the egoist-第64部分

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Crooklyn　insisted　on　shivering。　His　line　of　blank　verse；　'A
Railway　platform　and　a　Railway　inn！'　became　pathetic　in
repetition。　He　must　have　suffered。〃

〃Somebody　has　to！〃

〃Why　the　innocent？〃

〃He　arrives　a　propos。　But　remember　that　Fridolin　sometimes　
contrives　to　escape　and　have　the　guilty　scorched。　The　Professor
would　not　have　suffered　if　he　had　missed　his　train；　as　he　appears
to　be　in　the　habit　of　doing。　Thus　his　unaccustomed　good…fortune
was　the　cause　of　his　bad。〃

〃You　saw　him　on　the　platform？〃

〃I　am　unacquainted　with　the　professor。　I　had　to　get　Mrs
Mountstuart　out　of　the　way。〃

〃She　says　she　described　him　to　you。　'Complexion　of　a　sweetbread；
consistency　of　a　quenelle；　grey；　and　like　a　Saint　without　his
dish　behind　the　head。'〃

〃Her　descriptions　are　strikingly　accurate；　but　she　forgot　to
sketch　his　back；　and　all　that　I　saw　was　a　narrow　sloping　back　and
a　broad　hat　resting　the　brim　on　it。　My　report　to　her　spoke　of　an
old　gentleman　of　dark　complexion；　as　the　only　traveller　on　the
platform。　She　has　faith　in　the　efficiency　of　her　descriptive　
powers；　and　so　she　was　willing　to　drive　off　immediately。　The
intention　was　a　start　to　London。　Colonel　De　Craye　came　up　and
effected　in　five　minutes　what　I　could　not　compass　in　thirty。〃

〃But　you　saw　Colonel　De　Craye　pass　you？〃

〃My　work　was　done；　I　should　have　been　an　intruder。　Besides　I　was
acting　wet　jacket　with　Mrs。　Mountstuart　to　get　her　to　drive　off
fast；　or　she　might　have　jumped　out　in　search　of　her　Professor
herself。〃

〃She　says　you　were　lean　as　a　fork；　with　the　wind　whistling　through
the　prongs。〃

〃You　see　how　easy　it　is　to　deceive　one　who　is　an　artist　in
phrases。　Avoid　them；　Miss　Dale；　they　dazzle　the　penetration　of　the
composer。　That　is　why　people　of　ability　like　Mrs　Mountstuart　see
so　little；　they　are　so　bent　on　describing　brilliantly。　However；
she　is　kind　and　charitable　at　heart。　I　have　been　considering
to…night　that；　to　cut　this　knot　as　it　is　now；　Miss　Middleton
might　do　worse　than　speak　straight　out　to　Mrs。　Mountstuart。　No　one
else　would　have　such　influence　with　Willoughby。　The　simple　fact　of
Mrs。　Mountstuart's　knowing　of　it　would　be　almost　enough。　But
courage　would　he　required　for　that。　Good…night；　Miss　Dale。〃

〃Good…night；　Mr。　Whitford。　You　pardon　me　for　disturbing　you？〃

Vernon　pressed　her　hand　reassuringly。　He　had　but　to　look　at　her
and　review　her　history　to　think　his　cousin　Willoughby　punished　by
just　retribution。　Indeed；　for　any　maltreatment　of　the　dear　boy
Love　by　man　or　by　woman；　coming　under　your　cognizance；　you；　if　you
be　of　common　soundness；　shall　behold　the　retributive　blow　struck
in　your　time。

Miss　Dale　retired　thinking　how　like　she　and　Vernon　were　to　one
another　in　the　toneless　condition　they　had　achieved　through
sorrow。　He　succeeded　in　masking　himself　from　her；　owing　to　her　awe
of　the　circumstances。　She　reproached　herself　for　not　having　the
same　devotion　to　the　cold　idea　of　duty　as　he　had；　and　though　it
provoked　inquiry；　she　would　not　stop　to　ask　why　he　had　left　Miss
Middleton　a　prey　to　the　sparkling　colonel。　It　seemed　a　proof　of
the　philosophy　he　preached。

As　she　was　passing　by　young　Crossjay's　bedroom　door　a　face
appeared。　Sir　Willoughby　slowly　emerged　and　presented　himself　in
his　full　length；　beseeching　her　to　banish　alarm。

He　said　it　in　a　hushed　voice；　with　a　face　qualified　to　create
sentiment。

〃Are　you　tired？　sleepy？〃　said　he。

She　protested　that　she　was　not：　she　intended　to　read　for　an　hour。

He　begged　to　have　the　hour　dedicated　to　him。　〃I　shall　be　relieved
by　conversing　with　a　friend。〃

No　subterfuge　crossed　her　mind；　she　thought　his　midnight　visit　to
the　boy's　bedside　a　pretty　feature　in　him；　she　was　full　of　pity；
too；　she　yielded　to　the　strange　request；　feeling　that　it　did　not
become　〃an　old　woman〃　to　attach　importance　even　to　the　public
discovery　of　midnight　interviews　involving　herself　as　one；　and
feeling　also　that　she　was　being　treated　as　an　old　friend　in　the
form　of　a　very　old　woman。　Her　mind　was　bent　on　arresting　any
recurrence　to　the　project　she　had　so　frequently　outlined　in　the
tongue　of　innuendo；　of　which；　because　of　her　repeated　tremblings
under　it；　she　thought　him　a　master。

He　conducted　her　along　the　corridor　to　the　private　sitting…room　of
the　ladies　Eleanor　and　Isabel。

〃Deceit！〃　he　said；　while　lighting　the　candles　on　the　mantelpiece。

She　was　earnestly　compassionate；　and　a　word　that　could　not　relate
to　her　personal　destinies　refreshed　her　by　displacing　her
apprehensive　antagonism　and　giving　pity　free　play。



CHAPTER　XXXI

Sir　Willoughby　Attempts　and　Achieves　Pathos

Both　were　seated。　Apparently　he　would　have　preferred　to　watch　her
dark　downcast　eyelashes　in　silence　under　sanction　of　his　air　of
abstract　meditation　and　the　melancholy　superinducing　it。
Blood…colour　was　in　her　cheeks；　the　party　had　inspirited　her
features。　Might　it　be　that　lively　company；　an　absence　of　economical
solicitudes；　and　a　flourishing　home　were　all　she　required　to　make
her　bloom　again？　The　supposition　was　not　hazardous　in　presence　of
her　heightened　complexion。

She　raised　her　eyes。　He　could　not　meet　her　look　without　speaking。

〃Can　you　forgive　deceit？〃

〃It　would　be　to　boast　of　more　charity　than　I　know　myself　to
possess；　were　I　to　say　that　I　can；　Sir　Willoughby。　I　hope　I　am
able　to　forgive。　I　cannot　tell。　I　should　like　to　say　yes。〃

〃Could　you　live　with　the　deceiver？〃

〃No。〃

〃No。　I　could　have　given　that　answer　for　you。　No　semblance　of　union
should　be　maintained　between　the　deceiver　and　ourselves。　
Laetitia！〃

〃Sir　Willoughby？〃

〃Have　I　no　right　to　your　name？〃

〃If　it　pleases　you　to　。　。　。〃

〃I　speak　as　my　thoughts　run；　and　they　did　not　know　a　Miss　Dale　so
well　as　a　dear　Laetitia：　my　truest　friend！　You　have　talked　with
Clara　Middleton？〃

〃We　had　a　conversation。〃

Her　brevity　affrighted　him。　He　flew　off　in　a　cloud。

〃Reverting　to　that　question　of　deceivers：　is　it　not　your　opinion
that　to　pardon；　to　condone；　is　to　corrupt　society　by　passing　off
as　pure　what　is　false？　Do　we　not；〃　he　wore　the　smile　of　haggard
playfulness　of　a　convalescent　child　the　first　day　back　to　its
toys；　〃Laetitia；　do　we　not　impose　a　counterfeit　on　the　currency？〃

〃Supposing　it　to　be　really　deception。〃

〃Apart　from　my　loathing　of　deception；　of　falseness　in　any　shape；
upon　any　grounds；　I　hold　it　an　imperious　duty　to　expose；　punish；
off　with　it。　I　take　it　to　be　one　of　the　forms　of　noxiousness　which
a　good　citizen　is　bound　to　extirpate。　I　am　not　myself　good　citizen
enough；　I　confess；　for　much　more　than　passive　abhorrence。　I　do　not
forgive：　I　am　at　heart　serious　and　I　cannot　forgive：there　is　no
possible　reconciliation；　there　can　be　only　an　ostensible　truce；
between　the　two　hostile　powers　dividing　this　world。〃

She　glanced　at　him　quickly。

〃Good　and　evil！〃　he　said。

Her　face　expressed　a　surprise　relapsing　on　the　heart。

He　spelt　the　puckers　of　her　forehead　to　mean　that　she　feared　he
might　be　speaking　unchristianly。

〃You　will　find　it　so　in　all　religions；　my　dear　Laetitia：　the
Hindoo；　the　Persian；　ours。　It　is　universal；　an　experience　of　our
humanity。　Deceit　and　sincerity　cannot　live　together。　Truth　must
kill　the　lie；　or　the　lie　will　kill　truth。　I　do　not　forgive。　All　I
say　to　the　person　is；　go！〃

〃But　that　is　right！　that　is　generous！〃　exclaimed　Laetitia；　glad　to
approve　him　for　the　sake　of　escaping　her　critical　soul；　and
relieved　by　the　idea　of　Clara's　difficulty　solved。

〃Capable　of　generosity；　perhaps；〃　he　mused；　aloud。

She　wounded　him　by　not　supplying　the　expected　enthusiastic　
asseveration　of　her　belief　in　his　general　tendency　to　magnanimity。

He　said；　after　a　pause：　〃But　the　world　is　not　likely　to　be
impressed　by　anything　not　immediately　gratifying　it。　People
change；　I　find：　as　we　increase　in　years　we　cease　to　be　the　heroes
we　were。　I　myself　am　insensible　to　change：　I　do　not　admit　the
charge。　Except　in　this　we　will　say：　personal　ambition。　I　have　it
no　more。　And　what　is　it　when　we　have　it？　Decidedly　a　confession　of
inferiority！　That　is；　the　desire　to　be　distinguished　is　an
acknowledgement　of　insufficiency。　But　I　have　still　the　craving　for
my　dearest　friends　to　think　well　of　me。　A　weakness？　Call　it　so。
Not　a　dishonourable　weakness！〃

Laetitia　racked　her　brain　for　the　connection　of　his　present　speech
with　the　preceding　dialogue。　She　was　baffled；　from　not　knowing
〃the　heat　of　the　centre　in　him〃；　as　Vernon　opaquely　phrased　it　in
charity　to　the　object　of　her　worship。

〃Well；〃　said　he；　unappeased；　〃and　besides　the　passion　to　excel；　I
have　changed　somewhat　in　the　heartiness　of　my　thirst　for　the
amusements　incident　to　my　station。　I　do　not　care　to　keep　a　stud
I　was　once　tempted：　nor　hounds。　And　I　can　remember　the　day　when　I
determined　to　have　the　best　kennels　and　the　best　breed　of　horses
in　the　kingdom。　Puerile！　What　is　distinction　of　that　sort；　or　of
any　acquisition　and　accomplishment？　We　ask！　one's　self　is　not　the
greater。　To　seek　it；　owns　to　our　smallness；　in　real　fact；　and　when
it　is　attained；　what　then？　My　horses　are　good；　they　are　admired；　I
challenge　the　county　to　surpass　them：　well？　These　are　but　my
horses；　the　praise　is　of　the　animals；　not　of　me。　I　decline　to
share　in　it。　Yet　I　know　men　content　to　swallow　the　praise　of　their
beasts　and　be　semi…equine。　The　littleness　of　one's　fellows　in　the
mob　of　life　is　a　very　strange　experience！　One　may　regret　to　have
lost　the　simplicity　of　one's　forefathers；　which　could　accept　those
and　other　distinctions　with　a　cordial　pleasure；　not　to　say　pride。
As；　for　instance；　I　am；　as　it　is　called；　a　dead　shot。　'Give　your
acclamations；　gentlemen；　to　my　ancestors；　from　whom　I　inherited　a
steady　hand　and　quick　sight。'　They　do　not　touch　me。　Where　I　do
not　find　myselfthat　I　am　essentially　Ino　applause　can　move
me。　To　speak　to　you　as　I　would　speak　to　none；　admirationyou
know　that　in　my　early　youth　I　swam　in　flatteryI　had　to　swim　to
avoid　drowning！admiration　of　my　personal　gifts　has　grown
tasteless。　Changed；　therefore；　inasmuch　as　there　has　been　a　growth
of　spirituality。　We　are　all　in　submission　to　mortal　laws；　and　so
far　I　have　indeed　changed。　I　may　add　that　it　is　unusual　for
country　gentlemen　to　apply　themselves　to　scientific　researches。
These　are；　however；