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they　sometimes　communicate　a　crushing　severity　to　stars。　　As　thus：





MEN　OF　MOONEYMOUNT。





Is　it；　or　is　it　not；　a　*　*　*　to　saddle　the　parish　with　a　debt　of

2；745　pounds　6S。　9D。；　yet　claim　to　be　a　RIGID　ECONOMIST？



Is　it；　or　is　it　not；　a　*　*　*　to　state　as　a　fact　what　is　proved　to

be　BOTH　A　MORAL　AND　A　PHYSICAL　IMPOSSIBILITY？



Is　it；　or　is　it　not；　a　*　*　*　to　call　2；745　pounds　6S。　9D。　nothing；

and　nothing；　something？



Do　you；　or　do　you　NOT　want　a　*　*　*　TO　REPRESENT　YOU　IN　THE　VESTRY？



Your　consideration　of　these　questions　is　recommended　to　you　by



A　FELLOW　PARISHIONER。





It　was　to　this　important　public　document　that　one　of　our　first

orators；　MR。　MAGG　（of　Little　Winkling　Street）；　adverted；　when　he

opened　the　great　debate　of　the　fourteenth　of　November　by　saying；

'Sir；　I　hold　in　my　hand　an　anonymous　slander'　…　and　when　the

interruption；　with　which　he　was　at　that　point　assailed　by　the

opposite　faction；　gave　rise　to　that　memorable　discussion　on　a　point

of　order　which　will　ever　be　remembered　with　interest　by

constitutional　assemblies。　　In　the　animated　debate　to　which　we

refer；　no　fewer　than　thirty…seven　gentlemen；　many　of　them　of　great

eminence；　including　MR。　WIGSBY　（of　Chumbledon　Square）；　were　seen

upon　their　legs　at　one　time；　and　it　was　on　the　same　great　occasion

that　DOGGINSON　…　regarded　in　our　Vestry　as　'a　regular　John　Bull：'

we　believe；　in　consequence　of　his　having　always　made　up　his　mind　on

every　subject　without　knowing　anything　about　it　…　informed　another

gentleman　of　similar　principles　on　the　opposite　side；　that　if　he

'cheek'd　him；'　he　would　resort　to　the　extreme　measure　of　knocking

his　blessed　head　off。



This　was　a　great　occasion。　　But；　our　Vestry　shines　habitually。　　In

asserting　its　own　pre…eminence；　for　instance；　it　is　very　strong。

On　the　least　provocation；　or　on　none；　it　will　be　clamorous　to　know

whether　it　is　to　be　'dictated　to；'　or　'trampled　on；'　or　'ridden

over　rough…shod。'　　Its　great　watchword　is　Self…government。　　That　is

to　say；　supposing　our　Vestry　to　favour　any　little　harmless　disorder

like　Typhus　Fever；　and　supposing　the　Government　of　the　country　to

be；　by　any　accident；　in　such　ridiculous　hands；　as　that　any　of　its

authorities　should　consider　it　a　duty　to　object　to　Typhus　Fever　…

obviously　an　unconstitutional　objection　…　then；　our　Vestry　cuts　in

with　a　terrible　manifesto　about　Self…government；　and　claims　its

independent　right　to　have　as　much　Typhus　Fever　as　pleases　itself。

Some　absurd　and　dangerous　persons　have　represented；　on　the　other

hand；　that　though　our　Vestry　may　be　able　to　'beat　the　bounds'　of

its　own　parish；　it　may　not　be　able　to　beat　the　bounds　of　its　own

diseases；　which　（say　they）　spread　over　the　whole　land；　in　an　ever

expanding　circle　of　waste；　and　misery；　and　death；　and　widowhood；

and　orphanage；　and　desolation。　　But；　our　Vestry　makes　short　work　of

any　such　fellows　as　these。



It　was　our　Vestry　…　pink　of　Vestries　as　it　is　…　that　in　support　of

its　favourite　principle　took　the　celebrated　ground　of　denying　the

existence　of　the　last　pestilence　that　raged　in　England；　when　the

pestilence　was　raging　at　the　Vestry　doors。　　Dogginson　said　it　was

plums；　Mr。　Wigsby　（of　Chumbledon　Square）　said　it　was　oysters；　Mr。

Magg　（of　Little　Winkling　Street）　said；　amid　great　cheering；　it　was

the　newspapers。　　The　noble　indignation　of　our　Vestry　with　that　un…

English　institution　the　Board　of　Health；　under　those　circumstances；

yields　one　of　the　finest　passages　in　its　history。　　It　wouldn't　hear

of　rescue。　　Like　Mr。　Joseph　Miller's　Frenchman；　it　would　be　drowned

and　nobody　should　save　it。　　Transported　beyond　grammar　by　its

kindled　ire；　it　spoke　in　unknown　tongues；　and　vented　unintelligible

bellowings；　more　like　an　ancient　oracle　than　the　modern　oracle　it

is　admitted　on　all　hands　to　be。　　Rare　exigencies　produce　rare

things；　and　even　our　Vestry；　new　hatched　to　the　woful　time；　came

forth　a　greater　goose　than　ever。



But　this；　again；　was　a　special　occasion。　　Our　Vestry；　at　more

ordinary　periods；　demands　its　meed　of　praise。



Our　Vestry　is　eminently　parliamentary。　　Playing　at　Parliament　is

its　favourite　game。　　It　is　even　regarded　by　some　of　its　members　as

a　chapel　of　ease　to　the　House　of　Commons：　a　Little　Go　to　be　passed

first。　　It　has　its　strangers'　gallery；　and　its　reported　debates

（see　the　Sunday　paper　before　mentioned）；　and　our　Vestrymen　are　in

and　out　of　order；　and　on　and　off　their　legs；　and　above　all　are

transcendently　quarrelsome；　after　the　pattern　of　the　real　original。



Our　Vestry　being　assembled；　Mr。　Magg　never　begs　to　trouble　Mr。

Wigsby　with　a　simple　inquiry。　　He　knows　better　than　that。　　Seeing

the　honourable　gentleman；　associated　in　their　minds　with　Chumbledon

Square；　in　his　place；　he　wishes　to　ask　that　honourable　gentleman

what　the　intentions　of　himself；　and　those　with　whom　he　acts；　may

be；　on　the　subject　of　the　paving　of　the　district　known　as　Piggleum

Buildings？　　Mr。　Wigsby　replies　（with　his　eye　on　next　Sunday's

paper）　that　in　reference　to　the　question　which　has　been　put　to　him

by　the　honourable　gentleman　opposite；　he　must　take　leave　to　say；

that　if　that　honourable　gentleman　had　had　the　courtesy　to　give　him

notice　of　that　question；　he　（Mr。　Wigsby）　would　have　consulted　with

his　colleagues　in　reference　to　the　advisability；　in　the　present

state　of　the　discussions　on　the　new　paving…rate；　of　answering　that

question。　　But；　as　the　honourable　gentleman　has　NOT　had　the

courtesy　to　give　him　notice　of　that　question　（great　cheering　from

the　Wigsby　interest）；　he　must　decline　to　give　the　honourable

gentleman　the　satisfaction　he　requires。　　Mr。　Magg；　instantly　rising

to　retort；　is　received　with　loud　cries　of　'Spoke！'　from　the　Wigsby

interest；　and　with　cheers　from　the　Magg　side　of　the　house。

Moreover；　five　gentlemen　rise　to　order；　and　one　of　them；　in　revenge

for　being　taken　no　notice　of；　petrifies　the　assembly　by　moving　that

this　Vestry　do　now　adjourn；　but；　is　persuaded　to　withdraw　that

awful　proposal；　in　consideration　of　its　tremendous　consequences　if

persevered　in。　　Mr。　Magg；　for　the　purpose　of　being　heard；　then　begs

to　move；　that　you；　sir；　do　now　pass　to　the　order　of　the　day；　and

takes　that　opportunity　of　saying；　that　if　an　honourable　gentleman

whom　he　has　in　his　eye；　and　will　not　demean　himself　by　more

particularly　naming　（oh；　oh；　and　cheers）；　supposes　that　he　is　to　be

put　down　by　clamour；　that　honourable　gentleman　…　however　supported

he　may　be；　through　thick　and　thin；　by　a　Fellow　Parishioner；　with

whom　he　is　well　acquainted　（cheers　and　counter…cheers；　Mr。　Magg

being　invariably　backed　by　the　Rate…Payer）　…　will　find　himself

mistaken。　　Upon　this；　twenty　members　of　our　Vestry　speak　in

succession　concerning　what　the　two　great　men　have　meant；　until　it

appears；　after　an　hour　and　twenty　minutes；　that　neither　of　them

meant　anything。　　Then　our　Vestry　begins　business。



We　have　said　that；　after　the　pattern　of　the　real　original；　our

Vestry　in　playing　at　Parliament　is　transcendently　quarrelsome。　　It

enjoys　a　personal　altercation　above　all　things。　　Perhaps　the　most

redoubtable　case　of　this　kind　we　have　ever　had　…　though　we　have　had

so　many　that　it　is　difficult　to　decide　…　was　that　on　which　the　last

extreme　solemnities　passed　between　Mr。　Tiddypot　（of　Gumption　House）

and　Captain　Banger　（of　Wilderness　Walk）。



In　an　adjourned　debate　on　the　question　whether　water　could　be

regarded　in　the　light　of　a　necessary　of　life；　respecting　which

there　were　great　differences　of　opinion；　and　many　shades　of

sentiment；　Mr。　Tiddypot；　in　a　powerful　burst　of　eloquence　against

that　hypothesis；　frequently　made　use　of　the　expression　that　such

and　such　a　rumour　had　'reached　his　ears。'　　Captain　Banger；

following　him；　and　holding　that；　for　purposes　of　ablution　and

refreshment；　a　pint　of　water　per　diem　was　necessary　for　every　adult

of　the　lower　classes；　and　half　a　pint　for　every　child；　cast

ridicule　upon　his　address　in　a　sparkling　speech；　and　concluded　by

saying　that　instead　of　those　rumours　having　reached　the　ears　of　the

honourable　gentleman；　he　rather　thought　the　honourable　gentleman's

ears　must　have　reached　the　rumours；　in　consequence　of　their　well…

known　length。　　Mr。　Tiddypot　immediately　rose；　looked　the　honourable

and　gallant　gentleman　full　in　the　face；　and　left　the　Vestry。



The　excitement；　at　this　moment　painfully　intense；　was　heightened　to

an　acute　degree　when　Captain　Banger　rose；　and　also　left　the　Vestry。

After　a　few　moments　of　profound　silence　…　one　of　those　breathless

pauses　never　to　be　forgotten　…　Mr。　Chib　（of　Tucket's　Terrace；　and

the　father　of　the　Vestry）　rose。　　He　said　that　words　and　looks　had

passed　in　that　assembly；　replete　with　consequences　which　every

feeling　mind　must　deplore。　　Time　pressed。　　The　sword　was　drawn；　and

while　he　spoke　the　scabbard　might　be　thrown　away。　　He　moved　that

those　honourable　gentlemen　who　had　left　the　Vestry　be　recalled；　and

required　to　pledge　themselves　upon　their　honour　that　this　affair

should　go　no　farther。　　The　motion　being　by　a　general　union　of

parties　unanimously　agreed　to　（for　everybody　wanted　to　have　the

belligerents　there；　instead　of　out　of　sight：　which　was　no　fun　at

all）；　Mr。　Magg　was　deputed　to　recover　Captain　Banger；　and　Mr。　Chib

himself　to　go　in　search　of　Mr。　Tiddypot。　　The　Captain　was　found　in

a　conspicuous　position；　surveying　the　passing　omnibuses　from　the

top　step　of　the　front…door　immediately　adjoining　the　beadle's　box；

Mr。　Tiddypot　made　a　desperate　attempt　at　resistance；　but　was

overpowered　by　Mr。　Chib　（a　remarkably　hale　old　gentleman　of　eighty…

two）；　and　brought　back　in　safety。



Mr。　Tiddypot　and　the　Captain　being　restored　to　their　places；　and

glaring　on　each　other；　were　called　upon　by　the　chair　to　abandon　all

homicidal　intentions；　and　give　the　Vestry　an　assurance　that　they

did　so。　　Mr。　Tiddypot　remained　profoundly　silent。　　The　Captain

likewise　remained　profoundly　silent；　saying　that　he　was　observed　by

those　around　him　to　fold　h