the egoist-第43部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


Whitford　walking　beside　him　with　a　swinging　stride　off　to　the　lake
for　their　morning　swim。　Happy　couple！　The　morning　gave　them　both　a
freshness　and　innocence　above　human。　They　seemed　to　Clara　made　of
morning　air　and　clear　lake　water。　Crossjay's　voice　ran　up　and　down
a　diatonic　scale　with　here　and　there　a　query　in　semitone　and　a
laugh　on　a　ringing　note。　She　wondered　what　he　could　have　to　talk
of　so　incessantly；　and　imagined　all　the　dialogue。　He　prattled
of　his　yesterday；　to…day；　and　to…morrow；　which　did　not　imply　past
and　future；　but　his　vivid　present。　She　felt　like　one　vainly　trying
to　fly　in　hearing　him；　she　felt　old。　The　consolation　she　arrived
at　was　to　feel　maternal。　She　wished　to　hug　the　boy。

Trot　and　stride；　Crossjay　and　Vernon　entered　the　park；　careless
about　wet　grass；　not　once　looking　at　the　house。　Crossjay　ranged
ahead　and　picked　flowers；　bounding　back　to　show　them。　Clara's
heart　beat　at　a　fancy　that　her　name　was　mentioned。　If　those
flowers　were　for　her　she　would　prize　them。

The　two　bathers　dipped　over　an　undulation。

Her　loss　of　them　rattled　her　chains。

Deeply　dwelling　on　their　troubles　has　the　effect　upon　the　young　of
helping　to　forgetfulness；　for　they　cannot　think　without　imagining；
their　imaginations　are　saturated　with　their　Pleasures；　and　the
collision；　though　they　are　unable　to　exchange　sad　for　sweet；
distills　an　opiate。

〃Am　I　solemnly　engaged？〃　she　asked　herself。　She　seemed　to　be
awakening。

She　glanced　at　her　bed；　where　she　had　passed　the　night　of
ineffectual　moaning；　and　out　on　the　high　wave　of　grass；　where
Crossjay　and　his　good　friend　had　vanished。

Was　the　struggle　all　to　be　gone　over　again？

Little　by　little　her　intelligence　of　her　actual　position　crept　up
to　submerge　her　heart。

〃I　am　in　his　house！〃　she　said。　It　resembled　a　discovery；　so
strangely　had　her　opiate　and　power　of　dreaming　wrought　through　her
tortures。　She　said　it　gasping。　She　was　in　his　house；　his　guest；
his　betrothed；　sworn　to　him。　The　fact　stood　out　cut　in　steel　on
the　pitiless　daylight。

That　consideration　drove　her　to　be　an　early　wanderer　in　the　wake
of　Crossjay。

Her　station　was　among　the　beeches　on　the　flank　of　the　boy's
return；　and　while　waiting　there　the　novelty　of　her　waiting　to
waylay　anyoneshe　who　had　played　the　contrary　part！told　her
more　than　it　pleased　her　to　think。　Yet　she　could　admit　that　she
did　desire　to　speak　with　Vernon；　as　with　a　counsellor；　harsh　and
curt；　but　wholesome。

The　bathers　reappeared　on　the　grass…ridge；　racing　and　flapping　wet
towels。

Some　one　hailed　them。　A　sound　of　the　galloping　hoof　drew　her
attention　to　the　avenue。　She　saw　Willoughby　dash　across　the　park
level；　and　dropping　a　word　to　Vernon；　ride　away。　Then　she　allowed
herself　to　be　seen。

Crossjay　shouted。　Willoughby　turned　his　head；　but　not　his　horse's
head。　The　boy　sprang　up　to　Clara。　He　had　swum　across　the　lake　and
back；　he　had　raced　Mr。　Whitfordand　beaten　him！　How　he　wished
Miss　Middleton　had　been　able　to　be　one　of　them！

Clara　listened　to　him　enviously。　Her　thought　was：　We　women　are
nailed　to　our　sex！

She　said：　〃And　you　have　just　been　talking　to　Sir　Willoughby。〃

Crossjay　drew　himself　up　to　give　an　imitation　of　the　baronet's　
hand…moving　in　adieu。

He　would　not　have　done　that　had　he　not　smelled　sympathy　with　the
performance。

She　declined　to　smile。　Crossjay　repeated　it；　and　laughed。　He　made
a　broader　exhibition　of　it　to　Vernon　approaching：　〃I　say。　Mr。
Whitford；　who's　this？〃

Vernon　doubled　to　catch　him。　Crossjay　fled　and　resumed　his　
magnificent　air　in　the　distance。

〃Good…morning；　Miss　Middleton；　you　are　out　early；〃　said　Vernon；
rather　pale　and　stringy　from　his　cold　swim；　and　rather　hard…eyed
with　the　sharp　exercise　following　it。

She　had　expected　some　of　the　kindness　she　wanted　to　reject；　for　he
could　speak　very　kindly；　and　she　regarded　him　as　her　doctor　of
medicine；　who　would　at　least　present　the　futile　drug。

〃Good　morning；〃　she　replied。

〃Willoughby　will　not　be　home　till　the　evening。〃

〃You　could　not　have　had　a　finer　morning　for　your　bath。〃

〃No。〃

〃I　will　walk　as　fast　as　you　like。〃

〃I'm　perfectly　warm。〃

〃But　you　prefer　fast　walking。〃

〃Out。〃

〃Ah！　yes；　that　I　understand。　The　walk　back！　Why　is　Willoughby　away
to…day？〃

〃He　has　business。〃

After　several　steps　she　said：　〃He　makes　very　sure　of　papa。〃

〃Not　without　reason；　you　will　find；〃　said　Vernon。

〃Can　it　be？　I　am　bewildered。　I　had　papa's　promise。〃

〃To　leave　the　Hall　for　a　day　or　two。〃

〃It　would　have　been。　。　。〃

〃Possibly。　But　other　heads　are　at　work　as　well　as　yours。　If　you
had　been　in　earnest　about　it　you　would　have　taken　your　father　into
your　confidence　at　once。　That　was　the　course　I　ventured　to
propose；　on　the　supposition。〃

〃In　earnest！　I　cannot　imagine　that　you　doubt　it。　I　wished　to　spare
him。〃

〃This　is　a　case　in　which　he　can't　be　spared。〃

〃If　I　had　been　bound　to　any　other！　I　did　not　know　then　who　held　me
a　prisoner。　I　thought　I　had　only　to　speak　to　him　sincerely。〃

〃Not　many　men　would　give　up　their　prize　for　a　word；　Willoughby　the
last　of　any。〃

〃Prize〃　rang　through　her　thrillingly　from　Vernon's　mouth；　and
soothed　her　degradation。

She　would　have　liked　to　protest　that　she　was　very　little　of　a
prize；　a　poor　prize；　not　one　at　all　in　general　estimation；　only
one　to　a　man　reckoning　his　property；　no　prize　in　the　true　sense。

The　importunity　of　pain　saved　her。

〃Does　he　think　I　can　change　again？　Am　I　treated　as　something　won
in　a　lottery？　To　stay　here　is　indeed　more　than　I　can　bear。　And　if
he　is　calculatingMr。　Whitford；　if　he　calculates　on　another
change；　his　plotting　to　keep　me　here　is　inconsiderate；　not　very
wise。　Changes　may　occur　in　absence。〃

〃Wise　or　not；　he　has　the　right　to　scheme　his　best　to　keep　you。〃

She　looked　on　Vernon　with　a　shade　of　wondering　reproach。

〃Why？　What　right？〃

〃The　right　you　admit　when　you　ask　him　to　release　you。　He　has　the
right　to　think　you　deluded；　and　to　think　you　may　come　to　a　better
mood　if　you　remaina　mood　more　agreeable　to　him；　I　mean。　He　has
that　right　absolutely。　You　are　bound　to　remember　also　that　you
stand　in　the　wrong。　You　confess　it　when　you　appeal　to　his
generosity。　And　every　man　has　the　right　to　retain　a　treasure　in
his　hand　if　he　can。　Look　straight　at　these　facts。〃

〃You　expect　me　to　be　all　reason！〃

〃Try　to　be。　It's　the　way　to　learn　whether　you　are　really　in
earnest。〃

〃I　will　try。　It　will　drive　me　to　worse！〃

〃Try　honestly。　What　is　wisest　now　is；　in　my　opinion；　for　you　to
resolve　to　stay。　I　speak　in　the　character　of　the　person　you
sketched　for　yourself　as　requiring。　Well；　then；　a　friend　repeats　
the　same　advice。　You　might　have　gone　with　your　father：　now　you
will　only　disturb　him　and　annoy　him。　The　chances　are　he　will
refuse　to　go。〃

〃Are　women　ever　so　changeable　as　men；　then？　Papa　consented；　he
agreed；　he　had　some　of　my　feeling；　I　saw　it。　That　was　yesterday。
And　at　night！　He　spoke　to　each　of　us　at　night　in　a　different　tone
from　usual。　With　me　he　was　hardly　affectionate。　But　when　you
advise　me　to　stay；　Mr。　Whitford；　you　do　not　perhaps　reflect　that
it　would　be　at　the　sacrifice　of　all　candour。〃

〃Regard　it　as　a　probational　term。〃

〃It　has　gone　too　far　with　me。〃

〃Take　the　matter　into　the　head：　try　the　case　there。〃

〃Are　you　not　counselling　me　as　if　I　were　a　woman　of　intellect？〃

The　crystal　ring　in　her　voice　told　him　that　tears　were　near　to
flowing。

He　shuddered　slightly。　〃You　have　intellect；〃　he　said；　nodded。　and
crossed　the　lawn；　leaving　her。　He　had　to　dress。

She　was　not　permitted　to　feel　lonely；　for　she　was　immediately　
joined　by　Colonel　De　Craye。


CHAPTER　XXII

The　Ride

Crossjay　darted　up　to　her　a　nose　ahead　of　the　colonel。

〃I　say；　Miss　Middleton；　we're　to　have　the　whole　day　to　ourselves；
after　morning　lessons。　Will　you　come　and　fish　with　me　and　see　me
bird's…nest？〃

〃Not　for　the　satisfaction　of　beholding　another　cracked　crown；　my
son；〃　the　colonel　interposed：　and　bowing　to　Clara：　〃Miss
Middleton　is　handed　over　to　my　exclusive　charge　for　the　day；　with
her　consent？〃

〃I　scarcely　know；〃　said　she；　consulting　a　sensation　of　languor
that　seemed　to　contain　some　reminiscence。　〃If　I　am　here。　My
father's　plans　are　uncertain。　I　will　speak　to　him。　If　I　am　here；
perhaps　Crossjay　would　like　a　ride　in　the　afternoon。〃

〃Oh；　yes；〃　cried　the　boy；　〃out　over　Bournden；　through　Mewsey　up　to
Closharn　Beacon；　and　down　on　Aspenwell；　where　there's　a　common　for
racing。　And　ford　the　stream！〃

〃An　inducement　for　you；〃　De　Craye　said　to　her。

She　smiled　and　squeezed　the　boy's　hand。

〃We　won't　go　without　you；　Crossjay。〃

〃You　don't　carry　a　comb；　my　man；　when　you　bathe？〃

At　this　remark　of　the　colonel's　young　Crossjay　conceived　the
appearance　of　his　matted　locks　in　the　eyes　of　his　adorable　lady。
He　gave　her　one　dear　look　through　his　redness；　and　fled。

〃I　like　that　boy；〃　said　De　Craye。

〃I　love　him；〃　said　Clara。

Crossjay's　troubled　eyelids　in　his　honest　young　face　became　a
picture　for　her。

〃After　all；　Miss　Middleton；　Willoughby's　notions　about　him　are
not　so　bad；　if　we　consider　that　you　will　be　in　the　place　of　a
mother　to　him。〃

〃I　think　them　bad。〃

〃You　are　disinclined　to　calculate　the　good　fortune　of　the　boy　in
having　more　of　you　on　land　than　he　would　have　in　crown　and　anchor
buttons！〃

〃You　have　talked　of　him　with　Willoughby；〃

〃We　had　a　talk　last　night。〃

Of　how　much？　thought　she。

〃Willoughby　returns？〃　she　said。

〃He　dines　here；　I　know；　for　he　holds　the　key　of　the　inner　cellar；
and　Doctor　Middleton　does　him　the　honour　to　applaud　his　wine。
Willoughby　was　good　enough　to　tell　me　that　he　thought　I　might
contribute　to　amuse　you。〃

She　was　brooding　in　stupefaction　on　her　father　and　the　wine　as　she
requested　Colonel　De　Craye　to　persuade　Willoughby　to　take　the
general　view　of　Crossjay's　future　and　act　on　it。

〃He　seems　fond　of　the　boy；　too；〃　said　De　Craye；　musingly。

〃You　speak　in　doubt？〃

〃Not　at　all。　But　is　he　notmen　are　queer　fish！make　allowance　
for　usa　trifle　tyrannical；　pleasantly；　with　those　he　is　fond
of？〃

〃If　they　look　right　and　left？〃

It　was　meant　for　an　interrogation；　it　was　not　with　the　sound　of
one　that　the　words　dropped。　〃My　dear　Crossjay！〃　she　sighed。　〃I
would　willingly　pay