a woman of thirty-第12部分

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〃

〃Yes；　but　even　at　that　time　I　felt　very　sad。　This　country　looked　wild　to　me　then；　but　now〃　She　broke　off；　and　Lord　Grenville　did　not　dare　to　look　at　her。

〃All　this　pleasure　I　owe　to　you；〃　Julie　began　at　last；　after　a　long　silence。　〃Only　the　living　can　feel　the　joy　of　life；　and　until　now　have　I　not　been　dead　to　it　all？　You　have　given　me　more　than　health；　you　have　made　me　feel　all　its　worth〃

Women　have　an　inimitable　talent　for　giving　utterance　to　strong　feelings　in　colorless　words；　a　woman's　eloquence　lies　in　tone　and　gesture；　manner　and　glance。　Lord　Grenville　hid　his　face　in　his　hands；　for　his　tears　filled　his　eyes。　This　was　Julie's　first　word　of　thanks　since　they　left　Paris　a　year　ago。

For　a　whole　year　he　had　watched　over　the　Marquise；　putting　his　whole　self　into　the　task。　D'Aiglemont　seconding　him；　he　had　taken　her　first　to　Aix；　then　to　la　Rochelle；　to　be　near　the　sea。　From　moment　to　moment　he　had　watched　the　changes　worked　in　Julie's　shattered　constitution　by　his　wise　and　simple　prescriptions。　He　had　cultivated　her　health　as　an　enthusiastic　gardener　might　cultivate　a　rare　flower。　Yet；　to　all　appearance；　the　Marquise　had　quietly　accepted　Arthur's　skill　and　care　with　the　egoism　of　a　spoiled　Parisienne；　or　like　a　courtesan　who　has　no　idea　of　the　cost　of　things；　nor　of　the　worth　of　a　man；　and　judges　of　both　by　their　comparative　usefulness　to　her。

The　influence　of　places　upon　us　is　a　fact　worth　remarking。　If　melancholy　comes　over　us　by　the　margin　of　a　great　water；　another　indelible　law　of　our　nature　so　orders　it　that　the　mountains　exercise　a　purifying　influence　upon　our　feelings；　and　among　the　hills　passion　gains　in　depth　by　all　that　it　apparently　loses　in　vivacity。　Perhaps　it　was　the　light　of　the　wide　country　by　the　Loire；　the　height　of　the　fair　sloping　hillside　on　which　the　lovers　sat；　that　induced　the　calm　bliss　of　the　moment　when　the　whole　extent　of　the　passion　that　lies　beneath　a　few　insignificant…sounding　words　is　divined　for　the　first　time　with　a　delicious　sense　of　happiness。

Julie　had　scarcely　spoken　the　words　which　had　moved　Lord　Grenville　so　deeply；　when　a　caressing　breeze　ruffled　the　treetops　and　filled　the　air　with　coolness　from　the　river；　a　few　clouds　crossed　the　sky；　and　the　soft　cloud…shadows　brought　out　all　the　beauty　of　the　fair　land　below。

Julie　turned　away　her　head；　lest　Arthur　should　see　the　tears　which　she　succeeded　in　repressing；　his　emotion　had　spread　at　once　to　her。　She　dried　her　eyes；　but　she　dared　not　raise　them　lest　he　should　read　the　excess　of　joy　in　a　glance。　Her　woman's　instinct　told　her　that　during　this　hour　of　danger　she　must　hide　her　love　in　the　depths　of　her　heart。　Yet　silence　might　prove　equally　dangerous；　and　Julie　saw　that　Lord　Grenville　was　unable　to　utter　a　word。　She　went　on；　therefore；　in　a　gentle　voice：

〃You　are　touched　by　what　I　have　said。　Perhaps　such　a　quick　outburst　of　feeling　is　the　way　in　which　a　gracious　and　kind　nature　like　yours　reverses　a　mistaken　judgment。　You　must　have　thought　me　ungrateful　when　I　was　cold　and　reserved；　or　cynical　and　hard；　all　through　the　journey　which；　fortunately；　is　very　near　its　end。　I　should　not　have　been　worthy　of　your　care　if　I　had　been　unable　to　appreciate　it。　I　have　forgotten　nothing。　Alas！　I　shall　forget　nothing；　not　the　anxious　way　in　which　you　watched　over　me　as　a　mother　watches　over　her　child；　nor；　and　above　all　else；　the　noble　confidence　of　our　life　as　brother　and　sister；　the　delicacy　of　your　conductwinning　charms；　against　which　we　women　are　defenceless。　My　lord；　it　is　out　of　my　power　to　make　you　a　return〃

At　these　words　Julie　hastily　moved　further　away；　and　Lord　Grenville　made　no　attempt　to　detain　her。　She　went　to　a　rock　not　far　away；　and　there　sat　motionless。　What　either　felt　remained　a　secret　known　to　each　alone；　doubtless　they　wept　in　silence。　The　singing　of　the　birds　about　them；　so　blithe；　so　overflowing　with　tenderness　at　sunset　time；　could　only　increase　the　storm　of　passion　which　had　driven　them　apart。　Nature　took　up　their　story　for　them；　and　found　a　language　for　the　love　of　which　they　did　not　dare　to　speak。

〃And　now；　my　lord；〃　said　Julie；　and　she　came　and　stood　before　Arthur　with　a　great　dignity；　which　allowed　her　to　take　his　hand　in　hers。　〃I　am　going　to　ask　you　to　hallow　and　purify　the　life　which　you　have　given　back　to　me。　Here；　we　will　part。　I　know；〃　she　added；　as　she　saw　how　white　his　face　grew；　〃I　know　that　I　am　repaying　you　for　your　devotion　by　requiring　of　you　a　sacrifice　even　greater　than　any　which　you　have　hitherto　made　for　me；　sacrifices　so　great　that　they　should　receive　some　better　recompense　than　this。　。　。　。　But　it　must　be。　。　。　You　must　not　stay　in　France。　By　laying　this　command　upon　you；　do　I　not　give　you　rights　which　shall　be　held　sacred？〃　she　added；　holding　his　hand　against　her　beating　heart。

〃Yes；〃　said　Arthur；　and　he　rose。

He　looked　in　the　direction　of　d'Aiglemont；　who　appeared　on　the　opposite　side　of　one　of　the　hollow　walks　with　the　child　in　his　arms。　He　had　scrambled　up　on　the　balustrade　by　the　chateau　that　little　Helene　might　jump　down。

〃Julie；　I　will　not　say　a　word　of　my　love；　we　understand　each　other　too　well。　Deeply　and　carefully　though　I　have　hidden　the　pleasures　of　my　heart；　you　have　shared　them　all；　I　feel　it；　I　know　it；　I　see　it。　And　now；　at　this　moment；　as　I　receive　this　delicious　proof　of　the　constant　sympathy　of　our　hearts；　I　must　go。　。　。　。　Cunning　schemes　for　getting　rid　of　him　have　crossed　my　mind　too　often；　the　temptation　might　be　irresistible　if　I　stayed　with　you。〃

〃I　had　the　same　thought；〃　she　said；　a　look　of　pained　surprise　in　her　troubled　face。

Yet　in　her　tone　and　involuntary　shudder　there　was　such　virtue；　such　certainty　of　herself；　won　in　many　a　hard…fought　battle　with　a　love　that　spoke　in　Julie's　tones　and　involuntary　gestures；　that　Lord　Grenville　stood　thrilled　with　admiration　of　her。　The　mere　shadow　of　a　crime　had　been　dispelled　from　that　clear　conscience。　The　religious　sentiment　enthroned　on　the　fair　forehead　could　not　but　drive　away　the　evil　thoughts　that　arise　unbidden；　engendered　by　our　imperfect　nature；　thoughts　which　make　us　aware　of　the　grandeur　and　the　perils　of　human　destiny。

〃And　then；〃　she　said；　〃I　should　have　drawn　down　your　scorn　upon　me；　andI　should　have　been　saved；〃　she　added；　and　her　eyes　fell。　〃To　be　lowered　in　your　eyes；　what　is　that　but　death？〃

For　a　moment　the　two　heroic　lovers　were　silent；　choking　down　their　sorrow。　Good　or　ill；　it　seemed　that　their　thoughts　were　loyally　one；　and　the　joys　in　the　depths　of　their　heart　were　no　more　experiences　apart　than　the　pain　which　they　strove　most　anxiously　to　hide。

〃I　have　no　right　to　complain；〃　she　said　after　a　while；　〃my　misery　is　of　my　own　making；〃　and　she　raised　her　tear…filled　eyes　to　the　sky。

〃Perhaps　you　don't　remember　it；　but　that　is　the　place　where　we　met　each　other　for　the　first　time；〃　shouted　the　General　from　below；　and　he　waved　his　hand　towards　the　distance。　〃There；　down　yonder；　near　those　poplars！〃

The　Englishman　nodded　abruptly　by　way　of　answer。

〃So　I　was　bound　to　die　young　and　to　know　no　happiness；〃　Julie　continued。　〃Yes；　do　not　think　that　I　live。　Sorrow　is　just　as　fatal　as　the　dreadful　disease　which　you　have　cured。　I　do　not　think　that　I　am　to　blame。　No。　My　love　is　stronger　than　I　am；　and　eternal；　but　all　unconsciously　it　grew　in　me；　and　I　will　not　be　guilty　through　my　love。　Nevertheless；　though　I　shall　be　faithful　to　my　conscience　as　a　wife；　to　my　duties　as　a　mother；　I　will　be　no　less　faithful　to　the　instincts　of　my　heart。　Hear　me；〃　she　cried　in　an　unsteady　voice；　〃henceforth　I　belong　to　/him/　no　longer。〃

By　a　gesture；　dreadful　to　see　in　its　undisguised　loathing　she　indicated　her　husband。

〃The　social　code　demands　that　I　shall　make　his　existence　happy；〃　she　continued。　〃I　will　obey；　I　will　be　his　servant；　my　devotion　to　him　shall　be　boundless；　but　from　to…day　I　am　a　widow。　I　will　neither　be　a　prostitute　in　my　own　eyes　nor　in　those　of　the　world。　If　I　do　not　belong　to　M。　d'Aiglemont；　I　will　never　belong　to　another。　You　shall　have　nothing；　nothing　save　this　which　you　have　wrung　from　me。　This　is　the　doom　which　I　have　passed　upon　myself；〃　she　said；　looking　proudly　at　him。　〃And　now；　know　thisif　you　give　way　to　a　single　criminal　thought；　M。　d'Aiglemont's　widow　will　enter　a　convent　in　Spain　or　Italy。　By　an　evil　chance　we　have　spoken　of　our　love；　perhaps　that　confession　was　bound　to　come；　but　our　hearts　must　never　vibrate　again　like　this。　To…morrow　you　will　receive　a　letter　from　England；　and　we　shall　part；　and　never　see　each　other　again。〃

The　effort　had　exhausted　all　Julie's　strength。　She　felt　her　knees　trembling；　and　a　feeling　of　deathly　cold　came　over　her。　Obeying　a　woman's　instinct；　she　sat　down；　lest　she　should　sink　into　Arthur's　arms。

〃/Julie！/〃　cried　Lord　Grenville。

The　sharp　cry　rang　through　the　air　like　a　crack　of　thunder。　Till　then　he　could　not　speak；　now；　all　the　words　which　the　dumb　lover　could　not　utter　gathered　themselves　in　that　heartrending　appeal。

〃Well；　what　is　wrong　with　her？〃　asked　the　General；　who　had　hurried　up　at　that　cry；　and　now　suddenly　confronted　the　two。

〃Nothing　serious；〃　said　Julie；　with　that　wonderful　self…possession　which　a　woman's　quick…wittedness　usually　brings　to　her　aid　when　it　is　most　called　for。　〃The　chill；　damp　air　under　the　walnut　tree　made　me　feel　quite　faint　just　now；　and　that　must　have　alarmed　this　doctor　of　mine。　Does　he　not　look　on　me　as　a　very　nearly　finished　work　of　art？　He　was　startled；　I　suppose；　by　the　idea　of　seeing　it　destroyed。〃　With　ostentatious　coolness　she　took　Lord　Grenville's　arm；　smiled　at　her　husband；　took　a　last　look　at　the　landscape；　and　went　down　the　pathway；　drawing　her　traveling　companion　with　her。

〃This　certainly　is　the　grandest　view　that　we　have　seen；〃　she　said；　〃I　shall　never　forget　it。　Just　look；　Victor；　what　distance；　what　an　expanse　of　country；　and　what　variety　in　it！　I　have　fallen　in　love　with　this　landscape。〃

Her　laughter　was　almost　hysterical；　but　to　her　husband　it　sounded　natural。　She　sprang　gaily　down　into　the　hollow　pathway　and　vanished。

〃What？〃　she　cried；　when　they　had　left　M。　d'Aiglemont　far　behind。　〃So　soon？　Is　it　so　soon？　Another　moment；　and　we　can　neither　of　us　be　ourselves；　we　shall　never　be　ourselves　again；　our　life　is　over；　in　short〃

〃Let　us　go　slowly；〃　said　Lord　Grenville；