the egoist-第52部分

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arriving　too　early　for　the　opening　of　the　door；　so　that　Crossjay
began　to　dance　with　an　appetite；　and　was　despatched　to　besiege　a
bakery。　Clara　felt　lonely　without　him：　apprehensively　timid　in
the　shuttered；　unmoving　village　street。　She　was　glad　of　his
return。　When　at　last　her　letter　was　handed　to　her；　on　the
testimony　of　the　postman　that　she　was　the　lawful　applicant；　
Crossjay　and　she　put　out　on　a　sharp　trot　to　be　back　at　the　Hall　in
good　time。　She　took　a　swallowing　glance　of　the　first　page　of
Lucy's　writing：

〃Telegraph；　and　I　will　meet　you。　I　will　supply　you　with　everything
you　can　want　for　the　two　nights；　if　you　cannot　stop　longer。〃

That　was　the　gist　of　the　letter。　A　second。　less　voracious；　glance
at　it　along　the　road　brought　sweetness：Lucy　wrote：

〃Do　I　love　you　as　I　did？　my　best　friend；　you　must　fall　into
unhappiness　to　have　the　answer　to　that。〃

Clara　broke　a　silence。

〃Yes；　dear　Crossjay；　and　if　you　like　you　shall　have　another　walk
with　me　after　breakfast。　But；　remember；　you　must　not　say　where　you
have　gone　with　me。　I　shall　give　you　twenty　shillings　to　go　and　buy
those　bird's　eggs　and　the　butterflies　you　want　for　your
collection；　and　mind；　promise　me；　to…day　is　your　last　day　of
truancy。　Tell　Mr。　Whitford　how　ungrateful　you　know　you　have　been；
that　he　may　have　some　hope　of　you。　You　know　the　way　across　the
fields　to　the　railway　station？〃

〃You　save　a　mile；　you　drop　on　the　road　by　Combline's　mill；　and
then　there's　another　five…minutes〃　cut；　and　the　rest's　road。〃

〃Then；　Crossjay；　immediately　after　breakfast　run　round　behind　the
pheasantry；　and　there　I'll　find　you。　And　if　any　one　comes　to　you
before　I　come；　say　you　are　admiring　the　plumage　of　the　Himalaya
the　beautiful　Indian　bird；　and　if　we're　found　together；　we　run　a
race；　and　of　course　you　can　catch　me；　but　you　mustn't　until　we're
out　of　sight。　Tell　Mr。　Vernon　at　nighttell　Mr。　Whitford　at
night　you　had　the　money　from　me　as　part　of　my　allowance　to　you　for
pocket…money。　I　used　to　like　to　have　pocket…money；　Crossjay。　And
you　may　tell　him　I　gave　you　the　holiday；　and　I　may　write　to　him
for　his　excuse；　if　he　is　not　too　harsh　to　grant　it。　He　can　be
very　harsh。〃

〃You　look　right　into　his　eyes　next　time；　Miss　Middleton。　I　used
to　think　him　awful　till　he　made　me　look　at　him。　He　says　men　ought
to　look　straight　at　one　another；　just　as　we　do　when　he　gives　me　my
boxing…lesson；　and　then　we　won't　have　quarrelling　half　so　much。　I
can't　recollect　everything　he　says。〃

〃You　are　not　bound　to；　Crossjay。〃

〃No；　but　you　like　to　hear。〃

〃Really；　dear　boy。　I　can't　accuse　myself　of　having　told　you　that。〃

〃No；　but；　Miss　Middleton；　you　do。　And　he's　fond　of　your　singing
and　playing　on　the　piano；　and　watches　you。〃

〃We　shall　be　late　if　we　don't　mind；〃　said　Clara；　starting　to　a
pace　close　on　a　run。

〃They　were　in　time　for　a　circuit　in　the　park　to　the　wild　double
cherry…blossom；　no　longer　all　white。　Clara　gazed　up　from　under　it；
where　she　had　imagined　a　fairer　visible　heavenliness　than　any　other
sight　of　earth　had　ever　given　her。　That　was　when　Vernon　lay
beneath。　But　she　had　certainly　looked　above；　not　at　him。　The　tree
seemed　sorrowful　in　its　withering　flowers　of　the　colour　of　trodden
snow。

Crossjay　resumed　the　conversation。

〃He　says　ladies　don't　like　him　much。〃

〃Who　says　that？〃

〃Mr。　Whitford。〃

〃Were　those　his　words？〃

〃I　forget　the　words：　but　he　said　they　wouldn't　be　taught　by　him；
like　me；　ever　since　you　came；　and　since　you　came　I've　liked　him
ten　times　more。〃

〃The　more　you　like　him　the　more　I　shall　like　you；　Crossjay。〃

The　boy　raised　a　shout　and　scampered　away　to　Sir　Willoughby；　at
the　appearance　of　whom　Clara　felt　herself　nipped　and　curling
inward。　Crossjay　ran　up　to　him　with　every　sign　of　pleasure。　Yet　he
had　not　mentioned　him　during　the　walk；　and　Clara　took　it　for　a
sign　that　the　boy　understood　the　entire　satisfaction　Willoughby
had　in　mere　shows　of　affection；　and　acted　up　to　it。　Hardly　blaming
Crossjay；　she　was　a　critic　of　the　scene；　for　the　reason　that
youthful　creatures　who　have　ceased　to　love　a　person；　hunger　for
evidence　against　him　to　confirm　their　hard　animus；　which　will　seem
to　them　sometimes；　when　he　is　not　immediately　irritating　them；
brutish；　because　they　can　not　analyze　it　and　reduce　it　to　the
multitude　of　just　antagonisms　whereof　it　came。　It　has　passed　by
large　accumulation　into　a　sombre　and　speechless　load　upon　the
senses；　and　fresh　evidence；　the　smallest　item；　is　a　champion　to
speak　for　it。　Being　about　to　do　wrong；　she　grasped　at　this
eagerly；　and　brooded　on　the　little　of　vital　and　truthful　that
there　was　in　the　man　and　how　he　corrupted　the　boy。　Nevertheless；　
she　instinctively　imitated　Crossjay　in　an　almost　sparkling　salute
to　him。

〃Good…morning；　Willoughby；　it　was　not　a　morning　to　lose：　have　you
been　out　long？〃

He　retained　her　hand。　〃My　dear　Clara！　and　you；　have　you　not
overfatigued　yourself？　Where　have　you　been？〃

〃Roundeverywhere！　And　I　am　certainly　not　tired。〃

〃Only　you　and　Crossjay？　You　should　have　loosened　the　dogs。〃

〃Their　barking　would　have　annoyed　the　house。〃

〃Less　than　I　am　annoyed　to　think　of　you　without　protection。〃

He　kissed　her　fingers：　it　was　a　loving　speech。

〃The　household　。　。　。〃　said　Clara；　but　would　not　insist　to　convict
him　of　what　he　could　not　have　perceived。

〃If　you　outstrip　me　another　morning；　Clara；　promise　me　to　take　the
dogs；　will　you？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃To…day　I　am　altogether　yours。〃

〃Are　you？〃

〃From　the　first　to　the　last　hour　of　it！So　you　fall　in　with
Horace's　humour　pleasantly？〃

〃He　is　very　amusing。〃

〃As　good　as　though　one　had　hired　him。〃

〃Here　comes　Colonel　De　Craye。〃

〃He　must　think　we　have　hired　him！〃

She　noticed　the　bitterness　of　Willoughby's　tone。　He　sang　out　a
good…morning　to　De　Craye；　and　remarked　that　he　must　go　to　the
stables。

〃Darleton？　Darleton；　Miss　Middleton？〃　said　the　colonel；　rising
from　his　bow　to　her：　〃a　daughter　of　General　Darleton？　If　so；　I
have　had　the　honour　to　dance　with　her。　And　have　not　you？
practised　with　her；　I　mean；　or　gone　off　in　a　triumph　to　dance　it
out　as　young　ladies　do？　So　you　know　what　a　delightful　partner　she
is。〃

〃She　is！〃　cried　Clara；　enthusiastic　for　her　succouring　friend；
whose　letter　was　the　treasure　in　her　bosom。

〃Oddly；　the　name　did　not　strike　me　yesterday；　Miss　Middleton。　In
the　middle　of　the　night　it　rang　a　little　silver　bell　in　my　ear；
and　I　remembered　the　lady　I　was　half　in　love　with；　if　only　for　her
dancing。　She　is　dark；　of　your　height；　as　light　on　her　feet；　a
sister　in　another　colour。　Now　that　I　know　her　to　be　your　friend
。。。　！〃

〃Why；　you　may　meet　her；　Colonel　De　Craye。〃

〃It'll　be　to　offer　her　a　castaway。　And　one　only　meets　a　charming
girl　to　hear　that　she's　engaged！　〃'Tis　not　a　line　of　a　ballad；　Miss
Middleton；　but　out　of　the　heart。〃

〃Lucy　Darleton　。　。　。　You　were　leading　me　to　talk　seriously　to　you；
Colonel　De　Craye。〃

〃Will　you　one　day？and　not　think　me　a　perpetual　tumbler！　You
have　heard　of　melancholy　clowns。　You　will　find　the　face　not　so
laughable　behind　my　paint。　When　I　was　thirteen　years　younger　I　was
loved；　and　my　dearest　sank　to　the　grave。　Since　then　I　have　not
been　quite　at　home　in　life；　probably　because　of　finding　no　one　so
charitable　as　she。　〃'Tis　easy　to　win　smiles　and　hands；　but　not　so
easy　to　win　a　woman　whose　faith　you　would　trust　as　your　own　heart
before　the　enemy。　I　was　poor　then。　She　said。　'The　day　after　my
twenty…first　birthday'；　and　that　day　I　went　for　her；　and　I　wondered
they　did　not　refuse　me　at　the　door。　I　was　shown　upstairs；　and　I
saw　her；　and　saw　death。　She　wished　to　marry　me；　to　leave　me　her
fortune！〃

〃Then；　never　marry；〃　said　Clara；　in　an　underbreath。

She　glanced　behind。

Sir　Willoughby　was　close；　walking　on　turf。

〃I　must　be　cunning　to　escape　him　after　breakfast；〃　she　thought。

He　had　discarded　his　foolishness　of　the　previous　days；　and　the
thought　in　him　could　have　replied：　〃I　am　a　dolt　if　I　let　you　out
of　my　sight。〃

Vernon　appeared；　formal　as　usual　of　late。　Clara　begged　his　excuse
for　withdrawing　Crossjay　from　his　morning　swim。　He　nodded。

De　Craye　called　to　Willoughby　for　a　book　of　the　trains。

〃There's　a　card　in　the　smoking…room；　eleven；　one；　and　four　are　the
hours；　if　you　must　go；〃　said　Willoughby。

〃You　leave　the　Hall；　Colonel　De　Craye？〃

〃In　two　or　three　days；　Miss　Middleton。〃

She　did　not　request　him　to　stay：　his　announcement　produced　no
effect　on　her。　Consequently；　thought　hewell；　what？　nothing：
well；　then；　that　she　might　not　be　minded　to　stay　herself。
Otherwise　she　would　have　regretted　the　loss　of　an　amusing
companion：　that　is　the　modest　way　of　putting　it。　There　is　a　modest
and　a　vain　for　the　same　sentiment；　and　both　may　be　simultaneously
in　the　same　breast；　and　each　one　as　honest　as　the　other；　so　shy　is
man's　vanity　in　the　presence　of　here　and　there　a　lady。　She　liked
him：　she　did　not　care　a　pin　for　himhow　could　she？　yet　she　liked
him：　O；　to　be　able　to　do　her　some　kindling　bit　of　service！　These
were　his　consecutive　fancies；　resolving　naturally　to　the
exclamation；　and　built　on　the　conviction　that　she　did　not　love
Willoughby；　and　waited　for　a　spirited　lift　from　circumstances。　His
call　for　a　book　of　the　trains　had　been　a　sheer　piece　of　impromptu；
in　the　mind　as　well　as　on　the　mouth。　It　sprang；　unknown　to　him；　of
conjectures　he　had　indulged　yesterday　and　the　day　before。　This
morning　she　would　have　an　answer　to　her　letter　to　her　friend；　Miss
Lucy　Darleton；　the　pretty　dark　girl；　whom　De　Craye　was　astonished
not　to　have　noticed　more　when　he　danced　with　her。　She；　pretty　as
she　was；　had　come　to　his　recollection　through　the　name　and　rank　of
her　father；　a　famous　general　of　cavalry；　and　tactician　in　that
arm。　The　colonel　despised　himself　for　not　having　been　devoted　to
Clara　Middleton's　friend。

The　morning's　letters　were　on　the　bronze　plate　in　the　hall。
Clara　passed　on　her　way　to　her　room　without　inspecting　them。　De
Craye　opened　an　envelope　and　went　upstairs　to　scribble　a　line。　Sir
Willoughby　observed　their　absence　at　the　solemn　reading　to　the
domestic　servants　in　advance　of　breakfast。　Three　chairs　were
unoccupied。　Vernon　had　his　own　notions　of　a　mechanical　service
and　a　precious　profit　he　derived　from　them！　but　the　other　two
seats　re