the egoist-第46部分

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The　pace　had　nerved　Clara　to　speak　to　it　sharply：　〃There　is　no
need。〃

〃Have　I　no　claim？〃

She　was　mute。

〃Miss　Lucy　Darleton；　for　instance；　whose　name　I　am　almost　as　much
in　love　with　as　Crossjay。〃

〃She　will　not　be　bridesmaid　to　me。〃

〃She　declines？　Add　my　petition；　I　beg。〃

〃To　all？　or　to　her？〃

〃Do　all　the　bridesmaids　decline？〃

〃The　scene　is　too　ghastly。〃

〃A　marriage？〃

〃Girls　have　grown　sick　of　it。〃

〃Of　weddings？　We'll　overcome　the　sickness。〃

〃With　some。〃

〃Not　with　Miss　Darleton？　You　tempt　my　eloquence。

〃You　wish　it？〃

〃To　win　her　consent？　Certainly。〃

〃The　scene？〃

〃Do　I　wish　that？〃

〃Marriage！〃　exclaimed　Clara。　dashing　into　the　ford；　fearful　of　her
ungovernable　wildness　and　of　what　it　might　have　kindled。You；
father！　you　have　driven　me　to　unmaidenliness！She　forgot
Willoughby；　in　her　father；　who　would　not　quit　a　comfortable　house
for　her　all　but　prostrate　beseeching；　would　not　bend　his　mind　to
her　explanations；　answered　her　with　the　horrid　iteration　of　such
deaf　misunderstanding　as　may　be　associated　with　a　tolling　bell。

Dc　Craye　allowed　her　to　catch　Crossjay　by　herself　They
entered　a　narrow　lane；　mysterious　with　possible　birds〃　eggs　in　the
May…green　hedges。　As　there　was　not　room　for　three　abreast；　the
colonel　made　up　the　rear…guard；　and　was　consoled　by　having　Miss
Middleton's　figure　to　contemplate；　but　the　readiness　of　her
joining　in　Crossjay's　pastime　of　the　nest…hunt　was　not　so　pleasing
to　a　man　that　she　had　wound　to　a　pitch　of　excitement。　Her　scornful
accent　on　〃Marriage〃　rang　through　him。　Apparently　she　was
beginning　to　do　with　him　just　as　she　liked；　herself　entirely
unconcerned。

She　kept　Crossjay　beside　her　till　she　dismounted；　and　the　colonel
was　left　to　the　procession　of　elephantine　ideas　in　his　head；　whose
ponderousness　he　took　for　natural　weight。　We　do　not　with　impunity
abandon　the　initiative。　Men　who　have　yielded　it　are　like　cavalry
put　on　the　defensive；　a　very　small　force　with　an　ictus　will
scatter　them。

Anxiety　to　recover　lost　ground　reduced　the　dimensions　of　his　ideas
to　a　practical　standard。

Two　ideas　were　opposed　like　duellists　bent　on　the　slaughter　of　one
another。　Either　she　amazed　him　by　confirming　the　suspicions　he　had
gathered　of　her　sentiments　for　Willoughby　in　the　moments　of　his
introduction　to　her；　or　she　amazed　him　as　a　model　for　coquettes
the　married　and　the　widow　might　apply　to　her　for　lessons。

These　combatants　exchanged　shots；　but　remained　standing；　the
encounter　was　undecided。　Whatever　the　result；　no　person　so
seductive　as　Clara　Middleton　had　he　ever　met。　Her　cry　of　loathing；
〃Marriage！〃　coming　from　a　girl；　rang　faintly　clear　of　an　ancient
virginal　aspiration　of　the　sex　to　escape　from　their　coil；　and
bespoke　a　pure；　cold；　savage　pride　that　transplanted　his　thirst
for　her　to　higher　fields。


CHAPTER　XXIII

Treats　of　the　Union　of　Temper　and　Policy

Sir　Willoughby　meanwhile　was　on　a　line　of　conduct　suiting　his
appreciation　of　his　duty　to　himself。　He　had　deluded　himself　with
the　simple　notion　that　good　fruit　would　come　of　the　union　of
temper　and　policy。

No　delusion　is　older；　none　apparently　so　promising；　both　parties
being　eager　for　the　alliance。　Yet；　the　theorist　upon　human　nature
will　say；　they　are　obviously　of　adverse　disposition。　And　this　is
true；　inasmuch　as　neither　of　them　win　submit　to　the　yoke　of　an
established　union；　as　soon　as　they　have　done　their　mischief；　they
set　to　work　tugging　for　a　divorce。　But　they　have　attractions；　the
one　for　the　other；　which　precipitate　them　to　embrace　whenever　they
meet　in　a　breast；　each　is　earnest　with　the　owner　of　it　to　get　him
to　officiate　forthwith　as　wedding…priest。　And　here　is　the　reason：
temper；　to　warrant　its　appearance；　desires　to　be　thought　as
deliberative　as　policy；　and　policy；　the　sooner　to　prove　its
shrewdness；　is　impatient　for　the　quick　blood　of　temper。

It　will　be　well　for　men　to　resolve　at　the　first　approaches　of　the
amorous　but　fickle　pair　upon　interdicting　even　an　accidental　
temporary　junction：　for　the　astonishing　sweetness　of　the　couple
when　no　more　than　the　ghosts　of　them　have　come　together　in　a
projecting　mind　is　an　intoxication　beyond　fermented　grapejuice　or
a　witch's　brewage；　and　under　the　guise　of　active　wits　they　will
lead　us　to　the　parental　meditation　of　antics　compared　with　which
a　Pagan　Saturnalia　were　less　impious　in　the　sight　of　sanity。　This
is　full…mouthed　language；　but　on　our　studious　way　through　any
human　career　we　are　subject　to　fits　of　moral　elevation；　the　theme
inspires　it；　and　the　sage　residing　in　every　civilized　bosom
approves　it。

Decide　at　the　outset；　that　temper　is　fatal　to　policy：　hold　them
with　both　hands　in　division。　One　might　add；　be　doubtful　of　your
policy　and　repress　your　temper：　it　would　be　to　suppose　you　wise。
You　can；　however；　by　incorporating　two　or　three　captains　of　the
great　army　of　truisms　bequeathed　to　us　by　ancient　wisdom；　fix　in
your　service　those　veteran　old　standfasts　to　check　you。　They　will
not　be　serviceless　in　their　admonitions　to　your　understanding；　and
they　will　so　contrive　to　reconcile　with　it　the　natural　caperings
of　the　wayward　young　sprig　Conduct；　that　the　latter；　who　commonly
learns　to　walk　upright　and　straight　from　nothing　softer　than　raps
of　a　bludgeon　on　his　crown；　shall　foot　soberly；　appearing　at　least
wary　of　dangerous　corners。

Now　Willoughby　had　not　to　be　taught　that　temper　is　fatal　to
policy；　he　was　beginning　to　see　in　addition　that　the　temper　he
encouraged　was　particularly　obnoxious　to　the　policy　he　adopted；
and　although　his　purpose　in　mounting　horse　after　yesterday
frowning　on　his　bride　was　definite；　and　might　be　deemed　sagacious；
he　bemoaned　already　the　fatality　pushing　him　ever　farther　from　her
in　chase　of　a　satisfaction　impossible　to　grasp。

But　the　bare　fact　that　her　behaviour　demanded　a　line　of　policy
crossed　the　grain　of　his　temper：　it　was　very　offensive。

Considering　that　she　wounded　him　severely；　her　reversal　of　their
proper　parts；　by　taking　the　part　belonging　to　him；　and　requiring
his　watchfulness；　and　the　careful　dealings　he　was　accustomed　to
expect　from　others；　and　had　a　right　to　exact　of　her；　was
injuriously　unjust。　The　feelings　of　a　man　hereditarily　sensitive
to　property　accused　her　of　a　trespassing　imprudence；　and　knowing
himself；　by　testimony　of　his　household；　his　tenants；　and　the
neighbourhood；　and　the　world　as　well；　amiable　when　he　received
his　dues；　he　contemplated　her　with　an　air　of　stiff…backed
ill…treatment；　not　devoid　of　a　certain　sanctification　of
martyrdom。

His　bitterest　enemy　would　hardly　declare　that　it　was　he　who　was　in
the　wrong。

Clara　herself　had　never　been　audacious　enough　to　say　that。
Distaste　of　his　person　was　inconceivable　to　the　favourite　of
society。　The　capricious　creature　probably　wanted　a　whipping　to
bring　her　to　the　understanding　of　the　principle　called　mastery；
which　is　in　man。

But　was　he　administering　it？　If　he　retained　a　hold　on　her；　he
could　undoubtedly　apply　the　scourge　at　leisure；　any　kind　of
scourge；　he　could　shun　her；　look　on　her　frigidly；　unbend　to　her　to
find　a　warmer　place　for　sarcasm；　pityingly　smile；　ridicule；　pay
court　elsewhere。　He　could　do　these　things　if　he　retained　a　hold　on
her；　and　he　could　do　them　well　because　of　the　faith　he　had　in　his
renowned　amiability；　for　in　doing　them；　he　could　feel　that　he　was
other　than　he　seemed；　and　his　own　cordial　nature　was　there　to
comfort　him　while　he　bestowed　punishment。　Cordial　indeed；　the
chills　he　endured　were　flung　from　the　world。　His　heart　was　in　that
fiction：　half　the　hearts　now　beating　have　a　mild　form　of　it　to
keep　them　merry：　and　the　chastisement　he　desired　to　inflict　was
really　no　more　than　righteous　vengeance　for　an　offended　goodness
of　heart。　Clara　figuratively；　absolutely　perhaps；　on　her　knees；　he
would　raise　her　and　forgive　her。　He　yearned　for　the　situation。　To
let　her　understand　how　little　she　had　known　him！　It　would　be　worth
the　pain　she　had　dealt；　to　pour　forth　the　stream　of　re…established
confidences；　to　paint　himself　to　her　as　he　was；　as　he　was　in　the
spirit；　not　as　he　was　to　the　world：　though　the　world　had　reason　to
do　him　honour。

First；　however；　she　would　have　to　be　humbled。

Something　whispered　that　his　hold　on　her　was　lost。

In　such　a　case；　every　blow　he　struck　would　set　her　flying　farther；
till　the　breach　between　them　would　be　past　bridging。

Determination　not　to　let　her　go　was　the　best　finish　to　this
perpetually　revolving　round　which　went　like　the　same　old
wheel…planks　of　a　water　mill　in　his　head　at　a　review　of　the　injury
he　sustained。　He　had　come　to　it　before。　and　he　came　to　it　again。
There　was　his　vengeance。　It　melted　him；　she　was　so　sweet！　She
shone　for　him　like　the　sunny　breeze　on　water。　Thinking　of　her
caused　a　catch　of　his　breath。

The　dreadful　young　woman　had　a　keener　edge　for　the　senses　of　men
than　sovereign　beauty。

It　would　be　madness　to　let　her　go。

She　affected　him　like　an　outlook　on　the　great　Patterne　estate
after　an　absence；　when　his　welcoming　flag　wept　for　pride　above
Patterne　Hall！

It　would　be　treason　to　let　her　go。

It　would　be　cruelty　to　her。

He　was　bound　to　reflect　that　she　was　of　tender　age；　and　the
foolishness　of　the　wretch　was　excusable　to　extreme　youth。

We　toss　away　a　flower　that　we　are　tired　of　smelling　and　do　not
wish　to　carry。　But　the　roseyoung　womanis　not　cast　off　with
impunity。　A　fiend　in　shape　of　man　is　always　behind　us　to
appropriate　her。　He　that　touches　that　rejected　thing　is　larcenous。
Willoughby　had　been　sensible　of　it　in　the　person　of　Laetitia：　and
by　all　the　more　that　Clara's　charms　exceeded　the　faded　creature's；
he　felt　it　now。　Ten　thousand　Furies　thickened　about　him　at　a
thought　of　her　lying　by　the　road…side　without　his　having　crushed
all　bloom　and　odour　out　of　her　which　might　tempt　even　the
curiosity　of　the　fiend；　man。

On　the　other　hand；　supposing　her　to　be　there　untouched；
universally　declined　by　the　sniffling；　sagacious　dog…fiend；　a
miserable　spinster　for　years；　he　could　conceive　notions　of　his
remorse。　A　soft　remorse　may　be　adopted　as　an　agreeable　sensation　
within　view　of　the　wasted　penitent　whom　we　have　struck　a　trifle
too　hard。　Seeing　her　penitent；　he　certainly　would　be　willing　to
surround　her