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French　watering…place；　and　are　deservedly　addressed　and　respected

in　many　ways。　　Some　of　the　surface…addresses　to　them　are　odd

enough；　as　when　a　laundress　puts　a　placard　outside　her　house

announcing　her　possession　of　that　curious　British　instrument；　a

'Mingle；'　or　when　a　tavern…keeper　provides　accommodation　for　the

celebrated　English　game　of　'Nokemdon。'　　But；　to　us；　it　is　not　the

least　pleasant　feature　of　our　French　watering…place　that　a　long　and

constant　fusion　of　the　two　great　nations　there；　has　taught　each　to

like　the　other；　and　to　learn　from　the　other；　and　to　rise　superior

to　the　absurd　prejudices　that　have　lingered　among　the　weak　and

ignorant　in　both　countries　equally。



Drumming　and　trumpeting　of　course　go　on　for　ever　in　our　French

watering…place。　　Flag…flying　is　at　a　premium；　too；　but；　we

cheerfully　avow　that　we　consider　a　flag　a　very　pretty　object；　and

that　we　take　such　outward　signs　of　innocent　liveliness　to　our　heart

of　hearts。　　The　people；　in　the　town　and　in　the　country；　are　a　busy

people　who　work　hard；　they　are　sober；　temperate；　good…humoured；

light…hearted；　and　generally　remarkable　for　their　engaging　manners。

Few　just　men；　not　immoderately　bilious；　could　see　them　in　their

recreations　without　very　much　respecting　the　character　that　is　so

easily；　so　harmlessly；　and　so　simply；　pleased。







BILL…STICKING







IF　I　had　an　enemy　whom　I　hated　…　which　Heaven　forbid！　…　and　if　I

knew　of　something　which　sat　heavy　on　his　conscience；　I　think　I

would　introduce　that　something　into　a　Posting…Bill；　and　place　a

large　impression　in　the　hands　of　an　active　sticker。　　I　can　scarcely

imagine　a　more　terrible　revenge。　　I　should　haunt　him；　by　this

means；　night　and　day。　　I　do　not　mean　to　say　that　I　would　publish

his　secret；　in　red　letters　two　feet　high；　for　all　the　town　to　read：

I　would　darkly　refer　to　it。　　It　should　be　between　him；　and　me；　and

the　Posting…Bill。　　Say；　for　example；　that；　at　a　certain　period　of

his　life；　my　enemy　had　surreptitiously　possessed　himself　of　a　key。

I　would　then　embark　my　capital　in　the　lock　business；　and　conduct

that　business　on　the　advertising　principle。　　In　all　my　placards　and

advertisements；　I　would　throw　up　the　line　SECRET　KEYS。　　Thus；　if　my

enemy　passed　an　uninhabited　house；　he　would　see　his　conscience

glaring　down　on　him　from　the　parapets；　and　peeping　up　at　him　from

the　cellars。　　If　he　took　a　dead　wall　in　his　walk；　it　would　be　alive

with　reproaches。　　If　he　sought　refuge　in　an　omnibus；　the　panels

thereof　would　become　Belshazzar's　palace　to　him。　　If　he　took　boat；

in　a　wild　endeavour　to　escape；　he　would　see　the　fatal　words　lurking

under　the　arches　of　the　bridges　over　the　Thames。　　If　he　walked　the

streets　with　downcast　eyes；　he　would　recoil　from　the　very　stones　of

the　pavement；　made　eloquent　by　lamp…black　lithograph。　　If　he　drove

or　rode；　his　way　would　be　blocked　up　by　enormous　vans；　each

proclaiming　the　same　words　over　and　over　again　from　its　whole

extent　of　surface。　　Until；　having　gradually　grown　thinner　and

paler；　and　having　at　last　totally　rejected　food；　he　would　miserably

perish；　and　I　should　be　revenged。　　This　conclusion　I　should；　no

doubt；　celebrate　by　laughing　a　hoarse　laugh　in　three　syllables；　and

folding　my　arms　tight　upon　my　chest　agreeably　to　most　of　the

examples　of　glutted　animosity　that　I　have　had　an　opportunity　of

observing　in　connexion　with　the　Drama　…　which；　by…the…by；　as

involving　a　good　deal　of　noise；　appears　to　me　to　be　occasionally

confounded　with　the　Drummer。



The　foregoing　reflections　presented　themselves　to　my　mind；　the

other　day；　as　I　contemplated　（being　newly　come　to　London　from　the

East　Riding　of　Yorkshire；　on　a　house…hunting　expedition　for　next

May）；　an　old　warehouse　which　rotting　paste　and　rotting　paper　had

brought　down　to　the　condition　of　an　old　cheese。　　It　would　have　been

impossible　to　say；　on　the　most　conscientious　survey；　how　much　of

its　front　was　brick　and　mortar；　and　how　much　decaying　and　decayed

plaster。　　It　was　so　thickly　encrusted　with　fragments　of　bills；　that

no　ship's　keel　after　a　long　voyage　could　be　half　so　foul。　　All

traces　of　the　broken　windows　were　billed　out；　the　doors　were　billed

across；　the　water…spout　was　billed　over。　　The　building　was　shored

up　to　prevent　its　tumbling　into　the　street；　and　the　very　beams

erected　against　it　were　less　wood　than　paste　and　paper；　they　had

been　so　continually　posted　and　reposted。　　The　forlorn　dregs　of　old

posters　so　encumbered　this　wreck；　that　there　was　no　hold　for　new

posters；　and　the　stickers　had　abandoned　the　place　in　despair；

except　one　enterprising　man　who　had　hoisted　the　last　masquerade　to

a　clear　spot　near　the　level　of　the　stack　of　chimneys　where　it　waved

and　drooped　like　a　shattered　flag。　　Below　the　rusty　cellar…grating；

crumpled　remnants　of　old　bills　torn　down；　rotted　away　in　wasting

heaps　of　fallen　leaves。　　Here　and　there；　some　of　the　thick　rind　of

the　house　had　peeled　off　in　strips；　and　fluttered　heavily　down；

littering　the　street；　but；　still；　below　these　rents　and　gashes；

layers　of　decomposing　posters　showed　themselves；　as　if　they　were

interminable。　　I　thought　the　building　could　never　even　be　pulled

down；　but　in　one　adhesive　heap　of　rottenness　and　poster。　　As　to

getting　in　…　I　don't　believe　that　if　the　Sleeping　Beauty　and　her

Court　had　been　so　billed　up；　the　young　Prince　could　have　done　it。



Knowing　all　the　posters　that　were　yet　legible；　intimately；　and

pondering　on　their　ubiquitous　nature；　I　was　led　into　the

reflections　with　which　I　began　this　paper；　by　considering　what　an

awful　thing　it　would　be；　ever　to　have　wronged　…　say　M。　JULLIEN　for

example　…　and　to　have　his　avenging　name　in　characters　of　fire

incessantly　before　my　eyes。　　Or　to　have　injured　MADAME　TUSSAUD；　and

undergo　a　similar　retribution。　　Has　any　man　a　self…reproachful

thought　associated　with　pills；　or　ointment？　　What　an　avenging

spirit　to　that　man　is　PROFESSOR　HOLLOWAY！　　Have　I　sinned　in　oil？

CABBURN　pursues　me。　　Have　I　a　dark　remembrance　associated　with　any

gentlemanly　garments；　bespoke　or　ready　made？　　MOSES　and　SON　are　on

my　track。　　Did　I　ever　aim　a　blow　at　a　defenceless　fellow…creature's

head？　　That　head　eternally　being　measured　for　a　wig；　or　that　worse

head　which　was　bald　before　it　used　the　balsam；　and　hirsute

afterwards　…　enforcing　the　benevolent　moral；　'Better　to　be　bald　as

a　Dutch　cheese　than　come　to　this；'　…　undoes　me。　　Have　I　no　sore

places　in　my　mind　which　MECHI　touches　…　which　NICOLL　probes　…　which

no　registered　article　whatever　lacerates？　　Does　no　discordant　note

within　me　thrill　responsive　to　mysterious　watchwords；　as　'Revalenta

Arabica；'　or　'Number　One　St。　Paul's　Churchyard'？　　Then　may　I　enjoy

life；　and　be　happy。



Lifting　up　my　eyes；　as　I　was　musing　to　this　effect；　I　beheld

advancing　towards　me　（I　was　then　on　Cornhill；　near　to　the　Royal

Exchange）；　a　solemn　procession　of　three　advertising　vans；　of　first…

class　dimensions；　each　drawn　by　a　very　little　horse。　　As　the

cavalcade　approached；　I　was　at　a　loss　to　reconcile　the　careless

deportment　of　the　drivers　of　these　vehicles；　with　the　terrific

announcements　they　conducted　through　the　city；　which　being　a

summary　of　the　contents　of　a　Sunday　newspaper；　were　of　the　most

thrilling　kind。　　Robbery；　fire；　murder；　and　the　ruin　of　the　United

Kingdom　…　each　discharged　in　a　line　by　itself；　like　a　separate

broad…side　of　red…hot　shot　…　were　among　the　least　of　the　warnings

addressed　to　an　unthinking　people。　　Yet；　the　Ministers　of　Fate　who

drove　the　awful　cars；　leaned　forward　with　their　arms　upon　their

knees　in　a　state　of　extreme　lassitude；　for　want　of　any　subject　of

interest。　　The　first　man；　whose　hair　I　might　naturally　have

expected　to　see　standing　on　end；　scratched　his　head　…　one　of　the

smoothest　I　ever　beheld　…　with　profound　indifference。　　The　second

whistled。　　The　third　yawned。



Pausing　to　dwell　upon　this　apathy；　it　appeared　to　me；　as　the　fatal

cars　came　by　me；　that　I　descried　in　the　second　car；　through　the

portal　in　which　the　charioteer　was　seated；　a　figure　stretched　upon

the　floor。　　At　the　same　time；　I　thought　I　smelt　tobacco。　　The

latter　impression　passed　quickly　from　me；　the　former　remained。

Curious　to　know　whether　this　prostrate　figure　was　the　one

impressible　man　of　the　whole　capital　who　had　been　stricken

insensible　by　the　terrors　revealed　to　him；　and　whose　form　had　been

placed　in　the　car　by　the　charioteer；　from　motives　of　humanity；　I

followed　the　procession。　　It　turned　into　Leadenhall…market；　and

halted　at　a　public…house。　　Each　driver　dismounted。　　I　then

distinctly　heard；　proceeding　from　the　second　car；　where　I　had　dimly

seen　the　prostrate　form；　the　words：



'And　a　pipe！'



The　driver　entering　the　public…house　with　his　fellows；　apparently

for　purposes　of　refreshment；　I　could　not　refrain　from　mounting　on

the　shaft　of　the　second　vehicle；　and　looking　in　at　the　portal。　　I

then　beheld；　reclining　on　his　back　upon　the　floor；　on　a　kind　of

mattress　or　divan；　a　little　man　in　a　shooting…coat。　　The

exclamation　'Dear　me'　which　irresistibly　escaped　my　lips　caused　him

to　sit　upright；　and　survey　me。　　I　found　him　to　be　a　good…looking

little　man　of　about　fifty；　with　a　shining　face；　a　tight　head；　a

bright　eye；　a　moist　wink；　a　quick　speech；　and　a　ready　air。　　He　had

something　of　a　sporting　way　with　him。



He　looked　at　me；　and　I　looked　at　him；　until　the　driver　displaced　me

by　handing　in　a　pint　of　beer；　a　pipe；　and　what　I　understand　is

called　'a　screw'　of　tobacco　…　an　object　which　has　the　appearance　of

a　curl…paper　taken　off　the　barmaid's　head；　with　the　curl　in　it。



'I　beg　your　pardon；'　said　I；　when　the　removed　person　of　the　driver

again　admitted　of　my　presenting　my　face　at　the　portal。　　'But　…

excuse　my　curiosity；　which　I　inherit　from　my　mother　…　do　you　live

here？'



'That's　good；　too！'　returned　the　little　man；　composedly　laying

aside　a　pipe　he　had　smoked　out；　and　filling　the　pipe　just　brought

to　him。



'Oh；　you　DON'T　live　here　then？'　said　I。