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consolation；　we　replied；　'Sir；　your　servant　is　always　sick　when　it

is　possible　to　be　so。'　　He　returned；　altogether　uncheered　by　the

bright　example；　'Ah；　Heaven；　but　I　am　always　sick；　even　when　it　is

IMpossible　to　be　so。'



The　means　of　communication　between　the　French　capital　and　our

French　watering…place　are　wholly　changed　since　those　days；　but；　the

Channel　remains　unbridged　as　yet；　and　the　old　floundering　and

knocking　about　go　on　there。　　It　must　be　confessed　that　saving　in

reasonable　（and　therefore　rare）　sea…weather；　the　act　of　arrival　at

our　French　watering…place　from　England　is　difficult　to　be　achieved

with　dignity。　　Several　little　circumstances　combine　to　render　the

visitor　an　object　of　humiliation。　　In　the　first　place；　the　steamer

no　sooner　touches　the　port；　than　all　the　passengers　fall　into

captivity：　being　boarded　by　an　overpowering　force　of　Custom…house

officers；　and　marched　into　a　gloomy　dungeon。　　In　the　second　place；

the　road　to　this　dungeon　is　fenced　off　with　ropes　breast…high；　and

outside　those　ropes　all　the　English　in　the　place　who　have　lately

been　sea…sick　and　are　now　well；　assemble　in　their　best　clothes　to

enjoy　the　degradation　of　their　dilapidated　fellow…creatures。　　'Oh；

my　gracious！　how　ill　this　one　has　been！'　　'Here's　a　damp　one　coming

next！'　　'HERE'S　a　pale　one！'　　'Oh！　　Ain't　he　green　in　the　face；

this　next　one！'　　Even　we　ourself　（not　deficient　in　natural　dignity）

have　a　lively　remembrance　of　staggering　up　this　detested　lane　one

September　day　in　a　gale　of　wind；　when　we　were　received　like　an

irresistible　comic　actor；　with　a　burst　of　laughter　and　applause；

occasioned　by　the　extreme　imbecility　of　our　legs。



We　were　coming　to　the　third　place。　　In　the　third　place；　the

captives；　being　shut　up　in　the　gloomy　dungeon；　are　strained；　two　or

three　at　a　time；　into　an　inner　cell；　to　be　examined　as　to

passports；　and　across　the　doorway　of　communication；　stands　a

military　creature　making　a　bar　of　his　arm。　　Two　ideas　are　generally

present　to　the　British　mind　during　these　ceremonies；　first；　that　it

is　necessary　to　make　for　the　cell　with　violent　struggles；　as　if　it

were　a　life…boat　and　the　dungeon　a　ship　going　down；　secondly；　that

the　military　creature's　arm　is　a　national　affront；　which　the

government　at　home　ought　instantly　to　'take　up。'　　The　British　mind

and　body　becoming　heated　by　these　fantasies；　delirious　answers　are

made　to　inquiries；　and　extravagant　actions　performed。　　Thus；

Johnson　persists　in　giving　Johnson　as　his　baptismal　name；　and

substituting　for　his　ancestral　designation　the　national　'Dam！'

Neither　can　he　by　any　means　be　brought　to　recognise　the　distinction

between　a　portmanteau…key　and　a　passport；　but　will　obstinately

persevere　in　tendering　the　one　when　asked　for　the　other。　　This

brings　him　to　the　fourth　place；　in　a　state　of　mere　idiotcy；　and

when　he　is；　in　the　fourth　place；　cast　out　at　a　little　door　into　a

howling　wilderness　of　touters；　he　becomes　a　lunatic　with　wild　eyes

and　floating　hair　until　rescued　and　soothed。　　If　friendless　and

unrescued；　he　is　generally　put　into　a　railway　omnibus　and　taken　to

Paris。



But；　our　French　watering…place；　when　it　is　once　got　into；　is　a　very

enjoyable　place。　　It　has　a　varied　and　beautiful　country　around　it；

and　many　characteristic　and　agreeable　things　within　it。　　To　be

sure；　it　might　have　fewer　bad　smells　and　less　decaying　refuse；　and

it　might　be　better　drained；　and　much　cleaner　in　many　parts；　and

therefore　infinitely　more　healthy。　　Still；　it　is　a　bright；　airy；

pleasant；　cheerful　town；　and　if　you　were　to　walk　down　either　of　its

three　well…paved　main　streets；　towards　five　o'clock　in　the

afternoon；　when　delicate　odours　of　cookery　fill　the　air；　and　its

hotel　windows　（it　is　full　of　hotels）　give　glimpses　of　long　tables

set　out　for　dinner；　and　made　to　look　sumptuous　by　the　aid　of

napkins　folded　fan…wise；　you　would　rightly　judge　it　to　be　an

uncommonly　good　town　to　eat　and　drink　in。



We　have　an　old　walled　town；　rich　in　cool　public　wells　of　water；　on

the　top　of　a　hill　within　and　above　the　present　business…town；　and

if　it　were　some　hundreds　of　miles　further　from　England；　instead　of

being；　on　a　clear　day；　within　sight　of　the　grass　growing　in　the

crevices　of　the　chalk…cliffs　of　Dover；　you　would　long　ago　have　been

bored　to　death　about　that　town。　　It　is　more　picturesque　and　quaint

than　half　the　innocent　places　which　tourists；　following　their

leader　like　sheep；　have　made　impostors　of。　　To　say　nothing　of　its

houses　with　grave　courtyards；　its　queer　by…corners；　and　its　many…

windowed　streets　white　and　quiet　in　the　sunlight；　there　is　an

ancient　belfry　in　it　that　would　have　been　in　all　the　Annuals　and

Albums；　going　and　gone；　these　hundred　years　if　it　had　but　been　more

expensive　to　get　at。　　Happily　it　has　escaped　so　well；　being　only　in

our　French　watering…place；　that　you　may　like　it　of　your　own　accord

in　a　natural　manner；　without　being　required　to　go　into　convulsions

about　it。　　We　regard　it　as　one　of　the　later　blessings　of　our　life；

that　BILKINS；　the　only　authority　on　Taste；　never　took　any　notice

that　we　can　find　out；　of　our　French　watering…place。　　Bilkins　never

wrote　about　it；　never　pointed　out　anything　to　be　seen　in　it；　never

measured　anything　in　it；　always　left　it　alone。　　For　which　relief；

Heaven　bless　the　town　and　the　memory　of　the　immortal　Bilkins

likewise！



There　is　a　charming　walk；　arched　and　shaded　by　trees；　on　the　old

walls　that　form　the　four　sides　of　this　High　Town；　whence　you　get

glimpses　of　the　streets　below；　and　changing　views　of　the　other　town

and　of　the　river；　and　of　the　hills　and　of　the　sea。　　It　is　made　more

agreeable　and　peculiar　by　some　of　the　solemn　houses　that　are　rooted

in　the　deep　streets　below；　bursting　into　a　fresher　existence　a…top；

and　having　doors　and　windows；　and　even　gardens；　on　these　ramparts。

A　child　going　in　at　the　courtyard　gate　of　one　of　these　houses；

climbing　up　the　many　stairs；　and　coming　out　at　the　fourth…floor

window；　might　conceive　himself　another　Jack；　alighting　on　enchanted

ground　from　another　bean…stalk。　　It　is　a　place　wonderfully　populous

in　children；　English　children；　with　governesses　reading　novels　as

they　walk　down　the　shady　lanes　of　trees；　or　nursemaids

interchanging　gossip　on　the　seats；　French　children　with　their

smiling　bonnes　in　snow…white　caps；　and　themselves　…　if　little　boys

…　in　straw　head…gear　like　bee…hives；　work…baskets　and　church

hassocks。　　Three　years　ago；　there　were　three　weazen　old　men；　one

bearing　a　frayed　red　ribbon　in　his　threadbare　button…hole；　always

to　be　found　walking　together　among　these　children；　before　dinner…

time。　　If　they　walked　for　an　appetite；　they　doubtless　lived　en

pension　…　were　contracted　for　…　otherwise　their　poverty　would　have

made　it　a　rash　action。　　They　were　stooping；　blear…eyed；　dull　old

men；　slip…shod　and　shabby；　in　long…skirted　short…waisted　coats　and

meagre　trousers；　and　yet　with　a　ghost　of　gentility　hovering　in

their　company。　　They　spoke　little　to　each　other；　and　looked　as　if

they　might　have　been　politically　discontented　if　they　had　had

vitality　enough。　　Once；　we　overheard　red…ribbon　feebly　complain　to

the　other　two　that　somebody；　or　something；　was　'a　Robber；'　and　then

they　all　three　set　their　mouths　so　that　they　would　have　ground

their　teeth　if　they　had　had　any。　　The　ensuing　winter　gathered　red…

ribbon　unto　the　great　company　of　faded　ribbons；　and　next　year　the

remaining　two　were　there　…　getting　themselves　entangled　with　hoops

and　dolls　…　familiar　mysteries　to　the　children　…　probably　in　the

eyes　of　most　of　them；　harmless　creatures　who　had　never　been　like

children；　and　whom　children　could　never　be　like。　　Another　winter

came；　and　another　old　man　went；　and　so；　this　present　year；　the　last

of　the　triumvirate；　left　off　walking　…　it　was　no　good；　now　…　and

sat　by　himself　on　a　little　solitary　bench；　with　the　hoops　and　the

dolls　as　lively　as　ever　all　about　him。



In　the　Place　d'Armes　of　this　town；　a　little　decayed　market　is　held；

which　seems　to　slip　through　the　old　gateway；　like　water；　and　go

rippling　down　the　hill；　to　mingle　with　the　murmuring　market　in　the

lower　town；　and　get　lost　in　its　movement　and　bustle。　　It　is　very

agreeable　on　an　idle　summer　morning　to　pursue　this　market…stream

from　the　hill…top。　　It　begins；　dozingly　and　dully；　with　a　few　sacks

of　corn；　starts　into　a　surprising　collection　of　boots　and　shoes；

goes　brawling　down　the　hill　in　a　diversified　channel　of　old

cordage；　old　iron；　old　crockery；　old　clothes；　civil　and　military；

old　rags；　new　cotton　goods；　flaming　prints　of　saints；　little

looking…glasses；　and　incalculable　lengths　of　tape；　dives　into　a

backway；　keeping　out　of　sight　for　a　little　while；　as　streams　will；

or　only　sparkling　for　a　moment　in　the　shape　of　a　market　drinking…

shop；　and　suddenly　reappears　behind　the　great　church；　shooting

itself　into　a　bright　confusion　of　white…capped　women　and　blue…

bloused　men；　poultry；　vegetables；　fruits；　flowers；　pots；　pans；

praying…chairs；　soldiers；　country　butter；　umbrellas　and　other　sun…

shades；　girl…porters　waiting　to　be　hired　with　baskets　at　their

backs；　and　one　weazen　little　old　man　in　a　cocked　hat；　wearing　a

cuirass　of　drinking…glasses　and　carrying　on　his　shoulder　a　crimson

temple　fluttering　with　flags；　like　a　glorified　pavior's　rammer

without　the　handle；　who　rings　a　little　bell　in　all　parts　of　the

scene；　and　cries　his　cooling　drink　Hola；　Hola；　Ho…o…o！　in　a　shrill

cracked　voice　that　somehow　makes　itself　heard；　above　all　the

chaffering　and　vending　hum。　　Early　in　the　afternoon；　the　whole

course　of　the　stream　is　dry。　　The　praying…chairs　are　put　back　in

the　church；　the　umbrellas　are　folded　up；　the　unsold　goods　are

carried　away；　the　stalls　and　stands　disappear；　the　square　is　swept；

the　hackney　coaches　lounge　there　to　be　hired；　and　on　all　the

country　roads　（if　you　walk　about；　as　much　as　we　do）　you　will　see

the　peasant　women；　always　neatly　and　comfortably　dressed；　riding

home；　with　the　pleasantest　saddle…furniture