my discovery of england-第23部分
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nd as an attempt to reproduce phonetically a dialect； it is not intended that the spelling itself should be thought funny； but the dialect that it represents。 But the effect； on the whole； is tiresome。 A little dose of the humour of Lancashire or Somerset or Yorkshire pronunciation may be all right； but a whole page of it looks like the gibbering of chimpanzees set down on paper。
In America also we run perpetually to the （supposed） humour of slang； a form not used in England。 If we were to analyse what we mean by slang I think it would be found to consist of the introduction of new metaphors or new forms of language of a metaphorical character； strained almost to the breaking point。 Sometimes we do it with a single word。 When some genius discovers that a 〃hat〃 is really only 〃a lid〃 placed on top of a human being； straightway the word 〃lid〃 goes rippling over the continent。 Similarly a woman becomes a 〃skirt；〃 and so on ad infinitum。
These words presently either disappear or else retain a permanent place； being slang no longer。 No doubt half our words； if not all of them； were once slang。 Even within our own memory we can see the whole process carried through； 〃cinch〃 once sounded funny； it is now standard American…English。 But other slang is made up of descriptive phrases。 At the best； these slang phrases areat least we think they areextremely funny。 But they are funniest when newly coined； and it takes a master hand to coin them well。 For a supreme example of wild vagaries of language used for humour； one might take O。 Henry's 〃Gentle Grafter。〃 But here the imitation is as easy as it is tiresome。 The invention of pointless slang phrases without real suggestion or merit is one of our most familiar forms of factory…made humour。 Now the English people are apt to turn away from the whole field of slang。 In the first place it puzzles themthey don't know whether each particular word or phrase is a sort of idiom already known to Americans； or something （as with O。 Henry） never said before and to be analysed for its own sake。 The result is that with the English public the great mass of American slang writing （genius apart） doesn't go。 I have even found English people of undoubted literary taste repelled from such a master as O。 Henry （now read by millions in England） because at first sight they get the impression that it is 〃all American slang。〃
Another point in which American humour； or at least the form which it takes； differs notably from British； is in the matter of story telling。 It was a great surprise to me the first time I went out to a dinner party in London to find that my host did not open the dinner by telling a funny story； that the guests did not then sit silent trying to 〃think of another〃； that some one did not presently break silence by saying； 〃I heard a good one the other day；〃and so forth。 And I realised that in this respect English society is luckier than ours。
It is my candid opinion that no man ought to be allowed to tell a funny story or anecdote without a license。 We insist rightly enough that every taxi…driver must have a license； and the same principle should apply to anybody who proposes to act as a raconteur。 Telling a story is a difficult thingquite as difficult as driving a taxi。 And the risks of failure and accident and the unfortunate consequences of such to the public； if not exactly identical； are； at any rate； analogous。
This is a point of view not generally appreciated。 A man is apt to think that just because he has heard a good story he is able and entitled to repeat it。 He might as well undertake to do a snake dance merely because he has seen Madame Pavlowa do one。 The point of a story is apt to lie in the telling； or at least to depend upon it in a； high degree。 Certain stories； it is true； depend so much on the final point； or 〃nub；〃 as we Americans call it； that they are almost fool…proof。 But even these can be made so prolix and tiresome； can be so messed up with irrelevant detail； that the general effect is utter weariness relieved by a kind of shock at the end。 Let me illustrate what I mean by a story with a 〃nub〃 or point。 I will take one of the best known； so as to make no claim to originalityfor example； the famous anecdote of the man who wanted to be 〃put off at Buffalo。〃 Here it is：
A man entered a sleeping…car and said to the porter； 〃At what time do we get to Buffalo？〃 The porter answered； 〃At half…past three in the morning； sir。〃 〃All right；〃 the man said； 〃now I want to get off at Buffalo； and I want you to see that I get off。 I sleep heavily and I'm hard to rouse。 But you just make me wake up； don't mind what I say； don't pay attention if I kick about it； just put me off； do you see？〃 〃All right； sir；〃 said the porter。 The man got into his berth and fell fast asleep。 He never woke or moved till it was broad daylight and the train was a hundred miles beyond Buffalo。 He called angrily to the porter； 〃See here； you； didn't I tell you to put me off at Buffalo？〃 The porter looked at him； aghast。 〃Well； I declare to goodness； boss！〃 he exclaimed； 〃if it wasn't you； who was that man that I threw off this train at half…past three at Buffalo？〃
Now this story is as nearly fool…proof as can be。 And yet it is amazing how badly it can be messed up by a person with a special gift for mangling a story。 He does it something after this fashion：
〃There was a fellow got on the train one night and he had a berth reserved for Buffalo； at least the way I heard it； it was Buffalo； though I guess； as a matter of fact； you might tell it on any other town just as wellor no； I guess he didn't have his berth reserved； he got on the train and asked the porter for a reservation for Buffaloor； anyway； that part doesn't mattersay that he had a berth for Buffalo or any other place； and the porter came through and said； 'Do you want an early call？'or no； he went to the porterthat was itand said〃
But stop。 The rest of the story becomes a mere painful waiting for the end。
Of course the higher type of funny story is the one that depends for its amusing quality not on the final point； or not solely on it； but on the wording and the narration all through。 This is the way in which a story is told by a comedian or a person who is a raconteur in the real sense。 When Sir Harry Lauder narrates an incident； the telling of it is funny from beginning to end。 When some lesser person tries to repeat it afterwards； there is nothing left but the final point。 The rest is weariness。
As a consequence most story…tellers are driven to telling stories that depend on the point or 〃nub〃 and not on the narration。 The storyteller gathers these up till he is equipped with a sort of little repertory of fun by which he hopes to surround himself with social charm。 In America especially （by which I mean here the United States and Canada； but not Mexico） we suffer from the story…telling habit。 As far as I am able to judge； English society is not pervaded and damaged by the story…telling habit as much as is society in the United States and Canada。 On our side of the Atlantic story…telling at dinners and on every other social occasion has become a curse。 In every phase of social and intellectual life one is haunted by the funny anecdote。 Any one who has ever attended a Canadian or American banquet will recall the solemn way in which the chairman rises and says： 〃Gentlemen； it is to me a very great pleasure and a very great honour to preside at this annual dinner。 There was an old darky once〃 and so forth。 When he concludes he says； 〃I will now call upon the Rev。 Dr。 Stooge； Head of the Provincial University； Haroe English Any Sense of Humour？ to propose the toast 'Our Dominion。'〃 Dr。 Stooge rises amid great applause and with great solemnity begins； 〃There were once two Irishmen〃 and so on to the end。 But in London； England； it is apparently not so。 Not long ago I had the pleasure of meeting at dinner a member of the Government。 I fully anticipated that as a member of the Government he would be expected to tell a funny story about an old darky； just as he would on our side of the water。 In fact； I should have supposed that he could hardly get into the Government unless he did tell a funny story of some sort。 But all through dinner the Cabinet Minister never said a word about either a Methodist minister； or a commercial traveller； or an old darky； or two Irishmen； or any of the stock characters of the American repertory。 On another occasion I dined with a bishop of the Church。 I expected that when the soup came he would say； 〃There was an old darky〃 After which I should have had to listen with rapt attention； and； when he had finished； without any pause； rejoin； 〃There were a couple of Irishmen once〃 and so on。 But the bishop never said a word of the sort。
I can further； for the sake of my fellow…men in Canada and the United States who may think of going to England； vouchsafe the following facts： If you meet a director of the Bank of England； he does not say： 〃I am very glad to meet you。 Sit down。 There was a mule in Arkansas once；〃 etc。 How they do their banking without that mule I don't know。 But they manage it。 I can certify also that if you meet the proprietor of a great newspaper he will not begin by saying； 〃There was a Scotchman once。〃 In fact； in England； you can mingle freely in general society without being called upon either to produce a funny story or to suffer from one。
I don't mean to deny that the American funny story； in capable hands； is amazingly funny and that it does brighten up human intercourse。 But the real trouble lies； not in the fun of the story； but in the painful waiting for the point to come and in the strained and anxious silence that succeeds it。 Each person around the dinner table is trying to 〃think of another。〃 There is a dreadful pause。 The hostess puts up a prayer that some one may 〃think of another。〃 Then at last； to the relief of everybody； some one says： 〃I heard a story the other dayI don't know whether you've heard it〃 And the grateful cries of 〃No！ no！ go ahead〃 show how great the tension has been。
Nine times out of ten the people have heard the story before； and ten times out of nine the teller damages it in the telling。 But his hearers are grateful to him for having saved them
