the egoist-第29部分

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but　as　the　enamoured　custodian　of　the　sex's　purity；　that　blushes
at　such　big　spots　as　lovers　and　husbands；　and　it　was　unbearable　to
see　it　sacrificed　for　others。　Without　their　purity　what　are　they！
what　are　fruiterer's　plums？unsaleable。　O　for　the　bloom　on
them！

〃As　I　said；　I　lose　my　right　hand　in　Vernon；〃　he　resumed；　〃and　I
am；　it　seems；　inevitably　to　lose　him；　unless　we　contrive　to　fasten
him　down　here。　I　think；　my　dear　Miss　Dale；　you　have　my　character。
At　least；　I　should　recommend　my　future　biographer　to　youwith　a
caution；　of　course。　You　would　have　to　write　selfishness　with　a
dash　under　it。　I　cannot　endure　to　lose　a　member　of　my　household
not　under　any　circumstances；　and　a　change　of　feeling　toward　me　on
the　part　of　any　of　my　friends　because　of　marriage；　I　think　hard。　I
would　ask　you；　how　can　it　be　for　Vernon's　good　to　quit　an　easy
pleasant　home　for　the　wretched　profession　of　Literature？
wretchedly　paying；　I　mean；〃　he　bowed　to　the　authoress。　〃Let　him
leave　the　house；　if　he　imagines　he　will　not　harmonize　with　its
young　mistress。　He　is　queer；　though　a　good　fellow。　But　he　ought；
in　that　event；　to　have　an　establishment。　And　my　scheme　for　Vernon
men；　Miss　Dale；　do　not　change　to　their　old　friends　when　they
marrymy　scheme；　which　would　cause　the　alteration　in　his　system
of　life　to　be　barely　perceptible；　is　to　build　him　a　poetical
little　cottage；　large　enough　for　a　couple；　on　the　borders　of　my
park。　I　have　the　spot　in　my　eye。　The　point　is；　can　he　live　alone
there？　Men；　I　say；　do　not　change。　How　is　it　that　we　cannot　say　the
same　of　women？〃

Laetitia　remarked：　〃The　generic　woman　appears　to　have　an
extraordinary　faculty　for　swallowing　the　individual。〃

〃As　to　the　individual；　as　to　a　particular　person；　I　may　be　wrong。
Precisely　because　it　is　her　case　I　think　of；　my　strong　friendship
inspires　the　fear：　unworthy　of　both；　no　doubt；　but　trace　it　to　the
source。　Even　pure　friendship；　such　is　the　taint　in　us；　knows　a
kind　of　jealousy；　though　I　would　gladly　see　her　established；　and
near　me；　happy　and　contributing　to　my　happiness　with　her
incomparable　social　charm。　Her　I　do　not　estimate　generically；　be
sure。〃

If　you　do　me　the　honour　to　allude　to　me；　Sir　Willoughby；〃　said
Laetitia；　〃I　am　my　father's　housemate。〃

〃What　wooer　would　take　that　for　a　refusal？　He　would　beg　to　be　a
third　in　the　house　and　sharer　of　your　affectionate　burden。
Honestly；　why　not？　And　I　may　be　arguing　against　my　own　happiness；
it　may　be　the　end　of　me！〃

〃The　end？〃

〃Old　friends　are　captious；　exacting。　No；　not　the　end。　Yet　if　my
friend　is　not　the　same　to　me；　it　is　the　end　to　that　form　of
friendship：　not　to　the　degree　possibly。　But　when　one　is　used　to
the　form！　And　do　you；　in　its　application　to　friendship；　scorn　the
word　'use'？　We　are　creatures　of　custom。　I　am；　I　confess；　a
poltroon　in　my　affections；　I　dread　changes。　The　shadow　of　the
tenth　of　an　inch　in　the　customary　elevation　of　an　eyelid！to
give　you　an　idea　of　my　susceptibility。　And；　my　dear　Miss　Dale；　I
throw　myself　on　your　charity；　with　all　my　weakness　bare；　let　me
add；　as　I　could　do　to　none　but　you。　Consider；　then；　if　I　lose　you！
The　fear　is　due　to　my　pusillanimity　entirely。　High…souled　women
may　be　wives；　mothers；　and　still　reserve　that　home　for　their
friend。　They　can　and　will　conquer　the　viler　conditions　of　human
life。　Our　states；　I　have　always　contended；　our　various　phases　have
to　be　passed　through；　and　there　is　no　disgrace　in　it　so　long　as
they　do　not　levy　toll　on　the　quintessential；　the　spiritual
element。　You　understand　me？　I　am　no　adept　in　these　abstract
elucidations。〃

〃You　explain　yourself　clearly；〃　said　Laetitia。

〃I　have　never　pretended　that　psychology　was　my　forte；〃　said　he；
feeling　overshadowed　by　her　cold　commendation：　he　was　not　less
acutely　sensitive　to　the　fractional　divisions　of　tones　than　of
eyelids；　being；　as　it　were；　a　melody　with　which　everything　was
out　of　tune　that　did　not　modestly　or　mutely　accord；　and　to　bear
about　a　melody　in　your　person　is　incomparably　more　searching　than
the　best　of　touchstones　and　talismans　ever　invented。　〃Your
father's　health　has　improved　latterly？〃

〃He　did　not　complain　of　his　health　when　I　saw　him　this　morning。　My
cousin　Amelia　is　with　him；　and　she　is　an　excellent　nurse。

〃He　has　a　liking　for　Vernon。〃

〃He　has　a　great　respect　for　Mr。　Whitford。〃

〃You　have？〃

〃Oh；　yes；　I　have　it　equally。〃

〃For　a　foundation；　that　is　the　surest。　I　would　have　the　friends
dearest　to　me　begin　on　that。　The　headlong　match　ishow　can　we
describe　it？　By　its　finale　I　am　afraid。　Vernon's　abilities　are
really　to　be　respected。　His　shyness　is　his　malady。　I　suppose　he
reflected　that　he　was　not　a　capitalist。　He　might；　one　would　think；
have　addressed　himself　to　me；　my　purse　is　not　locked。〃

〃No；　Sir　Willoughby！〃　Laetitia　said；　warmly；　for　his　donations　in
charity　were　famous。

Her　eyes　gave　him　the　food　he　enjoyed；　and　basking　in　them；　he
continued：

〃Vernon's　income　would　at　once　have　been　regulated　commensurately　
with　a　new　position　requiring　an　increase。　This　money；　money；
money！　But　the　world　will　have　it　so。　Happily　I　have　inherited
habits　of　business　and　personal　economy。　Vernon　is　a　man　who
would　do　fifty　times　more　with　a　companion　appreciating　his
abilities　and　making　light　of　his　little　deficiencies。　They　are
palpable；　small　enough。　He　has　always　been　aware　of　my　wishes：
when　perhaps　the　fulfilment　might　have　sent　me　off　on　another　tour
of　the　world；　homebird　though　I　am。　When　was　it　that　our
friendship　commenced？　In　my　boyhood；　I　know。　Very　many　years
back。〃

〃I　am　in　my　thirtieth　year；〃　said　Laetitia。

Surprised　and　pained　by　a　baldness　resembling　the　deeds　of　ladies
（they　have　been　known；　either　through　absence　of　mind；　or　mania；
to　displace　a　wig）　in　the　deadly　intimacy　which　slaughters　poetic
admiration；　Sir　Willoughby　punished　her　by　deliberately　reckoning
that　she　did　not　look　less。

〃Genius；〃　he　observed；　〃is　unacquainted　with　wrinkles〃；　hardly　one
of　his　prettiest　speeches；　but　he　had　been　wounded；　and　he　never
could　recover　immediately。　Coming　on　him　in　a　mood　of　sentiment；
the　wound　was　sharp。　He　could　very　well　have　calculated　the　lady's
age。　It　was　the　jarring　clash　of　her　brazen　declaration　of　it　upon
his　low　rich　flute…notes　that　shocked　him。

He　glanced　at　the　gold　cathedral…clock　on　the　mantel…piece；　and
proposed　a　stroll　on　the　lawn　before　dinner。　Laetitia　gathered　up
her　embroidery　work。

〃As　a　rule；〃　he　said；　〃authoresses　are　not　needle…women。〃

〃I　shall　resign　the　needle　or　the　pen　if　it　stamps　me　an
exception；〃　she　replied。

He　attempted　a　compliment　on　her　truly　exceptional　character。　As
when　the　player's　finger　rests　in　distraction　on　the　organ；　it　was
without　measure　and　disgusted　his　own　hearing。　Nevertheless；　she
had　been　so　good　as　to　diminish　his　apprehension　that　the　marriage
of　a　lady　in　her　thirtieth　year　with　his　cousin　Vernon　would　be　so
much　of　a　loss　to　him；　hence；　while　parading　the　lawn；　now　and
then　casting　an　eye　at　the　window　of　the　room　where　his　Clara　and
Vernon　were　in　council；　the　schemes　he　indulged　for　his　prospective
comfort　and　his　feelings　of　the　moment　were　in　such　striving
harmony　as　that　to　which　we　hear　orchestral　musicians　bringing
their　instruments　under　the　process　called　tuning。　It　is　not
perfect；　but　it　promises　to　be　so　soon。　We　are　not　angels；　which
have　their　dulcimers　ever　on　the　choral　pitch。　We　are　mortals
attaining　the　celestial　accord　with　effort；　through　a　stage　of
pain。　Some　degree　of　pain　was　necessary　to　Sir　Willoughby；　
otherwise　he　would　not　have　seen　his　generosity　confronting　him。
He　grew；　therefore；　tenderly　inclined　to　Laetitia　once　more；　so
far　as　to　say　within　himself。　〃For　conversation　she　would　be　a
valuable　wife〃。　And　this　valuable　wife　he　was　presenting　to　his
cousin。

Apparently；　considering　the　duration　of　the　conference　of　his
Clara　and　Vernon；　his　cousin　required　strong　persuasion　to　accept
the　present。


CHAPTER　XV

The　Petition　for　a　Release

Neither　Clara　nor　Vernon　appeared　at　the　mid…day　table。　Dr。
Middleton　talked　with　Miss　Dale　on　classical　matters；　like　a
good…natured　giant　giving　a　child　the　jump　from　stone　to　stone
across　a　brawling　mountain　ford；　so　that　an　unedified　audience
might　really　suppose；　upon　seeing　her　over　the　difficulty；　she　had
done　something　for　herself。　Sir　Willoughby　was　proud　of　her；　and
therefore　anxious　to　settle　her　business　while　he　was　in　the
humour　to　lose　her。　He　hoped　to　finish　it　by　shooting　a　word　or
two　at　Vernon　before　dinner。　Clara's　petition　to　be　set　free；
released　from　him；　had　vaguely　frightened　even　more　than　it
offended　his　pride。

Miss　Isabel　quitted　the　room。

She　came　back；　saying：　〃They　decline　to　lunch。〃

〃Then　we　may　rise；〃　remarked　Sir　Willoughby。

〃She　was　weeping；〃　Miss　Isabel　murmured　to　him。

〃Girlish　enough；〃　he　said。

The　two　elderly　ladies　went　away　together。　Miss　Dale；　pursuing　her
theme　with　the　Rev。　Doctor；　was　invited　by　him　to　a　course　in　the
library。　Sir　Willoughby　walked　up　and　down　the　lawn；　taking　a
glance　at　the　West…room　as　he　swung　round　on　the　turn　of　his　leg。
Growing　impatient；　he　looked　in　at　the　window　and　found　the　room
vacant。

Nothing　was　to　be　seen　of　Clara　and　Vernon　during　the　afternoon。
Near　the　dinner…hour　the　ladies　were　informed　by　Miss　Middleton's
maid　that　her　mistress　was　lying　down　on　her　bed；　too　unwell　with
headache　to　be　present。　Young　Crossjay　brought　a　message　from
Vernon　（delayed　by　birds〃　eggs　in　the　delivery）；　to　say　that　he
was　off　over　the　hills；　and　thought　of　dining　with　Dr。　Corney。

Sir　Willoughby　despatched　condolences　to　his　bride。　He　was　not
well　able　to　employ　his　mind　on　its　customary　topic；　being；　like
the　dome　of　a　bell；　a　man　of　so　pervading　a　ring　within　himself
concerning　himself；　that　the　recollection　of　a　doubtful　speech　or
unpleasant　circumstance　touching　him　closely　deranged　his　inward
peace；　and　as　dubious　and　unpleasant　things　will　often　occur；　be
had　great　need　of　a　worshipper；　and　was　often　compelled　to　appeal
to　her　for　signs　of　antidotal　idolatry。　In　this　instance；　when
the　need　of　a　worshipper　was　sharply　felt；　he　obtained　no　signs　at
all。　The　Rev。　Doctor　had　fascinated　Miss　Dale；　so　that；　bot