the gambler-第32部分

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turn　to；　so　I　remained　with　him；　and　allowed　myself　to　become
his　flunkey。　But　by　stinting　myself　in　meat　and　drink　I　saved；
during　my　five　months　of　service；　some　seventy　gulden；　and　one
evening；　when　we　were　at　Baden；　I　told　him　that　I　wished　to
resign　my　post；　and　then　hastened　to　betake　myself　to　roulette。

Oh；　how　my　heart　beat　as　I　did　so！　No；　it　was　not　the　money　that
I　valued　what　I　wanted　was　to　make　all　this　mob　of　Heintzes；
hotel　proprietors；　and　fine　ladies　of　Baden　talk　about　me；
recount　my　story；　wonder　at　me；　extol　my　doings；　and　worship　my
winnings。　True；　these　were　childish　fancies　and　aspirations；　but
who　knows　but　that　I　might　meet　Polina；　and　be　able　to　tell　her
everything；　and　see　her　look　of　surprise　at　the　fact　that　I　had
overcome　so　many　adverse　strokes　of　fortune。　No；　I　had　no　desire
for　money　for　its　own　sake；　for　I　was　perfectly　well　aware　that
I　should　only　squander　it　upon　some　new　Blanche；　and　spend
another　three　weeks　in　Paris　after　buying　a　pair　of　horses　which
had　cost　sixteen　thousand　francs。　No；　I　never　believed　myself　to
be　a　hoarder；　in　fact；　I　knew　only　too　well　that　I　was　a
spendthrift。　And　already；　with　a　sort　of　fear；　a　sort　of
sinking　in　my　heart；　I　could　hear　the　cries　of　the　croupiers
〃Trente　et　un；　rouge；　impair　et　passe；〃　〃Quarte；　noir；　pair　et
manque。　〃　　How　greedily　I　gazed　upon　the　gaming…table；　with　its
scattered　louis　d'or；　ten…gulden　pieces；　and　thalers；　upon　the
streams　of　gold　as　they　issued　from　the　croupier's　hands；　and
piled　themselves　up　into　heaps　of　gold　scintillating　as　fire；
upon　the　elllong　rolls　of　silver　lying　around　the　croupier。
Even　at　a　distance　of　two　rooms　I　could　hear　the　chink　of　that
moneyso　much　so　that　I　nearly　fell　into　convulsions。

Ah；　the　evening　when　I　took　those　seventy　gulden　to　the　gaming
table　was　a　memorable　one　for　me。　I　began　by　staking　ten　gulden
upon　passe。　For　passe　I　had　always　had　a　sort　of　predilection；
yet　I　lost　my　stake　upon　it。　This　left　me　with　sixty　gulden　in
silver。　After　a　moment's　thought　I　selected　zerobeginning　by
staking　five　gulden　at　a　time。　Twice　I　lost；　but　the　third　round
suddenly　brought　up　the　desired　coup。　I　could　almost　have　died
with　joy　as　I　received　my　one　hundred　and　seventy…five　gulden。
Indeed；　I　have　been　less　pleased　when；　in　former　times；　I　have
won　a　hundred　thousand　gulden。　Losing　no　time；　I　staked　another
hundred　gulden　upon　the　red；　and　won；　two　hundred　upon　the　red；
and　won；　four　hundred　upon　the　black；　and　won；　eight　hundred
upon　manque；　and　won。　Thus；　with　the　addition　of　the　remainder
of　my　original　capital；　I　found　myself　possessed；　within　five
minutes；　of　seventeen　hundred　gulden。　　Ah；　at　such　moments　one
forgets　both　oneself　and　one's　former　failures！　This　I　had
gained　by　risking　my　very　life。　I　had　dared　so　to　risk；　and
behold；　again　I　was　a　member　of　mankind！

I　went　and　hired　a　room；　I　shut　myself　up　in　it；　and　sat
counting　my　money　until　three　o'clock　in　the　morning。　To　think
that　when　I　awoke　on　the　morrow；　I　was　no　lacquey！　I　decided　to
leave　at　once　for　Homburg。　There　I　should　neither　have　to　serve
as　a　footman　nor　to　lie　in　prison。　Half　an　hour　before　starting；
I　went　and　ventured　a　couple　of　stakesno　more；　with　the　result
that；　in　all；　I　lost　fifteen　hundred　florins。　Nevertheless；　I
proceeded　to　Homburg；　and　have　now　been　there　for　a　month。

Of　course；　I　am　living　in　constant　trepidation；playing　for　the
smallest　of　stakes；　and　always　looking　out　for
somethingcalculating；　standing　whole　days　by　the　gaming…tables
to　watch　the　playeven　seeing　that　play　in　my　dreamsyet
seeming；　the　while；　to　be　in　some　way　stiffening；　to　be　growing
caked；　as　it　were；　in　mire。　But　I　must　conclude　my　notes；　which
I　finish　under　the　impression　of　a　recent　encounter　with　Mr。
Astley。　I　had　not　seen　him　since　we　parted　at　Roulettenberg；　and
now　we　met　quite　by　accident。　At　the　time　I　was　walking　in　the
public　gardens；　and　meditating　upon　the　fact　that　not　only　had　I
still　some　fifty　olden　in　my　possession；　but　also　I　had　fully
paid　up　my　hotel　bill　three　days　ago。　Consequently；　I　was　in　a
position　to　try　my　luck　again　at　roulette；　and　if　I　won　anything
I　should　be　able　to　continue　my　play；　whereas；　if　I　lost　what　I
now　possessed；　I　should　once　more　have　to　accept　a　lacquey's
place；　provided　that；　in　the　alternative；　I　failed　to　discover　a
Russian　family　which　stood　in　need　of　a　tutor。　Plunged　in　these
reflections；　I　started　on　my　daily　walk　through　the　Park　and
forest　towards　a　neighbouring　principality。　Sometimes；　on　such
occasions；　I　spent　four　hours　on　the　way；　and　would　return　to
Homburg　tired　and　hungry；　but；　on　this　particular　occasion；　I　had
scarcely　left　the　gardens　for　the　Park　when　I　caught　sight　of
Astley　seated　on　a　bench。　As　soon　as　he　perceived　me；　he　called
me　by　name；　and　I　went　and　sat　down　beside　him；　but；　on　noticing
that　he　seemed　a　little　stiff　in　his　manner；　I　hastened　to
moderate　the　expression　of　joy　which　the　sight　of　him　had　called
forth。

〃YOU　here？〃　he　said。　〃Well；　I　had　an　idea　that　I　should　meet
you。　Do　not　trouble　to　tell　me　anything；　for　I　know　allyes；
all。　In　fact；　your　whole　life　during　the　past　twenty　months　lies
within　my　knowledge。〃

〃How　closely　you　watch　the　doings　of　your　old　friends！〃　I
replied。　〃That　does　you　infinite　credit。　But　stop　a　moment。　You
have　reminded　me　of　something。　Was　it　you　who　bailed　me　out　of
Roulettenberg　prison　when　I　was　lying　there　for　a　debt　of　two
hundred　gulden？　SOMEONE　did　so。〃

〃Oh　dear　no！though　I　knew　all　the　time　that　you　were　lying
there。〃

〃Perhaps　you　could　tell　me　who　DID　bail　me　out？〃

〃No；　I　am　afraid　I　could　not。〃

〃What　a　strange　thing！　For　I　know　no　Russians　at　all　here；　so
it　cannot　have　been　a　Russian　who　befriended　me。　In　Russia　we
Orthodox　folk　DO　go　bail　for　one　another；　but　in　this　case　I
thought　it　must　have　been　done　by　some　English　stranger　who　was
not　conversant　with　the　ways　of　the　country。〃

Mr。　Astley　seemed　to　listen　to　me　with　a　sort　of　surprise。
Evidently　he　had　expected　to　see　me　looking　more　crushed　and
broken　than　I　was。

〃Well；〃　he　saidnot　very　pleasantly；　〃I　am　none　the　less　glad
to　find　that　you　retain　your　old　independence　of　spirit；　as　well
as　your　buoyancy。〃

〃Which　means　that　you　are　vexed　at　not　having　found　me　more
abased　and　humiliated　than　I　am？〃　I　retorted　with　a　smile。

Astley　was　not　quick　to　understand　this；　but　presently　did　so
and　laughed。

〃Your　remarks　please　me　as　they　always　did；〃　he　continued。　〃In
those　words　I　see　the　clever；　triumphant；　and；　above　all　things；
cynical　friend　of　former　days。　Only　Russians　have　the　faculty　of
combining　within　themselves　so　many　opposite　qualities。　Yes；
most　men　love　to　see　their　best　friend　in　abasement；　for
generally　it　is　on　such　abasement　that　friendship　is　founded。
All　thinking　persons　know　that　ancient　truth。　Yet；　on　the
present　occasion；　I　assure　you；　I　am　sincerely　glad　to　see　that
you　are　NOT　cast　down。　Tell　me；　are　you　never　going　to　give　up
gambling？〃

〃Damn　the　gambling！　Yes；　I　should　certainly　have　given　it　up；
were　it　not　that〃

〃That　you　are　losing？　I　thought　so。　You　need　not　tell　me　any
more。　I　know　how　things　stand；　for　you　have　said　that　last　in
despair；　and　therefore；　truthfully。　Have　you　no　other　employment
than　gambling？〃

〃No；　none　whatever。〃

Astley　gave　me　a　searching　glance。　At　that　time　it　was　ages
since　I　had　last　looked　at　a　paper　or　turned　the　pages　of　a　book。

〃You　are　growing　blase；〃　he　said。　〃You　have　not　only　renounced
life；　with　its　interests　and　social　ties；　but　the　duties　of　a　citizen
and　a　man；　you　have　not　only　renounced　the　friends　whom　I　know
you　to　have　had；　and　every　aim　in　life　but　that　of　winning
money；　but　you　have　also　renounced　your　memory。　Though　I　can
remember　you　in　the　strong；　ardent　period　of　your　life；　I　feel
persuaded　that　you　have　now　forgotten　every　better　feeling　of
that　periodthat　your　present　dreams　and　aspirations　of
subsistence　do　not　rise　above　pair；　impair　rouge；　noir；　the
twelve　middle　numbers；　and　so　forth。〃

〃Enough；　Mr。　Astley！〃　I　cried　with　some　irritationalmost　in
anger。　〃Kindly　do　not　recall　to　me　any　more　recollections；　for
I　can　remember　things　for　myself。　Only　for　a　time　have　I　put
them　out　of　my　head。　Only　until　I　shall　have　rehabilitated
myself；　am　I　keeping　my　memory　dulled。　When　that　hour　shall　come；
you　will　see　me　arise　from　the　dead。〃

〃Then　you　will　have　to　be　here　another　ten　years；〃　he　replied。
〃Should　I　then　be　alive；　I　will　remind　youhere；　on　this　very
benchof　what　I　have　just　said。　In　fact；　I　will　bet　you　a　wager
that　I　shall　do　so。〃

〃Say　no　more；〃　I　interrupted　impatiently。　〃And　to　show　you
that　I　have　not　wholly　forgotten　the　past；　may　I　enquire　where
Mlle。　Polina　is？　If　it　was　not　you　who　bailed　me　out　of　prison；
it　must　have　been　she。　Yet　never　have　I　heard　a　word　concerning
her。〃

〃No；　I　do　not　think　it　was　she。　At　the　present　moment　she　is　in
Switzerland；　and　you　will　do　me　a　favour　by　ceasing　to　ask　me
these　questions　about　her。〃　Astley　said　this　with　a　firm；　and
even　an　angry；　air。

〃Which　means　that　she　has　dealt　you　a　serious　wound？〃　I　burst
out　with　an　involuntary　sneer。　

〃Mlle。　Polina；〃　he　continued；　〃Is　the　best　of　all　possible
living　beings；　but；　I　repeat；　that　I　shall　thank　you　to　cease
questioning　me　about　her。　You　never　really　knew　her；　and　her
name　on　your　lips　is　an　offence　to　my　moral　feeling。〃

〃Indeed？　On　what　subject；　then；　have　I　a　better　right　to　speak
to　you　than　on　this？　With　it　are　bound　up　all　your　recollections
and　mine。　However；　do　not　be　alarmed：　I　have　no　wish　to　probe
too　far　into　your　private；　your　secret　affairs。　My　interest　in
Mlle。　Polina　does　not　extend　beyond　her　outward　circumstances
and　surroundings。　About　them　you　could　tell　me　in　two　words。〃

〃Well；　on　condition　that　the　matter　shall　end　there；　I　will
tell　you　that　for　a　long　time　Mlle。　Polina　was　ill；　and　still　is
so。　My　mother　and　sister　entertained　her　for　a　while　at　their
home　in　the　north　of　England；　and　thereafter　Mlle。　Polina's
grandmother　（you　remember　the　mad　old　woman？）　died；　and　left
Mlle。　Polina　a　personal　legacy　of　seven　thousand　pounds
sterling。　That　was　about　six　months　ago；　and　now　M