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and over; now presenting his unconscious face upwards; now the back
of his bald head; until the unnatural feat was accomplished; and
the bandage secured by a pin; which I have every reason to believe
entered the body of my only child。 In this tourniquet; he passes
the present phase of his existence。 Can I know it; and smile!
I fear I have been betrayed into expressing myself warmly; but I
feel deeply。 Not for myself; for Augustus George。 I dare not
interfere。 Will any one? Will any publication? Any doctor? Any
parent? Any body? I do not complain that Mrs。 Prodgit (aided and
abetted by Mrs。 Bigby) entirely alienates Maria Jane's affections
from me; and interposes an impassable barrier between us。 I do not
complain of being made of no account。 I do not want to be of any
account。 But; Augustus George is a production of Nature (I cannot
think otherwise); and I claim that he should be treated with some
remote reference to Nature。 In my opinion; Mrs。 Prodgit is; from
first to last; a convention and a superstition。 Are all the
faculty afraid of Mrs。 Prodgit? If not; why don't they take her in
hand and improve her?
P。S。 Maria Jane's Mama boasts of her own knowledge of the subject;
and says she brought up seven children besides Maria Jane。 But how
do I know that she might not have brought them up much better?
Maria Jane herself is far from strong; and is subject to headaches;
and nervous indigestion。 Besides which; I learn from the
statistical tables that one child in five dies within the first
year of its life; and one child in three; within the fifth。 That
don't look as if we could never improve in these particulars; I
think!
P。P。S。 Augustus George is in convulsions。
LYING AWAKE
'MY uncle lay with his eyes half closed; and his nightcap drawn
almost down to his nose。 His fancy was already wandering; and
began to mingle up the present scene with the crater of Vesuvius;
the French Opera; the Coliseum at Rome; Dolly's Chop…house in
London; and all the farrago of noted places with which the brain of
a traveller is crammed; in a word; he was just falling asleep。'
Thus; that delightful writer; WASHINGTON IRVING; in his Tales of a
Traveller。 But; it happened to me the other night to be lying: not
with my eyes half closed; but with my eyes wide open; not with my
nightcap drawn almost down to my nose; for on sanitary principles I
never wear a nightcap: but with my hair pitchforked and touzled all
over the pillow; not just falling asleep by any means; but
glaringly; persistently; and obstinately; broad awake。 Perhaps;
with no scientific intention or invention; I was illustrating the
theory of the Duality of the Brain; perhaps one part of my brain;
being wakeful; sat up to watch the other part which was sleepy。 Be
that as it may; something in me was as desirous to go to sleep as
it possibly could be; but something else in me WOULD NOT go to
sleep; and was as obstinate as George the Third。
Thinking of George the Third … for I devote this paper to my train
of thoughts as I lay awake: most people lying awake sometimes; and
having some interest in the subject … put me in mind of BENJAMIN
FRANKLIN; and so Benjamin Franklin's paper on the art of procuring
pleasant dreams; which would seem necessarily to include the art of
going to sleep; came into my head。 Now; as I often used to read
that paper when I was a very small boy; and as I recollect
everything I read then as perfectly as I forget everything I read
now; I quoted 'Get out of bed; beat up and turn your pillow; shake
the bed…clothes well with at least twenty shakes; then throw the
bed open and leave it to cool; in the meanwhile; continuing
undrest; walk about your chamber。 When you begin to feel the cold
air unpleasant; then return to your bed; and you will soon fall
asleep; and your sleep will be sweet and pleasant。' Not a bit of
it! I performed the whole ceremony; and if it were possible for me
to be more saucer…eyed than I was before; that was the only result
that came of it。
Except Niagara。 The two quotations from Washington Irving and
Benjamin Franklin may have put it in my head by an American
association of ideas; but there I was; and the Horse…shoe Fall was
thundering and tumbling in my eyes and ears; and the very rainbows
that I left upon the spray when I really did last look upon it;
were beautiful to see。 The night…light being quite as plain;
however; and sleep seeming to be many thousand miles further off
than Niagara; I made up my mind to think a little about Sleep;
which I no sooner did than I whirled off in spite of myself to
Drury Lane Theatre; and there saw a great actor and dear friend of
mine (whom I had been thinking of in the day) playing Macbeth; and
heard him apostrophising 'the death of each day's life;' as I have
heard him many a time; in the days that are gone。
But; Sleep。 I WILL think about Sleep。 I am determined to think
(this is the way I went on) about Sleep。 I must hold the word
Sleep; tight and fast; or I shall be off at a tangent in half a
second。 I feel myself unaccountably straying; already; into Clare
Market。 Sleep。 It would be curious; as illustrating the equality
of sleep; to inquire how many of its phenomena are common to all
classes; to all degrees of wealth and poverty; to every grade of
education and ignorance。 Here; for example; is her Majesty Queen
Victoria in her palace; this present blessed night; and here is
Winking Charley; a sturdy vagrant; in one of her Majesty's jails。
Her Majesty has fallen; many thousands of times; from that same
Tower; which I claim a right to tumble off now and then。 So has
Winking Charley。 Her Majesty in her sleep has opened or prorogued
Parliament; or has held a Drawing Room; attired in some very scanty
dress; the deficiencies and improprieties of which have caused her
great uneasiness。 I; in my degree; have suffered unspeakable
agitation of mind from taking the chair at a public dinner at the
London Tavern in my night…clothes; which not all the courtesy of my
kind friend and host MR。 BATHE could persuade me were quite adapted
to the occasion。 Winking Charley has been repeatedly tried in a
worse condition。 Her Majesty is no stranger to a vault or
firmament; of a sort of floorcloth; with an indistinct pattern
distantly resembling eyes; which occasionally obtrudes itself on
her repose。 Neither am I。 Neither is Winking Charley。 It is
quite common to all three of us to skim along with airy strides a
little above the ground; also to hold; with the deepest interest;
dialogues with various people; all represented by ourselves; and to
be at our wit's end to know what they are going to tell us; and to
be indescribably astonished by the secrets they disclose。 It is
probable that we have all three committed murders and hidden
bodies。 It is pretty certain that we have all desperately wanted
to cry out; and have had no voice; that we have all gone to the
play and not been able to get in; that we have all dreamed much
more of our youth than of our later lives; that … I have lost it!
The thread's broken。
And up I go。 I; lying here with the night…light before me; up I
go; for no reason on earth that I can find out; and drawn by no
links that are visible to me; up the Great Saint Bernard! I have
lived in Switzerland; and rambled among the mountains; but; why I
should go there now; and why up the Great Saint Bernard in
preference to any other mountain; I have no idea。 As I lie here
broad awake; and with every sense so sharpened that I can
distinctly hear distant noises inaudible to me at another time; I
make that journey; as I really did; on the same summer day; with
the same happy party … ah! two since dead; I grieve to think … and
there is the same track; with the same black wooden arms to point
the way; and there are the same storm…refuges here and there; and
there is the same snow falling at the top; and there are the same
frosty mists; and there is the same intensely cold convent with its
menagerie smell; and the same breed of dogs fast dying out; and the
same breed of jolly young monks whom I mourn to know as humbugs;
and the same convent parlour with its piano and the sitting round
the fire; and the same supper; and the same lone night in a cell;
and the same bright fresh morning when going out into the highly
rarefied air was like a plunge into an icy bath。 Now; see here
what comes along; and why does this thing stalk into my mind on the
top of a Swiss mountain!
It is a figure that I once saw; just after dark; chalked upon a
door in a little back lane near a country church … my first church。
How young a child I may have been at the time I don't know; but it
horrified me so intensely … in connexion with the churchyard; I
suppose; for it smokes a pipe; and has a big hat with each of its
ears sticking out in a horizontal line under the brim; and is not
in itself more oppressive than a mouth from ear to ear; a pair of
goggle eyes; and hands like two bunches of carrots; five in each;
can make it … that it is still vaguely alarming to me to recall (as
I have often done before; lying awake) the running home; the
looking behind; the horror; of its following me; though whether
disconnected from the door; or door and all; I can't say; and
perhaps never could。 It lays a disagreeable train。 I must resolve
to think of something on the voluntary principle。
The balloon ascents of this last season。 They will do to think
about; while I lie awake; as well as anything else。 I must hold
them tight though; for I feel them sliding away; and in their stead
are the Mannings; husband and wife; hanging on the top of Horse…
monger Lane Jail。 In connexion with which dismal spectacle; I
recall this curious fantasy of the mind。 That; having beheld that
execution; and having left those two forms danglin