the egoist-第68部分

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verdict　that　must　of　necessity　be　pronounced　in　favour　of　the
hanging　of　the　culprit；　yet　would　fain　attenuate　the　crime　of　a
palpable　villain　by　a　recommendation　to　mercy；　such　foreman；
standing　in　the　attentive　eye　of　a　master　of　grammatical
construction；　and　feeling　the　weight　of　at　least　three　sentences
on　his　brain；　together　with　a　prospect　of　Judicial　interrogation
for　the　discovery　of　his　precise　meaning；　is　oppressed；　himself　is
put　on　trial；　in　turn；　and　he　hesitates；　he　recapitulates；　the
fear　of　involution　leads　him　to　be　involved；　as　far　as　a　man　so
posted　may；　he　on　his　own　behalf　appeals　for　mercy；　entreats　that
his　indistinct　statement　of　preposterous　reasons　may　be　taken　for
understood；　and　would　gladly；　were　permission　to　do　it　credible；
throw　in　an　imploring　word　that　he　may　sink　back　among　the　crowd
without　for　the　one　imperishable　moment　publicly　swinging　in　his
lordship's　estimation：much　so；　moved　by　chivalry　toward　a　lady；
courtesy　to　the　recollection　of　a　hostess；　and　particularly　by　the
knowledge　that　his　hearer　would　expect　with　a　certain　frigid
rigour　charity　of　him；　Dr。　Middleton　paused；　spoke　and　paused：　he
stammered。　Ladies；　he　said；　were　famous　poisoners　in　the　Middle
Ages。　His　opinion　was；　that　we　had　a　class　of　manufacturing　wine
merchants　on　the　watch　for　widows　in　this　country。　But　he　was
bound　to　state　the　fact　of　his　waking　at　his　usual　hour　to　the
minute　unassailed　by　headache。　On　the　other　hand；　this　was　a
condition　of　blessedness　unanticipated　when　he　went　to　bed。　Mr。
Whitford；　however；　was　not　to　think　that　he　entertained　rancour
toward　the　wine。　It　was　no　doubt　dispensed　with　the　honourable
intention　of　cheering。　In　point　of　flavour　execrable；　judging　by
results　it　was　innocuous。


〃The　test　of　it　shall　be　the　effect　of　it　upon　Professor　Crooklyn；
and　his　appearance　in　the　forenoon　according　to　promise；〃　Dr。
Middleton　came　to　an　end　with　his　perturbed　balancings。　〃If　I
hear　more　of　the　eight　or　twelve　winds　discharged　at　once　upon　a
railway　platform；　and　the　young　lady　who　dries　herself　of　a
drenching　by　drinking　brandy　and　water　with　a　gentleman　at　a
railway　inn；　I　shall　solicit　your　sanction　to　my　condemnation　of
the　wine　as　anti…Bacchic　and　a　counterfeit　presentment。　Do　not
misjudge　me。　Our　hostess　is　not　responsible。　But　widows　should
marry。〃

〃You　must　contrive　to　stop　the　Professor；　sir；　if　he　should　attack
his　hostess　in　that　manner；〃　said　Vernon。

〃Widows　should　marry！〃　Dr。　Middleton　repeated。

He　murmured　of　objecting　to　be　at　the　discretion　of　a　butler；
unless；　he　was　careful　to　add；　the　aforesaid　functionary　could
boast　of　an　University　education；　and　even　then；　said　he；　it
requires　a　line　of　ancestry　to　train　a　man's　taste。

The　Rev。　Doctor　smothered　a　yawn。　The　repression　of　it　caused　a
second　one；　a　real　monster；　to　come；　big　as　our　old　friend　of　the
sea　advancing　on　the　chained…up　Beauty。

Disconcerted　by　this　damning　evidence　of　indigestion；　his
countenance　showed　that　he　considered　himself　to　have　been　too
lenient　to　the　wine　of　an　unhusbanded　hostess。　He　frowned
terribly。

In　the　interval　Laetitia　told　Vernon　of　Crossjay's　flight　for　the
day；　hastily　bidding　the　master　to　excuse　him：　she　had　no　time　to
hint　the　grounds　of　excuse。　Vernon　mentally　made　a　guess。

Dr　Middleton　took　his　arm　and　discharged　a　volley　at　the
crotchetty　scholarship　of　Professor　Crooklyn；　whom　to　confute　by
book；　he　directed　his　march　to　the　library。　Having　persuaded　
himself　that　he　was　dyspeptic；　he　had　grown　irascible。　He
denounced　all　dining　out；　eulogized　Patterne　Hall　as　if　it　were
his　home；　and　remembered　he　had　dreamed　in　the　nighta　most
humiliating　sign　of　physical　disturbance。　〃But　let　me　find　a　house
in　proximity　to　Patterne；　as　I　am　induced　to　suppose　I　shall；〃　he
said；　〃and　here　only　am　I　to　be　met　when　I　stir　abroad。〃

Laetitia　went　to　her　room。　She　was　complacently　anxious　enough　to
prefer　solitude　and　be　willing　to　read。　She　was　more　seriously
anxious　about　Crossjay　than　about　any　of　the　others。　For　Clara
would　be　certain　to　speak　very　definitely；　and　how　then　could　a
gentleman　oppose　her？　He　would　supplicate；　and　could　she　be
brought　to　yield？　It　was　not　to　be　expected　of　a　young　lady　who
had　turned　from　Sir　Willoughby。　His　inferiors　would　have　had　a
better　chance。　Whatever　his　faults；　he　had　that　element　of
greatness　which　excludes　the　intercession　of　pity。　Supplication
would　be　with　him　a　form　of　condescension。　It　would　be　seen　to　be
such。　His　was　a　monumental　pride　that　could　not　stoop。　She　had
preserved　this　image　of　the　gentleman　for　a　relic　in　the　shipwreck
of　her　idolatry。　So　she　mused　between　the　lines　of　her　book；　and
finishing　her　reading　and　marking　the　page；　she　glanced　down　on
the　lawn。　Dr。　Middleton　was　there；　and　alone；　his　hands　behind　his
back；　his　head　bent。　His　meditative　pace　and　unwonted　perusal　of
the　turf　proclaimed　that　a　non…sentimental　jury　within　had
delivered　an　unmitigated　verdict　upon　the　widow's　wine。

Laetitia　hurried　to　find　Vernon。

He　was　in　the　hall。　As　she　drew　near　him；　the　laboratory　door
opened　and　shut。

〃It　is　being　decided；〃　said　Laetitia。

Vernon　was　paler　than　the　hue　of　perfect　calmness。

〃I　want　to　know　whether　I　ought　to　take　to　my　heels　like　Crossjay；
and　shun　the　Professor；〃　he　said。

They　spoke　in　under…tones；　furtively　watching　the　door。

〃I　wish　what　she　wishes；　I　am　sure；　but　it　will　go　badly　with　the
boy；〃　said　Laetitia。

〃Oh；　well；　then　I'll　take　him；〃　said　Vernon；　〃I　would　rather。　I
think　I　can　manage　it。〃

Again　the　laboratory　door　opened。　This　time　it　shut　behind　Miss
Middleton。　She　was　highly　flushed。　Seeing　them；　she　shook　the
storm　from　her　brows；　with　a　dead　smile；　the　best　piece　of
serenity　she　could　put　on　for　public　wear。

She　took　a　breath　before　she　moved。

Vernon　strode　out　of　the　house。

Clara　swept　up　to　Laetitia。

〃You　were　deceived！〃

The　hard　sob　of　anger　barred　her　voice。

Laetitia　begged　her　to　come　to　her　room　with　her。

〃I　want　air：　I　must　be　by　myself；〃　said　Clara；　catching　at　her
garden…hat。

She　walked　swiftly　to　the　portico　steps　and　turned　to　the　right；
to　avoid　the　laboratory　windows。



CHAPTER　XXXIII

In　Which　the　Comic　Muse　Has　an　Eye　on　Two　Good　Souls

Clara　met　Vernon　on　the　bowling…green　among　the　laurels。　She
asked　him　where　her　father　was。

〃Don't　speak　to　him　now；〃　said　Vernon。

〃Mr。　Whitford；　will　you？〃

〃It　is　not　advisable　just　now。　Wait。〃

〃Wait？　Why　not　now？〃

〃He　is　not　in　the　right　humour。〃

She　choked。　There　are　times　when　there　is　no　medicine　for　us　in
sages；　we　want　slaves；　we　scorn　to　temporize；　we　must　overbear。　On
she　sped；　as　if　she　had　made　the　mistake　of　exchanging　words　with
a　post。

The　scene　between　herself　and　Willoughby　was　a　thick　mist　in　her
head；　except　the　burden　and　result　of　it；　that　he　held　to　her
fast；　would　neither　assist　her　to　depart　nor　disengage　her。

Oh；　men！　men！　They　astounded　the　girl；　she　could　not　define　them
to　her　understanding。　Their　motives；　their　tastes；　their　vanity；
their　tyranny；　and　the　domino　on　their　vanity；　the　baldness　of
their　tyranny；　clinched　her　in　feminine　antagonism　to　brute　power。
She　was　not　the　less　disposed　to　rebellion　by　a　very　present　sense
of　the　justice　of　what　could　be　said　to　reprove　her。　She　had　but
one　answer：　〃Anything　but　marry　him！〃　It　threw　her　on　her　nature；
our　last　and　headlong　advocate；　who　is　quick　as　the　flood　to　hurry
us　from　the　heights　to　our　level；　and　lower；　if　there　be
accidental　gaps　in　the　channel。　For　say　we　have　been　guilty
of　misconduct：　can　we　redeem　it　by　violating　that　which　we　are　and
live　by？　The　question　sinks　us　back　to　the　luxuriousness　of　a
sunny　relinquishment　of　effort　in　the　direction　against　tide。　Our
nature　becomes　ingenious　in　devices；　penetrative　of　the　enemy；
confidently　citing　its　cause　for　being　frankly　elvish　or　worse。
Clara　saw　a　particular　way　of　forcing　herself　to　be　surrendered。
She　shut　her　eyes　from　it：　the　sight　carried　her　too　violently　to
her　escape；　but　her　heart　caught　it　up　and　huzzaed。　To　press　the
points　of　her　fingers　at　her　bosom；　looking　up　to　the　sky　as　she
did；　and　cry：　〃I　am　not　my　own；　I　am　his！〃　was　instigation
sufficient　to　make　her　heart　leap　up　with　all　her　body's　blush　to
urge　it　to　recklessness。　A　despairing　creature　then　may　say　she
has　addressed　the　heavens　and　has　had　no　answer　to　restrain　her。

Happily　for　Miss　Middleton；　she　had　walked　some　minutes　in　her
chafing　fit　before　the　falcon　eye　of　Colonel　De　Craye　spied　her
away　on　one　of　the　beech…knots。

Vernon　stood　irresolute。　It　was　decidedly　not　a　moment　for
disturbing　Dr。　Middleton's　composure。　He　meditated　upon　a
conversation；　as　friendly　as　possible；　with　Willoughby。　Round　on
the　front…lawn；　he　beheld　Willoughby　and　Dr。　Middleton　together；
the　latter　having　halted　to　lend　attentive　ear　to　his　excellent
host。　Unnoticed　by　them　or　disregarded；　Vernon　turned　back　to
Laetitia；　and　sauntered；　talking　with　her　of　things　current　for　as
long　as　he　could　endure　to　listen　to　praise　of　his　pure
self…abnegation；　proof　of　how　well　he　had　disguised　himself；　but
it　smacked　unpleasantly　to　him。　His　humourous　intimacy　with　men's
minds　likened　the　source　of　this　distaste　to　the　gallant
all…or…nothing　of　the　gambler；　who　hates　the　little　when　he　cannot
have　the　much；　and　would　rather　stalk　from　the　tables　clean…picked
than　suffer　ruin　to　be　tickled　by　driblets　of　the　glorious　fortune
he　has　played　for　and　lost。　If　we　are　not　to　be　beloved；　spare　us
the　small　coin　of　compliments　on　character；　especially　when　they
compliment　only　our　acting。　It　is　partly　endurable　to　win　eulogy
for　our　stately　fortitude　in　losing；　but　Laetitia　was　unaware　that
he　flung　away　a　stake；　so　she　could　not　praise　him　for　his　merits。

〃Willoughby　makes　the　pardoning　of　Crossjay　conditional；〃　he　said；
〃and　the　person　pleading　for　him　has　to　grant　the　terms。　How　could
you　imagine　Willoughby　would　give　her　up！　How　could　he！　Who！
。。。　He　should；　is　easily　said。　I　was　no　witness　of　the　scene
between　them　just　now；　but　I　could　have　foretold　the　end　of　it；　I
could　almost　recount　the　passages。　The　consequence　is；　that
everything　depends　upon　the　amo