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architecture；　and　we　get　unexpected　sea…views　through　cracks　in　the

street　doors；　on　the　whole；　however；　we　are　very　snug　and

comfortable；　and　well　accommodated。　　But　the　Home　Secretary　（if

there　be　such　an　officer）　cannot　too　soon　shut　up　the　burial…ground

of　the　old　parish　church。　　It　is　in　the　midst　of　us；　and

Pavilionstone　will　get　no　good　of　it；　if　it　be　too　long　left　alone。



The　lion　of　Pavilionstone　is　its　Great　Hotel。　　A　dozen　years　ago；

going　over　to　Paris　by　South…Eastern　Tidal　Steamer；　you　used　to　be

dropped　upon　the　platform　of　the　main　line　Pavilionstone　Station

（not　a　junction　then）；　at　eleven　o'clock　on　a　dark　winter's　night；

in　a　roaring　wind；　and　in　the　howling　wilderness　outside　the

station；　was　a　short　omnibus　which　brought　you　up　by　the　forehead

the　instant　you　got　in　at　the　door；　and　nobody　cared　about　you；　and

you　were　alone　in　the　world。　　You　bumped　over　infinite　chalk；　until

you　were　turned　out　at　a　strange　building　which　had　just　left　off

being　a　barn　without　having　quite　begun　to　be　a　house；　where　nobody

expected　your　coming；　or　knew　what　to　do　with　you　when　you　were

come；　and　where　you　were　usually　blown　about；　until　you　happened　to

be　blown　against　the　cold　beef；　and　finally　into　bed。　　At　five　in

the　morning　you　were　blown　out　of　bed；　and　after　a　dreary

breakfast；　with　crumpled　company；　in　the　midst　of　confusion；　were

hustled　on　board　a　steamboat　and　lay　wretched　on　deck　until　you　saw

France　lunging　and　surging　at　you　with　great　vehemence　over　the

bowsprit。



Now；　you　come　down　to　Pavilionstone　in　a　free　and　easy　manner；　an

irresponsible　agent；　made　over　in　trust　to　the　South…Eastern

Company；　until　you　get　out　of　the　railway…carriage　at　high…water

mark。　　If　you　are　crossing　by　the　boat　at　once；　you　have　nothing　to

do　but　walk　on　board　and　be　happy　there　if　you　can　…　I　can't。　　If

you　are　going　to　our　Great　Pavilionstone　Hotel；　the　sprightliest

porters　under　the　sun；　whose　cheerful　looks　are　a　pleasant　welcome；

shoulder　your　luggage；　drive　it　off　in　vans；　bowl　it　away　in

trucks；　and　enjoy　themselves　in　playing　athletic　games　with　it。　　If

you　are　for　public　life　at　our　great　Pavilionstone　Hotel；　you　walk

into　that　establishment　as　if　it　were　your　club；　and　find　ready　for

you；　your　news…room；　dining…room；　smoking…room；　billiard…room；

music…room；　public　breakfast；　public　dinner　twice　a…day　（one　plain；

one　gorgeous）；　hot　baths　and　cold　baths。　　If　you　want　to　be　bored；

there　are　plenty　of　bores　always　ready　for　you；　and　from　Saturday

to　Monday　in　particular；　you　can　be　bored　（if　you　like　it）　through

and　through。　　Should　you　want　to　be　private　at　our　Great

Pavilionstone　Hotel；　say　but　the　word；　look　at　the　list　of　charges；

choose　your　floor；　name　your　figure　…　there　you　are；　established　in

your　castle；　by　the　day；　week；　month；　or　year；　innocent　of　all

comers　or　goers；　unless　you　have　my　fancy　for　walking　early　in　the

morning　down　the　groves　of　boots　and　shoes；　which　so　regularly

flourish　at　all　the　chamber…doors　before　breakfast；　that　it　seems

to　me　as　if　nobody　ever　got　up　or　took　them　in。　　Are　you　going

across　the　Alps；　and　would　you　like　to　air　your　Italian　at　our

Great　Pavilionstone　Hotel？　　Talk　to　the　Manager　…　always

conversational；　accomplished；　and　polite。　　Do　you　want　to　be　aided；

abetted；　comforted；　or　advised；　at　our　Great　Pavilionstone　Hotel？

Send　for　the　good　landlord；　and　he　is　your　friend。　　Should　you；　or

any　one　belonging　to　you；　ever　be　taken　ill　at　our　Great

Pavilionstone　Hotel；　you　will　not　soon　forget　him　or　his　kind　wife。

And　when　you　pay　your　bill　at　our　Great　Pavilionstone　Hotel；　you

will　not　be　put　out　of　humour　by　anything　you　find　in　it。



A　thoroughly　good　inn；　in　the　days　of　coaching　and　posting；　was　a

noble　place。　　But　no　such　inn　would　have　been　equal　to　the

reception　of　four　or　five　hundred　people；　all　of　them　wet　through；

and　half　of　them　dead　sick；　every　day　in　the　year。　　This　is　where

we　shine；　in　our　Pavilionstone　Hotel。　　Again　…　who；　coming　and

going；　pitching　and　tossing；　boating　and　training；　hurrying　in；　and

flying　out；　could　ever　have　calculated　the　fees　to　be　paid　at　an

old…fashioned　house？　　In　our　Pavilionstone　Hotel　vocabulary；　there

is　no　such　word　as　fee。　　Everything　is　done　for　you；　every　service

is　provided　at　a　fixed　and　reasonable　charge；　all　the　prices　are

hung　up　in　all　the　rooms；　and　you　can　make　out　your　own　bill

beforehand；　as　well　as　the　book…keeper。



In　the　case　of　your　being　a　pictorial　artist；　desirous　of　studying

at　small　expense　the　physiognomies　and　beards　of　different　nations；

come；　on　receipt　of　this；　to　Pavilionstone。　　You　shall　find　all　the

nations　of　the　earth；　and　all　the　styles　of　shaving　and　not

shaving；　hair　cutting　and　hair　letting　alone；　for　ever　flowing

through　our　hotel。　　Couriers　you　shall　see　by　hundreds；　fat

leathern　bags　for　five…franc　pieces；　closing　with　violent　snaps；

like　discharges　of　fire…arms；　by　thousands；　more　luggage　in　a

morning　than；　fifty　years　ago；　all　Europe　saw　in　a　week。　　Looking

at　trains；　steamboats；　sick　travellers；　and　luggage；　is　our　great

Pavilionstone　recreation。　　We　are　not　strong　in　other　public

amusements。　　We　have　a　Literary　and　Scientific　Institution；　and　we

have　a　Working　Men's　Institution　…　may　it　hold　many　gipsy　holidays

in　summer　fields；　with　the　kettle　boiling；　the　band　of　music

playing；　and　the　people　dancing；　and　may　I　be　on　the　hill…side；

looking　on　with　pleasure　at　a　wholesome　sight　too　rare　in　England！

…　and　we　have　two　or　three　churches；　and　more　chapels　than　I　have

yet　added　up。　　But　public　amusements　are　scarce　with　us。　　If　a　poor

theatrical　manager　comes　with　his　company　to　give　us；　in　a　loft；

Mary　Bax；　or　the　Murder　on　the　Sand　Hills；　we　don't　care　much　for

him　…　starve　him　out；　in　fact。　　We　take　more　kindly　to　wax…work；

especially　if　it　moves；　in　which　case　it　keeps　much　clearer　of　the

second　commandment　than　when　it　is　still。　　Cooke's　Circus　（Mr。

Cooke　is　my　friend；　and　always　leaves　a　good　name　behind　him）　gives

us　only　a　night　in　passing　through。　　Nor　does　the　travelling

menagerie　think　us　worth　a　longer　visit。　　It　gave　us　a　look…in　the

other　day；　bringing　with　it　the　residentiary　van　with　the　stained

glass　windows；　which　Her　Majesty　kept　ready…made　at　Windsor　Castle；

until　she　found　a　suitable　opportunity　of　submitting　it　for　the

proprietor's　acceptance。　　I　brought　away　five　wonderments　from　this

exhibition。　　I　have　wondered　ever　since；　Whether　the　beasts　ever　do

get　used　to　those　small　places　of　confinement；　Whether　the　monkeys

have　that　very　horrible　flavour　in　their　free　state；　Whether　wild

animals　have　a　natural　ear　for　time　and　tune；　and　therefore　every

four…footed　creature　began　to　howl　in　despair　when　the　band　began

to　play；　What　the　giraffe　does　with　his　neck　when　his　cart　is　shut

up；　and；　Whether　the　elephant　feels　ashamed　of　himself　when　he　is

brought　out　of　his　den　to　stand　on　his　head　in　the　presence　of　the

whole　Collection。



We　are　a　tidal　harbour　at　Pavilionstone；　as　indeed　I　have　implied

already　in　my　mention　of　tidal　trains。　　At　low　water；　we　are　a　heap

of　mud；　with　an　empty　channel　in　it　where　a　couple　of　men　in　big

boots　always　shovel　and　scoop：　with　what　exact　object；　I　am　unable

to　say。　　At　that　time；　all　the　stranded　fishing…boats　turn　over　on

their　sides；　as　if　they　were　dead　marine　monsters；　the　colliers　and

other　shipping　stick　disconsolate　in　the　mud；　the　steamers　look　as

if　their　white　chimneys　would　never　smoke　more；　and　their　red

paddles　never　turn　again；　the　green　sea…slime　and　weed　upon　the

rough　stones　at　the　entrance；　seem　records　of　obsolete　high　tides

never　more　to　flow；　the　flagstaff…halyards　droop；　the　very　little

wooden　lighthouse　shrinks　in　the　idle　glare　of　the　sun。　　And　here　I

may　observe　of　the　very　little　wooden　lighthouse；　that　when　it　is

lighted　at　night；　…　red　and　green；　…　it　looks　so　like　a　medical

man's；　that　several　distracted　husbands　have　at　various　times　been

found；　on　occasions　of　premature　domestic　anxiety；　going　round　and

round　it；　trying　to　find　the　Nightbell。



But；　the　moment　the　tide　begins　to　make；　the　Pavilionstone　Harbour

begins　to　revive。　　It　feels　the　breeze　of　the　rising　water　before

the　water　comes；　and　begins　to　flutter　and　stir。　　When　the　little

shallow　waves　creep　in；　barely　overlapping　one　another；　the　vanes

at　the　mastheads　wake；　and　become　agitated。　　As　the　tide　rises；　the

fishing…boats　get　into　good　spirits　and　dance；　the　flagstaff　hoists

a　bright　red　flag；　the　steamboat　smokes；　cranes　creak；　horses　and

carriages　dangle　in　the　air；　stray　passengers　and　luggage　appear。

Now；　the　shipping　is　afloat；　and　comes　up　buoyantly；　to　look　at　the

wharf。　　Now；　the　carts　that　have　come　down　for　coals；　load　away　as

hard　as　they　can　load。　　Now；　the　steamer　smokes　immensely；　and

occasionally　blows　at　the　paddle…boxes　like　a　vaporous　whale…

greatly　disturbing　nervous　loungers。　　Now；　both　the　tide　and　the

breeze　have　risen；　and　you　are　holding　your　hat　on　（if　you　want　to

see　how　the　ladies　hold　THEIR　hats　on；　with　a　stay；　passing　over

the　broad　brim　and　down　the　nose；　come　to　Pavilionstone）。　　Now；

everything　in　the　harbour　splashes；　dashes；　and　bobs。　　Now；　the

Down　Tidal　Train　is　telegraphed；　and　you　know　（without　knowing　how

you　know）；　that　two　hundred　and　eighty…seven　people　are　coming。

Now；　the　fishing…boats　that　have　been　out；　sail　in　at　the　top　of

the　tide。　　Now；　the　bell　goes；　and　the　locomotive　hisses　and

shrieks；　and　the　train　comes　gliding　in；　and　the　two　hundred　and

eighty…seven　come　scuffling　out。　　Now；　there　is　not　only　a　tide　of

water；　but　a　tide　of　people；　and　a　tide　of　luggage　…　all　tumbling

and　flowing　and　bouncing　about　together。　　Now；　after　infinite

bustle；　the　steamer　steams　out；　and　we　（on　the　Pier）　are　all

delighted　when　she　rolls　as　if　she　would　roll　her　funnel　out；　and

all　are　disappointed　when　she　don't。　　Now；　the　other　steamer　is

coming　in；　and　the　Custom