autobiography and selected essays-第6部分

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It　was　by　reflections　of　this　kind　that；　some　years　ago；　I　was　led

to　write　and　permit　the　publication　of　the　subjoined　sketch。





I　was　born　about　eight　o'clock　in　the　morning　on　the　4th　of　May；

1825；　at　Ealing；　which　was；　at　that　time；　as　quiet　a　little　country

village　as　could　be　found　within　a　half…a…dozen　miles　of　Hyde　Park

Corner。　　Now　it　is　a　suburb　of　London　with；　I　believe；　30；000

inhabitants。　　My　father　was　one　of　the　masters　in　a　large　semi…

public　school　which　at　one　time　had　a　high　reputation。　　I　am　not

aware　that　any　portents　preceded　my　arrival　in　this　world；　but；　in

my　childhood；　I　remember　hearing　a　traditional　account　of　the

manner　in　which　I　lost　the　chance　of　an　endowment　of　great

practical　value。　　The　windows　of　my　mother's　room　were　open；　in

consequence　of　the　unusual　warmth　of　the　weather。　　For　the　same

reason；　probably；　a　neighbouring　beehive　had　swarmed；　and　the　new

colony；　pitching　on　the　window…sill；　was　making　its　way　into　the

room　when　the　horrified　nurse　shut　down　the　sash。　　If　that　well…

meaning　woman　had　only　abstained　from　her　ill…timed　interference；

the　swarm　might　have　settled　on　my　lips；　and　I　should　have　been

endowed　with　that　mellifluous　eloquence　which；　in　this　country；

leads　far　more　surely　than　worth；　capacity；　or　honest　work；　to　the

highest　places　in　Church　and　State。　　But　the　opportunity　was　lost；

and　I　have　been　obliged　to　content　myself　through　life　with　saying

what　I　mean　in　the　plainest　of　plain　language；　than　which；　I

suppose；　there　is　no　habit　more　ruinous　to　a　man's　prospects　of

advancement。



Why　I　was　christened　Thomas　Henry　I　do　not　know；　but　it　is　a

curious　chance　that　my　parents　should　have　fixed　for　my　usual

denomination　upon　the　name　of　that　particular　Apostle　with　whom　I

have　always　felt　most　sympathy。　　Physically　and　mentally　I　am　the

son　of　my　mother　so　completelyeven　down　to　peculiar　movements　of

the　hands；　which　made　their　appearance　in　me　as　I　reached　the　age

she　had　when　I　noticed　themthat　I　can　hardly　find　any　trace　of　my

father　in　myself；　except　an　inborn　faculty　for　drawing；　which

unfortunately；　in　my　case；　has　never　been　cultivated；　a　hot　temper；

and　that　amount　of　tenacity　of　purpose　which　unfriendly　observers

sometimes　call　obstinacy。



My　mother　was　a　slender　brunette；　of　an　emotional　and　energetic

temperament；　and　possessed　of　the　most　piercing　black　eyes　I　ever

saw　in　a　woman's　head。　　With　no　more　education　than　other　women　of

the　middle　classes　in　her　day；　she　had　an　excellent　mental

capacity。　　Her　most　distinguishing　characteristic；　however；　was

rapidity　of　thought。　　If　one　ventured　to　suggest　she　had　not　taken

much　time　to　arrive　at　any　conclusion；　she　would　say；　〃I　cannot

help　it；　things　flash　across　me。〃　　That　peculiarity　has　been　passed

on　to　me　in　full　strength；　it　has　often　stood　me　in　good　stead；　it

has　sometimes　played　me　sad　tricks；　and　it　has　always　been　a

danger。　　But；　after　all；　if　my　time　were　to　come　over　again；　there

is　nothing　I　would　less　willingly　part　with　than　my　inheritance　of

mother　wit。



I　have　next　to　nothing　to　say　about　my　childhood。　　In　later　years

my　mother；　looking　at　me　almost　reproachfully；　would　sometimes　say；

〃Ah！　you　were　such　a　pretty　boy！〃　whence　I　had　no　difficulty　in

concluding　that　I　had　not　fulfilled　my　early　promise　in　the　matter

of　looks。　　In　fact；　I　have　a　distinct　recollection　of　certain　curls

of　which　I　was　vain；　and　of　a　conviction　that　I　closely　resembled

that　handsome；　courtly　gentleman；　Sir　Herbert　Oakley；　who　was　vicar

of　our　parish；　and　who　was　as　a　god　to　us　country　folk；　because　he

was　occasionally　visited　by　the　then　Prince　George　of　Cambridge。　＇4＇

I　remember　turning　my　pinafore　wrong　side　forwards　in　order　to

represent　a　surplice；　and　preaching　to　my　mother's　maids　in　the

kitchen　as　nearly　as　possible　in　Sir　Herbert's　manner　one　Sunday

morning　when　the　rest　of　the　family　were　at　church。　　That　is　the

earliest　indication　I　can　call　to　mind　of　the　strong　clerical

affinities　which　my　friend　Mr。　Herbert　Spencer　＇5＇　has　always

ascribed　to　me；　though　I　fancy　they　have　for　the　most　part　remained

in　a　latent　state。



My　regular　school　training　was　of　the　briefest；　perhaps

fortunately；　for　though　my　way　of　life　has　made　me　acquainted　with

all　sorts　and　conditions　of　men；　from　the　highest　to　the　lowest；　I

deliberately　affirm　that　the　society　I　fell　into　at　school　was　the

worst　I　have　ever　known。　　We　boys　were　average　lads；　with　much　the

same　inherent　capacity　for　good　and　evil　as　any　others；　but　the

people　who　were　set　over　us　cared　about　as　much　for　our

intellectual　and　moral　welfare　as　if　they　were　baby…farmers。　　We

were　left　to　the　operation　of　the　struggle　for　existence　among

ourselves；　and　bullying　was　the　least　of　the　ill　practices　current

among　us。　　Almost　the　only　cheerful　reminiscence　in　connection　with

the　place　which　arises　in　my　mind　is　that　of　a　battle　I　had　with

one　of　my　classmates；　who　had　bullied　me　until　I　could　stand　it　no

longer。　　I　was　a　very　slight　lad；　but　there　was　a　wild…cat　element

in　me　which；　when　roused；　made　up　for　lack　of　weight；　and　I　licked

my　adversary　effectually。　　However；　one　of　my　first　experiences　of

the　extremely　rough…and…ready　nature　of　justice；　as　exhibited　by

the　course　of　things　in　general；　arose　out　of　the　fact　that　Ithe

victorhad　a　black　eye；　while　hethe　vanquishedhad　none；　so

that　I　got　into　disgrace　and　he　did　not。　　We　made　it　up；　and

thereafter　I　was　unmolested。　　One　of　the　greatest　shocks　I　ever

received　in　my　life　was　to　be　told　a　dozen　years　afterwards　by　the

groom　who　brought　me　my　horse　in　a　stable…yard　in　Sydney　that　he

was　my　quondam　antagonist。　　He　had　a　long　story　of　family

misfortune　to　account　for　his　position；　but　at　that　time　it　was

necessary　to　deal　very　cautiously　with　mysterious　strangers　in　New

South　Wales；　and　on　inquiry　I　found　that　the　unfortunate　young　man

had　not　only　been　〃sent　out；〃　but　had　undergone　more　than　one

colonial　conviction。



As　I　grew　older；　my　great　desire　was　to　be　a　mechanical　engineer；

but　the　fates　were　against　this　and；　while　very　young；　I　commenced

the　study　of　medicine　under　a　medical　brother…in…law。　　But；　though

the　Institute　of　Mechanical　Engineers　would　certainly　not　own　me；　I

am　not　sure　that　I　have　not　all　along　been　a　sort　of　mechanical

engineer　in　partibus　infidelium。＇6＇　　I　am　now　occasionally　horrified

to　think　how　very　little　I　ever　knew　or　cared　about　medicine　as　the

art　of　healing。　　The　only　part　of　my　professional　course　which

really　and　deeply　interested　me　was　physiology；　which　is　the

mechanical　engineering　of　living　machines；　and；　notwithstanding

that　natural　science　has　been　my　proper　business；　I　am　afraid　there

is　very　little　of　the　genuine　naturalist　in　me。　　I　never　collected

anything；　and　species　work　was　always　a　burden　to　me；　what　I　cared

for　was　the　architectural　and　engineering　part　of　the　business；　the

working　out　of　the　wonderful　unity　of　plan　in　the　thousands　and

thousands　of　diverse　living　constructions；　and　the　modifications　of

similar　apparatuses　to　serve　diverse　ends。　　The　extraordinary

attraction　I　felt　towards　the　study　of　the　intricacies　of　living

structure　nearly　proved　fatal　to　me　at　the　outset。　　I　was　a　mere

boyI　think　between　thirteen　and　fourteen　years　of　agewhen　I　was

taken　by　some　older　student　friends　of　mine　to　the　first　post…

mortem　examination　I　ever　attended。　　All　my　life　I　have　been　most

unfortunately　sensitive　to　the　disagreeables　which　attend

anatomical　pursuits；　but　on　this　occasion　my　curiosity　overpowered

all　other　feelings；　and　I　spent　two　or　three　hours　in　gratifying

it。　　I　did　not　cut　myself；　and　none　of　the　ordinary　symptoms　of

dissection…poison　supervened；　but　poisoned　I　was　somehow；　and　I

remember　sinking　into　a　strange　state　of　apathy。　　By　way　of　a　last

chance；　I　was　sent　to　the　care　of　some　good；　kind　people；　friends

of　my　father's；　who　lived　in　a　farmhouse　in　the　heart　of

Warwickshire。　　I　remember　staggering　from　my　bed　to　the　window　on

the　bright　spring　morning　after　my　arrival；　and　throwing　open　the

casement。　　Life　seemed　to　come　back　on　the　wings　of　the　breeze；　and

to　this　day　the　faint　odor　of　wood…smoke；　like　that　which　floated

across　the　farm…yard　in　the　early　morning；　is　as　good　to　me　as　the

〃sweet　south　upon　a　bed　of　violets。〃＇7＇　　I　soon　recovered；　but　for

years　I　suffered　from　occasional　paroxysms　of　internal　pain；　and

from　that　time　my　constant　friend；　hypochondriacal　dyspepsia；

commenced　his　half　century　of　co…tenancy　of　my　fleshly　tabernacle。



Looking　back　on　my　〃Lehrjahre；〃＇8＇　I　am　sorry　to　say　that　I　do　not

think　that　any　account　of　my　doings　as　a　student　would　tend　to

edification。　　In　fact；　I　should　distinctly　warn　ingenuous　youth　to

avoid　imitating　my　example。　　I　worked　extremely　hard　when　it

pleased　me；　and　when　it　did　notwhich　was　a　very　frequent　caseI

was　extremely　idle　（unless　making　caricatures　of　one's　pastors　and

masters　is　to　be　called　a　branch　of　industry）；　or　else　wasted　my

energies　in　wrong　directions。　　I　read　everything　I　could　lay　hands

upon；　including　novels；　and　took　up　all　sorts　of　pursuits　to　drop

them　again　quite　as　speedily。　　No　doubt　it　was　very　largely　my　own

fault；　but　the　only　instruction　from　which　I　ever　obtained　the

proper　effect　of　education　was　that　which　I　received　from　Mr。

Wharton　Jones；　who　was　the　lecturer　on　physiology　at　the　Charing

Cross　School　of　Medicine。　　The　extent　and　precision　of　his

knowledge　impressed　me　greatly；　and　the　severe　exactness　of　his

method　of　lecturing　was　quite　to　my　taste。　　I　do　not　know　that　I

have　ever　felt　so　much　respect　for　anybody　as　a　teacher　before　or

since。　　I　worked　hard　to　obtain　his　approbation；　and　he　was

extremely　kind　and　helpful　to　the　youngster　who；　I　am　afraid；　took

up　more　of　his　time　than　he　had　any　right　to　do。　　It　was　he　who

suggested　the　publication　of　my　first　scientific　papera　very

little　onein　the