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she did not go to bed if she was so tired; answered; 〃the nights I 

go to bed early; they always seem to do something jolly; and then I 

miss it。〃



There is no greater proof of how much this weary round wears on 

women than the acts of the few who feel themselves strong enough in 

their position to defy custom。  They have thrown off the yoke (at 

least the younger ones have) doubtless backed up by their husbands; 

for men are much quicker to see the aimlessness of this stupid 

social routine。  First they broke down the great New…Year…call 

〃grind。〃  Men over forty doubtless recall with a shudder; that 

awful custom which compelled a man to get into his dress clothes at 

ten A。M。; and pass his day rushing about from house to house like a 

postman。  Out…of…town clubs and sport helped to do away with that 

remnant of New Amsterdam。  Next came the male revolt from the 

afternoon 〃tea〃 or 〃musical。〃  A black coat is rare now at either 

of these functions; or if seen is pretty sure to be on a back over 

fifty。  Next; we lords of creation refused to call at all; or leave 

our cards。  A married woman now leaves her husband's card with her 

own; and sisters leave the 〃pasteboard〃 of their brothers and often 

those of their brothers' friends。  Any combination is good enough 

to 〃shoot a card。〃



In London the men have gone a step further。  It is not uncommon to 

hear a young man boast that he never owned a visiting card or made 

a 〃duty〃 call in his life。  Neither there nor with us does a man 

count as a 〃call〃 a quiet cup of tea with a woman he likes; and a 

cigarette and quiet talk until dressing time。  Let the young women 

have courage and take matters into their own hands。  (The older 

ones are hopeless and will go on pushing this Juggernaut car over 

each other's weary bodies; until the end of the chapter。)  Let them 

have the courage occasionally to 〃refuse〃 something; to keep 

themselves free from aimless engagements; and bring this paste…

board war to a close。  If a woman is attractive; she will be asked 

out all the same; never fear!  If she is not popular; the few dozen 

of 〃egg…shell extra〃 that she can manage to slip in at the front 

doors of her acquaintances will not help her much。



If this matter is; however; so vastly important in women's eyes; 

why not adopt the continental and diplomatic custom and send cards 

by post or otherwise?  There; if a new…comer dines out and meets 

twenty…five people for the first time; cards must be left the next 

day at their twenty…five respective residences。  How the cards get 

there is of no importance。  It is a diplomatic fiction that the new 

acquaintance has called in person; and the call will be returned 

within twenty…four hours。  Think of the saving of time and 

strength!  In Paris; on New Year's Day; people send cards by post 

to everybody they wish to keep up。  That does for a year; and no 

more is thought about it。  All the time thus gained can be given to 

culture or recreation。



I have often wondered why one sees so few women one knows at our 

picture exhibitions or flower shows。  It is no longer a mystery to 

me。  They are all busy trotting up and down our long side streets 

leaving cards。  Hideous vision!  Should Dante by any chance 

reincarnate; he would find here the material ready made to his hand 

for an eighth circle in his INFERNO。









CHAPTER 21 … 〃Like Master Like Man。〃





A FREQUENT and naive complaint one hears; is of the 

unsatisfactoriness of servants generally; and their ingratitude and 

astonishing lack of affection for their masters; in particular。  

〃After all I have done for them;〃 is pretty sure to sum up the long 

tale of a housewife's griefs。  Of all the delightful 

inconsistencies that grace the female mind; this latter point of 

view always strikes me as being the most complete。  I artfully lead 

my fair friend on to tell me all about her woes; and she is sure to 

be exquisitely one…sided and quite unconscious of her position。  

〃They are so extravagant; take so little interest in my things; and 

leave me at a moment's notice; if they get an idea I am going to 

break up。  Horrid things!  I wish I could do without them!  They 

cause me endless worry and annoyance。〃  My friend is very nearly 

right; … but with whom lies the fault?



The conditions were bad enough years ago; when servants were kept 

for decades in the same family; descending like heirlooms from 

father to son; often (abroad) being the foster sisters or brothers 

of their masters; and bound to the household by an hundred ties of 

sympathy and tradition。  But in our day; and in America; where 

there is rarely even a common language or nationality to form a 

bond; and where households are broken up with such facility; the 

relation between master and servant is often so strained and so 

unpleasant that we risk becoming (what foreigners reproach us with 

being); a nation of hotel…dwellers。  Nor is this class…feeling 

greatly to be wondered at。  The contrary would be astonishing。  

From the primitive household; where a poor neighbor comes in as 

〃help;〃 to the 〃great〃 establishment where the butler and 

housekeeper eat apart; and a group of plush…clad flunkies imported 

from England adorn the entrance…hall; nothing could be better 

contrived to set one class against another than domestic service。



Proverbs have grown out of it in every language。  〃No man is a hero 

to his valet;〃 and 〃familiarity breeds contempt;〃 are clear enough。  

Our comic papers are full of the misunderstandings and absurdities 

of the situation; while one rarely sees a joke made about the other 

ways that the poor earn their living。  Think of it for a moment!  

To be obliged to attend people at the times of day when they are 

least attractive; when from fatigue or temper they drop the mask 

that society glues to their faces so many hours in the twenty…four; 

to see always the seamy side of life; the small expedients; the 

aids to nature; to stand behind a chair and hear an acquaintance of 

your master's ridiculed; who has just been warmly praised to his 

face; to see a hostess who has been graciously urging her guests 

〃not to go so soon;〃 blurt out all her boredom and thankfulness 

〃that those tiresome So…and…So's〃 are 〃paid off at last;〃 as soon 

as the door is closed behind them; must needs give a curious bent 

to a servant's mind。  They see their employers insincere; and copy 

them。  Many a mistress who has been smilingly assured by her maid 

how much her dress becomes her; and how young she is looking; would 

be thunderstruck to hear herself laughed at and criticised (none 

too delicately) five minutes later in that servant's talk。



Servants are trained from their youth up to conceal their true 

feelings。  A domestic who said what she thought would quickly lose 

her place。  Frankly; is it not asking a good deal to expect a maid 

to be very fond of a lady who makes her sit up night after night 

until the small hours to unlace her bodice or take down her hair; 

or imagine a valet can be devoted to a master he has to get into 

bed as best he can because he is too tipsy to get there unaided?  

Immortal 〃Figaro〃 is the type!  Supple; liar; corrupt; intelligent; 

… he aids his master and laughs at him; feathering his own nest the 

while。  There is a saying that 〃horses corrupt whoever lives with 

them。〃  It would be more correct to say that domestic service 

demoralizes alike both master and man。



Already we are obliged to depend on immigration for our servants 

because an American revolts from the false position; though he 

willingly accepts longer hours or harder work where he has no one 

around him but his equals。  It is the old story of the free; hungry 

wolf; and the well…fed; but chained; house…dog。  The foreigners 

that immigration now brings us; from countries where great class 

distinctions exist; find it natural to 〃serve。〃  With the increase 

in education and consequent self…respect; the difficulty of getting 

efficient and contented servants will increase with us。  It has 

already become a great social problem in England。  The trouble lies 

beneath the surface。  If a superior class accept service at all; it 

is with the intention of quickly getting money enough to do 

something better。  With them service is merely the means to an end。  

A first step on the ladder!



Bad masters are the cause of so much suffering; that to protect 

themselves; the great brother…hood of servants have imagined a 

system of keeping run of 〃places;〃 and giving them a 〃character〃 

which an aspirant can find out with little trouble。  This 

organization is so complete; and so well carried out; that a 

household where the lady has a 〃temper;〃 where the food is poor; or 

which breaks up often; can rarely get a first…class domestic。  The 

〃place〃 has been boycotted; a good servant will sooner remain idle 

than enter it。  If circumstances are too much for him and he 

accepts the situation; it is with his eyes open; knowing infinitely 

more about his new employers and their failings than they dream of; 

or than they could possibly find out about him。



One thing never can be sufficiently impressed on people; viz。: that 

we are forced to live with detectives; always behind us in caps or 

dress…suits; ready to note every careless word; every incautious 

criticism of friend or acquaintance … their money matters or their 

love affairs … and who have nothing more interesting to do than to 

repeat what they have heard; with embroideries and additions of 

their own。  Considering this; and that nine people out of ten talk 

quite oblivious of their servants' presence; it is to be wondered 

at that so little (and not that so much) trouble is made。



It always amuses me when I ask a friend if she is going abroad in 

the spring; to have her say 〃Hush!〃 with a frightened glanc

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