the gambler-第22部分

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Nay；〃　she　interposed；　the　moment　that　Polina　attempted　to　
speak；　〃I　have　not　yet　finished。　I　ask　of　you　nothing　in　
return。　My　house　in　Moscow　is；　as　you　know；　large　enough　for　
a　palace；　and　you　could　occupy　a　whole　floor　of　it　if　you　
liked；　and　keep　away　from　me　for　weeks　together。　Will　you　
come　with　me　or　will　you　not？〃

〃First　of　all；　let　me　ask　of　YOU；〃　replied　Polina；　〃whether　you　
are　intending　to　depart　at　once？〃

〃What？　You　suppose　me　to　be　jesting？　I　have　said　that　I　am　
going；　and　I　AM　going。　Today　I　have　squandered　fifteen　
thousand　roubles　at　that　accursed　roulette　of　yours；　and　
though；　five　years　ago；　I　promised　the　people　of　a　certain　
suburb　of　Moscow　to　build　them　a　stone　church　in　place　of　a　
wooden　one；　I　have　been　fooling　away　my　money　here！　However；　
I　am　going　back　now　to　build　my　church。〃

〃But　what　about　the　waters；　Grandmamma？　Surely　you　came　here　
to　take　the　waters？〃

〃You　and　your　waters！　Do　not　anger　me；　Prascovia。　Surely　you　
are　trying　to？　Say；　then：　will　you；　or　will　you　not；　come　
with　me？〃

〃Grandmamma；〃　Polina　replied　with　deep　feeling；　〃I　am　very；　
very　grateful　to　you　for　the　shelter　which　you　have　so　kindly　
offered　me。　Also；　to　a　certain　extent　you　have　guessed　my　
position　aright；　and　I　am　beholden　to　you　to　such　an　extent　
that　it　may　be　that　I　will　come　and　live　with　you；　and　that　
very　soon；　yet　there　are　important　reasons　whywhy　I　cannot　
make　up　my　min；d　just　yet。　If　you　would　let　me　have；　say；　a　
couple　of　weeks　to　decide　in？〃

〃You　mean　that　you　are　NOT　coming？〃

〃I　mean　only　that　I　cannot　come　just　yet。　At　all　events；　I　
could　not　well　leave　my　little　brother　and　sister　here；　
since；sinceif　I　were　to　leave　themthey　would　be　abandoned　
altogether。　But　if；　Grandmamma；　you　would　take　the　little　ones　
AND　myself；　then；　of　course；　I　could　come　with　you；　and　would　
do　all　I　could　to　serve　you〃　（this　she　said　with　great　
earnestness）。　〃Only；　without　the　little　ones　I　CANNOT　come。〃

〃Do　not　make　a　fuss〃　（as　a　matter　of　fact　Polina　never　at　
any　time　either　fussed　or　wept）。　〃The　Great　FosterFather　
＇Translated　literallyThe　Great　Poulterer＇　can　find　for　all　
his　chicks　a　place。　You　are　not　coming　without　the　children？　
But　see　here；　Prascovia。　I　wish　you　well；　and　nothing　but　
well：　yet　I　have　divined　the　reason　why　you　will　not　come。　
Yes；　I　know　all；　Prascovia。　That　Frenchman　will　never　bring　
you　good　of　any　sort。〃

Polina　coloured　hotly；　and　even　I　started。　〃For；〃　thought　I　to　
myself；　〃every　one　seems　to　know　about　that　affair。　Or　
perhaps　I　am　the　only　one　who　does　not　know　about　it？　〃

〃Now；　now！　Do　not　frown；〃　continued　the　Grandmother。　〃But　I　
do　not　intend　to　slur　things　over。　You　will　take　care　that　no　
harm　befalls　you；　will　you　not？　For　you　are　a　girl　of　sense；　
and　I　am　sorry　for　youI　regard　you　in　a　different　light　to　
the　rest　of　them。　And　now；　please；　leave　me。　Good…bye。〃

〃But　let　me　stay　with　you　a　little　longer；〃　said　Polina。

〃No；〃　replied　the　other；　〃you　need　not。　Do　not　bother　me；　for　
you　and　all　of　them　have　tired　me　out。〃

Yet　when　Polina　tried　to　kiss　the　Grandmother's　hand；　the　old　
lady　withdrew　it；　and　herself　kissed　the　girl　on　the　cheek。　
As　she　passed　me；　Polina　gave　me　a　momentary　glance；　and　then　
as　swiftly　averted　her　eyes。

〃And　good…bye　to　you；　also；　Alexis　Ivanovitch。　The　train　
starts　in　an　hour's　time；　and　I　think　that　you　must　be　weary　
of　me。　Take　these　five　hundred　gulden　for　yourself。〃

〃I　thank　you　humbly；　Madame；　but　I　am　ashamed　to〃　

〃Come；　come！〃　cried　the　Grandmother　so　energetically；　and　
with　such　an　air　of　menace；　that　I　did　not　dare　refuse　the　
money　further。　

〃If；　when　in　Moscow；　you　have　no　place　where　you　can　lay　your　
head；〃　she　added；　〃come　and　see　me；　and　I　will　give　you　a　
recommendation。　Now；　Potapitch；　get　things　ready。〃

I　ascended　to　my　room；　and　lay　down　upon　the　bed。　A　whole　hour　
I　must　have　lain　thus；　with　my　head　resting　upon　my　hand。　So　
the　crisis　had　come！　I　needed　time　for　its　consideration。　To…　
morrow　I　would　have　a　talk　with　Polina。　Ah！　The　Frenchman！　So；
it　was　true？　But　how　could　it　be　so？　Polina　and　De　Griers！　
What　a　combination！

No；　it　was　too　improbable。　Suddenly　I　leapt　up　with　the　idea　
of　seeking　Astley　and　forcing　him　to　speak。　There　could　be　no　
doubt　that　he　knew　more　than　I　did。　Astley？　Well；　he　was　
another　problem　for　me　to　solve。

Suddenly　there　came　a　knock　at　the　door；　and　I　opened　it　to　
find　Potapitch　awaiting　me。

〃Sir；〃　he　said；　〃my　mistress　is　asking　for　you。〃

〃Indeed？　But　she　is　just　departing；　is　she　not？　The　train　
leaves　in　ten　minutes'　time。〃

〃She　is　uneasy；　sir；　she　cannot　rest。　Come　quickly；　sir；　do　
not　delay。〃

I　ran　downstairs　at　once。　The　Grandmother　was　just　being　
carried　out　of　her　rooms　into　the　corridor。　In　her　hands　she　
held　a　roll　of　bank…notes。

〃Alexis　Ivanovitch；〃　she　cried；　〃walk　on　ahead；　and　we　will　
set　out　again。〃

〃But　whither；　Madame？〃

〃I　cannot　rest　until　I　have　retrieved　my　losses。　March　on　
ahead；　and　ask　me　no　questions。　Play　continues　until　
midnight；　does　it　not？〃

For　a　moment　I　stood　stupefiedstood　deep　in　thought；　but　it　
was　not　long　before　I　had　made　up　my　mind。

〃With　your　leave；　Madame；〃　I　said；　〃I　will　not　go　with　you。〃

〃And　why　not？　What　do　you　mean？　Is　every　one　here　a　stupid　
good…for…nothing？〃

〃Pardon　me；　but　I　have　nothing　to　reproach　myself　with。　I　
merely　will　not　go。　I　merely　intend　neither　to　witness　nor　to　
join　in　your　play。　I　also　beg　to　return　you　your　five　hundred　
gulden。　Farewell。〃

Laying　the　money　upon　a　little　table　which　the　Grandmother's　
chair　happened　to　be　passing；　I　bowed　and　withdrew。

〃What　folly！〃　the　Grandmother　shouted　after　me。　〃Very　well；　then。　
Do　not　come；　and　I　will　find　my　way　alone。　Potapitch；　you　must　
come　with　me。　Lift　up　the　chair；　and　carry　me　along。〃

I　failed　to　find　Mr。　Astley；　and　returned　home。　It　was　now　
growing　lateit　was　past　midnight；　but　I　subsequently　learnt　
from　Potapitch　how　the　Grandmother's　day　had　ended。　She　had　
lost　all　the　money　which；　earlier　in　the　day；　I　had　got　for　
her　paper　securitiesa　sum　amounting　to　about　ten　thousand　
roubles。　This　she　did　under　the　direction　of　the　Pole　whom；　
that　afternoon；　she　had　dowered　with　two　ten…gulden　pieces。　
But　before　his　arrival　on　the　scene；　she　had　commanded　
Potapitch　to　stake　for　her；　until　at　length　she　had　told　him　
also　to　go　about　his　business。　Upon　that　the　Pole　had　leapt　
into　the　breach。　Not　only　did　it　happen　that　he　knew　the　
Russian　language；　but　also　he　could　speak　a　mixture　of　three　
different　dialects；　so　that　the　pair　were　able　to　understand　
one　another。　Yet　the　old　lady　never　ceased　to　abuse　him；　
despite　his　deferential　manner；　and　to　compare　him　
unfavourably　with　myself　（so；　at　all　events；　Potapitch　
declared）。　〃You；〃　the　old　chamberlain　said　to　me；　〃treated　
her　as　a　gentleman　should；　but　hehe　robbed　her　right　and　
left；　as　I　could　see　with　my　own　eyes。　Twice　she　caught　him　
at　it；　and　rated　him　soundly。　On　one　occasion　she　even　pulled　
his　hair；　so　that　the　bystanders　burst　out　laughing。　Yet　she　
lost　everything；　sirthat　is　to　say；　she　lost　all　that　you　had　
changed　for　her。　Then　we　brought　her　home；　and；　after　asking　
for　some　water　and　saying　her　prayers；　she　went　to　bed。　So　
worn　out　was　she　that　she　fell　asleep　at　once。　May　God　send　
her　dreams　of　angels！　And　this　is　all　that　foreign　travel　has　
done　for　us！　Oh；　my　own　Moscow！　For　what　have　we　not　at　home　
there；　in　Moscow？　Such　a　garden　and　flowers　as　you　could　
never　see　here；　and　fresh　air　and　apple…trees　coming　into　
blossom；and　a　beautiful　view　to　look　upon。　Ah；　but　what　
must　she　do　but　go　travelling　abroad？　Alack；　alack！〃

XIII

Almost　a　month　has　passed　since　I　last　touched　these　notes　
notes　which　I　began　under　the　influence　of　impressions　at　once　
poignant　and　disordered。　The　crisis　which　I　then　felt　to　be　
approaching　has　now　arrived；　but　in　a　form　a　hundred　times　
more　extensive　and　unexpected　than　I　had　looked　for。　To　me　it　
all　seems　strange；　uncouth；　and　tragic。　Certain　occurrences　
have　befallen　me　which　border　upon　the　marvellous。　At　all　
events；　that　is　how　I　view　them。　I　view　them　so　in　one　regard　
at　least。　I　refer　to　the　whirlpool　of　events　in　which；　at　the　
time；　I　was　revolving。　But　the　most　curious　feature　of　all　is　
my　relation　to　those　events；　for　hitherto　I　had　never　clearly　
understood　myself。　Yet　now　the　actual　crisis　has　passed　away　
like　a　dream。　Even　my　passion　for　Polina　is　dead。　Was　it　ever　
so　strong　and　genuine　as　I　thought？　If　so；　what　has　become　of　
it　now？　At　times　I　fancy　that　I　must　be　mad；　that　somewhere　I　
am　sitting　in　a　madhouse；　that　these　events　have　merely　SEEMED　
to　happen；　that　still　they　merely　SEEM　to　be　happening。

I　have　been　arranging　and　re…perusing　my　notes　（perhaps　for　the　
purpose　of　convincing　myself　that　I　am　not　in　a　madhouse）。　At　
present　I　am　lonely　and　alone。　Autumn　is　comingalready　it　is　
mellowing　the　leaves；　and；　as　I　sit　brooding　in　this　melancholy　
little　town　（and　how　melancholy　the　little　towns　of　Germany　can　
be！）；　I　find　myself　taking　no　thought　for　the　future；　but　
living　under　the　influence　of　passing　moods；　and　of　my　
recollections　of　the　tempest　which　recently　drew　me　into　its　
vortex；　and　then　cast　me　out　again。　At　times　I　seem　still　seem　to　
be　caught　within　that　vortex。　At　times；　the　tempest　seems　once　
more　to　be　gathering；　and；　as　it　passes　overhead；　to　be　
wrapping　me　in　its　folds；　until　I　have　lost　my　sense　of　order　
and　reality；　and　continue　whirling　and　whirling　and　whirling　
around。

Yet；　it　may　be　that　I　shall　be　able　to　stop　myself　from　
revolving　if　once　I　can　succeed　in　rendering　myself　an　exact　
account　of　what　has　happened　within　the　month　just　past。　
Somehow　I　feel　drawn　towards　the　pen；　on　many　and　many　an　
evening　I　have　had　nothing　else　in　the　world　to　do。　But；　
curiously　enough；　of　late　I　have　taken　to　amusing　myself　with　
the　works　of　M。　Paul　de　Kock；　which　I　read　in　German　
translations　obtained　from　a　wretched　local　library。　These　
works　I　cannot　abide；　yet　I　read　them；　and　find　myself　
marvelling　that　I　should　be　doing　so。　Somehow　I　seem　to　be　
afraid　of