scales。　The　lady
in　question　may　have　been　to　blame；　but　no　hearts　were　broken；　and
here　we　have　four　happy　instead　of　two　miserable。〃

His　persecuting　geniality　of　countenance　appealed　to　her　to
confirm　this　judgement　by　results；　and　she　nodded　and　said：
〃Four；〃　as　the　awe…stricken　speak。

From　that　moment　until　young　Crossjay　fell　into　the　green…rutted　
lane　from　a　tree；　and　was　got　on　his　legs　half　stunned；　with　a
hanging　lip　and　a　face　like　the　inside　of　a　flayed　eel…skin；　she
might　have　been　walking　in　the　desert；　and　alone；　for　the　pleasure
she　had　in　society。

They　led　the　fated　lad　home　between　them；　singularly　drawn
together　by　their　joint　ministrations　to　him；　in　which　her
delicacy　had　to　stand　fire；　and　sweet　good…nature　made　naught　of
any　trial。　They　were　hand　in　hand　with　the　little　fellow　as
physician　and　professional　nurse。


CHAPTER　XIII

The　First　Effort　after　Freedom

Crossjay's　accident　was　only　another　proof；　as　Vernon　told
Miss　Dale；　that　the　boy　was　but　half　monkey。

〃Something　fresh？〃　she　exclaimed　on　seeing　him　brought　into　the
Hall；　where　she　had　just　arrived。

〃Simply　a　continuation；〃　said　Vernon。　〃He　is　not　so　prehensile　as
he　should　be。　He　probably　in　extremity　relies　on　the　tail　that　has
been　docked。　Are　you　a　man；　Crossjay？〃

〃I　should　think　I　was！〃　Crossjay　replied；　with　an　old　man's　voice；
and　a　ghastly　twitch　for　a　smile　overwhelmed　the　compassionate　
ladies。

Miss　Dale　took　possession　of　him。　〃You　err　in　the　other
direction；〃　she　remarked　to　Vernon。

〃But　a　little　bracing　roughness　is　better　than　spoiling　him。〃　said
Miss　Middleton。

She　did　not　receive　an　answer；　and　she　thought：　〃Whatever
Willoughby　does　is　right；　to　this　lady！〃

Clara's　impression　was　renewed　when　Sir　Willoughby　sat　beside　Miss
Dale　in　the　evening；　and　certainly　she　had　never　seen　him　shine　so
picturesquely　as　in　his　bearing　with　Miss　Dale。　The　sprightly
sallies　of　the　two；　their　rallyings；　their　laughter；　and　her　fine
eyes；　and　his　handsome　gestures；　won　attention　like　a　fencing
match　of　a　couple　keen　with　the　foils　to　display　the　mutual　skill。
And　it　was　his　design　that　she　should　admire　the　display；　he　was
anything　but　obtuse；　enjoying　the　match　as　he　did　and　necessarily
did　to　act　so　excellent　a　part　in　it；　he　meant　the　observer　to　see
the　man　he　was　with　a　lady　not　of　raw　understanding。　So　it　went　on
from　day　to　day　for　three　days。

She　fancied　once　that　she　detected　the　agreeable　stirring　of　the
brood　of　jealousy；　and　found　it　neither　in　her　heart　nor　in　her
mind；　but　in　the　book　of　wishes；　well　known　to　the　young　where
they　write　matter　which　may　sometimes　be　independent　of　both　those
volcanic　albums。　Jealousy　would　have　been　a　relief　to　her；　a　dear
devil's　aid。　She　studied　the　complexion　of　jealousy　to　delude
herself　with　the　sense　of　the　spirit　being　in　her；　and　all　the
while　she　laughed；　as　at　a　vile　theatre　whereof　the　imperfection
of　the　stage　machinery　rather　than　the　performance　is　the　wretched
source　of　amusement。

Vernon　had　deeply　depressed　her。　She　was　hunted　by　the　figure　4。
Four　happy　instead　of　two　miserable。　He　had　said　it；　involving　her
among　the　four；　and　so　it　must　be；　she　considered。　and　she　must
be　as　happy　as　she　could；　for　not　only　was　he　incapable　of
perceiving　her　state；　he　was　unable　to　imagine　other　circumstances
to　surround　her。　How；　to　be　just　to　him；　were　they　imaginable　by
him　or　any　one？

Her　horrible　isolation　of　secrecy　in　a　world　amiable　in　
unsuspectingness　frightened　her。　To　fling　away　her　secret；　to
conform；　to　be　unrebellious；　uncritical；　submissive；　became　an
impatient　desire；　and　the　task　did　not　appear　so　difficult　since
Miss　Dale's　arrival。　Endearments　had　been　rare；　more　formal；
living　bodily　untroubled　and　unashamed；　and；　as　she　phrased　it；
having　no　one　to　care　for　her；　she　turned　insensibly　in　the
direction　where　she　was　due；　she　slightly　imitated　Miss　Dale's
colloquial　responsiveness。　To　tell　truth；　she　felt　vivacious　in　a
moderate　way　with　Willoughby　after　seeing　him　with　Miss　Dale。
Liberty　wore　the　aspect　of　a　towering　prison…wall；　the　desperate
undertaking　of　climbing　one　side　and　dropping　to　the　other　was
more　than　she；　unaided；　could　resolve　on；　consequently；　as　no　one
cared　for　her；　a　worthless　creature　might　as　well　cease　dreaming
and　stipulating　for　the　fulfilment　of　her　dreams；　she　might　as
well　yield　to　her　fate；　nay；　make　the　best　of　it。

Sir　Willoughby　was　flattered　and　satisfied。　Clara's　adopted
vivacity　proved　his　thorough　knowledge　of　feminine　nature；　nor　did
her　feebleness　in　sustaining　it　displease　him。　A　steady　look　of
hers　had　of　late　perplexed　the　man；　and　he　was　comforted　by
signs　of　her　inefficiency　where　he　excelled。　The　effort　and　the
failure　were　both　of　good　omen。

But　she　could　not　continue　the　effort。　He　had　overweighted　her　too
much　for　the　mimicry　of　a　sentiment　to　harden　and　have　an
apparently　natural　place　among　her　impulses；　and　now　an　idea　came
to　her　that　he　might；　it　might　be　hoped；　possibly　see　in　Miss
Dale；　by　present　contrast；　the　mate　he　sought；　by　contrast　with　an
unanswering　creature　like　herself；　he　might　perhaps　realize　in
Miss　Dale's　greater　accomplishments　and　her　devotion　to　him　the
merit　of　suitability；　he　might　be　induced　to　do　her　justice。　Dim　as
the　loop…hole　was；　Clara　fixed　her　mind　on　it　till　it　gathered
light。　And　as　a　prelude　to　action；　she　plunged　herself　into　a
state　of　such　profound　humility；　that　to　accuse　it　of　being
simulated　would　he　venturesome；　though　it　was　not　positive。　The
tempers　of　the　young　are　liquid　fires　in　isles　of　quicksand；　the
precious　metals　not　yet　cooled　in　a　solid　earth。　Her　compassion
for　Laetitia　was　less　forced；　but　really　she　was　almost　as　earnest
in　her　self…abasement；　for　she　had　not　latterly　been　brilliant；　not
even　adequate　to　the　ordinary　requirements　of　conversation。　She
had　no　co