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with poor imitations of themselves; to share their homes and be the 

mothers of their children?  She is throwing away the substance for 

the shadow!



The moment women step out from the sanctuary of their homes; the 

glamour that girlhood or maternity has thrown around them cast 

aside; that moment will they cease to rule mankind。  Women may 

agitate until they have obtained political recognition; but will 

awake from their foolish dream of power; realizing too late what 

they have sacrificed to obtain it; that the price has been very 

heavy; and the fruit of their struggles bitter on their lips。



There are few men; I imagine; of my generation to whom the words 

〃home〃 and 〃mother〃 have not a penetrating charm; who do not look 

back with softened heart and tender thoughts to fireside scenes of 

evening readings and twilight talks at a mother's knee; realizing 

that the best in their natures owes its growth to these influences。



I sometimes look about me and wonder what the word 〃mother〃 will 

mean later; to modern little boys。  It will evoke; I fear; a 

confused remembrance of some centaur…like being; half woman; half 

wheel; or as it did to neglected little Rawdon Crawley; the vision 

of a radiant creature in gauze and jewels; driving away to endless 

FETES … FETES followed by long mornings; when he was told not to 

make any noise; or play too loudly; 〃as poor mamma is resting。〃  

What other memories can the 〃successful〃 woman of to…day hope to 

leave in the minds of her children?  If the child remembers his 

mother in this way; will not the man who has known and perhaps 

loved her; feel the same sensation of empty futility when her name 

is mentioned?



The woman who proposes a game of cards to a youth who comes to pass 

an hour in her society; can hardly expect him to carry away a 

particularly tender memory of her as he leaves the house。  The girl 

who has rowed; ridden; or raced at a man's side for days; with the 

object of getting the better of him at some sport or pastime; 

cannot reasonably hope to be connected in his thoughts with ideas 

more tender or more elevated than 〃odds〃 or 〃handicaps;〃 with an 

undercurrent of pique if his unsexed companion has 〃downed〃 him 

successfully。



What man; unless he be singularly dissolute or unfortunate; but 

turns his steps; when he can; towards some dainty parlor where he 

is sure of finding a smiling; soft…voiced woman; whose welcome he 

knows will soothe his irritated nerves and restore the even balance 

of his temper; whose charm will work its subtle way into his 

troubled spirit?  The wife he loves; or the friend he admires and 

respects; will do more for him in one such quiet hour when two 

minds commune; coming closer to the real man; and moving him to 

braver efforts; and nobler aims; than all the beauties and 〃sporty〃 

acquaintances of a lifetime。  No matter what a man's education or 

taste is; none are insensible to such an atmosphere or to the grace 

and witchery a woman can lend to the simplest surroundings。  She 

need not be beautiful or brilliant to hold him in lifelong 

allegiance; if she but possess this magnetism。



Madame Recamier was a beautiful; but not a brilliant woman; yet she 

held men her slaves for years。  To know her was to fall under her 

charm; and to feel it once was to remain her adorer for life。  She 

will go down to history as the type of a fascinating woman。  Being 

asked once by an acquaintance what spell she worked on mankind that 

enabled her to hold them for ever at her feet; she laughingly 

answered:



〃I have always found two words sufficient。  When a visitor comes 

into my salon; I say; 'ENFIN!' and when he gets up to go away; I 

say; 'DEJA!' 〃



〃What is this wonderful 'charm' he is writing about?〃  I hear some 

sprightly maiden inquire as she reads these lines。  My dear young 

lady; if you ask the question; you have judged yourself and been 

found wanting。  But to satisfy you as far as I can; I will try and 

define it … not by telling you what it is; that is beyond my power 

… but by negatives; the only way in which subtle subjects can be 

approached。



A woman of charm is never flustered and never DISTRAITE。  She talks 

little; and rarely of herself; remembering that bores are persons 

who insist on talking about themselves。  She does not break the 

thread of a conversation by irrelevant questions or confabulate in 

an undertone with the servants。  No one of her guests receives more 

of her attention than another and none are neglected。  She offers 

to each one who speaks the homage of her entire attention。  She 

never makes an effort to be brilliant or entertain with her wit。  

She is far too clever for that。  Neither does she volunteer 

information nor converse about her troubles or her ailments; nor 

wander off into details about people you do not know。



She is all things … to each man she likes; in the best sense of 

that phrase; appreciating his qualities; stimulating him to better 

things。





… for his gayer hours

She has a voice of gladness and a smile and eloquence of beauty; 

and she glides

Into his darker musings with a mild and healing sympathy that 

steals away

Their sharpness ere he is aware。









CHAPTER 2 … The Moth and the Star





THE truth of the saying that 〃it is always the unexpected that 

happens;〃 receives in this country a confirmation from an unlooked…

for quarter; as does the fact of human nature being always; 

discouragingly; the same in spite of varied surroundings。  This 

sounds like a paradox; but is an exceedingly simple statement 

easily proved。



That the great mass of Americans; drawn as they are from such 

varied sources; should take any interest in the comings and goings 

or social doings of a small set of wealthy and fashionable people; 

is certainly an unexpected development。  That to read of the 

amusements and home life of a clique of people with whom they have 

little in common; whose whole education and point of view are 

different from their own; and whom they have rarely seen and never 

expect to meet; should afford the average citizen any amusement 

seems little short of impossible。



One accepts as a natural sequence that abroad (where an hereditary 

nobility have ruled for centuries; and accustomed the people to 

look up to them as the visible embodiment of all that is splendid 

and unattainable in life) such interest should exist。  That the 

home…coming of an English or French nobleman to his estates should 

excite the enthusiasm of hundreds more or less dependent upon him 

for their amusement or more material advantages; that his marriage 

to an heiress … meaning to them the re…opening of a long…closed 

CHATEAU and the beginning of a period of prosperity for the 

district … should excite his neighbors is not to be wondered at。



It is well known that whole regions have been made prosperous by 

the residence of a court; witness the wealth and trade brought into 

Scotland by the Queen's preference for 〃the Land of Cakes;〃 and the 

discontent and poverty in Ireland from absenteeism and persistent 

avoidance of that country by the court。  But in this land; where 

every reason for interesting one class in another seems lacking; 

that thousands of well…to…do people (half the time not born in this 

hemisphere); should delightedly devour columns of incorrect 

information about New York dances and Lenox house…parties; winter 

cruises; or Newport coaching parades; strikes the observer as the 

〃unexpected〃 in its purest form。



That this interest exists is absolutely certain。  During a trip in 

the West; some seasons ago; I was dumbfounded to find that the 

members of a certain New York set were familiarly spoken of by 

their first names; and was assailed with all sorts of eager 

questions when it was discovered that I knew them。  A certain young 

lady; at that time a belle in New York; was currently called SALLY; 

and a well…known sportsman FRED; by thousands of people who had 

never seen either of them。  It seems impossible; does it not?  Let 

us look a little closer into the reason of this interest; and we 

shall find how simple is the apparent paradox。



Perhaps in no country; in all the world; do the immense middle 

classes lead such uninteresting lives; and have such limited 

resources at their disposal for amusement or the passing of leisure 

hours。



Abroad the military bands play constantly in the public parks; the 

museums and palaces are always open wherein to pass rainy Sunday 

afternoons; every village has its religious FETES and local fair; 

attended with dancing and games。  All these mental relaxations are 

lacking in our newer civilization; life is stripped of everything 

that is not distinctly practical; the dull round of weekly toil is 

only broken by the duller idleness of an American Sunday。  

Naturally; these people long for something outside of themselves 

and their narrow sphere。



Suddenly there arises a class whose wealth permits them to break 

through the iron circle of work and boredom; who do picturesque and 

delightful things; which appeal directly to the imagination; they 

build a summer residence complete; in six weeks; with furniture and 

bric…a…brac; on the top of a roadless mountain; they sail in 

fairylike yachts to summer seas; and marry their daughters to the 

heirs of ducal houses; they float up the Nile in dahabeeyah; or 

pass the 〃month of flowers〃 in far Japan。



It is but human nature to delight in reading of these things。  Here 

the great mass of the people find (and eagerly seize on); the 

element of romance lacking in their lives; infinitely more 

enthralling than the doings of any novel's heroine。  It is real!  

It is taking place! and … still deeper reason … in every ambitious 

American heart lingers the secret hope that with luck and good

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