mark twain, a biography, 1835-1866-第40部分

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had　a　thunder…cloud　on　his　face　when　he　started　up　for　the　Local　Room；
where　Dan　was。　　He　went　in　and　closed　the　door　behind　him；　and　locked　it；
and　put　the　key　in　his　pocketan　awful　sign。　　Dan　was　there　alone；
writing　at　his　table。

〃Sam　said；　'Dan；　did　you　know；　when　you　invited　me　to　make　that　speech；
that　those　fellows　were　going　to　give　me　a　bogus　pipe？'

〃There　was　no　way　for　Dan　to　escape；　and　he　confessed。　　Sam　walked　up　and
down　the　floor；　as　if　trying　to　decide　which　way　to　slay　Dan。　　Finally　he
said：

〃'Oh；　Dan；　to　think　that　you；　my　dearest　friend；　who　knew　how　little
money　I　had；　and　how　hard　I　would　work　to　prepare　a　speech　that　would
show　my　gratitude　to　my　friends；　should　be　the　traitor；　the　Judas；　to
betray　me　with　a　kiss！　　Dan；　I　never　want　to　look　on　your　face　again。
You　knew　I　would　spend　every　dollar　I　had　on　those　pirates　when　I
couldn't　afford　to　spend　anything；　and　yet　you　let　me　do　it；　you　aided
and　abetted　their　diabolical　plan；　and　you　even　got　me　to　get　up　that
damned　speech　to　make　the　thing　still　more　ridiculous。'

〃Of　course　Dan　felt　terribly；　and　tried　to　defend　himself　by　saying　that
they　were　really　going　to　present　him　with　a　fine　pipea　genuine　one；
this　time。　　But　Sam　at　first　refused　to　be　comforted；　and　when；　a　few
days　later；　I　went　in　with　the　pipe　and　said；　'Sam；　here's　the　pipe　the
boys　meant　to　give　you　all　the　time；'　and　tried　to　apologize；　he　looked
around　a　little　coldly；　and　said：

〃'Is　that　another　of　those　bogus　old　pipes？'

〃He　accepted　it；　though；　and　general　peace　was　restored。　　One　day；　soon
after；　he　said　to　me：

〃'Steve；　do　you　know　that　I　think　that　that　bogus　pipe　smokes　about　as
well　as　the　good　one？'〃

Many　years　later　（this　was　in　his　home　at　Hartford；　and　Joe　Goodman　was
present）　Mark　Twain　one　day　came　upon　the　old　imitation　pipe。

〃Joe；〃　he　said；　〃that　was　a　cruel；　cruel　trick　the　boys　played　on　me；
but；　for　the　feeling　I　had　during　the　moment　when　they　presented　me　with
that　pipe　and　when　Charlie　Pope　was　making　his　speech　and　I　was　making　my
reply　to　itfor　the　memory　of　that　feeling；　now；　that　pipe　is　more
precious　to　me　than　any　pipe　in　the　world！〃

Eighteen　hundred　and　sixty…three　was　flood…tide　on　the　Comstock。　　Every
mine　was　working　full　blast。　　Every　mill　was　roaring　and　crunching；
turning　out　streams　of　silver　and　gold。　　A　little　while　ago　an　old
resident　wrote：

　　　　　When　I　close　my　eyes　I　hear　again　the　respirations　of　hoisting…
　　　　　engines　and　the　roar　of　stamps；　I　can　see　the　〃camels〃　after
　　　　　midnight　packing　in　salt；　I　can　see　again　the　jam　of　teams　on　C
　　　　　Street　and　hear　the　anathemas　of　the　driversall　the　mighty　work
　　　　　that　went　on　in　order　to　lure　the　treasures　from　the　deep　chambers
　　　　　of　the　great　lode　and　to　bring　enlightenment　to　the　desert。

Those　were　lively　times。　　In　the　midst　of　one　of　his　letters　home　Mark
Twain　interrupts　himself　to　say：　〃I　have　just　heard　five　pistol…shots
down　the　streetas　such　things　are　in　my　line；　I　will　go　and　see　about
it；〃　and　in　a　postscript　added　a　few　hours　later：

　　　　　5　A。M。　　The　pistol…shot　did　its　work　well。　　One　man；　a　Jackson
　　　　　County　Missourian；　shot　two　of　my　friends　（police　officers）　through
　　　　　the　heartboth　died　within　three　minutes。　　The　murderer's　name　is
　　　　　John　Campbell。

〃Mark　and　I　had　our　hands　full；〃　says　De　Quille；　〃and　no　grass　grew　under
our　feet。〃　　In　answer　to　some　stray　criticism　of　their　policy；　they
printed　a　sort　of　editorial　manifesto：

　　　　　Our　duty　is　to　keep　the　universe　thoroughly　posted　concerning
　　　　　murders　and　street　fights；　and　balls；　and　theaters；　and　pack…trains；
　　　　　and　churches；　and　lectures；　and　school…houses；　and　city　military
　　　　　affairs；　and　highway　robberies；　and　Bible　societies；　and　hay…wagons；
　　　　　and　the　thousand　other　things　which　it　is　in　the　province　of　local
　　　　　reporters　to　keep　track　of　and　magnify　into　undue　importance　for　the
　　　　　instruction　of　the　readers　of　a　great　daily　newspaper。

It　is　easy　to　recognize　Mark　Twain's　hand　in　that　compendium　of　labor；
which；　in　spite　of　its　amusing　apposition；　was　literally　true；　and　so
intended；　probably　with　no　special　thought　of　humor　in　its　construction。
It　may　be　said；　as　well　here　as　anywhere；　that　it　was　not　Mark　Twain's
habit　to　strive　for　humor。　　He　saw　facts　at　curious　angles　and　phrased
them　accordingly。　　In　Virginia　City　he　mingled　with　the　turmoil　of　the
Comstock　and　set　down　what　he　saw　and　thought；　in　his　native　speech。　　The
Comstock；　ready　to　laugh；　found　delight　in　his　expression　and　discovered
a　vast　humor　in　his　most　earnest　statements。

On　the　other　hand；　there　were　times　when　the　humor　was　intended　and
missed　its　purpose。　　We　have　already　recalled　the　instance　of　the
〃Petrified　Man〃　hoax；　which　was　taken　seriously；　but　the　〃Empire　City
Massacre〃　burlesque　found　an　acceptance　that　even　its　author　considered
serious　for　a　time。　　It　is　remembered　to…day　in　Virginia　City　as　the
chief　incident　of　Mark　Twain's　Comstock　career。

This　literary　bomb　really　had　two　objects；　one　of　which　was　to　punish　the
San　Francisco　Bulletin　for　its　persistent　attacks　on　Washoe　interests；
the　other；　though　this　was　merely　incidental；　to　direct　an　unpleasant
attention　to　a　certain　Carson　saloon；　the　Magnolia；　which　was　supposed　to
dispense　whisky　of　the　〃forty　rod〃　brandthat　is；　a　liquor　warranted　to
kill　at　that　range。　　It　was　the　Bulletin　that　was　to　be　made　especially。
ridiculous。　　This　paper　had　been　particularly　disagreeable　concerning　the
〃dividend…cooking〃　system　of　certain　of　the　Comstock　mines；　at　the　same
time　calling　invidious　attention　to　safer　investments　in　California
stocks。　　Samuel　Clemens；　with　〃half　a　trunkful〃　of　Comstock　shares；　had
cultivated　a　distaste　for　California　things　in　general：　In　a　letter　of
that　time　he　says：

〃How　I　hate　everything　that　looks　or　tastes　or　smells　like　California！〃
With　his　customary　fickleness　of　soul；　he　was　glorifying　California　less
than　a　year　later；　but　for　the　moment　he　could　see　no　good　in　that
Nazareth。　　To　his　great　satisfaction；　one　of　the　leading　California
corporations；　the　Spring　Valley　Water　Company；　〃cooked〃　a　dividend　of　its
own　about　this　time；　resulting　in　disaster　to　a　number　of　guileless
investors　who　were　on　the　wrong　side　of　the　subsequent　crash。　　This
afforded　an　inviting　opportunity　for　reprisal。　　With　Goodman's　consent　he
planned　for　the　California　papers；　and　the　Bulletin　in　particular；　a
punishment　which　he　determined　to　make　sufficiently　severe。　　He　believed
the　papers　of　that　State　had　forgotten　his　earlier　offenses；　and　the
result　would　show　he　was　not　mistaken。

There　was　a　point　on　the　Carson　River；　four　miles　from　Carson　City；　known
as　〃Dutch　Nick's；〃　and　also　as　Empire　City；　the　two　being　identical。
There　was　no　forest　there　of　any　sort　nothing　but　sage…brush。　　In　the　one
cabin　there　lived　a　bachelor　with　no　household。　　Everybody　in　Virginia
and　Carson；　of　course；　knew　these　things。

Mark　Twain　now　prepared　a　most　lurid　and　graphic　account　of　how　one
Phillip　Hopkins；　living　〃just　at　the　edge　of　the　great　pine　forest　which
lies　between　Empire　City　and　〃Dutch　Nick's；〃　had　suddenly　gone　insane　and
murderously　assaulted　his　entire　family　consisting　of　his　wife　and　their
nine　children；　ranging　in　ages　from　one　to　nineteen　years。　　The　wife　had
been　slain　outright；　also　seven　of　the　children；　the　other　two　might
recover。　　The　murder　had　been　committed　in　the　most　brutal　and　ghastly
fashion；　after　which　Hopkins　had　scalped　his　wife；　leaped　on　a　horse；　cut
his　own　throat　from　ear　to　ear；　and　ridden　four　miles　into　Carson　City；
dropping　dead　at　last　in　front　of　the　Magnolia　saloon；　the　red…haired
scalp　of　his　wife　still　clutched　in　his　gory　hand。　　The　article　further
stated　that　the　cause　of　Mr。　Hopkins's　insanity　was　pecuniary　loss；　he
having　withdrawn　his　savings　from　safe　Comstock　investments　and；　through
the　advice　of　a　relative；　one　of　the　editors　of　the　San　Francisco
Bulletin；　invested　them　in　the　Spring　Valley　Water　Company。　　This　absurd
tale　with　startling　head…lines　appeared　in　the　Enterprise；　in　its　issue
of　October　28；　1863。

It　was　not　expected　that　any　one　in　Virginia　City　or　Carson　City　would
for　a　moment　take　any　stock　in　the　wild　invention；　yet　so　graphic　was　it
that　nine　out　of　ten　on　first　reading　never　stopped　to　consider　the
entire　impossibility　of　the　locality　and　circumstance。　　Even　when　these
things　were　pointed　out　many　readers　at　first　refused　to　confess
themselves　sold。　　As　for　the　Bulletin　and　other　California　papers；　they
were　taken…in　completely；　and　were　furious。　　Many　of　them　wrote　and
demanded　the　immediate　discharge　of　its　author；　announcing　that　they
would　never　copy　another　line　from　the　Enterprise；　or　exchange　with　it；
or　have　further　relations　with　a　paper　that　had　Mark　Twain　on　its　staff。
Citizens　were　mad；　too；　and　cut　off　their　subscriptions。　　The　joker　was
in　despair。

〃Oh；　Joe；〃　he　said；　〃I　have　ruined　your　business；　and　the　only　reparation
I　can　make　is　to　resign。　　You　can　never　recover　from　this　blow　while　I　am
on　the　paper。〃

〃Nonsense；〃　replied　Goodman。　　〃We　can　furnish　the　people　with　news；　but
we　can't　supply　them　with　sense。　　Only　time　can　do　that。　　The　flurry　will
pass。　　You　just　go　ahead。　　We'll　win　out　in　the　long　run。〃

But　the　offender　was　in　torture；　he　could　not　sleep。　　〃Dan；　Dan；〃　he
said；　〃I　am　being　burned　alive　on　both　sides　of　the　mountains。〃

〃Mark；〃　said　Dan。　　〃It　will　all　blow　over。　　This　item　of　yours　will　be
remembered　and　talked　about　when　the　rest　of　your　Enterprise　work　is
forgotten。〃

Both　Goodman　and　De　Quille　were　right。　　In　a　month　papers　and　people　had
forgotten　their　humiliation　and　laughed。　　〃The　Dutch　Nick　Massacre〃　gave
to　its　perpetrator　and　to　the　Enterprise　an　added　vogue。

＇For　full　text　of　the　〃Dutch　Nick〃　hoax　see　Appendix　C；　at　the　end　of
last　volume：　also；　for　an　anecdote　concerning　a　reporting　excursion　made
by　Alf。　Doten　and　Mark　Twain。＇




XLII

REPORTORIAL　DAYS

Reference　has　already　been　made　to　the　fashion　among　Virginia　City　papers
of　permitting　reporters　to　use　the　editorial　columns　for　ridicule　of　one
another。　　This　custom　was　especially　in　vogue　during　the　per