the egoist-第57部分
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to…day？〃
〃I suppose she has driven to meet one of the guests for her
dinner…party。 Professor Crooklyn was promised to your father； and
he may be coming by the down…train。〃
〃Go back to the Hall！〃 exclaimed Clara。 〃How can I？ I have no more
endurance left in me。 If I had some support！if it were the
sense of secretly doing wrong； it might help me through。 I am in a
web。 I cannot do right； whatever I do。 There is only the thought
of saving Crossjay。 Yes； and sparing papa。Good…bye； Mr。
Whitford。 I shall remember your kindness gratefully。 I cannot go
back。〃
〃You will not？〃 said he； tempting her to hesitate。
〃No。〃
〃But if you are seen by Mrs。 Mountstuart； you must go back。 I'll
do my best to take her away。 Should she see you； you must patch up
a story and apply to her for a lift。 That； I think； is
imperative。〃
〃Not to my mind；〃 said Clara。
He bowed hurriedly； and withdrew。 After her confession； peculiar
to her； of possibly finding sustainment in secretly doing wrong；
her flying or remaining seemed to him a choice of evils： and
whilst she stood in bewildered speculation on his reason for
pursuing herwhich was not evidenthe remembered the special
fear inciting him； and so far did her justice as to have at
himself on that subject。 He had done something perhaps to save her
from a cold： such was his only consolatory thought。 He had also
behaved like a man of honour； taking no personal advantage of her
situation； but to reflect on it recalled his astonishing dryness。
The strict man of honour plays a part that he should not reflect
on till about the fall of the curtain； otherwise he will be likely
sometimes to feel the shiver of foolishness at his good conduct。
CHAPTER XXVIII
The Return
Posted in observation at a corner of the window Clara saw Vernon
cross the road to Mrs。 Mountstuart Jenkinson's carriage；
transformed to the leanest pattern of himself by narrowed
shoulders and raised coat…collar。 He had such an air of saying；
〃Tom's a…cold〃； that her skin crept in sympathy。
Presently he left the carriage and went into the station： a bell
had rung。 Was it her train？ He approved her going； for he was
employed in assisting her to go： a proceeding at variance with
many things he had said； but he was as full of contradiction
to…day as women are accused of being。 The train came up。 She
trembled： no signal had appeared； and Vernon must have deceived
her。
He returned； he entered the carriage； and the wheels were soon in
motion。 Immediately thereupon； Flitch's fly drove past； containing
Colonel De Craye。
Vernon could not but have perceived him！
But what was it that had brought the colonel to this place？ The
pressure of Vernon's mind was on her and foiled her efforts to
assert her perfect innocence； though she knew she had done nothing
to allure the colonel hither。 Excepting Willoughby； Colonel De
Craye was the last person she would have wished to encounter。
She had now a dread of hearing the bell which would tell her that
Vernon had not deceived her； and that she was out of his hands； in
the hands of some one else。
She bit at her glove； she glanced at the concentrated eyes of the
publican's family portraits； all looking as one； she noticed the
empty tumbler； and went round to it and touched it； and the silly
spoon in it。
A little yielding to desperation shoots us to strange distances！
Vernon had asked her whether she was alone。 Connecting that
inquiry； singular in itself； and singular in his manner of putting
it； with the glass of burning liquid； she repeated： 〃He must
have seen Colonel De Craye！〃 and she stared at the empty glass； as
at something that witnessed to something： for Vernon was not your
supple cavalier assiduously on the smirk to pin a gallantry to
commonplaces。 But all the doors are not open in a young lady's
consciousness； quick of nature though she may be： some are locked
and keyless； some will not open to the key； some are defended by
ghosts inside。 She could not have said what the something
witnessed to。 If we by chance know more； we have still no right
to make it more prominent than it was with her。 And the smell of
the glass was odious； it disgraced her。 She had an impulse to
pocket the spoon for a memento； to show it to grandchildren for a
warning。 Even the prelude to the morality to be uttered on the
occasion sprang to her lips： 〃Here； my dears； is a spoon you would
he ashamed to use in your teacups； yet it was of more value to me
at one period of my life than silver and gold in pointing out；
etc。〃： the conclusion was hazy； like the conception； she had her
idea。
And in this mood she ran down…stairs and met Colonel De Craye on
the station steps。
The bright illumination of his face was that of the confident man
confirmed in a risky guess in the crisis of doubt and dispute。
〃Miss Middleton！〃 his joyful surprise predominated； the pride of
an accurate forecast； adding： 〃I am not too late to be of
service？〃
She thanked him for the offer。
〃Have you dismissed the fly； Colonel De Craye？〃
〃I have just been getting change to pay Mr。 Flitch。 He passed me
on the road。 He is interwound with our fates to a certainty。 I had
only to jump in； I knew it； and rolled along like a magician
commanding a genie。〃
〃Have I been 。 。 。〃
〃Not seriously； nobody doubts you being under shelter。 You will
allow me to protect you？ My time is yours。〃
〃I was thinking of a running visit to my friend Miss Darleton。〃
〃May I venture？ I had the fancy that you wished to see Miss
Darleton to…day。 You cannot make the journey unescorted。〃
〃Please retain the fly。 Where is Willoughby？〃
〃He is in jack…boots。 But may I not； Miss Middleton？
I shall never be forgiven if you refuse me。〃
〃There has been searching for me？〃
〃Some hallooing。 But why am I rejected？ Besides； I don't require
the fly； I shall walk if I am banished。 Flitch is a wonderful
conjurer； but the virtue is out of him for the next
four…and…twenty hours。 And it will be an opportunity to me to make
my bow to Miss Darleton！〃
〃She is rigorous on the conventionalities； Colonel De Craye。〃
〃I'll appear before her as an ignoramus or a rebel； whichever she
likes best to take in leading…strings。 I remember her。 I was
greatly struck by her。〃
〃Upon recollection！〃
〃Memory didn't happen to be handy at the first mention of the
lady's name。 As the general said of his ammunition and transport；
there's the army！but it was leagues in the rear。 Like the
footman who went to sleep after smelling fire in the house； I was
thinking of other things。 It will serve me right to be forgotten
if I am。 I've a curiosity to know： a remainder of my coxcombry。
Not that exactly： a wish to see the impression I made on your
friend。None at all？ But any pebble casts a ripple。〃
〃That is hardly an impression；〃 said Clara； pacifying her
irresoluteness with this light talk。
〃The utmost to be hoped for by men like me！ I have your
permission？one minuteI will get my ticket。〃
〃Do not；〃 said Clara。
〃Your man…servant entreats you！〃
She signified a decided negative with the head； but her eyes were
dreamy。 She breathed deep： this thing done would cut the cord。 Her
sensation of languor swept over her。
De Craye took a stride。 He was accosted by one of the
railway…porters。 Flitch's fly was in request for a gentleman。 A
portly old gentleman bothered about luggage appeared on the
landing。
〃The gentleman can have it；〃 said De Craye； handing Flitch his
money。
〃Open the door。〃 Clara said to Flitch。
He tugged at the handle with enthusiasm。 The door was open： she
stepped in。
〃Then mount the box and I'll jump up beside you；〃 De Craye called
out； after the passion of regretful astonishment had melted from
his features。
Clara directed him to the seat fronting her； he protested
indifference to the wet； she kept the door unshut。 His temper
would have preferred to buffet the angry weather。 The invitation
was too sweet。
She heard now the bell of her own train。 Driving beside the
railway embankment she met the train： it was eighteen minutes
late； by her watch。 And why； when it flung up its whale…spouts of
steam； she was not journeying in it； she could not tell。 She had
acted of her free will： that she could say。 Vernon had not induced
her to remain； assuredly her present companion had not； and her
whole heart was for flight： yet she was driving back to the Hall；
not devoid of calmness。 She speculated on the circumstance enough
to think herself incomprehensible； and there left it； intent on
the scene to come with Willoughby。
〃I must choose a better day for London；〃 she remarked。
De Craye bowed； but did not remove his eyes from her。
〃Miss Middleton； you do not trust me。〃
She answered： 〃Say in what way。 It seems to me that I do。〃
〃I may speak？〃
〃If it depends on my authority。〃
〃Fully？〃
〃Whatever you have to say。 Let me stipulate； be not very grave。 I
want cheering in wet weather。〃
〃Miss Middleton； Flitch is charioteer once more。 Think of it。
There's a tide that carries him perpetually to the place where he
was cast forth； and a thread that ties us to him in continuity。 I
have not the honour to be a friend of long standing： one ventures
on one's devotion： it dates from the first moment of my seeing
you。 Flitch is to blame； if any one。 Perhaps the spell would be
broken； were he reinstated in his ancient office。〃
〃Perhaps it would；〃 said Clara； not with her best of smiles。
Willoughby's pride of relentlessness appeared to her to be
receiving a blow by rebound； and that seemed high justice。
〃I am afraid you were right； the poor fellow has no chance；〃 De
Craye pursued。 He paused； as for decorum in the presence of
misfortune； and laughed sparklingly： 〃Unless I engage him； or
pretend to！ I verily believe that Flitch's melancholy person on
the skirts of the Hall completes the picture of the Eden within。
Why will you not put some trust in me； Miss Middleton？〃
〃But why should you not pretend to engage him then； Colonel De
Craye？〃
〃We'll plot it； if you like。 Can you trust me for that？〃
〃For any act of disinterested kindness； I am sure。〃
〃You mean it？〃
〃Without reserve。 You could talk publicly of taki
