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hearts　are　capable。



It　is　not　too　much　to　predict　that　our　honourable　friend　will　be

always　at　his　post　in　the　ensuing　session。　　Whatever　the　question

be；　or　whatever　the　form　of　its　discussion；　address　to　the　crown；

election　petition；　expenditure　of　the　public　money；　extension　of

the　public　suffrage；　education；　crime；　in　the　whole　house；　in

committee　of　the　whole　house；　in　select　committee；　in　every

parliamentary　discussion　of　every　subject；　everywhere：　the

Honourable　Member　for　Verbosity　will　most　certainly　be　found。







OUR　SCHOOL







WE　went　to　look　at　it；　only　this　last　Midsummer；　and　found　that　the

Railway　had　cut　it　up　root　and　branch。　　A　great　trunk…line　had

swallowed　the　playground；　sliced　away　the　schoolroom；　and　pared　off

the　corner　of　the　house：　which；　thus　curtailed　of　its　proportions；

presented　itself；　in　a　green　stage　of　stucco；　profilewise　towards

the　road；　like　a　forlorn　flat…iron　without　a　handle；　standing　on

end。



It　seems　as　if　our　schools　were　doomed　to　be　the　sport　of　change。

We　have　faint　recollections　of　a　Preparatory　Day…School；　which　we

have　sought　in　vain；　and　which　must　have　been　pulled　down　to　make　a

new　street；　ages　ago。　　We　have　dim　impressions；　scarcely　amounting

to　a　belief；　that　it　was　over　a　dyer's　shop。　　We　know　that　you　went

up　steps　to　it；　that　you　frequently　grazed　your　knees　in　doing　so；

that　you　generally　got　your　leg　over　the　scraper；　in　trying　to

scrape　the　mud　off　a　very　unsteady　little　shoe。　　The　mistress　of

the　Establishment　holds　no　place　in　our　memory；　but；　rampant　on　one

eternal　door…mat；　in　an　eternal　entry　long　and　narrow；　is　a　puffy

pug…dog；　with　a　personal　animosity　towards　us；　who　triumphs　over

Time。　　The　bark　of　that　baleful　Pug；　a　certain　radiating　way　he　had

of　snapping　at　our　undefended　legs；　the　ghastly　grinning　of　his

moist　black　muzzle　and　white　teeth；　and　the　insolence　of　his　crisp

tail　curled　like　a　pastoral　crook；　all　live　and　flourish。　　From　an

otherwise　unaccountable　association　of　him　with　a　fiddle；　we

conclude　that　he　was　of　French　extraction；　and　his　name　FIDELE。　　He

belonged　to　some　female；　chiefly　inhabiting　a　back…parlour；　whose

life　appears　to　us　to　have　been　consumed　in　sniffing；　and　in

wearing　a　brown　beaver　bonnet。　　For　her；　he　would　sit　up　and

balance　cake　upon　his　nose；　and　not　eat　it　until　twenty　had　been

counted。　　To　the　best　of　our　belief　we　were　once　called　in　to

witness　this　performance；　when；　unable；　even　in　his　milder　moments；

to　endure　our　presence；　he　instantly　made　at　us；　cake　and　all。



Why　a　something　in　mourning；　called　'Miss　Frost；'　should　still

connect　itself　with　our　preparatory　school；　we　are　unable　to　say。

We　retain　no　impression　of　the　beauty　of　Miss　Frost　…　if　she　were

beautiful；　or　of　the　mental　fascinations　of　Miss　Frost　…　if　she

were　accomplished；　yet　her　name　and　her　black　dress　hold　an

enduring　place　in　our　remembrance。　　An　equally　impersonal　boy；

whose　name　has　long　since　shaped　itself　unalterably　into　'Master

Mawls；'　is　not　to　be　dislodged　from　our　brain。　　Retaining　no

vindictive　feeling　towards　Mawls　…　no　feeling　whatever；　indeed　…　we

infer　that　neither　he　nor　we　can　have　loved　Miss　Frost。　　Our　first

impression　of　Death　and　Burial　is　associated　with　this　formless

pair。　　We　all　three　nestled　awfully　in　a　corner　one　wintry　day；

when　the　wind　was　blowing　shrill；　with　Miss　Frost's　pinafore　over

our　heads；　and　Miss　Frost　told　us　in　a　whisper　about　somebody　being

'screwed　down。'　　It　is　the　only　distinct　recollection　we　preserve

of　these　impalpable　creatures；　except　a　suspicion　that　the　manners

of　Master　Mawls　were　susceptible　of　much　improvement。　　Generally

speaking；　we　may　observe　that　whenever　we　see　a　child　intently

occupied　with　its　nose；　to　the　exclusion　of　all　other　subjects　of

interest；　our　mind　reverts；　in　a　flash；　to　Master　Mawls。



But；　the　School　that　was　Our　School　before　the　Railroad　came　and

overthrew　it；　was　quite　another　sort　of　place。　　We　were　old　enough

to　be　put　into　Virgil　when　we　went　there；　and　to　get　Prizes　for　a

variety　of　polishing　on　which　the　rust　has　long　accumulated。　　It

was　a　School　of　some　celebrity　in　its　neighbourhood　…　nobody　could

have　said　why　…　and　we　had　the　honour　to　attain　and　hold　the

eminent　position　of　first　boy。　　The　master　was　supposed　among　us　to

know　nothing；　and　one　of　the　ushers　was　supposed　to　know

everything。　　We　are　still　inclined　to　think　the　first…named

supposition　perfectly　correct。



We　have　a　general　idea　that　its　subject　had　been　in　the　leather

trade；　and　had　bought　us　…　meaning　Our　School　…　of　another

proprietor　who　was　immensely　learned。　　Whether　this　belief　had　any

real　foundation；　we　are　not　likely　ever　to　know　now。　　The　only

branches　of　education　with　which　he　showed　the　least　acquaintance；

were；　ruling　and　corporally　punishing。　　He　was　always　ruling

ciphering…books　with　a　bloated　mahogany　ruler；　or　smiting　the　palms

of　offenders　with　the　same　diabolical　instrument；　or　viciously

drawing　a　pair　of　pantaloons　tight　with　one　of　his　large　hands；　and

caning　the　wearer　with　the　other。　　We　have　no　doubt　whatever　that

this　occupation　was　the　principal　solace　of　his　existence。



A　profound　respect　for　money　pervaded　Our　School；　which　was；　of

course；　derived　from　its　Chief。　　We　remember　an　idiotic　goggle…eyed

boy；　with　a　big　head　and　half…crowns　without　end；　who　suddenly

appeared　as　a　parlour…boarder；　and　was　rumoured　to　have　come　by　sea

from　some　mysterious　part　of　the　earth　where　his　parents　rolled　in

gold。　　He　was　usually　called　'Mr。'　by　the　Chief；　and　was　said　to

feed　in　the　parlour　on　steaks　and　gravy；　likewise　to　drink　currant

wine。　　And　he　openly　stated　that　if　rolls　and　coffee　were　ever

denied　him　at　breakfast；　he　would　write　home　to　that　unknown　part

of　the　globe　from　which　he　had　come；　and　cause　himself　to　be

recalled　to　the　regions　of　gold。　　He　was　put　into　no　form　or　class；

but　learnt　alone；　as　little　as　he　liked　…　and　he　liked　very　little

…　and　there　was　a　belief　among　us　that　this　was　because　he　was　too

wealthy　to　be　'taken　down。'　　His　special　treatment；　and　our　vague

association　of　him　with　the　sea；　and　with　storms；　and　sharks；　and

Coral　Reefs　occasioned　the　wildest　legends　to　be　circulated　as　his

history。　　A　tragedy　in　blank　verse　was　written　on　the　subject　…　if

our　memory　does　not　deceive　us；　by　the　hand　that　now　chronicles

these　recollections　…　in　which　his　father　figured　as　a　Pirate；　and

was　shot　for　a　voluminous　catalogue　of　atrocities：　first　imparting

to　his　wife　the　secret　of　the　cave　in　which　his　wealth　was　stored；

and　from　which　his　only　son's　half…crowns　now　issued。　　Dumbledon

（the　boy's　name）　was　represented　as　'yet　unborn'　when　his　brave

father　met　his　fate；　and　the　despair　and　grief　of　Mrs。　Dumbledon　at

that　calamity　was　movingly　shadowed　forth　as　having　weakened　the

parlour…boarder's　mind。　　This　production　was　received　with　great

favour；　and　was　twice　performed　with　closed　doors　in　the　dining…

room。　　But；　it　got　wind；　and　was　seized　as　libellous；　and　brought

the　unlucky　poet　into　severe　affliction。　　Some　two　years

afterwards；　all　of　a　sudden　one　day；　Dumbledon　vanished。　　It　was

whispered　that　the　Chief　himself　had　taken　him　down　to　the　Docks；

and　re…shipped　him　for　the　Spanish　Main；　but　nothing　certain　was

ever　known　about　his　disappearance。　　At　this　hour；　we　cannot

thoroughly　disconnect　him　from　California。



Our　School　was　rather　famous　for　mysterious　pupils。　　There　was

another　…　a　heavy　young　man；　with　a　large　double…cased　silver

watch；　and　a　fat　knife　the　handle　of　which　was　a　perfect　tool…box　…

who　unaccountably　appeared　one　day　at　a　special　desk　of　his　own；

erected　close　to　that　of　the　Chief；　with　whom　he　held　familiar

converse。　　He　lived　in　the　parlour；　and　went　out　for　his　walks；　and

never　took　the　least　notice　of　us　…　even　of　us；　the　first　boy　…

unless　to　give　us　a　deprecatory　kick；　or　grimly　to　take　our　hat　off

and　throw　it　away；　when　he　encountered　us　out　of　doors；　which

unpleasant　ceremony　he　always　performed　as　he　passed　…　not　even

condescending　to　stop　for　the　purpose。　　Some　of　us　believed　that

the　classical　attainments　of　this　phenomenon　were　terrific；　but

that　his　penmanship　and　arithmetic　were　defective；　and　he　had　come

there　to　mend　them；　others；　that　he　was　going　to　set　up　a　school；

and　had　paid　the　Chief　'twenty…five　pound　down；'　for　leave　to　see

Our　School　at　work。　　The　gloomier　spirits　even　said　that　he　was

going　to　buy　us；　against　which　contingency；　conspiracies　were　set

on　foot　for　a　general　defection　and　running　away。　　However；　he

never　did　that。　　After　staying　for　a　quarter；　during　which　period；

though　closely　observed；　he　was　never　seen　to　do　anything　but　make

pens　out　of　quills；　write　small　hand　in　a　secret　portfolio；　and

punch　the　point　of　the　sharpest　blade　in　his　knife　into　his　desk

all　over　it；　he　too　disappeared；　and　his　place　knew　him　no　more。



There　was　another　boy；　a　fair；　meek　boy；　with　a　delicate　complexion

and　rich　curling　hair；　who；　we　found　out；　or　thought　we　found　out

（we　have　no　idea　now；　and　probably　had　none　then；　on　what　grounds；

but　it　was　confidentially　revealed　from　mouth　to　mouth）；　was　the

son　of　a　Viscount　who　had　deserted　his　lovely　mother。　　It　was

understood　that　if　he　had　his　rights；　he　would　be　worth　twenty

thousand　a　year。　　And　that　if　his　mother　ever　met　his　father；　she

would　shoot　him　with　a　silver　pistol；　which　she　carried；　always

loaded　to　the　muzzle；　for　that　purpose。　　He　was　a　very　suggestive

topic。　　So　was　a　young　Mulatto；　who　was　always　believed　（though

very　amiable）　to　have　a　dagger　about　him　somewhere。　　But；　we　think

they　were　both　outshone；　upon　the　whole；　by　another　boy　who　claimed

to　have　been　born　on　the　twenty…ninth　of　February；　and　to　have　only

one　birthday　in　five　years。　　We　suspect　this　to　have　been　a　fiction

…　but　he　lived　upon　it　all　the　time　he　was　at　Our　School。



The　principal　currency　of　Our　S