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perpendicularly　the　most　awful　gulfs；　until　they　arrived；　by　a

winding　descent；　in　a　valley　that　possibly；　and　he　may　say

probably；　was　never　visited　by　any　stranger　before。　　What　a　valley！

Mountains　piled　on　mountains；　avalanches　stemmed　by　pine　forests；

waterfalls；　chalets；　mountain…torrents；　wooden　bridges；　every

conceivable　picture　of　Swiss　scenery！　　The　whole　village　turned　out

to　receive　our　bore。　　The　peasant　girls　kissed　him；　the　men　shook

hands　with　him；　one　old　lady　of　benevolent　appearance　wept　upon　his

breast。　　He　was　conducted；　in　a　primitive　triumph；　to　the　little

inn：　where　he　was　taken　ill　next　morning；　and　lay　for　six　weeks；

attended　by　the　amiable　hostess　（the　same　benevolent　old　lady　who

had　wept　over　night）　and　her　charming　daughter；　Fanchette。　　It　is

nothing　to　say　that　they　were　attentive　to　him；　they　doted　on　him。

They　called　him　in　their　simple　way；　L'ANGE　ANGLAIS　…　the　English

Angel。　　When　our　bore　left　the　valley；　there　was　not　a　dry　eye　in

the　place；　some　of　the　people　attended　him　for　miles。　　He　begs　and

entreats　of　you　as　a　personal　favour；　that　if　you　ever　go　to

Switzerland　again　（you　have　mentioned　that　your　last　visit　was　your

twenty…third）；　you　will　go　to　that　valley；　and　see　Swiss　scenery

for　the　first　time。　　And　if　you　want　really　to　know　the　pastoral

people　of　Switzerland；　and　to　understand　them；　mention；　in　that

valley；　our　bore's　name！



Our　bore　has　a　crushing　brother　in　the　East；　who；　somehow　or　other；

was　admitted　to　smoke　pipes　with　Mehemet　Ali；　and　instantly　became

an　authority　on　the　whole　range　of　Eastern　matters；　from　Haroun

Alraschid　to　the　present　Sultan。　　He　is　in　the　habit　of　expressing

mysterious　opinions　on　this　wide　range　of　subjects；　but　on

questions　of　foreign　policy　more　particularly；　to　our　bore；　in

letters；　and　our　bore　is　continually　sending　bits　of　these　letters

to　the　newspapers　（which　they　never　insert）；　and　carrying　other

bits　about　in　his　pocket…book。　　It　is　even　whispered　that　he　has

been　seen　at　the　Foreign　Office；　receiving　great　consideration　from

the　messengers；　and　having　his　card　promptly　borne　into　the

sanctuary　of　the　temple。　　The　havoc　committed　in　society　by　this

Eastern　brother　is　beyond　belief。　　Our　bore　is　always　ready　with

him。　　We　have　known　our　bore　to　fall　upon　an　intelligent　young

sojourner　in　the　wilderness；　in　the　first　sentence　of　a　narrative；

and　beat　all　confidence　out　of　him　with　one　blow　of　his　brother。

He　became　omniscient；　as　to　foreign　policy；　in　the　smoking　of　those

pipes　with　Mehemet　Ali。　　The　balance　of　power　in　Europe；　the

machinations　of　the　Jesuits；　the　gentle　and　humanising　influence　of

Austria；　the　position　and　prospects　of　that　hero　of　the　noble　soul

who　is　worshipped　by　happy　France；　are　all　easy　reading　to　our

bore's　brother。　　And　our　bore　is　so　provokingly　self…denying　about

him！　　'I　don't　pretend　to　more　than　a　very　general　knowledge　of

these　subjects　myself；'　says　he；　after　enervating　the　intellects　of

several　strong　men；　'but　these　are　my　brother's　opinions；　and　I

believe　he　is　known　to　be　well…informed。'



The　commonest　incidents　and　places　would　appear　to　have　been　made

special；　expressly　for　our　bore。　　Ask　him　whether　he　ever　chanced

to　walk；　between　seven　and　eight　in　the　morning；　down　St。　James's

Street；　London；　and　he　will　tell　you；　never　in　his　life　but　once。

But；　it's　curious　that　that　once　was　in　eighteen　thirty；　and　that

as　our　bore　was　walking　down　the　street　you　have　just　mentioned；　at

the　hour　you　have　just　mentioned　…　half…past　seven　…　or　twenty

minutes　to　eight。　　No！　　Let　him　be　correct！　…　exactly　a　quarter

before　eight　by　the　palace　clock　…　he　met　a　fresh…coloured；　grey…

haired；　good…humoured　looking　gentleman；　with　a　brown　umbrella；

who；　as　he　passed　him；　touched　his　hat　and　said；　'Fine　morning；

sir；　fine　morning！'　…　William　the　Fourth！



Ask　our　bore　whether　he　has　seen　Mr。　Barry's　new　Houses　of

Parliament；　and　he　will　reply　that　he　has　not　yet　inspected　them

minutely；　but；　that　you　remind　him　that　it　was　his　singular　fortune

to　be　the　last　man　to　see　the　old　Houses　of　Parliament　before　the

fire　broke　out。　　It　happened　in　this　way。　　Poor　John　Spine；　the

celebrated　novelist；　had　taken　him　over　to　South　Lambeth　to　read　to

him　the　last　few　chapters　of　what　was　certainly　his　best　book　…　as

our　bore　told　him　at　the　time；　adding；　'Now；　my　dear　John；　touch

it；　and　you'll　spoil　it！'　…　and　our　bore　was　going　back　to　the　club

by　way　of　Millbank　and　Parliament　Street；　when　he　stopped　to　think

of　Canning；　and　look　at　the　Houses　of　Parliament。　　Now；　you　know

far　more　of　the　philosophy　of　Mind　than　our　bore　does；　and　are　much

better　able　to　explain　to　him　than　he　is　to　explain　to　you　why　or

wherefore；　at　that　particular　time；　the　thought　of　fire　should　come

into　his　head。　　But；　it　did。　　It　did。　　He　thought；　What　a　national

calamity　if　an　edifice　connected　with　so　many　associations　should

be　consumed　by　fire！　　At　that　time　there　was　not　a　single　soul　in

the　street　but　himself。　　All　was　quiet；　dark；　and　solitary。　　After

contemplating　the　building　for　a　minute　…　or；　say　a　minute　and　a

half；　not　more　…　our　bore　proceeded　on　his　way；　mechanically

repeating；　What　a　national　calamity　if　such　an　edifice；　connected

with　such　associations；　should　be　destroyed　by　…　A　man　coming

towards　him　in　a　violent　state　of　agitation　completed　the　sentence；

with　the　exclamation；　Fire！　　Our　bore　looked　round；　and　the　whole

structure　was　in　a　blaze。



In　harmony　and　union　with　these　experiences；　our　bore　never　went

anywhere　in　a　steamboat　but　he　made　either　the　best　or　the　worst

voyage　ever　known　on　that　station。　　Either　he　overheard　the　captain

say　to　himself；　with　his　hands　clasped；　'We　are　all　lost！'　or　the

captain　openly　declared　to　him　that　he　had　never　made　such　a　run

before；　and　never　should　be　able　to　do　it　again。　　Our　bore　was　in

that　express　train　on　that　railway；　when　they　made　（unknown　to　the

passengers）　the　experiment　of　going　at　the　rate　of　a　hundred　to

miles　an　hour。　　Our　bore　remarked　on　that　occasion　to　the　other

people　in　the　carriage；　'This　is　too　fast；　but　sit　still！'　　He　was

at　the　Norwich　musical　festival　when　the　extraordinary　echo　for

which　science　has　been　wholly　unable　to　account；　was　heard　for　the

first　and　last　time。　　He　and　the　bishop　heard　it　at　the　same

moment；　and　caught　each　other's　eye。　　He　was　present　at　that

illumination　of　St。　Peter's；　of　which　the　Pope　is　known　to　have

remarked；　as　he　looked　at　it　out　of　his　window　in　the　Vatican；　'O

CIELO！　　QUESTA　COSA　NON　SARA　FATTA；　MAI　ANCORA；　COME　QUESTA　…　O

Heaven！　this　thing　will　never　be　done　again；　like　this！'　　He　has

seen　every　lion　he　ever　saw；　under　some　remarkably　propitious

circumstances。　　He　knows　there　is　no　fancy　in　it；　because　in　every

case　the　showman　mentioned　the　fact　at　the　time；　and　congratulated

him　upon　it。



At　one　period　of　his　life；　our　bore　had　an　illness。　　It　was　an

illness　of　a　dangerous　character　for　society　at　large。　　Innocently

remark　that　you　are　very　well；　or　that　somebody　else　is　very　well；

and　our　bore；　with　a　preface　that　one　never　knows　what　a　blessing

health　is　until　one　has　lost　it；　is　reminded　of　that　illness；　and

drags　you　through　the　whole　of　its　symptoms；　progress；　and

treatment。　　Innocently　remark　that　you　are　not　well；　or　that

somebody　else　is　not　well；　and　the　same　inevitable　result　ensues。

You　will　learn　how　our　bore　felt　a　tightness　about　here；　sir；　for

which　he　couldn't　account；　accompanied　with　a　constant　sensation　as

if　he　were　being　stabbed　…　or；　rather；　jobbed　…　that　expresses　it

more　correctly　…　jobbed　…　with　a　blunt　knife。　　Well；　sir！　　This

went　on；　until　sparks　began　to　flit　before　his　eyes；　water…wheels

to　turn　round　in　his　head；　and　hammers　to　beat　incessantly；　thump；

thump；　thump；　all　down　his　back　…　along　the　whole　of　the　spinal

vertebrae。　　Our　bore；　when　his　sensations　had　come　to　this；　thought

it　a　duty　he　owed　to　himself　to　take　advice；　and　he　said；　Now；　whom

shall　I　consult？　　He　naturally　thought　of　Callow；　at　that　time　one

of　the　most　eminent　physicians　in　London；　and　he　went　to　Callow。

Callow　said；　'Liver！'　and　prescribed　rhubarb　and　calomel；　low　diet；

and　moderate　exercise。　　Our　bore　went　on　with　this　treatment；

getting　worse　every　day；　until　he　lost　confidence　in　Callow；　and

went　to　Moon；　whom　half　the　town　was　then　mad　about。　　Moon　was

interested　in　the　case；　to　do　him　justice　he　was　very　much

interested　in　the　case；　and　he　said；　'Kidneys！'　　He　altered　the

whole　treatment；　sir　…　gave　strong　acids；　cupped；　and　blistered。

This　went　on；　our　bore　still　getting　worse　every　day；　until　he

openly　told　Moon　it　would　be　a　satisfaction　to　him　if　he　would　have

a　consultation　with　Clatter。　　The　moment　Clatter　saw　our　bore；　he

said；　'Accumulation　of　fat　about　the　heart！'　　Snugglewood；　who　was

called　in　with　him；　differed；　and　said；　'Brain！'　　But；　what　they

all　agreed　upon　was；　to　lay　our　bore　upon　his　back；　to　shave　his

head；　to　leech　him；　to　administer　enormous　quantities　of　medicine；

and　to　keep　him　low；　so　that　he　was　reduced　to　a　mere　shadow；　you

wouldn't　have　known　him；　and　nobody　considered　it　possible　that　he

could　ever　recover。　　This　was　his　condition；　sir；　when　he　heard　of

Jilkins　…　at　that　period　in　a　very　small　practice；　and　living　in

the　upper　part　of　a　house　in　Great　Portland　Street；　but　still；　you

understand；　with　a　rising　reputation　among　the　few　people　to　whom

he　was　known。　　Being　in　that　condition　in　which　a　drowning　man

catches　at　a　straw；　our　bore　sent　for　Jilkins。　　Jilkins　came。　　Our

bore　liked　his　eye；　and　said；　'Mr。　Jilkins；　I　have　a　presentiment

that　you　will　do　me　good。'　　Jilkins's　reply　was　characteristic　of

the　man。　　It　was；　'Sir；　I　mean　to　do　you　good。'　　This　confirmed　our

bore's　opinion　of　his　eye；　and　they　went　into　the　case　together　…

went　completely　into　it。　　Jilkins　then　got　up；　walked　across　the

room；　came　back；　and　sat　down。　　His　words