worldly ways and byways-第22部分

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persistently　and　wilfully　misunderstand　each　other；　as　the　English　

and　the　French。



It　has　been　my　fate　to　live　a　good　deal　on　both　sides　of　the　

Channel；　and　nothing　is　more　amusing　than　to　hear　the　absurdities　

that　are　gravely　asserted　by　each　of　their　neighbors。　　To　a　Briton；　

a　Frenchman　will　always　be　〃either　tiger　or　monkey〃　according　to　

Voltaire；　while　to　the　French　mind　English　gravity　is　only　

hypocrisy　to　cover　every　vice。　　Nothing　pleases　him　so　much　as　a　

great　scandal　in　England；　he　will　gleefully　bring　you　a　paper　

containing　the　account　of　it；　to　prove　how　true　is　his　opinion。　　It　

is　quite　useless　to　explain　to　the　British　mind；　as　I　have　often　

tried　to　do；　that　all　Frenchmen　do　not　pass　their　lives　drinking　

absinthe　on　the　boulevards；　and　as　Englishmen　seem　to　leave　their　

morals　in　a　valise　at　Dover　when　off　for　a　visit　to　Paris；　to　be　

picked　up　on　their　return；　it　is　time　lost　to　try　to　make　a　Gaul　

understand　what　good　husbands　and　fathers　the　sons　of　Albion　are。



These　two　great　nations　seem　to　stand　in　the　relation　to　each　other　

that　Rome　and　Greece　held。　　The　English　are　the　conquerors　of　the　

world；　and　its　great　colonizers；　with　a　vast　capital　in　which　

wealth　and　misery　jostle　each　other　on　the　streets；　a　hideous　

conglomeration　of　buildings　and　monuments；　without　form　and　void；　

very　much　as　old　Rome　must　have　been　under　the　Caesars；　enormous　

buildings　without　taste；　and　enormous　wealth。　　The　French　have　

inherited　the　temperament　of　the　Greeks。　　The　drama；　painting；　and　

sculpture　are　the　preoccupation　of　the　people。　　The　yearly　

exhibitions　are；　for　a　month　before　they　open；　the　unique　subject　

of　conversation　in　drawing…room　or　club。　　The　state　protects　the　

artist　and　buys　his　work。　　Their　CONSERVATOIRES　form　the　singers；　

and　their　schools　the　painters　and　architects　of　Europe　and　

America。



The　English　copy　them　in　their　big　way；　just　as　the　Romans　copied　

the　masterpieces　of　Greek　art；　while　they　despised　the　authors。　　It　

is　rare　that　a　play　succeeds　in　Paris　which　is　not　instantly　

translated　and　produced　in　London；　often　with　the　adapter's　name　

printed　on　the　programme　in　place　of　the　author's；　the　French…man；　

who　only　wrote　it；　being　ignored。　　Just　as　the　Greeks　faded　away　

and　disappeared　before　their　Roman　conquerors；　it　is　to　be　feared　

that　in　our　day　this　people　of　a　finer　clay　will　succumb。　　The　

〃defects　of　their　qualities〃　will　be　their　ruin。　　They　will　stop　at　

home；　occupied　with　literature　and　art；　perfecting　their　dainty　

cities；　while　their　tougher　neighbors　are　dominating　the　globe；　

imposing　their　language　and　customs　on　the　conquered　peoples　or　the　

earth。　　One　feels　this　on　the　Riviera。　　It　reminds　you　of　the　

cuckoo　who；　once　installed　in　a　robin's　nest；　that　seems　to　him　

convenient　and　warmly　located　in　the　sunshine；　ends　by　kicking　out　

all　the　young　robins。









CHAPTER　23　…　A　Common　Weakness





GOVERNMENTS　may　change　and　all　the　conditions　of　life　be　modified；　

but　certain　ambitions　and　needs　of　man　remain　immutable。　　Climates；　

customs；　centuries；　have　in　no　way　diminished　the　craving　for　

consideration；　the　desire　to　be　somebody；　to　bear　some　mark　

indicating　to　the　world　that　one　is　not　as　other　men。



For　centuries　titles　supplied　the　want。　　This　satisfaction　has　been　

denied　to　us；　so　ambitious　souls　are　obliged　to　seek　other　means　to　

feed　their　vanity。



Even　before　we　were　born　into　the　world　of　nations；　an　attempt　was　

made　amongst　the　aristocratically　minded　court　surrounding　our　

chief　magistrate；　to　form　a　society　that　should　（without　the　name）　

be　the　beginning　of　a　class　apart。



The　order　of　the　Cincinnati　was　to　have　been　the　nucleus　of　an　

American　nobility。　　The　tendencies　of　this　society　are　revealed　by　

the　fact　that　primogeniture　was　its　fundamental　law。　　Nothing　could　

have　been　more　opposed　to　the　spirit　of　the　age；　nor　more　at　

variance　with　the　declaration　of　our　independence；　than　the　

insertion　of　such　a　clause。　　This　fact　was　discovered　by　the　far…

seeing　eye　of　Washington；　and　the　society　was　suppressed　in　the　

hope　（shared　by　almost　all　contemporaries）　that　with　new　forms　of　

government　the　nature　of　man　would　undergo　a　transformation　and　

rise　above　such　puerile　ambitions。



Time　has　shown　the　fallacy　of　these　dreams。　　All　that　has　been　

accomplished　is　the　displacement　of　the　objective　point；　the　

desire；　the　mania　for　a　handle　to　one's　name　is　as　prevalent　as　

ever。　　Leave　the　centres　of　civilization　and　wander　in　the　small　

towns　and　villages　of　our　country。　　Every　other　man　you　meet　is　

introduced　as　the　Colonel　or　the　Judge；　and　you　will　do　well　not　to　

inquire　too　closely　into　the　matter；　nor　to　ask　to　see　the　title…

deeds　to　such　distinctions。　　On　the　other　hand；　to　omit　his　prefix　

in　addressing　one　of　these　local　magnates；　would　be　to　offend　him　

deeply。　　The　women…folk　were　quick　to　borrow　a　little　of　this　

distinction；　and　in　Washington　to…day　one　is　gravely　presented　to　

Mrs。　Senator　Smith　or　Mrs。　Colonel　Jones。　　The　climax　being　reached　

by　one　aspiring　female　who　styles　herself　on　her　visiting　cards；　

〃Mrs。　Acting…Assistant…Paymaster　Robinson。〃　　If　by　any　chance　it　

should　occur　to　any　one　to　ask　her　motive　in　sporting　such　an　

unwieldy　handle；　she　would　say　that　she　did　it　〃because　one　can't　

be　going　about　explaining　that　one　is　not　just　ordinary　Mrs。　

Robinson　or　Thompson；　like　the　thousand　others　in　town。〃　　A　woman　

who　cannot　find　an　excuse　for　assuming　such　a　prefix　will　sometime　

have　recourse　to　another　stratagem；　to　particularize　an　ordinary　

surname。　　She　remembers　that　her　husband；　who　ever　since　he　was　

born　has　been　known　to　everybody　as　Jim；　is　the　proud　possessor　of　

the　middle　name　Ivanhoe；　or　Pericles　（probably　the　result　of　a　

romantic　mother's　reading）；　so　one　fine　day　the　young　couple　bloom　

out　as　Mr。　and　Mrs。　J。　Pericles　Sparks；　to　the　amusement　of　their　

friends；　their　own　satisfaction；　and　the　hopeless　confusion　of　

their　tradespeople。



Not　long　ago　a　Westerner；　who　went　abroad　with　a　travelling　show；　

was　received　with　enthusiasm　in　England　because　it　was　thought　〃The　

Honorable〃　which　preceded　his　name　on　his　cards　implied　that　

although　an　American　he　was　somehow　the　son　of　an　earl。　　As　a　

matter　of　fact　he　owed　this　title　to　having　sat；　many　years　before　

in　the　Senate　of　a　far…western　State。　　He　will　cling　to　that　

〃Honorable〃　and　print　it　on　his　cards　while　life　lasts。　　I　was　told　

the　other　day　of　an　American　carpet　warrior　who　appeared　at　court　

function　abroad　decorated　with　every　college　badge；　and　football　

medal　in　his　possession；　to　which　he　added　at　the　last　moment　a　

brass　trunk　check；　to　complete　the　brilliancy　of　the　effect。　　This　

latter　decoration　attracted　the　attention　of　the　Heir　Apparent；　who　

inquired　the　meaning　of　the　mystic　〃416〃　upon　it。　　This　would　have　

been　a　〃facer〃　to　any　but　a　true　son　of　Uncle　Sam。　　Nothing　

daunted；　however；　our　〃General〃　replied　〃That；　Sir；　is　the　number　

of　pitched　battles　I　have　won。〃



I　have　my　doubts　as　to　the　absolute　veracity　of　this　tale。　　But　

that　the　son　of　one　of　our　generals；　appeared　not　long　ago　at　a　

public　reception　abroad；　wearing　his　father's　medals　and　

decorations；　is　said　to　be　true。　　Decorations　on　the　Continent　are　

official　badges　of　distinction　conferred　and　recognized　by　the　

different　governments。　　An　American　who　wears；　out　of　his　own　

country；　an　army　or　college　badge　which　has　no　official　existence；　

properly　speaking；　being　recognized　by　no　government；　but　which　is　

made　intentionally　to　look　as　much　as　possible　like　the　〃Legion　

d'Honneur；〃　is　deliberately　imposing　on　the　ignorance　of　

foreigners；　and　is　but　little　less　of　a　pretentious　idiot　than　the　

owners　of　the　trunk　check　and　the　borrowed　decorations。



There　seems　no　end　to　the　ways　a　little　ambitious　game　can　be　

played。　　One　device　much　in　favor　is　for　the　wife　to　attach　her　own　

family　name　to　that　of　her　husband　by　means　of　a　hyphen。　　By　this　

arrangement　she　does　not　entirely　lose　her　individuality；　as　a　

result　we　have　a　splendid　assortment　of　hybrid　names；　such　as　Van　

Cortland…Smith　and　Beekman…Brown。　　Be　they　never　so　incongruous　

these　double…barrelled　cognomens　serve　their　purpose　and　raise　

ambitious　mortals　above　the　level　of　other　Smiths　and　Browns。　　

Finding　that　this　arrangement　works　well　in　their　own　case；　it　is　

passed　on　to　the　next　generation。　　There　are　no　more　Toms　and　Bills　

in　these　aspiring　days。　　The　little　boys　are　all　Cadwalladers　or　

Carrolls。　　Their　school…fellows；　however；　work　sad　havoc　with　these　

high…sounding　titles　and　quickly　abbreviate　them　into　humble　〃Cad〃　

or　〃Rol。〃



It　is　surprising　to　notice　what　a　number　of　middle…aged　gentlemen　

have　blossomed　out　of　late　with　decorations　in　their　button…holes　

according　to　the　foreign　fashion。　　On　inquiry　I　have　discovered　

that　these　ornaments　designate　members　of　the　G。A。R。；　the　Loyal　

Legion；　or　some　local　Post；　for　the　rosettes　differ　in　form　and　

color。　　When　these　gentlemen　travel　abroad；　to　reduce　their　waists　

or　improve　their　minds；　the　effects　on　the　hotel　waiters　and　cabmen　

must　be　immense。　　They　will　be　charged　three　times　the　ordinary　

tariff　instead　of　only　the　double　which　is　the　stranger's　usual　

fate　at　the　hands　of　simple…minded　foreigners。　　The　satisfaction　

must　be　cheap；　however；　at　that　price。



Even　our　wise　men　and　sages　do　not　seem　to　have　escaped　the　

contagion。　　One　sees　professors　and　clergymen　（who　ought　to　set　a　

better　example）　trailing　half　a　dozen　letters　after　their　names；　

initials　which　to　the　initiated　doubtless　mean　something；　but　which　

are　also　intended　to　fill　the　souls　of　the　ignorant　with　envy。　　I　

can　recall　but　one　case　of　a　foreign　decoration　being　refused　by　a　

compatriot。　　He　was　a　genius　and　we　all　know　that　geniuses　are　

crazy。