the egoist-第63部分

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learnt；　with　a　perplexed　sense　of　envy　and　sympathy；　that　the
boy's　idea　of　truth　strongly　approximated　to　his　conception　of
what　should　be　agreeable　to　Miss　Middleton。

He　was　lonely；　bereft　of　the　bard；　when　he　had　tucked　Crossjay　up
in　his　bed　and　left　him。　Books　he　could　not　read；　thoughts　were
disturbing。　A　seat　in　the　library　and　a　stupid　stare　helped　to
pass　the　hours；　and　but　for　the　spot　of　sadness　moving　meditation
in　spite　of　his　effort　to　stun　himself；　he　would　have　borne　a
happy　resemblance　to　an　idiot　in　the　sun。　He　had　verily　no
command　of　his　reason。　She　was　too　beautiful！　Whatever　she　did　was
best。　That　was　the　refrain　of　the　fountain…song　in　him；　the　burden
being　her　whims；　variations；　inconsistencies；　wiles；　her
tremblings　between　good　and　naughty；　that　might　be　stamped　to
noble　or　to　terrible；　her　sincereness；　her　duplicity；　her　courage；
cowardice；　possibilities　for　heroism　and　for　treachery。　By　dint　of
dwelling　on　the　theme；　he　magnified　the　young　lady　to
extraordinary　stature。　And　he　had　sense　enough　to　own　that　her
character　was　yet　liquid　in　the　mould；　and　that　she　was　a　creature
of　only　naturally　youthful　wildness　provoked　to　freakishness　by
the　ordeal　of　a　situation　shrewd　as　any　that　can　happen　to　her　sex
in　civilized　life。　But　he　was　compelled　to　think　of　her
extravagantly；　and　he　leaned　a　little　to　the　discrediting　of　her；
because　her　actual　image　ummanned　him　and　was　unbearable；　and　to
say　at　the　end　of　it：　〃She　is　too　beautiful！　whatever　she　does　is
best；〃　smoothed　away　the　wrong　he　did　her。　Had　it　been　in　his
power　he　would　have　thought　of　her　in　the　abstractthe　stage
contiguous　to　that　which　he　adopted：　but　the　attempt　was　luckless；
the　Stagyrite　would　have　faded　in　it。　What　philosopher　could
have　set　down　that　face　of　sun　and　breeze　and　nymph　in　shadow　as　a
point　in　a　problem？

The　library　door　was　opened　at　midnight　by　Miss　Dale。　She　dosed　it
quietly。　〃You　are　not　working；　Mr。　Whitford？　I　fancied　you　would
wish　to　hear　of　the　evening。　Professor　Crooklyn　arrived　after　all！
Mrs。　Mountstuart　is　bewildered：　she　says　she　expected　you；　and
that　you　did　not　excuse　yourself　to　her；　and　she　cannot
comprehend；　et　caetera。　That　is　to　say；　she　chooses　bewilderment
to　indulge　in　the　exclamatory。　She　must　be　very　much　annoyed。　The
professor　did　come　by　the　train　she　drove　to　meet！〃

〃I　thought　it　probable；〃　said　Vernon。

〃He　had　to　remain　a　couple　of　hours　at　the　Railway　Inn；　no
conveyance　was　to　be　found　for　him。　He　thinks　he　has　caught　a
cold；　and　cannot　stifle　his　fretfulness　about　it。　He　may　be　as
learned　as　Doctor　Middleton；　he　has　not　the　same　happy
constitution。　Nothing　more　unfortunate　could　have　occurred；　he
spoilt　the　party。　Mrs。　Mountstuart　tried　petting　him；　which　drew
attention　to　him；　and　put　us　all　in　his　key　for　several　awkward
minutes；　more　than　once。　She　lost　her　head；　she　was　unlike
herself　I　may　be　presumptuous　in　criticizing　her；　but　should　not
the　president　of　a　dinner…table　treat　it　like　a　battlefield；　and
let　the　guest　that　sinks　descend；　and　not　allow　the　voice　of　a
discordant；　however　illustrious；　to　rule　it？　Of　course；　it　is　when
I　see　failures　that　I　fancy　I　could　manage　so　well：　comparison　is
prudently　reserved　in　the　other　cases。　I　am　a　daring　critic；　no
doubt；　because　I　know　I　shall　never　be　tried　by　experiment。　I　have
no　ambition　to　be　tried。〃

She　did　not　notice　a　smile　of　Vernon's；　and　continued：　〃Mrs
Mountstuart　gave　him　the　lead　upon　any　subject　he　chose。　I　thought
the　professor　never　would　have　ceased　talking　of　a　young　lady　who
had　been　at　the　inn　before　him　drinking　hot　brandy　and　water　with
a　gentleman！〃

〃How　did　he　hear　of　that？〃　cried　Vernon；　roused　by　the　malignity
of　the　Fates。

〃From　the　landlady；　trying　to　comfort　him。　And　a　story　of　her
lending　shoes　and　stockings　while　those　of　the　young　lady　were
drying。　He　has　the　dreadful　snappish　humourous　way　of　recounting
which　impresses　it；　the　table　took　up　the　subject　of　this
remarkable　young　lady；　and　whether　she　was　a　lady　of　the
neighbourhood；　and　who　she　could　be　that　went　abroad　on　foot　in
heavy　rain。　It　was　painful　to　me；　I　knew　enough　to　be　sure　of　who
she　was。〃

〃Did　she　betray　it？〃

〃No。〃

〃Did　Willoughby　look　at　her？〃

〃Without　suspicion　then。〃

〃Then？〃

〃Colonel　De　Craye　was　diverting　us；　and　he　was　very　amusing。
Mrs。　Mountstuart　told　him　afterward　that　he　ought　to　be　paid
salvage　for　saving　the　wreck　of　her　party。　Sir　Willoughby　was　a
little　too　cynical；　he　talked　well；　what　he　said　was　good；　but　it
was　not　good…humoured；　he　has　not　the　reckless　indifference　of
Colonel　De　Craye　to　uttering　nonsense　that　amusement　may　come　of
it。　And　in　the　drawing…room　he　lost　such　gaiety　as　he　had。　I　was
close　to　Mrs。　Mountstuart　when　Professor　Crooklyn　approached　her
and　spoke　in　my　hearing　of　that　gentleman　and　that　young　lady。
They　were；　you　could　see　by　his　nods；　Colonel　De　Craye　and　Miss
Middleton。〃

〃And　she　at　once　mentioned　it　to　Willoughby？〃

〃Colonel　De　Craye　gave　her　no　chance；　if　she　sought　it。　He　courted
her　profusely。　Behind　his　rattle　he　must　have　brains。　It　ran　in
all　directions　to　entertain　her　and　her　circle。〃

〃Willoughby　knows　nothing？〃

〃I　cannot　judge。　He　stood　with　Mrs。　Mountstuart　a　minute　as　we
were　taking　leave。　She　looked　strange。　I　heard　her　say：　'The
rogue！'　He　laughed。　She　lifted　her　shoulders。　He　scarcely　opened
his　mouth　on　the　way　home。〃

〃The　thing　must　run　its　course；〃　Vernon　said；　with　the
philosophical　air　which　is　desperation　rendered　decorous。
〃Willoughby　deserves　it。　A　man　of　full　growth　ought　to　know　that
nothing　on　earth　tempts　Providence　so　much　as　the　binding　of　a
young　woman　against　her　will。　Those　two　are　mutually　attracted：
they're　both　。。。　They　meet；　and　the　mischief's　done：　both　are
bright。　He　can　persuade　with　a　word。　Another　might　discourse　like
an　angel　and　it　would　be　useless。　I　said　everything　I　could　think
of；　to　no　purpose。　And　so　it　is：　there　are　those　attractions！
…just　as；　with　her；　Willoughby　is　the　reverse；　he　repels。　I'm　in
about　the　same　predicamentor　should　be　if　she　were　plighted　to
me。　That　is；　for　the　length　of　five　minutes；　about　the　space　of
time　I　should　require　for　the　formality　of　handing　her　back　her
freedom。　How　a　sane　man　can　imagine　a　girl　like　that　。。。　！　But　if
she　has　changed；　she　has　changed！　You　can't　conciliate　a　withered
affection。　This　detaining　her；　and　tricking；　and　not　listening；
only　increases　her　aversion；　she　learns　the　art　in　turn。　Here　she
is；　detained　by　fresh　plots　to　keep　Dr。　Middleton　at　the　Hall。
That's　true；　is　it　not？〃　He　saw　that　it　was。　〃No；　she's　not　to
blame！　She　has　told　him　her　mind；　he　won't　listen。　The　question
then　is；　whether　she　keeps　to　her　word；　or　breaks　it。　It's　a
dispute　between　a　conventional　idea　of　obligation　and　an　injury　to
her　nature。　　Which　is　the　more　dishonourable　thing　to　do？　Why；　you
and　I　see　in　a　moment　that　her　feelings　guide　her　best。　It's　one
of　the　few　cases　in　which　nature　may　be　consulted　like　an　oracle。〃

〃Is　she　so　sure　of　her　nature？〃　said　Miss　Dale。

〃You　may　doubt　it；　I　do　not。　I　am　surprised　at　her　coming　back。　De
Craye　is　a　man　of　the　world；　and　advised　it；　I　suppose。　Hewell；
I　never　had　the　persuasive　tongue；　and　my　failing　doesn't　count
for　much。〃

〃But　the　suddenness　of　the　intimacy！〃

〃The　disaster　is　rather　famous　'at　first　sight'。　He　came　in　a
fortunate　hour。。。　for　him。　A　pigmy's　a　giant　if　he　can　manage　to
arrive　in　season。　Did　you　not　notice　that　there　was　danger；　at
their　second　or　third　glance？　You　counselled　me　to　hang　on　here；
where　the　amount　of　good　I　do　in　proportion　to　what　I　have　to
endure　is　microscopic。〃

〃It　was　against　your　wishes；　I　know；〃　said　Laetitia；　and　when　the
words　were　out　she　feared　that　they　were　tentative。　Her　delicacy
shrank　from　even　seeming　to　sound　him　in　relation　to　a　situation
so　delicate　as　Miss　Middleton's。

The　same　sentiment　guarded　him　from　betraying　himself；　and　he
said：　〃Partly　against。　We　both　foresaw　the　possiblebecause；
like　most　prophets；　we　knew　a　little　more　of　circumstances　
enabling　us　to　see　the　fatal。　A　pigmy　would　have　served；　but　De
Craye　is　a　handsome；　intelligent；　pleasant　fellow。〃

〃Sir　Willoughby's　friend！〃

〃Well；　in　these　affairs！　A　great　deal　must　be　charged　on　the
goddess。〃

〃That　is　really　Pagan　fatalism！〃

〃Our　modern　word　for　it　is　Nature。　Science　condescends　to　speak　of
natural　selection。　Look　at　these！　They　are　both　graceful　and
winning　and　witty；　bright　to　mind　and　eye；　made　for　one　another；
as　country　people　say。　I　can't　blame　him。　Besides；　we　don't　know
that　he's　guilty。　We're　quite　in　the　dark；　except　that　we're
certain　how　it　must　end。　If　the　chance　should　occur　to　you　of
giving　Willoughby　a　word　of　counselit　mayyou　might；　without
irritating　him　as　my　knowledge　of　his　plight　does；　hint　at　your
eyes　being　open。　His　insane　dread　of　a　detective　world　makes　him
artificially　blind。　As　soon　as　he　fancies　himself　seen；　he　sets　to
work　spinning　a　web；　and　he　discerns　nothing　else。　It's　generally
a　clever　kind　of　web；　but　if　it's　a　tangle　to　others　it's　the　same
to　him；　and　a　veil　as　well。　He　is　preparing　the　catastrophe；　he
forces　the　issue。　Tell　him　of　her　extreme　desire　to　depart。　Treat
her　as　mad；　to　soothe　him。　Otherwise　one　morning　he　will　wake　a
second　time　。。。　！　It　is　perfectly　certain。　And　the　second　time　it
will　be　entirely　his　own　fault。　Inspire　him　with　some　philosophy。〃

〃I　have　none。〃

〃I　if　I　thought　so；　I　would　say　you　have　better。　There　are　two
kinds　of　philosophy；　mine　and　yours。　Mine　comes　of　coldness；　yours
of　devotion。〃

〃He　is　unlikely　to　choose　me　for　his　confidante。〃

Vernon　meditated。　〃One　can　never　quite　guess　what　he　will　do；　from
never　knowing　the　heat　of　the　centre　in　him　which　precipitates　his
actions：　he　has　a　great　art　of　concealment。　As　to　me；　as　you
perceive；　my　views　are　too　philosophical　to　let　me　be　of　use　to
any　of　them。　I　blame　only　the　one　who　holds　to　the　bond。　The
sooner　I　am　gone！in　fact；　I　cannot　stay　on。　So　Dr。　Middleton　and
the　Professor　did　not　strike　fire　together？〃

〃Doctor　Middleton　was　ready；　and　pursued　him；　but　Professor　
Crooklyn　insisted　on　shivering。　His　line　of　blank　vers