the egoist-第27部分

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not；　I　repeat；　I　could　not　marry　Laetitia　Dale！　Let　me　impress　it
on　you。　　No　flatterieswe　are　all　susceptible　more　or　lessno
conceivable　condition　could　bring　it　about；　no　amount　of
admiration。　She　and　I　are　excellent　friends；　we　cannot　be　more。
When　you　see　us　together；　the　natural　concord　of　our　minds　is　of
course　misleading。　She　is　a　woman　of　genius。　I　do　not　conceal；　I
profess　my　admiration　of　her。　There　are　times　when；　I　confess；　I
require　a　Laetitia　Dale　to　bring　me　out；　give　and　take。　I　am
indebted　to　her　for　the　enjoyment　of　the　duet　few　know；　few　can
accord　with；　fewer　still　are　allowed　the　privilege　of　playing　with
a　human　being。　I　am　indebted；　I　own。　and　I　feel　deep　gratitude；　I
own　to　a　lively　friendship　for　Miss　Dale；　but　if　she　is
displeasing　in　the　sight　of　my　bride　by　。。。　by　the　breadth　of　an
eyelash；　then　。　。　。〃

Sir　Willoughby's　arm　waved　Miss　Dale　off　away　into　outer　darkness
in　the　wilderness。

Clara　shut　her　eyes　and　rolled　her　eyeballs　in　a　frenzy　of
unuttered　revolt　from　the　Egoist。

But　she　was　not　engaged　in　the　colloquy　to　be　an　advocate　of　Miss
Dale　or　of　common　humanity。

〃Ah！〃　she　said；　simply　determining　that　the　subject　should　not
drop。

〃And；　ah！〃　he　mocked　her　tenderly。　〃True；　though！　And　who　knows
better　than　my　Clara　that　I　require　youth；　health；　beauty；　and　the
other　undefinable　attributes　fitting　with　mine　and　beseeming　the
station　of　the　lady　called　to　preside　over　my　household　and
represent　me？　What　says　my　other　self？　my　fairer？　But　you　are！　my
love；　you　are！　Understand　my　nature　rightly；　and　you　。　。　〃

〃I　do！　I　do！〃　interposed　Clara；　〃if　I　did　not　by　this　time　I
should　be　idiotic。　Let　me　assure　you；　I　understand　it。　Oh！　listen
to　me：　one　moment。　Miss　Dale　regards　me　as　the　happiest　woman　on
earth。　Willoughby；　if　I　possessed　her　good　qualities；　her　heart
and　mind；　no　doubt　I　should　be。　It　is　my　wishyou　must　hear　me；
hear　me　outmy　wish；　my　earnest　wish；　my　burning　prayer；　my　wish
to　make　way　for　her。　She　appreciates　you：　I　do　notto　my　shame；
I　do　not。　She　worships　you：　I　do　not；　I　cannot。　You　are　the　rising
sun　to　her。　It　has　been　so　for　years。　No　one　can　account　for　love；
I　daresay　not　for　the　impossibility　of　loving　。。。　loving　where　we
should；　all　love　bewilders　me。　I　was　not　created　to　understand　it。
But　she　loves　you；　she　has　pined。　I　believe　it　has　destroyed　the
health　you　demand　as　one　item　in　your　list。　But　you；　Willoughby；
can　restore　that。　Travelling；　and　。。。　and　your　society；　the
pleasure　of　your　society　would　certainly　restore　it。　You　look　so
handsome　together！　She　has　unbounded　devotion！　as　for　me；　I　cannot
idolize。　I　see　faults：　I　see　them　daily。　They　astonish　and　wound
me。　Your　pride　would　not　bear　to　hear　them　spoken　of；　least　of　all
by　your　wife。　You　warned　me　to　bewarethat　is；　you　said；　you
said　something。〃

Her　busy　brain　missed　the　subterfuge　to　cover　her　slip　of　the
tongue。

Sir　Willoughby　struck　in：　〃And　when　I　say　that　the　entire
concatenation　is　based　on　an　erroneous　observation　of　facts；　and
an　erroneous　deduction　from　that　erroneous　observation！？　No；
no。　Have　confidence　in　me。　I　propose　it　to　you　in　this　instance；
purely　to　save　you　from　deception。　You　are　cold；　my　love？　you
shivered。〃

〃I　am　not　cold；〃　said　Clara。　〃Some　one；　I　suppose；　was　walking　
over　my　grave。〃

The　gulf　of　a　caress　hove　in　view　like　an　enormous　billow
hollowing　under　the　curled　ridge。

She　stooped　to　a　buttercup；　the　monster　swept　by。

〃Your　grave！〃　he　exclaimed　over　her　head；　〃my　own　girl！〃

〃Is　not　the　orchid　naturally　a　stranger　in　ground　so　far　away　from
the　chalk；　Willoughby？〃

〃I　am　incompetent　to　pronounce　an　opinion　on　such　important
matters。　My　mother　had　a　passion　for　every　description　of　flower。
I　fancy　I　have　some　recollection　of　her　scattering　the　flower　you
mention　over　the　park。〃

〃If　she　were　living　now！〃

〃We　should　be　happy　in　the　blessing　of　the　most　estimable　of
women；　my　Clara。〃

〃She　would　have　listened　to　me。　She　would　have　realized　what　I
mean。〃

〃Indeed；　Clarapoor　soul！〃　he　murmured　to　himself；　aloud；
〃indeed　you　are　absolutely　in　error。　If　I　have　seemedbut　I
repeat；　you　are　deceived。　The　idea　of　'fitness'　is　a　total
hallucination。　Supposing　youI　do　it　even　in　play　painfully
entirely　out　of　the　way；　unthought　of。　。　。〃

〃Extinct；〃　Clara　said　low。

〃Non…existent　for　me；〃　he　selected　a　preferable　term。　〃Suppose　it；
I　should　still；　in　spite　of　an　admiration　I　have　never　thought　it
incumbent　on　me　to　conceal；　still　beI　speak　emphatically
utterly　incapable　of　the　offer　of　my　hand　to　Miss　Dale。　It　may　be
that　she　is　embedded　in　my　mind　as　a　friend；　and　nothing　but　a
friend。　I　received　the　stamp　in　early　youth。　People　have　noticed
itwe　do；　it　seems；　bring　one　another　out；　reflecting；
counter…reflecting。〃

She　glanced　up　at　him　with　a　shrewd　satisfaction　to　see　that　her
wicked　shaft　had　stuck。

〃You　do；　it　is　a　common　remark；〃　she　said。　〃The　instantaneous　
difference　when　she　comes　near；　any　one　might　notice。〃

〃My　love；〃　he　opened　the　iron　gate　into　the　garden；　〃you　encourage
the　naughty　little　suspicion。〃

〃But　it　is　a　beautiful　sight；　Willoughby。　I　like　to　see　you
together。　I　like　it　as　I　like　to　see　colours　match。〃

〃Very　well。　There　is　no　harm　then。　We　shall　often　be　together。　I
like　my　fair　friend。　But　the　instant！you　have　only　to　express　a
sentiment　of　disapprobation。〃

〃And　you　dismiss　her。〃

〃I　dismiss　her。　That　is；　as　to　the　word；　I　constitute　myself　your
echo；　to　clear　any　vestige　of　suspicion。　She　goes。〃

〃That　is　a　case　of　a　person　doomed　to　extinction　without
offending。〃

〃Not　without：　for　whoever　offends　my　bride；　my　wife；　my　sovereign
lady；　offends　me：　very　deeply　offends　me。〃

〃Then　the　caprices　of　your　wife　。　。　。〃　Clara　stamped　her　foot
imperceptibly　on　the　lawn…sward；　which　was　irresponsively　soft　to
her　fretfulness。　She　broke　from　the　inconsequent　meaningless　mild
tone　of　irony；　and　said：　〃Willoughby；　women　have　their　honour　to
swear　by　equally　with　men：girls　have：　they　have　to　swear　an
oath　at　the　altar；　may　I　to　you　now？　Take　it　for　uttered　when　I
tell　you　that　nothing　would　make　me　happier　than　your　union　with
Miss　Dale。　I　have　spoken　as　much　as　I　can。　Tell　me　you　release
me。〃

With　the　well…known　screw…smile　of　duty　upholding　weariness　worn
to　inanition；　he　rejoined：　〃Allow　me　once　more　to　reiterate；　that
it　is　repulsive；　inconceivable；　that　I　should　ever；　under　any
mortal　conditions；　bring　myself　to　the　point　of　taking　Miss　Dale
for　my　wife。　You　reduce　me　to　this　perfectly　childish　protestation
pitiably　childish！　But；　my　love；　have　I　to　remind　you　that　you
and　I　are　plighted；　and　that　I　am　an　honourable　man？〃

〃I　know　it；　I　feel　itrelease　me！〃　cried　Clara。

Sir　Willoughby　severely　reprehended　his　short…sightedness　for
seeing　but　the　one　proximate　object　in　the　particular　attention　he
had　bestowed　on　Miss　Dale。　He　could　not　disavow　that　they　had　been
marked；　and　with　an　object；　and　he　was　distressed　by　the　unwonted
want　of　wisdom　through　which　he　had　been　drawn　to　overshoot　his
object。　His　design　to　excite　a　touch　of　the　insane　emotion　in
Clara's　bosom　was　too　successful；　and；　〃I　was　not　thinking　of
her；〃　he　said　to　himself　in　his　candour；　contrite。

She　cried　again：　〃Will　you　not；　Willoughbyrelease　me？〃

He　begged　her　to　take　his　arm。

To　consent　to　touch　him　while　petitioning　for　a　detachment；　
appeared　discordant　to　Clara；　but；　if　she　expected　him　to　accede；
it　was　right　that　she　should　do　as　much　as　she　could；　and　she
surrendered　her　hand　at　arm's　length；　disdaining　the　imprisoned
fingers。　He　pressed　them　and　said：　〃Dr　Middleton　is　in　the
library。　I　see　Vernon　is　at　work　with　Crossjay　in　the　West…room
the　boy　has　had　sufficient　for　the　day。　Now；　is　it　not　like　old
Vernon　to　drive　his　books　at　a　cracked　head　before　it's　half
mended？〃

He　signalled　to　young　Crossjay；　who　was　up　and　out　through　the
folding　windows　in　a　twinkling。

〃And　you　will　go　in；　and　talk　to　Vernon　of　the　lady　in　question；〃　
Sir　Willoughby　whispered　to　Clara。　〃Use　your　best　persuasions　in
our　joint　names。　You　have　my　warrant　for　saying　that　money　is　no
consideration；　house　and　income　are　assured。　You　can　hardly　have
taken　me　seriously　when　I　requested　you　to　undertake　Vernon
before。　I　was　quite　in　earnest　then　as　now。　I　prepare　Miss　Dale。　I
will　not　have　a　wedding　on　our　wedding…day；　but　either　before　or
after　it；　I　gladly　speed　their　alliance。　I　think　now　I　give　you
the　best　proof　possible；　and　though　I　know　that　with　women　a
delusion　may　be　seen　to　be　groundless　and　still　be　cherished；　I
rely　on　your　good　sense。〃

Vernon　was　at　the　window　and　stood　aside　for　her　to　enter。　Sir
Willoughby　used　a　gentle　insistence　with　her。　She　bent　her　head　as
if　she　were　stepping　into　a　cave。　So　frigid　was　she；　that　a
ridiculous　dread　of　calling　Mr。　Whitford　Mr。　Oxford　was　her　only
present　anxiety　when　Sir　Willoughby　had　closed　the　window　on　them。


CHAPTER　XIV

Sir　Willoughby　and　Laetitia

〃I　prepare　Miss　Dale。〃

Sir　Willoughby　thought　of　his　promise　to　Clara。　He　trifled　awhile
with　young　Crossjay；　and　then　sent　the　boy　flying；　and　wrapped
himself　in　meditation。　So　shall　you　see　standing　many　a　statue　of
statesmen　who　have　died　in　harness　for　their　country。

In　the　hundred　and　fourth　chapter　of　the　thirteenth　volume　of　the
Book　of　Egoism　it　is　written：　Possession　without　obligation　to　the
object　possessed　approaches　felicity。

It　is　the　rarest　condition　of　ownership。　For　example：　the
possession　of　land　is　not　without　obligation　both　to　the　soil　and
the　tax…collector；　the　possession　of　fine　clothing　is　oppressed　by
obligation；　gold；　jewelry；　works　of　art；　enviable　household
furniture；　are　positive　fetters；　the　possession　of　a　wife　we　find
surcharged　with　obligation。　In　all　these　cases　possession　is　a
gentle　term　for　enslavement；　bestowing　the　sort　of　felicity
attained　to　by　the　helot　drunk。　You　can　have　the　joy；　the　pride；
the　intoxication　of　possession；　you　can　have　no　free　soul。

But　there　is　one　instance　of　possession；　and　that　the　most　perfect；
which　leaves　us　free；　under　not　a　shadow　of　obligation；　receiving
ever；　never　giving。　or　if　giving；　giving　only　of　our　waste；　as　it
were　（sau