the egoist-第90部分

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counselled　himself　to　wait　for　her；　she　might　have　ideas　of
delicacy。　Her　face　was　troubled；　speculative；　the　brows　clouded；
the　lips　compressed。

〃You　have　not　heard　this　from　Miss　Dale？〃　she　said。

〃Last　night　they　were　together：　this　morning　she　fled。　I　saw　her
this　morning　distressed。　She　is　unwilling　to　send　you　a　message：
she　talks　vaguely　of　meeting　you　some　days　hence。　And　it　is　not
the　first　time　he　has　gone　to　her　for　his　consolation。〃

〃That　is　not　a　proposal；〃　Clara　reflected。　〃He　is　too　prudent。　He
did　not　propose　to　her　at　the　time　you　mention。　Have　you　not　been
hasty；　Colonel　De　Craye？〃

Shadows　crossed　her　forehead。　She　glanced　in　the　direction　of　the
house　and　stopped　her　walk。

〃Last　night；　Miss　Middleton；　there　was　a　listener。〃

〃Who？〃

〃Crossjay　was　under　that　pretty　silk　coverlet　worked　by　the　Miss
Patternes。　He　came　home　late；　found　his　door　locked；　and　dashed
downstairs　into　the　drawing…room；　where　he　snuggled　up　and　dropped
asleep。　The　two　speakers　woke　him；　they　frightened　the　poor　dear
lad　in　his　love　for　you；　and　after　they　had　gone；　he　wanted　to　run
out　of　the　house；　and　I　met　him　just　after　I　had　come　back　from　my
search；　bursting；　and　took　him　to　my　room；　and　laid　him　on　the
sofa；　and　abused　him　for　not　lying　quiet。　He　was　restless　as　a
fish　on　a　bank。　When　I　woke　in　the　morning　he　was　off。　Doctor
Corney　came　across　him　somewhere　on　the　road　and　drove　him　to　the
cottage。　I　was　ringing　the　bell。　Corney　told　me　the　boy　had　you　on
his　brain；　and　was　miserable；　so　Crossjay　and　I　had　a　talk。〃

〃Crossjay　did　not　repeat　to　you　the　conversation　he　had　heard？〃
said　Clara。

〃No。〃

She　smiled　rejoicingly；　proud　of　the　boy。　as　she　walked　on。

〃But　you'll　pardon　me；　Miss　Middletonand　I'm　for　him　as　much　as
you　areif　I　was　guilty　of　a　little　angling。〃

〃My　sympathies　are　with　the　fish。〃

〃The　poor　fellow　had　a　secret　that　hurt　him。　It　rose　to　the
surface　crying　to　be　hooked；　and　I　spared　him　twice　or　thrice；
because　he　had　a　sort　of　holy　sentiment　I　respected；　that　none　but
Mr。　Whitford　ought　to　be　his　father　confessor。〃

〃Crossjay！〃　she　cried；　hugging　her　love　of　the　boy。

〃The　secret　was　one　not　to　be　communicated　to　Miss　Dale　of　all
people。〃

〃He　said　that？〃

〃As　good　as　the　very　words。　She　informed　me；　too；　that　she
couldn't　induce　him　to　face　her　straight。〃

〃Oh；　that　looks　like　it。　And　Crossjay　was　unhappy？　Very　unhappy？〃

〃He　was　just　where　tears　are　on　the　brim；　and　would　have　been
over；　if　he　were　not　such　a　manly　youngster。〃

〃It　looks。。。〃　She　reverted　in　thought　to　Willoughby；　and　doubted；
and　blindly　stretched　hands　to　her　recollection　of　the　strange　old
monster　she　had　discovered　in　him。　Such　a　man　could　do　anything。

That　conclusion　fortified　her　to　pursue　her　walk　to　the　house　and
give　battle　for　freedom。　Willoughby　appeared　to　her　scarce　human；
unreadable；　save　by　the　key　that　she　could　supply。　She　determined
to　put　faith　in　Colonel　De　Craye's　marvellous　divination　of
circumstances　in　the　dark。　Marvels　are　solid　weapons　when　we　are
attacked　by　real　prodigies　of　nature。　Her　countenance　cleared。　She
conversed　with　De　Craye　of　the　polite　and　the　political　world；
throwing　off　her　personal　burden　completely；　and　charming　him。

At　the　edge　of　the　garden；　on　the　bridge　that　crossed　the　haha　
from　the　park；　he　had　a　second　impulse；　almost　a　warning　within；
to　seize　his　heavenly　opportunity　to　ask　for　thanks　and　move　her
tender　lowered　eyelids　to　hint　at　his　reward。　He　repressed　it；
doubtful　of　the　wisdom。

Something　like　〃heaven　forgive　me〃　was　in　Clara's　mind；　though　she
would　have　declared　herself　innocent　before　the　scrutator。



CHAPTER　XLIII

In　Which　Sir　Willoughby　Is　Led　to　Think　That　the　Elements　Have
Conspired　Against　Him

Clara　had　not　taken　many　steps　in　the　garden　before　she　learned
how　great　was　her　debt　of　gratitude　to　Colonel　De　Craye。
Willoughby　and　her　father　were　awaiting　her。　De　Craye；　with　his
ready　comprehension　of　circumstances；　turned　aside　unseen　among
the　shrubs。　She　advanced　slowly。

〃The　vapours；　we　may　trust；　have　dispersed？〃　her　father　hailed
her。

〃One　word；　and　these　discussions　are　over；　we　dislike　them
equally；〃　said　Willoughby。

〃No　scenes；〃　Dr。　Middleton　added。　〃Speak　your　decision；　my　girl；
pro　forma；　seeing　that　he　who　has　the　right　demands　it；　and　pray
release　me。〃

Clara　looked　at　Willoughby。

〃I　have　decided　to　go　to　Miss　Dale　for　her　advice。〃

There　was　no　appearance　in　him　of　a　man　that　has　been　shot。

〃To　Miss　Dale？for　advice？〃

Dr　Middleton　invoked　the　Furies。　〃What　is　the　signification　of
this　new　freak？〃

〃Miss　Dale　must　be　consulted；　papa。〃

〃Consulted　with　reference　to　the　disposal　of　your　hand　in
marriage？〃

〃She　must　be。〃

〃Miss　Dale；　do　you　say？〃

〃I　do；　Papa。〃

Dr　Middleton　regained　his　natural　elevation　from　the　bend　of　body
habitual　with　men　of　an　established　sanity；　paedagogues　and
others；　who　are　called　on　at　odd　intervals　to　inspect　the
magnitude　of　the　infinitesimally　absurd　in　human　nature：　small；
that　is；　under　the　light　of　reason；　immense　in　the　realms　of
madness。

His　daughter　profoundly　confused　him。　He　swelled　out　his　chest；
remarking　to　Willoughby：　〃I　do　not　wonder　at　your　scared
expression　of　countenance；　my　friend。　To　discover　yourself　engaged
to　a　girl　mad　as　Cassandra；　without　a　boast　of　the　distinction　of
her　being　sun…struck；　can　be　no　specially　comfortable　
enlightenment。　I　am　opposed　to　delays；　and　I　will　not　have　a
breach　of　faith　committed　by　daughter　of　mine。〃

〃Do　not　repeat　those　words；〃　Clara　said　to　Willoughby。　He　started。
She　had　evidently　come　armed。　But　how；　within　so　short　a　space？
What　could　have　instructed　her？　And　in　his　bewilderment　he　gazed
hurriedly　above；　gulped　air；　and　cried：　〃Scared；　sir？　I　am　not
aware　that　my　countenance　can　show　a　scare。　I　am　not　accustomed　to
sue　for　long：　I　am　unable　to　sustain　the　part　of　humble
supplicant。　She　puts　me　out　of　harmony　with　creationWe　are
plighted；　Clara。　It　is　pure　waste　of　time　to　speak　of　soliciting
advice　on　the　subject。〃

〃Would　it　be　a　breach　of　faith　for　me　to　break　my　engagement？〃　she
said。

〃You　ask？〃

〃It　is　a　breach　of　sanity　to　propound　the　interrogation；〃　said　her
father。

She　looked　at　Willoughby。　〃Now？〃

He　shrugged　haughtily。

〃Since　last　night？〃　she　said。

〃Last　night？〃

〃Am　I　not　released？〃

〃Not　by　me。〃

〃By　your　act。〃

〃My　dear　Clara！〃

〃Have　you　not　virtually　disengaged　me？〃

〃I　who　claim　you　as　mine？〃

〃Can　you？〃

〃I　do　and　must。〃

〃After　last　night？〃

〃Tricks！　shufflings！　jabber　of　a　barbarian　woman　upon　the
evolutions　of　a　serpent！〃　exclaimed　Dr。　Middleton。　〃You　were　to
capitulate；　or　to　furnish　reasons　for　your　refusal。　You　have　none。
Give　him　your　hand；　girl；　according　to　the　compact。　I　praised　you
to　him　for　returning　within　the　allotted　term；　and　now　forbear　to
disgrace　yourself　and　me。〃

〃Is　he　perfectly　free　to　offer　his？　Ask　him；　papa。〃

〃Perform　your　duty。　Do　let　us　have　peace！〃

〃Perfectly　free！　as　on　the　day　when　I　offered　it　first。〃
Willoughby　frankly　waved　his　honourable　hand。

His　face　was　blanched：　enemies　in　the　air　seemed　to　have　whispered
things　to　her：　he　doubted　the　fidelity　of　the　Powers　above。

〃Since　last　night？〃　said　she。

〃Oh！　if　you　insist；　I　reply；　since　last　night。〃

〃You　know　what　I　mean；　Sir　Willoughby。〃

〃Oh！　certainly。〃

〃You　speak　the　truth？〃

〃'Sir　Willoughby！'〃　her　father　ejaculated　in　wrath。　〃But　will　you
explain　what　you　mean；　epitome　that　you　are　of　all　the
contradictions　and　mutabilities　ascribed　to　women　from　the
beginning！　'Certainly'；　he　says；　and　knows　no　more　than　I。　She
begs　grace　for　an　hour；　and　returns　with　a　fresh　store　of
evasions；　to　insult　the　man　she　has　injured。　It　is　my　humiliation
to　confess　that　our　share　in　this　contract　is　rescued　from　public
ignominy　by　his　generosity。　Nor　can　I　congratulate　him　on　his
fortune；　should　he　condescend　to　bear　with　you　to　the　utmost；　for
instead　of　the　young　woman　I　supposed　myself　to　be　bestowing　on
him；　I　see　a　fantastical　planguncula　enlivened　by　the　wanton
tempers　of　a　nursery　chit。　If　one　may　conceive　a　meaning　in　her；
in　miserable　apology　for　such　behaviour；　some　spirit　of　jealousy
informs　the　girl。〃

〃I　can　only　remark　that　there　is　no　foundation　for　it；〃　said
Willoughby。　〃I　am　willing　to　satisfy　you；　Clara。　Name　the　person
who　discomposes　you。　I　can　scarcely　imagine　one　to　exist：　but　who
can　tell？〃

She　could　name　no　person。　The　detestable　imputation　of　jealousy
would　be　confirmed　if　she　mentioned　a　name：　and　indeed　Laetitia
was　not　to　be　named。

He　pursued　his　advantage：　〃Jealousy　is　one　of　the　fits　I　am　a
stranger　to；I　fancy；　sir；　that　gentlemen　have　dismissed　it。　I
speak　for　myself。But　I　can　make　allowances。　In　some　cases；　it
is　considered　a　compliment；　and　often　a　word　will　soothe　it。　The
whole　affair　is　so　senseless！　However；　I　will　enter　the
witness…box；　or　stand　at　the　prisoner's　bar！　Anything　to　quiet　a
distempered　mind。〃

〃Of　you；　sir；〃　said　Dr。　Middleton；　〃might　a　parent　be　justly
proud。〃

〃It　is　not　jealousy；　I　could　not　be　jealous！〃　Clara　cried；　stung　by
the　very　passion；　and　she　ran　through　her　brain　for　a　suggestion　
to　win　a　sign　of　meltingness　if　not　esteem　from　her　father。　She
was　not　an　iron　maiden；　but　one　among　the　nervous　natures　which
live　largely　in　the　moment；　though　she　was　then　sacrificing　it　to
her　nature's　deep　dislike。　〃You　may　be　proud　of　me　again；　papa。〃

She　could　hardly　have　uttered　anything　more　impolitic。

〃Optume；　but　deliver　yourself　ad　rem；〃　he　rejoined；　alarmingly　
pacified。　〃Firmavit　fidem。　Do　you　likewise；　and　double　on　us　no
more　like　puss　in　the　field。〃

〃I　wish　to　see　Miss　Dale；〃　she　said。

Up　flew　the　Rev。　Doctor's　arms　in　wrathful　despair　resembling　an
imprecation。

〃She　is　at　the　cottage。　You　could　have　seen　her；〃　said　Willoughby。

Evidently　she　had　not。

〃Is　it　untrue　that　last　night；　between　twelve　o'clock　and　one；　in
the　drawing…room；　you　proposed　marriage　to　Miss　Dale？〃　He　became
convinced　that　she　must　have　stolen　down…stairs　during　his
colloquy　with　Laetitia；　and　listened　at　the　door。

〃On　behalf　of　old　Vernon？〃　he　said；　lightly　laughing。　〃Th