the egoist-第32部分

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without　a　friend？　If　papa　and　I　were　to　leave　to…morrow；　I　foresee
endless　correspondence。　I　have　to　stay　at　least　some　days；　and
wear　through　it；　and　then；　if　I　have　to　speak　to　my　poor　father；
you　can　imagine　the　effect　on　him。〃

Sir　Willoughby　came　striding　in；　to　correct　the　error　of　his　going
out。

〃Miss　Dale　awaits　you；　my　dear。　You　have　bonnet；　hat？No？　Have
you　forgotten　your　appointment　to　walk　with　her？〃

〃I　am　ready；〃　said　Clara；　departing。

The　two　gentlemen　behind　her　separated　in　the　passage。　They　had
not　spoken。

She　had　read　of　the　reproach　upon　women；　that　they　divide　the
friendships　of　men。　She　reproached　herself　but　she　was　in　action；
driven　by　necessity；　between　sea　and　rock。　Dreadful　to　think　of！
she　was　one　of　the　creatures　who　are　written　about。


CHAPTER　XVI

Clara　and　Laetitia

In　spite　of　his　honourable　caution；　Vernon　had　said　things　to
render　Miss　Middleton　more　angrily　determined　than　she　had　been　in
the　scene　with　Sir　Willoughby。　His　counting　on　pitched　battles　and
a　defeat　for　her　in　all　of　them；　made　her　previous　feelings
appear　slack　in　comparison　with　the　energy　of　combat　now　animating
her。　And　she　could　vehemently　declare　that　she　had　not　chosen；　she
was　too　young；　too　ignorant　to　choose。　He　had　wrongly　used　that
word；　it　sounded　malicious；　and　to　call　consenting　the　same　in
fact　as　choosing　was　wilfully　unjust。　Mr。　Whitford　meant　well；　he
was　conscientious；　very　conscientious。　But　he　was　not　the　hero
descending　from　heaven　bright…sworded　to　smite　a　woman's　fetters
of　her　limbs　and　deliver　her　from　the　yawning　mouth…abyss。

His　logical　coolness　of　expostulation　with　her　when　she　cast　aside
the　silly　mission　entrusted　to　her　by　Sir　Willoughby　and　wept　for
herself；　was　unheroic　in　proportion　to　its　praiseworthiness。　He
had　left　it　to　her　to　do　everything　she　wished　done；　stipulating
simply　that　there　should　be　a　pause　of　four…and…twenty　hours　for
her　to　consider　of　it　before　she　proceeded　in　the　attempt　to
extricate　herself。　Of　consolation　there　had　not　been　a　word。　Said
he；　〃I　am　the　last　man　to　give　advice　in　such　a　case〃。　Yet　she　had
by　no　means　astonished　him　when　her　confession　came　out。　It　came
out；　she　knew　not　how。　It　was　led　up　to　by　his　declining　the　idea
of　marriage；　and　her　congratulating　him　on　his　exemption　from　the
prospect　of　the　yoke；　but　memory　was　too　dull　to　revive　the　one　or
two　fiery　minutes　of　broken　language　when　she　had　been　guilty　of
her　dire　misconduct。

This　gentleman　was　no　flatterer；　scarcely　a　friend。　He　could　look
on　her　grief　without　soothing　her。　Supposing　he　had　soothed　her
warmly？　All　her　sentiments　collected　in　her　bosom　to　dash　in
reprobation　of　him　at　the　thought。　She　nevertheless　condemned　him
for　his　excessive　coolness；　his　transparent　anxiety　not　to　be
compromised　by　a　syllable；　his　air　of　saying；　〃I　guessed　as　much；
but　why　plead　your　case　to　me？〃　And　his　recommendation　to　her　to
be　quite　sure　she　did　know　what　she　meant；　was　a　little　insulting。
She　exonerated　him　from　the　intention；　he　treated　her　as　a　girl。
By　what　he　said　of　Miss　Dale；　he　proposed　that　lady　for　imitation。

〃I　must　be　myself　or　I　shall　be　playing　hypocrite　to　dig　my　own
pitfall；〃　she　said　to　herself；　while　taking　counsel　with　Laetitia
as　to　the　route　for　their　walk；　and　admiring　a　becoming　curve　in
her　companion's　hat。

Sir　Willoughby；　with　many　protestations　of　regret　that　letters　of
business　debarred　him　from　the　pleasure　of　accompanying　them；
remarked　upon　the　path　proposed　by　Miss　Dale；　〃In　that　case　you
must　have　a　footman。〃

〃Then　we　adopt　the　other；〃　said　Clara；　and　they　set　forth。

〃Sir　Willoughby；〃　Miss　Dale　said　to　her；　〃is　always　in　alarm　about
our　unprotectedness。〃

Clara　glanced　up　at　the　clouds　and　closed　her　parasol。　She
replied；　〃It　inspires　timidity。〃

There　was　that　in　the　accent　and　character　of　the　answer　which
warned　Laetitia　to　expect　the　reverse　of　a　quiet　chatter　with　Miss
Middleton。

〃You　are　fond　of　walking？〃　She　chose　a　peaceful　topic。

〃Walking　or　riding；　yes；　of　walking；〃　said　Clara。　〃The　difficulty　
is　to　find　companions。〃

〃We　shall　lose　Mr。　Whitford　next　week。〃

〃He　goes？〃

〃He　will　be　a　great　loss　to　me；　for　I　do　not　ride；〃　Laetitia
replied　to　the　off…hand　inquiry。

〃Ah！〃

Miss　Middleton　did　not　fan　conversation　when　she　simply　breathed
her　voice。

Laetitia　tried　another　neutral　theme。

〃The　weather　to…day　suits　our　country；〃　she　said。

〃England；　or　Patterne　Park？　I　am　so　devoted　to　mountains　that　I
have　no　enthusiasm　for　flat　land。〃

〃Do　you　call　our　country　flat；　Miss　Middleton？　We　have
undulations；　hills；　and　we　have　sufficient　diversity；　meadows；
rivers；　copses；　brooks；　and　good　roads；　and　pretty　by…paths。〃

〃The　prettiness　is　overwhelming。　It　is　very　pretty　to　see；　but　to
live　with；　I　think　I　prefer　ugliness。　I　can　imagine　learning　to
love　ugliness。　It's　honest。　However　young　you　are；　you　cannot　he
deceived　by　it。　These　parks　of　rich　people　are　a　part　of　the
prettiness。　I　would　rather　have　fields；　commons。〃

〃The　parks　give　us　delightful　green　walks；　paths　through
beautiful　woods。〃

〃If　there　is　a　right…of…way　for　the　public。〃

〃There　should　be；〃　said　Miss　Dale；　wondering；　and　Clara　cried：　〃I
chafe　at　restraint：　hedges　and　palings　everywhere！　I　should　have
to　travel　ten　years　to　sit　down　contented　among　these
fortifications。　Of　course　I　can　read　of　this　rich　kind　of　English
country　with　pleasure　in　poetry。　But　it　seems　to　me　to　require
poetry。　What　would　you　say　of　human　beings　requiring　it？〃

〃That　they　are　not　so　companionable　but　that　the　haze　of　distance
improves　the　view。〃

〃Then　you　do　know　that　you　are　the　wisest？〃

Laetitia　raised　her　dark　eyelashes；　she　sought　to　understand。　She
could　only　fancy　she　did；　and　if　she　did；　it　meant　that　Miss
Middleton　thought　her　wise　in　remaining　single。

Clara　was　full　of　a　sombre　preconception　that　her　〃jealousy〃　had
been　hinted　to　Miss　Dale。

〃You　knew　Miss　Durham？〃　she　said。

〃Not　intimately。〃

〃As　well　as　you　know　me？〃

〃Not　so　well。〃

〃But　you　saw　more　of　her？〃

〃She　was　more　reserved　with　me。〃

〃Oh！　Miss　Dale；　I　would　not　be　reserved　with　you。〃

The　thrill　of　the　voice　caused　Laetitia　to　steal　a　look。　Clara's
eyes　were　bright；　and　she　had　the　readiness　to　run　to　volubility
of　the　fever…stricken；　otherwise　she　did　not　betray　excitement。

〃You　will　never　allow　any　of　these　noble　trees　to　be　felled；　Miss
Middleton？〃

〃The　axe　is　better　than　decay；　do　you　not　think？〃

〃I　think　your　influence　will　be　great　and　always　used　to　good
purpose。

〃My　influence；　Miss　Dale？　I　have　begged　a　favour　this　morning　and
can　not　obtain　the　grant。〃

It　was　lightly　said；　but　Clara's　face　was　more　significant；　and
〃What？〃　leaped　from　Laetitia's　lips。

Before　she　could　excuse　herself；　Clara　had　answered：　〃My　liberty。〃

In　another　and　higher　tone　Laetitia　said；　〃What？〃　and　she　looked
round　on　her　companion；　she　looked　in　the　doubt　that　is　open　to
conviction　by　a　narrow　aperture；　and　slowly　and　painfully　yields
access。　Clara　saw　the　vacancy　of　her　expression　gradually　filling
with　woefulness。

〃I　have　begged　him　to　release　me　from　my　engagement；　Miss　Dale。〃

〃Sir　Willoughby？〃

〃It　is　incredible　to　you。　He　refuses。　You　see　I　have　no
influence。〃

〃Miss　Middleton；　it　is　terrible！〃

〃To　be　dragged　to　the　marriage　service　against　one's　will？　Yes。〃

〃Oh！　Miss　Middleton！〃

〃Do　you　not　think　so？〃

〃That　cannot　be　your　meaning。〃

〃You　do　not　suspect　me　of　trifling？　You　know　I　would　not。　I　am　as
much　in　earnest　as　a　mouse　in　a　trap。〃

〃No；　you　will　not　misunderstand　me！　Miss　Middleton；　such　a　blow　to
Sir　Willoughby　would　be　shocking；　most　cruel！　He　is　devoted　to
you。〃

〃He　was　devoted　to　Miss　Durham。〃

〃Not　so　deeply：　differently。〃

〃Was　he　not　very　much　courted　at　that　time？　He　is　now；　not　so
much：　he　is　not　so　young。　But　my　reason　for　speaking　of　Miss
Durham　was　to　exclaim　at　the　strangeness　of　a　girl　winning　her
freedom　to　plunge　into　wedlock。　Is　it　comprehensible　to　you？　She
flies　from　one　dungeon　into　another。　These　are　the　acts　which
astonish　men　at　our　conduct；　and　cause　them　to　ridicule　and；　I
dare　say；　despise　us。〃

〃But；　Miss　Middleton；　for　Sir　Willoughby　to　grant　such　a　request；
if　it　was　made　。　。　。〃

〃It　was　made；　and　by　me；　and　will　be　made　again。　I　throw　it　all　on
my　unworthiness；　Miss　Dale。　So　the　county　will　think　of　me；　and
quite　justly。　I　would　rather　defend　him　than　myself。　He　requires　a
different　wife　from　anything　I　can　be。　That　is　my　discovery；
unhappily　a　late　one。　The　blame　is　all　mine。　The　world　cannot　be
too　hard　on　me。　But　I　must　be　free　if　I　am　to　be　kind　in
my　judgements　even　of　the　gentleman　I　have　injured。〃

〃So　noble　a　gentleman！〃　Laetitia　sighed。

〃I　will　subscribe　to　any　eulogy　of　him；〃　said　Clara；　with　a
penetrating　thought　as　to　the　possibility　of　a　lady　experienced　in
him　like　Laetitia　taking　him　for　noble。　〃He　has　a　noble　air。　I
say　it　sincerely；　that　your　appreciation　of　him　proves　his
nobility。〃　Her　feeling　of　opposition　to　Sir　Willoughby　pushed　her
to　this　extravagance；　gravely　perplexing　Laetitia。　〃And　it　is；〃
added　Clara；　as　if　to　support　what　she　had　said；　〃a　withering
rebuke　to　me；　I　know　him　less；　at　least　have　not　had　so　long　an
experience　of　him。〃

Laetitia　pondered　on　an　obscurity　in　these　words　which　would　have
accused　her　thick　intelligence　but　for　a　glimmer　it　threw　on
another　most　obscure　communication。　She　feared　it　might　be；
strange　though　it　seemed；　jealousy；　a　shade　of　jealousy　affecting
Miss　Middleton；　as　had　been　vaguely　intimated　by　Sir　Willoughby
when　they　were　waiting　in　the　hall。　〃A　little　feminine　ailment；
a　want　of　comprehension　of　a　perfect　friendship；〃　those　were　his
words　to　her：　and　he　suggested　vaguely　that　care　must　be　taken　in
the　eulogy　of　her　friend。

She　resolved　to　be　explicit。

〃I　have　not　said　that　I　think　him　beyond　criticism；　Miss
Middleton。〃

〃Noble？〃

〃He　has　faults。　When　we　have　known　a　person　for　years　the　faults
come　out；　but　custom　makes　light　of　them；　and　I　suppose　we　feel
flattered　by　seeing　what　it　would　be　difficult　to　be　blind　to！
A　very　little　flatters　us！　Now；　do　you　not　admire　that　view？　It　is
my　favo