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moral　admonitions　which　produced　none　at　all。　　Finally；　it　was　late

in　the　afternoon　before　I　got　back　to　the　unprecedented　chapter；

and　then　I　determined　that　it　was　out　of　the　season；　as　the　place

was；　and　put　it　away。



I　went　at　night　to　the　benefit　of　Mrs。　B。　Wedgington　at　the

Theatre；　who　had　placarded　the　town　with　the　admonition；　'DON'T

FORGET　IT！'　　I　made　the　house；　according　to　my　calculation；　four

and　ninepence　to　begin　with；　and　it　may　have　warmed　up；　in　the

course　of　the　evening；　to　half　a　sovereign。　　There　was　nothing　to

offend　any　one；　…　the　good　Mr。　Baines　of　Leeds　excepted。　　Mrs。　B。

Wedgington　sang　to　a　grand　piano。　　Mr。　B。　Wedgington　did　the　like；

and　also　took　off　his　coat；　tucked　up　his　trousers；　and　danced　in

clogs。　　Master　B。　Wedgington；　aged　ten　months；　was　nursed　by　a

shivering　young　person　in　the　boxes；　and　the　eye　of　Mrs。　B。

Wedgington　wandered　that　way　more　than　once。　　Peace　be　with　all　the

Wedgingtons　from　A。　to　Z。　　May　they　find　themselves　in　the　Season

somewhere！







A　POOR　MAN'S　TALE　OF　A　PATENT







I　AM　not　used　to　writing　for　print。　　What　working…man；　that　never

labours　less　（some　Mondays；　and　Christmas　Time　and　Easter　Time

excepted）　than　twelve　or　fourteen　hours　a　day；　is？　　But　I　have　been

asked　to　put　down；　plain；　what　I　have　got　to　say；　and　so　I　take

pen…and…ink；　and　do　it　to　the　best　of　my　power；　hoping　defects　will

find　excuse。



I　was　born　nigh　London；　but　have　worked　in　a　shop　at　Birmingham

（what　you　would　call　Manufactories；　we　call　Shops）；　almost　ever

since　I　was　out　of　my　time。　　I　served　my　apprenticeship　at

Deptford；　nigh　where　I　was　born；　and　I　am　a　smith　by　trade。　　My

name　is　John。　　I　have　been　called　'Old　John'　ever　since　I　was

nineteen　year　of　age；　on　account　of　not　having　much　hair。　　I　am

fifty…six　year　of　age　at　the　present　time；　and　I　don't　find　myself

with　more　hair；　nor　yet　with　less；　to　signify；　than　at　nineteen

year　of　age　aforesaid。



I　have　been　married　five　and　thirty　year；　come　next　April。　　I　was

married　on　All　Fools'　Day。　　Let　them　laugh　that　will。　　I　won　a　good

wife　that　day；　and　it　was　as　sensible　a　day　to　me　as　ever　I　had。



We　have　had　a　matter　of　ten　children；　six　whereof　are　living。　　My

eldest　son　is　engineer　in　the　Italian　steam…packet　'Mezzo　Giorno；

plying　between　Marseilles　and　Naples；　and　calling　at　Genoa；

Leghorn；　and　Civita　Vecchia。'　　He　was　a　good　workman。　　He　invented

a　many　useful　little　things　that　brought　him　in　…　nothing。　　I　have

two　sons　doing　well　at　Sydney；　New　South　Wales　…　single；　when　last

heard　from。　　One　of　my　sons　（James）　went　wild　and　for　a　soldier；

where　he　was　shot　in　India；　living　six　weeks　in　hospital　with　a

musket…ball　lodged　in　his　shoulder…blade；　which　he　wrote　with　his

own　hand。　　He　was　the　best　looking。　　One　of　my　two　daughters　（Mary）

is　comfortable　in　her　circumstances；　but　water　on　the　chest。　　The

other　（Charlotte）；　her　husband　run　away　from　her　in　the　basest

manner；　and　she　and　her　three　children　live　with　us。　　The　youngest；

six　year　old；　has　a　turn　for　mechanics。



I　am　not　a　Chartist；　and　I　never　was。　　I　don't　mean　to　say　but　what

I　see　a　good　many　public　points　to　complain　of；　still　I　don't　think

that's　the　way　to　set　them　right。　　If　I　did　think　so；　I　should　be　a

Chartist。　　But　I　don't　think　so；　and　I　am　not　a　Chartist。　　I　read

the　paper；　and　hear　discussion；　at　what　we　call　'a　parlour；'　in

Birmingham；　and　I　know　many　good　men　and　workmen　who　are　Chartists。

Note。　　Not　Physical　force。



It　won't　be　took　as　boastful　in　me；　if　I　make　the　remark　（for　I

can't　put　down　what　I　have　got　to　say；　without　putting　that　down

before　going　any　further）；　that　I　have　always　been　of　an　ingenious

turn。　　I　once　got　twenty　pound　by　a　screw；　and　it's　in　use　now。　　I

have　been　twenty　year；　off　and　on；　completing　an　Invention　and

perfecting　it。　　I　perfected　of　it；　last　Christmas　Eve　at　ten

o'clock　at　night。　　Me　and　my　wife　stood　and　let　some　tears　fall

over　the　Model；　when　it　was　done　and　I　brought　her　in　to　take　a

look　at　it。



A　friend　of　mine；　by　the　name　of　William　Butcher；　is　a　Chartist。

Moderate。　　He　is　a　good　speaker。　　He　is　very　animated。　　I　have

often　heard　him　deliver　that　what　is；　at　every　turn；　in　the　way　of

us　working…men；　is；　that　too　many　places　have　been　made；　in　the

course　of　time；　to　provide　for　people　that　never　ought　to　have　been

provided　for；　and　that　we　have　to　obey　forms　and　to　pay　fees　to

support　those　places　when　we　shouldn't　ought。　　'True；'　（delivers

William　Butcher）；　'all　the　public　has　to　do　this；　but　it　falls

heaviest　on　the　working…man；　because　he　has　least　to　spare；　and

likewise　because　impediments　shouldn't　be　put　in　his　way；　when　he

wants　redress　of　wrong　or　furtherance　of　right。'　　Note。　　I　have

wrote　down　those　words　from　William　Butcher's　own　mouth。　　W。　B。

delivering　them　fresh　for　the　aforesaid　purpose。



Now；　to　my　Model　again。　　There　it　was；　perfected　of；　on　Christmas

Eve；　gone　nigh　a　year；　at　ten　o'clock　at　night。　　All　the　money　I

could　spare　I　had　laid　out　upon　the　Model；　and　when　times　was　bad；

or　my　daughter　Charlotte's　children　sickly；　or　both；　it　had　stood

still；　months　at　a　spell。　　I　had　pulled　it　to　pieces；　and　made　it

over　again　with　improvements；　I　don't　know　how　often。　　There　it

stood；　at　last；　a　perfected　Model　as　aforesaid。



William　Butcher　and　me　had　a　long　talk；　Christmas　Day；　respecting

of　the　Model。　　William　is　very　sensible。　　But　sometimes　cranky。

William　said；　'What　will　you　do　with　it；　John？'　　I　said；　'Patent

it。'　　William　said；　'How　patent　it；　John？'　　I　said；　'By　taking　out

a　Patent。'　　William　then　delivered　that　the　law　of　Patent　was　a

cruel　wrong。　　William　said；　'John；　if　you　make　your　invention

public；　before　you　get　a　Patent；　any　one　may　rob　you　of　the　fruits

of　your　hard　work。　　You　are　put　in　a　cleft　stick；　John。　　Either　you

must　drive　a　bargain　very　much　against　yourself；　by　getting　a　party

to　come　forward　beforehand　with　the　great　expenses　of　the　Patent；

or；　you　must　be　put　about；　from　post　to　pillar；　among　so　many

parties；　trying　to　make　a　better　bargain　for　yourself；　and　showing

your　invention；　that　your　invention　will　be　took　from　you　over　your

head。'　　I　said；　'William　Butcher；　are　you　cranky？　　You　are

sometimes　cranky。'　　William　said；　'No；　John；　I　tell　you　the　truth；'

which　he　then　delivered　more　at　length。　　I　said　to　W。　B。　I　would

Patent　the　invention　myself。



My　wife's　brother；　George　Bury　of　West　Bromwich　（his　wife

unfortunately　took　to　drinking；　made　away　with　everything；　and

seventeen　times　committed　to　Birmingham　Jail　before　happy　release

in　every　point　of　view）；　left　my　wife；　his　sister；　when　he　died；　a

legacy　of　one　hundred　and　twenty…eight　pound　ten；　Bank　of　England

Stocks。　　Me　and　my　wife　never　broke　into　that　money　yet。　　Note。　　We

might　come　to　be　old　and　past　our　work。　　We　now　agreed　to　Patent

the　invention。　　We　said　we　would　make　a　hole　in　it　…　I　mean　in　the

aforesaid　money　…　and　Patent　the　invention。　　William　Butcher　wrote

me　a　letter　to　Thomas　Joy；　in　London。　　T。　J。　is　a　carpenter；　six

foot　four　in　height；　and　plays　quoits　well。　　He　lives　in　Chelsea；

London；　by　the　church。　　I　got　leave　from　the　shop；　to　be　took　on

again　when　I　come　back。　　I　am　a　good　workman。　　Not　a　Teetotaller；

but　never　drunk。　　When　the　Christmas　holidays　were　over；　I　went　up

to　London　by　the　Parliamentary　Train；　and　hired　a　lodging　for　a

week　with　Thomas　Joy。　　He　is　married。　　He　has　one　son　gone　to　sea。



Thomas　Joy　delivered　（from　a　book　he　had）　that　the　first　step　to　be

took；　in　Patenting　the　invention；　was　to　prepare　a　petition　unto

Queen　Victoria。　　William　Butcher　had　delivered　similar；　and　drawn

it　up。　　Note。　　William　is　a　ready　writer。　　A　declaration　before　a

Master　in　Chancery　was　to　be　added　to　it。　　That；　we　likewise　drew

up。　　After　a　deal　of　trouble　I　found　out　a　Master；　in　Southampton

Buildings；　Chancery　Lane；　nigh　Temple　Bar；　where　I　made　the

declaration；　and　paid　eighteen…pence。　　I　was　told　to　take　the

declaration　and　petition　to　the　Home　Office；　in　Whitehall；　where　I

left　it　to　be　signed　by　the　Home　Secretary　（after　I　had　found　the

office　out）；　and　where　I　paid　two　pound；　two；　and　sixpence。　　In　six

days　he　signed　it；　and　I　was　told　to　take　it　to　the　Attorney…

General's　chambers；　and　leave　it　there　for　a　report。　　I　did　so；　and

paid　four　pound；　four。　　Note。　　Nobody　all　through；　ever　thankful

for　their　money；　but　all　uncivil。



My　lodging　at　Thomas　Joy's　was　now　hired　for　another　week；　whereof

five　days　were　gone。　　The　Attorney…General　made　what　they　called　a

Report…of…course　（my　invention　being；　as　William　Butcher　had

delivered　before　starting；　unopposed）；　and　I　was　sent　back　with　it

to　the　Home　Office。　　They　made　a　Copy　of　it；　which　was　called　a

Warrant。　　For　this　warrant；　I　paid　seven　pound；　thirteen；　and　six。

It　was　sent　to　the　Queen；　to　sign。　　The　Queen　sent　it　back；　signed。

The　Home　Secretary　signed　it　again。　　The　gentleman　throwed　it　at　me

when　I　called；　and　said；　'Now　take　it　to　the　Patent　Office　in

Lincoln's　Inn。'　　I　was　then　in　my　third　week　at　Thomas　Joy's　living

very　sparing；　on　account　of　fees。　　I　found　myself　losing　heart。



At　the　Patent　Office　in　Lincoln's　Inn；　they　made　'a　draft　of　the

Queen's　bill；'　of　my　invention；　and　a　'docket　of　the　bill。'　　I　paid

five　pound；　ten；　and　six；　for　this。　　They　'engrossed　two　copies　of

the　bill；　one　for　the　Signet　Office；　and　one　for　the　Privy…Seal

Office。'　　I　paid　one　pound；　seven；　and　six；　for　this。　　Stamp　duty

over　and　above；　three　pound。　　The　Engrossing　Clerk　of　the　same

office　engrossed　the　Queen's　bill　for　signature。　　I　paid　him　one

pound；　one。　　Stamp…duty；　again；　one　pound；　ten。　　I　was　next　to　take

the　Queen's　bill　to　the　Attorney…General　again；　and　get　it　signed

again。　　I　took　it；　and　paid　five　pound　more。　　I　fetched　it　away；

and　took　it　to　the　Home　Secretary　again。　　He　sent　it　to　the　Queen

again。　　She　signed　it　again。　　I　paid　seven　pound；　th