the egoist-第74部分

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honour。　You　can't　imagine　he　is　to　be　thrown　over　now；　at　this
hour？　What　have　you　against　him？　come！〃

〃I　have　found　that　I　do　not　。　。

〃What？〃

〃Love　him。〃

Mrs。　Mountstuart　grimaced　transiently。　〃That　is　no　answer。　The
cause！〃　she　said。　〃What　has　he　done？

〃Nothing。〃

〃And　when　did　you　discover　this　nothing？〃

〃By　degrees：　unknown　to　myself；　suddenly。〃

〃Suddenly　and　by　degrees？　I　suppose　it's　useless　to　ask　for　a
head。　　But　if　all　this　is　true；　you　ought　not　to　be　here。〃

〃I　wish　to　go；　I　am　unable。〃

〃Have　you　had　a　scene　together？〃

〃I　have　expressed　my　wish。〃

〃In　roundabout？girl's　English？〃

〃Quite　clearly。　oh；　very　clearly。〃

〃Have　you　spoken　to　your　father？〃

〃I　have。〃

〃And　what　does　Dr。　Middleton　say？〃

〃It　is　incredible　to　him。〃

〃To　me　too！　I　can　understand　little　differences；　little　whims；
caprices：　we　don't　settle　into　harness　for　a　tap　on　the　shoulder
as　a　man　becomes　a　knight：　but　to　break　and　bounce　away　from　an
unhappy　gentleman　at　the　church　door　is　either　madness　or　it's　one
of　the　things　without　a　name。　You　think　you　are　quite　sure　of
yourself？〃

〃I　am　so　sure。　that　I　look　back　with　regret　on　the　time　when　I
was　not。〃

〃But　you　were　in　love　with　him。〃

〃I　was　mistaken。〃

〃No　love？〃

〃I　have　none　to　give。

〃Dear　me！Yes；　yes；　but　that　tone　of　sorrowful　conviction　is
often　a　trick；　it's　not　new：　and　I　know　that　assumption　of　plain
sense　to　pass　off　a　monstrosity。〃　Mrs。　Mountstuart　struck　her　lap。
〃Soh！　but　I've　had　to　rack　my　brain　for　it：　feminine　disgust？　You
have　been　hearing　imputations　of　his　past　life？　moral　character？
No？　Circumstances　might　make　him　behave　unkindly；　not
unhandsomely：　and　we　have　no　claim　over　a　man's　past；　or　it's　too
late　to　assert　it。　What　is　the　case？〃

〃We　are　quite　divided。〃

〃Nothing　in　the　way　of　。。。　nothing　green…eyed？〃

〃Far　from　that！〃

〃Then　name　it。〃

〃We　disagree。〃

〃Many　a　very　good　agreement　is　founded　on　disagreeing。　It's　to　be
regretted　that　you　are　not　portionless。　If　you　had　been；　you　would
have　made　very　little　of　disagreeing。　You　are　just　as　much　bound
in　honour　as　if　you　had　the　ring　on　your　finger。〃

〃In　honour！　But　I　appeal　to　his；　I　am　no　wife　for　him。〃

〃But　if　he　insists；　you　consent？〃

〃I　appeal　to　reason。　Is　it；　madam　。　。　。〃

〃But；　I　say；　if　he　insists；　you　consent？〃

〃He　will　insist　upon　his　own　misery　as　well　as　mine。〃

Mrs。　Mountstuart　rocked　herself　〃My　poor　Sir　Willoughby！　What　a
fate！And　I　took　you　for　a　clever　girl！　　Why；　I　have　been
admiring　your　management　of　him！　And　here　am　I　bound　to　take　a
lesson　from　Lady　Busshe。　My　dear　good　Middleton；　don't　let　it　be
said　that　Lady　Busshe　saw　deeper　than　I！　I　put　some　little　vanity
in　it；　I　own：　I　won't　conceal　it。　She　declares　that　when　she　sent
her　presentI　don't　believe　hershe　had　a　premonition　that　it
would　come　back。　Surely　you　won't　justify　the　extravagances　of　a
woman　without　common　reverence：for　anatomize　him　as　we　please
to　ourselves；　he　is　a　splendid　man　（and　I　did　it　chiefly　to
encourage　and　come　at　you）。　We　don't　often　behold　such　a
lordly…looking　man：　so　conversable　too　when　he　feels　at　home；　a
picture　of　an　English　gentleman！　The　very　man　we　want　married　for
our　neighbourhood！　A　woman　who　can　openly　talk　of　expecting　him　to
be　twice　jilted！　You　shrink。　It　is　repulsive。　It　would　be
incomprehensible：　except；　of　course；　to　Lady　Busshe；　who　rushed　to
one　of　her　violent　conclusions；　and　became　a　prophetess。　Conceive
a　woman's　imagining　it　could　happen　twice　to　the　same　man！　I　am
not　sure　she　did　not　send　the　identical　present　that　arrived　and
returned　once　before：　you　know；　the　Durham　engagement。　　She　told
me　last　night　she　had　it　back。　I　watched　her　listening　very
suspiciously　to　Professor　Crooklyn。　My　dear；　it　is　her　passion　to
foretell　disastersher　passion！　And　when　they　are　confirmed；　she
triumphs；　of　course。　We　shall　have　her　domineering　over　us　with
sapient　nods　at　every　trifle　occurring。　　The　county　will　be
unendurable。　Unsay　it；　my　Middleton！　And　don't　answer　like　an
oracle　because　I　do　all　the　talking。　Pour　out　to　me。　You'll　soon
come　to　a　stop　and　find　the　want　of　reason　in　the　want　of　words。　I
assure　you　that's　true。　Let　me　have　a　good　gaze　at　you。　　No；〃　said
Mrs。　Mountstuart；　after　posturing　herself　to　peruse　Clara's
features；　〃brains　you　have；　one　can　see　it　by　the　nose　and　the
mouth。　I　could　vow　you　are　the　girl　I　thought　you；　you　have　your
wits　on　tiptoe。　How　of　the　heart？〃

〃None；〃　Clara　sighed。

The　sigh　was　partly　voluntary；　though　unforced；　as　one　may　with
ready　sincerity　act　a　character　that　is　our　own　only　through
sympathy。

Mrs。　Mountstuart　felt　the　extra　weight　in　the　young　lady's　falling
breath。　There　was　no　necessity　for　a　deep　sigh　over　an　absence　of
heart　or　confession　of　it。　If　Clara　did　not　love　the　man　to　whom
she　was　betrothed；　sighing　about　it　signified　what？　some　pretence；
and　a　pretence　is　the　cloak　of　a　secret。　Girls　do　not　sigh　in　that
way　with　compassion　for　the　man　they　have　no　heart　for；　unless　at
the　same　time　they　should　be　oppressed　by　the　knowledge　or　dread
of　having　a　heart　for　some　one　else。　As　a　rule；　they　have　no
compassion　to　bestow　on　him：　you　might　as　reasonably　expect　a
soldier　to　bewail　the　enemy　he　strikes　in　action：　they　must　be
very　disengaged　to　have　it。　And　supposing　a　show　of　the　thing　to
be　exhibited；　when　it　has　not　been　worried　out　of　them；　there　is　a
reserve　in　the　background：　they　are　pitying　themselves　under　a
mask　of　decent　pity　of　their　wretch。

So　ran　Mrs。　Mountstuart's　calculations；　which　were　like　her
suspicion；　coarse　and　broad；　not　absolutely　incorrect；　but　not　of
an　exact　measure　with　the　truth。　That　pin's　head　of　the　truth　is
rarely　hit　by　design。　The　search　after　it　of　the　professionally　
penetrative　in　the　dark　of　a　bosom　may　bring　it　forth　by　the　heavy
knocking　all　about　the　neighbourhood　that　we　call　good　guessing；
but　it　does　not　come　out　clean；　other　matter　adheres　to　it；　and
being　more　it　is　less　than　truth。　The　unadulterate　is　to　be　had
only　by　faith　in　it　or　by　waiting　for　it。

A　lover！　thought　the　sagacious　dame。　There　was　no　lover：　some
love　there　was：　or；　rather；　there　was　a　preparation　of　the
chamber；　with　no　lamp　yet　lighted。

〃Do　you　positively　tell　me　you　have　no　heart　for　the　position　of
first　lady　of　the　county？〃　said　Mrs。　Mountstuart。

Clara's　reply　was　firm：　〃None　whatever。〃

〃My　dear；　I　will　believe　you　on　one　condition。　Look　at　me。　You
have　eyes。　If　you　are　for　mischief；　you　are　armed　for　it。　But　how
much　better；　when　you　have　won　a　prize；　to　settle　down　and　wear
it！　Lady　Patterne　will　have　entire　occupation　for　her　flights　and
whimsies　in　leading　the　county。　And　the　man；　surely　the　manhe
behaved　badly　last　night：　but　a　beauty　like　this；〃　she　pushed　a
finger　at　Clara's　cheek；　and　doated　a　half　instant；　〃you　have　the
very　beauty　to　break　in　an　ogre's　temper。　And　the　man　is　as
governable　as　he　is　presentable。　You　have　the　beauty　the　French
callno；　it's　the　beauty　of　a　queen　of　elves：　one　sees　them
lurking　about　you；　one　here；　one　there。　Smilethey　dance：　be
dolefulthey　hang　themselves。　No；　there's　not　a　trace　of
satanic；　at　least；　not　yet。　And　come；　come；　my　Middleton；　the　man
is　a　man　to　be　proud　of。　You　can　send　him　into　Parliament　to　wear
off　his　humours。　To　my　thinking；　he　has　a　fine　style：　conscious？　I
never　thought　so　before　last　night。　I　can't　guess　what　has　happened
to　him　recently。　He　was　once　a　young　Grand　Monarque。　He　was　really
a　superb　young　English　gentleman。　Have　you　been　wounding　him？〃

〃It　is　my　misfortune　to　be　obliged　to　wound　him；〃　said　Clara。

〃Quite　needlessly；　my　child；　for　marry　him　you　must。〃

Clara's　bosom　rose：　her　shoulders　rose　too；　narrowing；　and　her
head　fell　slight　back。

Mrs。　Mountstuart　exclaimed：　〃But　the　scandal！　You　would　never；
never　think　of　following　the　example　of　that　Durham　girl？whether
she　was　provoked　to　it　by　jealousy　or　not。　It　seems　to　have　gone
so　astonishingly　far　with　you　in　a　very　short　time；　that　one　is
alarmed　as　to　where　you　will　stop。　Your　look　just　now　was
downright　revulsion。〃

〃I　fear　it　is。　It　is。　I　am　past　my　own　control。　Dear　madam；　you
have　my　assurance　that　I　will　not　behave　scandalously　or
dishonourably。　What　I　would　entreat　of　you　is　to　help　me。　I　know
this　of　myself。。　I　am　not　the　best　of　women。　I　am　impatient；　
wickedly。　I　should　be　no　good　wife。　Feelings　like　mine　teach　me
unhappy　things　of　myself。〃

〃Rich；　handsome；　lordly；　influential；　brilliant　health；　fine
estates；〃　Mrs。　Mountstuart　enumerated　in　petulant　accents　as　there
started　across　her　mind　some　of　Sir　Willoughby's　attributes　for
the　attraction　of　the　soul　of　woman。　〃I　suppose　you　wish　me　to
take　you　in　earnest？〃

〃I　appeal　to　you　for　help。〃

〃What　help？〃

〃Persuade　him　of　the　folly　of　pressing　me　to　keep　my　word。〃

〃I　will　believe　you；　my　dear　Middleton；　on　one　condition：　your　
talk　of　no　heart　is　nonsense。　A　change　like　this；　if　one　is　to
believe　in　the　change；　occurs　through　the　heart；　not　because　there
is　none。　Don't　you　see　that？　But　if　you　want　me　for　a　friend；　you
must　not　sham　stupid。　It's　bad　enough　in　itself：　the　imitation's
horrid。　You　have　to　be　honest　with　me；　and　answer　me　right　out。
You　came　here　on　this　visit　intending　to　marry　Willoughby
Patterne。〃

〃Yes。〃

〃And　gradually　you　suddenly　discovered；　since　you　came　here；　that
you　did　not　intend　it；　if　you　could　find　a　means　of　avoiding　it。〃

〃Oh；　madam；　yes；　it　is　true。〃

〃Now　comes　the　test。　And；　my　lovely　Middleton；　your　flaming　cheeks
won't　suffice　for　me　this　time。　The　old　serpent　can　blush　like　an
innocent　maid　on　occasion。　You　are　to　speak；　and　you　are　to　tell
me　in　six　words　why　that　was：　and　don't　waste　one　on　'madam'；　or
'Oh！　Mrs。　Mountstuart〃　Why　did　you　change？〃

〃I　cameWhen　I　came　I　was　in　some　doubt。　Indeed　I　speak　the
truth。　I　found　I　could　not　give　him　the　admiration　he　has；　I　dare
say；　a　right　to　expect。　I　turnedit　surprised　me；　it　surprises　
me　now。　But　so　completely！　So　that　to　think　of　marrying　him　is　。　。
。〃

〃Defer　the　simile；〃　Mrs。　Mountstuart　interposed。　〃If　you　hit　on　a
clever　one；　you　will　never　get　the　better　of　it。　Now；　by　just　as
much　as　you　have　outstripped　my　li