the egoist-第7部分

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headpiece　on　those　tyrannous　puzzles。　But　the　habits　of　birds；　and
the　place　for　their　eggs；　and　the　management　of　rabbits；　and　the
tickling　of　fish；　and　poaching　joys　with　combative　boys　of　the
district；　and　how　to　wheedle　a　cook　for　a　luncheon　for　a　whole　day
in　the　rain；　he　soon　knew　of　his　great　nature。　His　passion　for　our
naval　service　was　a　means　of　screwing　his　attention　to　lessons
after　he　had　begun　to　understand　that　the　desert　had　to　be
traversed　to　attain　midshipman's　rank。　He　boasted　ardently　of　his
fighting　father；　and；　chancing　to　be　near　the　Hall　as　he　was
talking　to　Vernon　and　Laetitia　of　his　father；　he　propounded　a
question　close　to　his　heart；　and　he　put　it　in　these　words；
following：　〃My　father's　the　one　to　lead　an　army！〃　when　he　paused。
〃I　say；　Mr。　Whitford；　Sir　Willoughby's　kind　to　me；　and　gives　me
crown…pieces；　why　wouldn't　he　see　my　father；　and　my　father　came
here　ten　miles　in　the　rain　to　see　him；　and　had　to　walk　ten　miles
back；　and　sleep　at　an　inn？〃

The　only　answer　to　be　given　was；　that　Sir　Willoughby　could　not
have　been　at　home。　〃Oh！　my　father　saw　him；　and　Sir　Willoughby　said
he　was　not　at　home；〃　the　boy　replied；　producing　an　odd　ring　in　the
ear　by　his　repetition　of　〃not　at　home〃　in　the　same　voice　as　the
apology；　plainly　innocent　of　malice。　Vernon　told　Laetitia；
however；　that　the　boy　never　asked　an　explanation　of　Sir
Willoughby。

Unlike　the　horse　of　the　adage。　it　was　easier　to　compel　young
Crossjay　to　drink　of　the　waters　of　instruction　than　to　get　him　to
the　brink。　His　heart　was　not　so　antagonistic　as　his　nature；　and　by
degrees；　owing　to　a　proper　mixture　of　discipline　and　cajolery；　he
imbibed。　He　was　whistling　at　the　cook's　windows　after　a　day　of
wicked　truancy；　on　an　April　night；　and　reported　adventures　over
the　supper　supplied　to　him。　Laetitia　entered　the　kitchen　with　a
reproving　forefinger。　He　jumped　to　kiss　her；　and　went　on
chattering　of　a　place　fifteen　miles　distant；　where　he　had　seen　Sir
Willoughby　riding　with　a　young　lady。　The　impossibility　that　the
boy　should　have　got　so　far　on　foot　made　Laetitia　doubtful　of　his
veracity；　until　she　heard　that　a　gentleman　had　taken　him　up　on　the
road　in　a　gig；　and　had　driven　him　to　a　farm　to　show　him　strings　of
birds〃　eggs　and　stuffed　birds　of　every　English　kind；　kingfishers；
yaffles；　black　woodpeckers；　goat…sucker　owls；　more　mouth　than　head；
with　dusty；　dark…spotted　wings；　like　moths；　all　very
circumstantial。　Still；　in　spite　of　his　tea　at　the　farm；　and　ride
back　by　rail　at　the　gentleman's　expense；　the　tale　seemed
fictitious　to　Laetitia　until　Crossjay　related　how　that　he　had
stood　to　salute　on　the　road　to　the　railway；　and　taken　off　his　cap
to　Sir　Willoughby；　and　Sir　Willoughby　had　passed　him；　not　noticing
him；　though　the　young　lady　did；　and　looked　back　and　nodded。　The
hue　of　truth　was　in　that　picture。

Strange　eclipse；　when　the　hue　of　truth　comes　shadowing　over　our
bright　ideal　planet。　It　will　not　seem　the　planet's　fault；　but
truth's。　Reality　is　the　offender；　delusion　our　treasure　that　we
are　robbed　of。　Then　begins　with　us　the　term　of　wilful　delusion；　and
its　necessary　accompaniment　of　the　disgust　of　reality；　exhausting
the　heart　much　more　than　patient　endurance　of　starvation。

Hints　were　dropping　about　the　neighbourhood；　the　hedgeways　
twittered；　the　tree…tops　cawed。　Mrs。　Mountstuart　Jenkinson　was
loud　on　the　subject：　〃Patterne　is　to　have　a　mistress　at　last；　you
say？　But　there　never　was　a　doubt　of　his　marryinghe　must　marry；
and；　so　long　as　he　does　not　marry　a　foreign　woman；　we　have　no
cause　to　complain。　He　met　her　at　Cherriton。　Both　were　struck　at
the　same　moment。　Her　father　is；　I　hear；　some　sort　of　learned　man；
money；　no　land。　No　house　either；　I　believe。　People　who　spend　half
their　time　on　the　Continent。　They　are　now　for　a　year　at　Upton
Park。　The　very　girl　to　settle　down　and　entertain　when　she　does
think　of　settling。　Eighteen；　perfect　manners；　you　need　not　ask　if
a　beauty。　Sir　Willoughby　will　have　his　dues。　We　must　teach　her　to
make　amends　to　himbut　don't　listen　to　Lady　Busshe！　He　was　too
young　at　twenty…three　or　twenty…four。　No　young　man　is　ever　jilted；
he　is　allowed　to　escape。　A　young　man　married　is　a　fire…eater　bound
over　to　keep　the　peace；　if　he　keeps　it　he　worries　it。　At
thirty…one　or　thirty…two　he　is　ripe　for　his　command；　because　he
knows　how　to　bend。　And　Sir　Willoughby　is　a　splendid　creature；　only
wanting　a　wife　to　complete　him。　For　a　man　like　that　to　go　on
running　about　would　never　do。　Soberlyno！　It　would　soon　be
getting　ridiculous。　He　has　been　no　worse　than　other　men；　probably
betterinfinitely　more　excusable；　but　now　we　have　him；　and　it
was　time　we　should。　I　shall　see　her　and　study　her；　sharply；　you
may　be　sure；　though　I　fancy　I　can　rely　on　his　judgement。〃

In　confirmation　of　the　swelling　buzz；　the　Rev。　Dr。　Middleton　and
his　daughter　paid　a　flying　visit　to　the　Hall；　where　they　were　seen
only　by　the　members　of　the　Patterne　family。　Young　Crossjay　had　a
short　conversation　with　Miss　Middleton；　and　ran　to　the　cottage
full　of　hershe　loved　the　navy　and　had　a　merry　face。　She　had　a
smile　of　very　pleasant　humour　according　to　Vernon。　The　young　lady
was　outlined　to　Laetitia　as　tall；　elegant；　lively；　and　painted　as
carrying　youth　like　a　flag。　With　her　smile　of　〃very　pleasant
humour〃；　she　could　not　but　be　winning。

Vernon　spoke　more　of　her　father；　a　scholar　of　high　repute；
happily；　a　scholar　of　an　independent　fortune。　His　maturer
recollection　of　Miss　Middleton　grew　poetic；　or　he　described　her　in
an　image　to　suit　a　poetic　end：　〃She　gives　you　an　idea　of　the
Mountain　Echo。　Doctor　Middleton　has　one　of　the　grandest　heads　in
England。〃

〃What　is　her　Christian　name？〃　said　Laetitia。

He　thought　her　Christian　name　was　Clara。

Laetitia　went　to　bed　and　walked　through　the　day　conceiving　the
Mountain　Echo　the　swift；　wild　spirit；　Clara　by　name；　sent　fleeting
on　a　far　half　circle　by　the　voice　it　is　roused　to　subserve；　
sweeter　than　beautiful；　high　above　drawing…room　beauties　as　the
colours　of　the　sky；　and　if；　at　the　same　time；　elegant　and　of
loveable　smiling；　could　a　man　resist　her？　To　inspire　the　title　of
Mountain　Echo　in　any　mind；　a　young　lady　must　be　singularly
spiritualized。　Her　father　doated　on　her；　Vernon　said。　Who　would
not？　It　seemed　an　additional　cruelty　that　the　grace　of　a　poetical
attractiveness　should　be　round　her；　for　this　was　robbing　Laetitia
of　some　of　her　own　little　fortune；　mystical　though　that　might　be。
But　a　man　like　Sir　Willoughby　had　claims　on　poetry；　possessing　as
he　did　every　manly　grace；　and　to　think　that　Miss　Middleton　had　won
him　by　virtue　of　something　native　to　her　likewise；　though
mystically；　touched　Laetitia　with　a　faint　sense　of　relationship　to
the　chosen　girl。　〃What　is　in　me；　he　sees　on　her。〃　It　decked　her
pride　to　think　so；　as　a　wreath　on　the　gravestone。　She　encouraged
her　imagination　to　brood　over　Clara；　and　invested　her　designedly
with　romantic　charms；　in　spite　of　pain；　the　ascetic　zealot　hugs
his　share　of　Heavenmost　bitter；　most　blessedin　his
hair…shirt　and　scourge；　and　Laetitia's　happiness　was　to　glorify
Clara。　Through　that　chosen　rival；　through　her　comprehension　of
the　spirit　of　Sir　Willoughby's　choice　of　one　such　as　Clara；　she
was　linked　to　him　yet。

Her　mood　of　ecstatic　fidelity　was　a　dangerous　exaltation；　one　that
in　a　desert　will　distort　the　brain；　and　in　the　world　where　the
idol　dwells　will　put　him；　should　he　come　nigh；　to　its　own
furnace…test；　and　get　a　clear　brain　out　of　a　burnt　heart。　She　was
frequently　at　the　Hall；　helping　to　nurse　Lady　Patterne。　Sir
Willoughby　had　hitherto　treated　her　as　a　dear　insignificant
friend；　to　whom　it　was　unnecessary　that　he　should　mention　the
object　of　his　rides　to　Upton　Park。

He　had；　however；　in　the　contemplation　of　what　he　was　gaining；
fallen　into　anxiety　about　what　he　might　be　losing。　She　belonged
to　his　brilliant　youth；　her　devotion　was　the　bride　of　his　youth；
he　was　a　man　who　lived　backward　almost　as　intensely　as　in　the
present；　and；　notwithstanding　Laetitia's　praiseworthy　zeal　in
attending　on　his　mother；　he　suspected　some　unfaithfulness：　hardly
without　cause：　she　had　not　looked　paler　of　late；　her　eyes　had　not
reproached　him；　the　secret　of　the　old　days　between　them　had　been
as　little　concealed　as　it　was　exposed。　She　might　have　buried　it；
after　the　way　of　woman；　whose　bosoms　can　be　tombs；　if　we　and　the
world　allow　them　to　be；　absolutely　sepulchres；　where　you　lie　dead；
ghastly。　Even　if　not　dead　and　horrible　to　think　of；　you　may　be
lying　cold；　somewhere　in　a　corner。　Even　if　embalmed；　you　may　not
be　much　visited。　And　how　is　the　world　to　know　you　are　embalmed？
You　are　no　better　than　a　rotting　wretch　to　the　world　that　does　not
have　peeps　of　you　in　the　woman's　breast；　and　see　lights　burning
and　an　occasional　exhibition　of　the　services　of　worship。　There　are
womentell　us　not　of　her　of　Ephesus！that　have　embalmed　you；
and　have　quitted　the　world　to　keep　the　tapers　alight；　and　a
stranger　comes；　and　they；　who　have　your　image　before　them；　will
suddenly　blow　out　the　vestal　flames　and　treat　you　as　dust　to
fatten　the　garden　of　their　bosoms　for　a　fresh　flower　of　love。　Sir
Willoughby　knew　it；　he　had　experience　of　it　in　the　form　of　the
stranger；　and　he　knew　the　stranger's　feelings　toward　his
predecessor　and　the　lady。

He　waylaid　Laetitia；　to　talk　of　himself　and　his　plans：　the　project
of　a　run　to　Italy。　Enviable？　Yes；　but　in　England　you　live　the
higher　moral　life。　Italy　boasts　of　sensual　beauty；　the　spiritual
is　yours。　〃I　know　Italy　well；　I　have　often　wished　to　act　as　a
cicerone　to　you　there。　As　it　is；　I　suppose　I　shall　be　with　those
who　know　the　land　as　well　as　I　do；　and　will　not　be　particularly　
enthusiastic：if　you　are　what　you　were？〃　He　was　guilty　of　this
perplexing　twist　from　one　person　to　another　in　a　sentence　more
than　once。　While　he　talked　exclusively　of　himself　it　seemed　to　her
a　condescension。　In　time　he　talked　principally　of　her；　beginning
with　her　admirable　care　of　his　mother；　and　he　wished　to　introduce
〃a　Miss　Middleton〃　to　her；　he　wanted　her　opinion　of　Miss
Middleton；　he　relied　on　her　intuition　of　character；　had　never
known　it　err。

〃If　I　supposed　it　could　err；　Miss　Dale；　I　should　not　be　so　certain
of　myself。　I　am　bound　up　in　my　good　opinion　of　you；　you