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likewise　remained　profoundly　silent；　saying　that　he　was　observed　by

those　around　him　to　fold　his　arms　like　Napoleon　Buonaparte；　and　to

snort　in　his　breathing　…　actions　but　too　expressive　of　gunpowder。



The　most　intense　emotion　now　prevailed。　　Several　members　clustered

in　remonstrance　round　the　Captain；　and　several　round　Mr。　Tiddypot；

but；　both　were　obdurate。　　Mr。　Chib　then　presented　himself　amid

tremendous　cheering；　and　said；　that　not　to　shrink　from　the

discharge　of　his　painful　duty；　he　must　now　move　that　both

honourable　gentlemen　be　taken　into　custody　by　the　beadle；　and

conveyed　to　the　nearest　police…office；　there　to　be　held　to　bail。

The　union　of　parties　still　continuing；　the　motion　was　seconded　by

Mr。　Wigsby　…　on　all　usual　occasions　Mr。　Chib's　opponent　…　and

rapturously　carried　with　only　one　dissentient　voice。　　This　was

Dogginson's；　who　said　from　his　place　'Let　'em　fight　it　out　with

fistes；'　but　whose　coarse　remark　was　received　as　it　merited。



The　beadle　now　advanced　along　the　floor　of　the　Vestry；　and　beckoned

with　his　cocked　hat　to　both　members。　　Every　breath　was　suspended。

To　say　that　a　pin　might　have　been　heard　to　fall；　would　be　feebly　to

express　the　all…absorbing　interest　and　silence。　　Suddenly；

enthusiastic　cheering　broke　out　from　every　side　of　the　Vestry。

Captain　Banger　had　risen　…　being；　in　fact；　pulled　up　by　a　friend　on

either　side；　and　poked　up　by　a　friend　behind。



The　Captain　said；　in　a　deep　determined　voice；　that　he　had　every

respect　for　that　Vestry　and　every　respect　for　that　chair；　that　he

also　respected　the　honourable　gentleman　of　Gumpton　House；　but；　that

he　respected　his　honour　more。　　Hereupon　the　Captain　sat　down；

leaving　the　whole　Vestry　much　affected。　　Mr。　Tiddypot　instantly

rose；　and　was　received　with　the　same　encouragement。　　He　likewise

said　…　and　the　exquisite　art　of　this　orator　communicated　to　the

observation　an　air　of　freshness　and　novelty　…　that　he　too　had　every

respect　for　that　Vestry；　that　he　too　had　every　respect　for　that

chair。　　That　he　too　respected　the　honourable　and　gallant　gentleman

of　Wilderness　Walk；　but；　that　he　too　respected　his　honour　more。

'Hows'ever；'　added　the　distinguished　Vestryman；　'if　the　honourable

and　gallant　gentleman's　honour　is　never　more　doubted　and　damaged

than　it　is　by　me；　he's　all　right。'　　Captain　Banger　immediately

started　up　again；　and　said　that　after　those　observations；　involving

as　they　did　ample　concession　to　his　honour　without　compromising　the

honour　of　the　honourable　gentleman；　he　would　be　wanting　in　honour

as　well　as　in　generosity；　if　he　did　not　at　once　repudiate　all

intention　of　wounding　the　honour　of　the　honourable　gentleman；　or

saying　anything　dishonourable　to　his　honourable　feelings。　　These

observations　were　repeatedly　interrupted　by　bursts　of　cheers。　　Mr。

Tiddypot　retorted　that　he　well　knew　the　spirit　of　honour　by　which

the　honourable　and　gallant　gentleman　was　so　honourably　animated；

and　that　he　accepted　an　honourable　explanation；　offered　in　a　way

that　did　him　honour；　but；　he　trusted　that　the　Vestry　would　consider

that　his　（Mr。　Tiddypot's）　honour　had　imperatively　demanded　of　him

that　painful　course　which　he　had　felt　it　due　to　his　honour　to

adopt。　　The　Captain　and　Mr。　Tiddypot　then　touched　their　hats　to　one

another　across　the　Vestry；　a　great　many　times；　and　it　is　thought

that　these　proceedings　（reported　to　the　extent　of　several　columns

in　next　Sunday's　paper）　will　bring　them　in　as　church…wardens　next

year。



All　this　was　strictly　after　the　pattern　of　the　real　original；　and

so　are　the　whole　of　our　Vestry's　proceedings。　　In　all　their

debates；　they　are　laudably　imitative　of　the　windy　and　wordy　slang

of　the　real　original；　and　of　nothing　that　is　better　in　it。　　They

have　head…strong　party　animosities；　without　any　reference　to　the

merits　of　questions；　they　tack　a　surprising　amount　of　debate　to　a

very　little　business；　they　set　more　store　by　forms　than　they　do　by

substances：　…　all　very　like　the　real　original！　　It　has　been　doubted

in　our　borough；　whether　our　Vestry　is　of　any　utility；　but　our　own

conclusion　is；　that　it　is　of　the　use　to　the　Borough　that　a

diminishing　mirror　is　to　a　painter；　as　enabling　it　to　perceive　in　a

small　focus　of　absurdity　all　the　surface　defects　of　the　real

original。







OUR　BORE







IT　is　unnecessary　to　say　that　we　keep　a　bore。　　Everybody　does。

But；　the　bore　whom　we　have　the　pleasure　and　honour　of　enumerating

among　our　particular　friends；　is　such　a　generic　bore；　and　has　so

many　traits　（as　it　appears　to　us）　in　common　with　the　great　bore

family；　that　we　are　tempted　to　make　him　the　subject　of　the　present

notes。　　May　he　be　generally　accepted！



Our　bore　is　admitted　on　all　hands　to　be　a　good…hearted　man。　　He　may

put　fifty　people　out　of　temper；　but　he　keeps　his　own。　　He　preserves

a　sickly　solid　smile　upon　his　face；　when　other　faces　are　ruffled　by

the　perfection　he　has　attained　in　his　art；　and　has　an　equable　voice

which　never　travels　out　of　one　key　or　rises　above　one　pitch。　　His

manner　is　a　manner　of　tranquil　interest。　　None　of　his　opinions　are

startling。　　Among　his　deepest…rooted　convictions；　it　may　be

mentioned　that　he　considers　the　air　of　England　damp；　and　holds　that

our　lively　neighbours　…　he　always　calls　the　French　our　lively

neighbours　…　have　the　advantage　of　us　in　that　particular。

Nevertheless　he　is　unable　to　forget　that　John　Bull　is　John　Bull　all

the　world　over；　and　that　England　with　all　her　faults　is　England

still。



Our　bore　has　travelled。　　He　could　not　possibly　be　a　complete　bore

without　having　travelled。　　He　rarely　speaks　of　his　travels　without

introducing；　sometimes　on　his　own　plan　of　construction；　morsels　of

the　language　of　the　country　…　which　he　always　translates。　　You

cannot　name　to　him　any　little　remote　town　in　France；　Italy；

Germany；　or　Switzerland　but　he　knows　it　well；　stayed　there　a

fortnight　under　peculiar　circumstances。　　And　talking　of　that　little

place；　perhaps　you　know　a　statue　over　an　old　fountain；　up　a　little

court；　which　is　the　second　…　no；　the　third　…　stay　…　yes；　the　third

turning　on　the　right；　after　you　come　out　of　the　Post…house；　going

up　the　hill　towards　the　market？　　You　DON'T　know　that　statue？　　Nor

that　fountain？　　You　surprise　him！　　They　are　not　usually　seen　by

travellers　（most　extraordinary；　he　has　never　yet　met　with　a　single

traveller　who　knew　them；　except　one　German；　the　most　intelligent

man　he　ever　met　in　his　life！）　but　he　thought　that　YOU　would　have

been　the　man　to　find　them　out。　　And　then　he　describes　them；　in　a

circumstantial　lecture　half　an　hour　long；　generally　delivered

behind　a　door　which　is　constantly　being　opened　from　the　other　side；

and　implores　you；　if　you　ever　revisit　that　place；　now　do　go　and

look　at　that　statue　and　fountain！



Our　bore；　in　a　similar　manner；　being　in　Italy；　made　a　discovery　of

a　dreadful　picture；　which　has　been　the　terror　of　a　large　portion　of

the　civilized　world　ever　since。　　We　have　seen　the　liveliest　men

paralysed　by　it；　across　a　broad　dining…table。　　He　was　lounging

among　the　mountains；　sir；　basking　in　the　mellow　influences　of　the

climate；　when　he　came　to　UNA　PICCOLA　CHIESA　…　a　little　church　…　or

perhaps　it　would　be　more　correct　to　say　UNA　PICCOLISSIMA　CAPPELLA　…

the　smallest　chapel　you　can　possibly　imagine　…　and　walked　in。

There　was　nobody　inside　but　a　CIECO　…　a　blind　man　…　saying　his

prayers；　and　a　VECCHIO　PADRE　…　old　friar…rattling　a　money…box。

But；　above　the　head　of　that　friar；　and　immediately　to　the　right　of

the　altar　as　you　enter　…　to　the　right　of　the　altar？　　No。　　To　the

left　of　the　altar　as　you　enter　…　or　say　near　the　centre　…　there

hung　a　painting　（subject；　Virgin　and　Child）　so　divine　in　its

expression；　so　pure　and　yet　so　warm　and　rich　in　its　tone；　so　fresh

in　its　touch；　at　once　so　glowing　in　its　colour　and　so　statuesque　in

its　repose；　that　our　bore　cried　out　in　ecstasy；　'That's　the　finest

picture　in　Italy！'　　And　so　it　is；　sir。　　There　is　no　doubt　of　it。

It　is　astonishing　that　that　picture　is　so　little　known。　　Even　the

painter　is　uncertain。　　He　afterwards　took　Blumb；　of　the　Royal

Academy　（it　is　to　be　observed　that　our　bore　takes　none　but　eminent

people　to　see　sights；　and　that　none　but　eminent　people　take　our

bore）；　and　you　never　saw　a　man　so　affected　in　your　life　as　Blumb

was。　　He　cried　like　a　child！　　And　then　our　bore　begins　his

description　in　detail　…　for　all　this　is　introductory　…　and

strangles　his　hearers　with　the　folds　of　the　purple　drapery。



By　an　equally　fortunate　conjunction　of　accidental　circumstances；　it

happened　that　when　our　bore　was　in　Switzerland；　he　discovered　a

Valley；　of　that　superb　character；　that　Chamouni　is　not　to　be

mentioned　in　the　same　breath　with　it。　　This　is　how　it　was；　sir。　　He

was　travelling　on　a　mule　…　had　been　in　the　saddle　some　days　…　when；

as　he　and　the　guide；　Pierre　Blanquo：　whom　you　may　know；　perhaps？　…

our　bore　is　sorry　you　don't；　because　he's　the　only　guide　deserving

of　the　name　…　as　he　and　Pierre　were　descending；　towards　evening；

among　those　everlasting　snows；　to　the　little　village　of　La　Croix；

our　bore　observed　a　mountain　track　turning　off　sharply　to　the

right。　　At　first　he　was　uncertain　whether　it　WAS　a　track　at　all；

and　in　fact；　he　said　to　Pierre；　'QU'EST　QUE　C'EST　DONC；　MON　AMI？　…

What　is　that；　my　friend？　　'Ou；　MONSIEUR！'　said　Pierre　…　'Where；

sir？'　'　La！　…　there！'　said　our　bore。　　'MONSIEUR；　CE　N'EST　RIEN　DE

TOUT　…　sir；　it's　nothing　at　all；'　said　Pierre。　　'ALLONS！　…　Make

haste。　　IL　VA　NEIGET　…　it's　going　to　snow！'　　But；　our　bore　was　not

to　be　done　in　that　way；　and　he　firmly　replied；　'I　wish　to　go　in

that　direction　…　JE　VEUX　Y　ALLER。　　I　am　bent　upon　it　…　JE　SUIS

DETERMINE。　　EN　AVANT！　…　go　ahead！'　　In　consequence　of　which

firmness　on　our　bore's　part；　they　proceeded；　sir；　during　two　hours

of　evening；　and　three　of　moonlight　（they　waited　in　a　cavern　till

the　moon　was　up）；　along　the　slenderest　track；　overhanging

perpendicularly　the　most　awful　gulfs；　until　they　arrived；　by