the egoist-第49部分

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at　alla　no　against　a　yesin　the　case　of　poor　Flitch；　and
Clara's；　〃Willoughby　will　not　forgive〃；　and　De　Craye's　〃Oh；　he's
human〃：　and　the　silence　of　Clara　and　De　Craye's　hearty　cry；
〃Flitch　shall　be　a　genteman's　coachman　in　his　old　seat　or　I
haven't　a　tongue！〃　to　which　there　was　a　negative　of　Clara's　head：
and　it　then　struck　Laetitia　that　this　young　betrothed　lady；　whose
alienated　heart　acknowledged　no　lord　an　hour　earlier；　had　met　her
match；　and；　as　the　observer　would　have　said；　her　destiny。　　She
judged　of　the　alarming　possibility　by　the　recent　revelation　to
herself　of　Miss　Middleton's　character；　and　by　Clara's　having
spoken　to　a　man　as　well　（to　Vernon）；　and　previously。　That　a　young
lady　should　speak　on　the　subject　of　the　inner　holies　to　a　man；
though　he　were　Vernon　Whitford；　was　incredible　to　Laetitia；　but　it
had　to　be　accepted　as　one　of　the　dread　facts　of　our　inexplicable
life；　which　drag　our　bodies　at　their　wheels　and　leave　our　minds
exclaiming。　Then；　if　Clara　could　speak　to　Vernon；　which　Laetitia
would　not　have　done　for　a　mighty　bribe；　she　could　speak　to　De
Craye；　Laetitia　thought　deductively：　this　being　the　logic　of
untrained　heads　opposed　to　the　proceeding　whereby　their
condemnatory　deduction　hangs。Clara　must　have　spoken　to　De　Craye！

Laetitia　remembered　how　winning　and　prevailing　Miss　Middleton
could　be　in　her　confidences。　A　gentleman　hearing　her　might　forget
his　duty　to　his　friend；　she　thought；　for　she　had　been　strangely
swayed　by　Clara：　ideas　of　Sir　Willoughby　that　she　had　never　before
imagined　herself　to　entertain　had　been　sown　in　her；　she　thought；
not　asking　herself　whether　the　searchingness　of　the　young　lady　had
struck　them　and　bidden　them　rise　from　where　they　lay　imbedded。
Very　gentle　women　take　in　that　manner　impressions　of　persons；
especially　of　the　worshipped　person；　wounding　them；　like　the　new
fortifications　with　embankments　of　soft　earth；　where　explosive
missiles　bury　themselves　harmlessly　until　they　are　plucked　out；
and　it　may　be　a　reason　why　those　injured　ladies　outlive　a　Clara
Middleton　similarly　battered。

Vernon　less　than　Laetitia　took　into　account　that　Clara　was　in　a
state　of　fever；　scarcely　reasonable。　Her　confidences　to　him　he　had
excused；　as　a　piece　of　conduct；　in　sympathy　with　her　position。　He
had　not　been　greatly　astonished　by　the　circumstances　confided；
and；　on　the　whole；　as　she　was　excited　and　unhappy；　he　excused　her
thoroughly；　he　could　have　extolled　her：　it　was　natural　that　she
should　come　to　him；　brave　in　her　to　speak　so　frankly；　a　compliment
that　she　should　condescend　to　treat　him　as　a　friend。　Her　position
excused　her　widely。　But　she　was　not　excused　for　making　a
confidential　friend　of　De　Craye。　There　was　a　difference。

Well；　the　difference　was；　that　De　Craye　had　not　the　smarting　sense
of　honour　with　women　which　our　meditator　had：　an　impartial
judiciary；　it　will　be　seen：　and　he　discriminated　between　himself
and　the　other　justly：　but　sensation　surging　to　his　brain　at　the
same　instant；　he　reproached　Miss　Middleton　for　not　perceiving　that
difference　as　clearly；　before　she　betrayed　her　position　to　De
Craye；　which　Vernon　assumed　that　she　had　done。　Of　course　he　did。
She　had　been　guilty　of　it　once：　why；　then；　in　the　mind　of　an
offended　friend；　she　would　be　guilty　of　it　twice。　There　was
evidence。　Ladies；　fatally　predestined　to　appeal　to　that　from　which
they　have　to　be　guarded；　must　expect　severity　when　they　run　off
their　railed　highroad：　justice　is　out　of　the　question：　man's
brains　might；　his　blood　cannot　administer　it　to　them。　By　chilling
him　to　the　bone　they　may　get　what　they　cry　for。　But　that　is　a
method　deadening　to　their　point　of　appeal。

I　the　evening；　Miss　Middleton　and　the　colonel　sang　a　duet。　She
had　of　late　declined　to　sing。　Her　voice　was　noticeably　firm。　Sir
Willoughby　said　to　her；　〃You　have　recovered　your　richness　of　tone；
Clara。〃　She　smiled　and　appeared　happy　in　pleasing　him。　He　named　a
French　ballad。　She　went　to　the　music…rack　and　gave　the　song
unasked。　He　should　have　been　satisfied；　for　she　said　to　him　at　the
finish；　〃Is　that　as　you　like　it？〃　He　broke　from　a　murmur　to　Miss
Dale；　〃Admirable。〃　Some　one　mentioned　a　Tuscan　popular　canzone。
She　waited　for　Willoughby's　approval；　and　took　his　nod　for　a
mandate。

Traitress！　he　could　have　bellowed。

He　had　read　of　this　characteristic　of　caressing　obedience　of　the
women　about　to　deceive。　He　had　in　his　time　profited　by　it。

〃Is　it　intuitively　or　by　their　experience　that　our　neighbours
across　Channel　surpass　us　in　the　knowledge　of　your　sex？〃　he　said
to　Miss　Dale；　and　talked　through　Clara's　apostrophe　to　the
'Santissinia　Virgine　Maria；'　still　treating　temper　as　a　part
of　policy；　without　any　effect　on　Clara；　and　that　was　matter　for
sickly　green　reflections。　The　lover　who　cannot　wound　has　indeed
lost　anchorage；　he　is　woefully　adrift：　he　stabs　air；　which　is　to
stab　himself。　Her　complacent　proof…armour　bids　him　know　himself
supplanted。

During　the　short　conversational　period　before　the　ladies　retired　
for　the　night；　Miss　Eleanor　alluded　to　the　wedding　by　chance。
Miss　Isabel　replied　to　her；　and　addressed　an　interrogation　to
Clara。　De　Craye　foiled　it　adroitly。　Clara　did　not　utter　a
syllable。　Her　bosom　lifted　to　a　wavering　height　and　sank。
Subsequently　she　looked　at　De　Craye　vacantly；　like　a　person
awakened；　but　she　looked。　She　was　astonished　by　his　readiness；　and
thankful　for　the　succour。　Her　look　was　cold；　wide；　unfixed；　with
nothing　of　gratitude　or　of　personal　in　it。　The　look；　however；
stood　too　long　for　Willoughby's　endurance。

Ejaculating　〃Porcelain！〃　he　uncrossed　his　legs；　a　signal　for　the
ladies　Eleanor　and　Isabel　to　retire。　Vernon　bowed　to　Clara　as　she
was　rising。　He　had　not　been　once　in　her　eyes；　and　he　expected　a
partial　recognition　at　the　good…night。　She　said　it；　turning　her
head　to　Miss　Isabel；　who　was　condoling　once　more　with　Colonel　De
Craye　over　the　ruins　of　his　wedding…present；　the　porcelain　vase；
which　she　supposed　to　have　been　in　Willoughby's　mind　when　he
displayed　the　signal。　Vernon　walked　off　to　his　room；　dark　as　one
smitten　blind：　bile　tumet　jecur：　her　stroke　of　neglect　hit　him
there　where　a　blow　sends　thick　obscuration　upon　eyeballs　and　brain
alike。

Clara　saw　that　she　was　paining　him　and　regretted　it　when　they　were
separated。　That　was　her　real　friend！　But　he　prescribed　too　hard　a
task。　Besides；　she　had　done　everything　he　demanded　of　her；　except
the　consenting　to　stay　where　she　was　and　wear　out　Willoughby；
whose　dexterity　wearied　her　small　stock　of　patience。　She　had
vainly　tried　remonstrance　and　supplication　with　her　father
hoodwinked　by　his　host；　she　refused　to　consider　how；　through　wine？
the　thought　was　repulsive。

Nevertheless；　she　was　drawn　to　the　edge　of　it　by　the　contemplation
of　her　scheme　of　release。　If　Lucy　Darleton　was　at　home；　if　Lucy
invited　her　to　come：　if　she　flew　to　Lucy：　oh！　then　her　father
would　have　cause　for　anger。　He　would　not　remember　that　but　for
hateful　wine！　。。。

What　was　there　in　this　wine　of　great　age　which　expelled
reasonableness；　fatherliness？　He　was　her　dear　father：　she　was　his
beloved　child：　yet　something　divided　them；　something　closed　her
father's　ears　to　her：　and　could　it　be　that　incomprehensible　
seduction　of　the　wine？　Her　dutifulness　cried　violently　no。　She
bowed；　stupefied；　to　his　arguments　for　remaining　awhile；　and　rose
clear…headed　and　rebellious　with　the　reminiscence　of　the　many
strong　reasons　she　had　urged　against　them。

The　strangeness　of　men；　young　and　old；　the　little　things　（she
regarded　a　grand　wine　as　a　little　thing）　twisting　and　changing
them；　amazed　her。　And　these　are　they　by　whom　women　are　abused　for
variability！　Only　the　most　imperious　reasons；　never　mean　trifles；
move　women；　thought　she。　Would　women　do　an　injury　to　one　they
loved　for　oceans　of　thatah；　pah！

And　women　must　respect　men。　They　necessarily　respect　a　father。　〃My
dear；　dear　father！〃　Clara　said　in　the　solitude　of　her　chamber；
musing　on　all　his　goodness；　and　she　endeavoured　to　reconcile　the
desperate　sentiments　of　the　position　he　forced　her　to　sustain；
with　those　of　a　venerating　daughter。　The　blow　which　was　to　fall　on
him　beat　on　her　heavily　in　advance。　〃I　have　not　one　excuse！〃　she
said；　glancing　at　numbers　and　a　mighty　one。　But　the　idea　of　her
father　suffering　at　her　hands　cast　her　down　lower　than
self…justification。　She　sought　to　imagine　herself　sparing　him。　It
was　too　fictitious。

The　sanctuary　of　her　chamber；　the　pure　white　room　so　homely　to　her
maidenly　feelings；　whispered　peace；　only　to　follow　the　whisper
with　another　that　went　through　her　swelling　to　a　roar；　and　leaving
her　as　a　suing　of　music　unkindly　smitten。　If　she　stayed　in　this
house　her　chamber　would　no　longer　be　a　sanctuary。　Dolorous
bondage！　Insolent　death　is　not　worse。　Death's　worm　we　cannot　keep
away；　but　when　he　has　us　we　are　numb　to　dishonour；　happily
senseless。

Youth　weighed　her　eyelids　to　sleep；　though　she　was　quivering；　and
quivering　she　awoke　to　the　sound　of　her　name　beneath　her　window。
〃I　can　love　still；　for　I　love　him；〃　she　said；　as　she　luxuriated　in
young　Crossjay's　boy's　voice；　again　envying　him　his　bath　in　the
lake　waters；　which　seemed　to　her　to　have　the　power　to　wash　away
grief　and　chains。　Then　it　was　that　she　resolved　to　let　Crossjay
see　the　last　of　her　in　this　place。　He　should　be　made　gleeful　by
doing　her　a　piece　of　service；　he　should　escort　her　on　her　walk　to
the　railway　station　next　morning；　thence　be　sent　flying　for　a　long
day's　truancy；　with　a　little　note　of　apology　on　his　behalf　that
she　would　write　for　him　to　deliver　to　Vernon　at　night。

Crossjay　came　running　to　her　after　his　breakfast　with　Mrs
Montague；　the　housekeeper；　to　tell　her　he　had　called　her　up。

〃You　won't　to…morrow：　I　shall　be　up　far　ahead　of　you；〃　said　she；
and　musing　on　her　father；　while　Crossjay　vowed　to　be　up　the　first；
she　thought　it　her　duty　to　plunge　into　another　expostulation。

Willoughby　had　need　of　Vernon　on　private　affairs。　Dr。　Middleton
betook　himself　as　usual　to　the　library；　after　answering　〃I　will
ruin　you　yet；〃　to　Willoughby's　liberal　offer　to　despatch　an　order
to　London　for　any　books　he　might　want。

His　fine　unruffled　air；　as　of　a　mountain　in　still　morning　beams；
made　Clara　not　indisposed　to　a　pre